Aaron Brown, a man from Des Moines, Iowa has drawn the ire of his closest friends by declaring his allegiance to Azerbaijan for the Olympics. Brown, a huge fan of the Celtics, Giants, Red Sox, and Red Wings says his latest decision was not made because of his tendancy to bandwagon around winning teams. His friends say Brown showed up at their house to watch the night's olympic coverage wearing a Tampa Bay Rays hat and a white t-shirt that had "Baijan 4 Life" written on it in Sharpie, shortly after it was announced they had won a gold medal in Judo. His friends called him a traitor for turning on their own country. "Look," said Brown. "I have always been a huge fan of under 73 kilogram men's judo. That's always been the one event at the Olympics I root for, everyone knows that. My team won, and I'm going to support them. I know a lot about the country. They eat bread and meat, their favorite things to do are activities, and they spend about 1/3 of their time sleeping. It's a great place, doesn't that sound like somewhere you want to live?"


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The NBA is stunned today as the matchup everyone wanted to see, the Lakers-Celtics, has been signed away by the NHL in hopes of luring in new viewers. The NHL announced they were dumping their previously in-progress Penguins-Red Wings series which was already 5 games under way. "Well, people thought they wanted to see this Penguins and Red Wings final," said NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, "They thought it would rejuvenate the sport. But then they all remembered how boring hockey really is, especially when your only marketable star is not scoring and getting blown out over and over. I'm just happy we can finally have a matchup for the Stanley Cup that doesn't involve any hockey, I think that's really going to be what turns the corner and makes the NHL popular again."

Kevin Garnett and Kobe Bryant, the stars of the series say their decision to leave was based primarily on money. "We've really enjoyed all the time we've had here in the NBA," said Garnett. "All those fun game 7's we gave them. But, now after all that we just want to get paid like we deserve. We were hoping for a big payday from the league for their finals, but they told us that apparently we already have contracts and won't be getting any more money! I don't know what kind of #### that is, but we can do better elsewhere."

The series announcers will be from the NHL, and they are still growing accustomed to the change in sport. They started reviewing NBA playoff tapes in preparation for their commentary and were shocked at just how filthy some of the players were. "You couldn't even see some of their faces they were so dirty," said one announcer. "But I'm told those are merely what are called 'Black People'. We certainly don't have those where I'm from. But wow, this sport is certainly exciting. I never knew something could have this much fun scoring and a sensible even number of periods. I'm really liking it, and I think the fans will too."

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