It was formally announced today that Larry Brown will take over as head coach of 4 NBA teams next season. The Phoenix Suns, Dallas Mavericks, Charlotte Bobcats, and Miami Heat have all tabbed Brown as their coach for next year following his success with 8 other NBA franchises. "We are very excited to have 1/4 of a piece of Larry Brown," said Bobcats representative Michael Jordan. "Even 1/4 o####reat coach is more than we've ever had here before. Apparently he will rotate which games and practices he goes to every day. The rest of the time the players will just be able to hang out, and even call whatever plays they want in the games. It's going to be different, but I think they're going to really like the freedom they have out there."

The Miami Heat's Pat Riley was not as upbeat about the announcement. "When we first entered into negotiations for Brown we were not aware of this time-sharing thing. As I understood it, we would get actually 1/4 of his body. I was hoping to be able to get his head and maybe his right arm. That was he can still think, talk, and maybe point at the ref and yell occasionally. That's all you really need, and I thought the rest of us had worked over the Bobcats pretty good and just stuck them with Larry Brown's feet. This sucks, that's all I can really say."

Brown had a much more ominous message during his press conference, in which he came out dressed in a black cloak. He stepped up to the podium where he pulled back his hood and lifted a red goblet from it. "12 teams down, 18 to go," muttered Brown. "Then, I win the game. Then, I rule the nether-verse. You foolish mortals are falling into my trap perfectly." He then took a sip from the glass and walked away without answering a single question. Larry Brown, always the showman.

Jason Richardson is extremely pissed that his coach always has to take part in the 4th quarter YMCA dance. It's for the fans coach, it's for the fans.

The Boston Celtics paced around the locker room after the game confused and bewildered. They did not know what had just happened out there on the court. The scoreboard said Bobcats 95, Celtics 83, but the team didn't understand how someone could end up with more points than them. Boston had been 29-3 up to that point in the season. It was then that Doc Rivers came into the locker room with a solemn look on his face. The following is a transcript what happened next.

"Alright boys, have a seat. We need to have a little talk." -Doc Rivers

"A talk about what, coach?" -Ray Allen

"About what you guys saw out there. I know there's a lot you don't understand right now. You see, when a boy bee and a girl bird love each other very much, they sometimes decide they want to play what's called a basketball game." -Doc Rivers

"A basketball game! Ew!" -Paul Pierce

"Girl birds have cooties!" -Kevin Garnett

"That's why you have to make the bird get a test before you play the game, there are a lot of dangerous cooties out there. When playing against a bird you know to have played basketball with a lot of different people, we'll call her a veteran, make sure to wear a protective arm sleeve. This helps against the cooties." -Doc Rivers

"How does this explain tonight coach?" -Ray Allen

"I'm getting to it! Now, when that girl bird is playing defense, sometimes she'll run a Box And 1 defense. The bee will attempt to break through her box and get his stinger and the ball into the hoop." -Doc Rivers

"Yuck! I'm not going to sting a ...girl!"- Kevin Garnett

"Trust me boys, you will want to when the time is right. But my point is this, sometimes the bird actually plays good defense, and you get rejected on a drive to the lane. Then you have to back off and call a new play, or she might call arena security. Sometimes her defense is so good, she rejects you all game and you end up scoring more points than her. This is what's called a loss." -Doc Rivers

"A loss? Why would we ever want to have one of those?" -Ray Allen

I know. You guys are very young, and I didn't think you'd be exposed to one of these losses until the conference championship against Detroit. But, it happened, so now you know. Sometimes these things are going to happen. Not often, as we are in the Eastern Conference, which has some of the loosest legs in all of pro sports. But it will happen." -Doc Rivers

I'm glad we had this talk coach." -Paul Pierce

"Me too boys. Me too." -Doc Rivers