With all the excitement about the Tampa Bay Rays being within one win of the World Series, one of our intrepid TSC reporters was able to catch up with big contributor Carl Crawford after their big win on Tuesday. He was surprisingly sports cliche-free in describing his team's accomplishment. "Wow, I'm just so glad this game is over," said Crawford. "You think that was boring for the Boston fans in attendance? Man, you should have been us out there on that field. It was hard to stay awake out there. When I got my 5th hit of the night, I just looked around and thought, do I really have to run around these bases again?"

"I mean, this was a game we didn't really have to win. We would have still been in this thing even losing a couple in Boston. Everyone has really been believing in us all season, and all the media has given us a lot of respect, so it was kind of obvious we were gonna win this thing. But, I can take most of the credit for this win, I did have 5 hits after all. Sure, I have some teammates out there, but it wasn't really a team effort, I did most of the work. I'm just proud of the rest of the guys, though. Everyone went out there and gave it a good 60%. But I really put in about 65%, and that was the difference in why we won."

"Now we're up 3-1, and this series is pretty much over already. We just have to come out tomorrow and finish it off, but if we don't we still have 2 more chances. I think the biggest credit for our winning goes to the fact that we go out there and leave, not all of it, but a good portion of it out on the field. You still need to save some of "it" for the after victory party. After all, the champagne isn't going to pour itself over the stripper's breasts..."

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Tampa Bay Rays pitcher James Shields takes a swing at the human embodiment of the awful chocolate-flavored cereal his mom used to make him eat every morning, Coco Crisp.

(AP)

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The Tampa Bay Rays have put out a call to any of their fans in the New York City area who might be able to bury something under the new Yankee Stadium. "We are looking for any Rays fans in the construction field who are working on Yankee Stadium," said Tampa GM Andrew Friedman over the weekend. "Any at all, we just want one. We have set up a special number you can call if you are interested in helping us put a jersey under the stadium and help reverse the infamous Rays Curse, the curse placed upon us because we dared to become a real franchise."

But the call to action for a die-hard of Rays Nation seemed to fall on deaf ears as they have so far received no phonecalls. So today they have extended the offer for merely any Rays fan to help out. "Alright, I guess there are not many tough construction workers in New York who can call themselves a Rays fan," said Friedman in a press conference early this morning. "So we're extending the offer to any Rays fans in the New York area. Maybe you're a baker and can put a Tampa Bay cake under there, maybe you have a flower arrangement business and can put a Rays #### bouquet under their soil, anyone please give us a call if you're a fan in the NYC area. Please."

Later this afternoon Friedman announced another press conference to plead further with his franchise's fans. "Look, we have still not gotten a single legitimate call about our search. Only some New Yorkers yelling at us and Hank Steinbrenner to tell us he was going to kick the #### out of us. So we are expanding our search to any Rays fan in the United States. We are willing to fly you to New York so you can carry out this task for us. Carl Crawford has even agreed to be the thing buried under the stadium for us. He realizes that he is a great player, but is going nowhere as long as he is a member of this cursed franchise. Please, we just need one fan, we could get in legal trouble if we did this ourselves. There has to be one out there, right?"

So far there has been no real response to the request. Stay tuned for more information.

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Tampa Bay calls in their fearsome pinch hitter, 72-year-old Clarence Perkins. Here he is seen shortly after being helped to the batter's box by his caregiver. After a low first pitch strike he argues with the umpire about the temperature being too cold inthe Tropicana Dome.

(Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE)

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