The sordid details of Roger Clemens personal life continue to trickle out of the woodwork as the former favorite baseball son is dragged through the mud by newspapers and other media. First it was the Mitchell Report, then the McNamee lawsuit, and now the Mindy McCready story. It seems as if the star pitcher can not get anything by the people on his tail. We attempt to round up all the latest allegations that have emerged this week you may not have heard about in our Clemens Scandal Recap:

• Affair With Fetus- It was reported by Extra last night that Clemens had a 9-month relationship with a fetus back in the early 80's. Roger denies that there was anything sexual about the relationship, as that would be logistically impossible. He says he and the fetus used to just hang out and watch movies, sometimes they would talk through a sonogram machine, but they were just friends. The fetus, now the son of Clemens, says that he can not dispute any of the allegations in the report. His wife claims to have no knowledge of the affair. "It was happening literally right under my nose, and I can't believe it."
• Magic Muscle Growth Potion: It has shown up on several blogs that a childhood friend of Clemens once went halfsies with him on some Magic Muscle Growth Potion from the back of a comic book, along with a pair of x-ray glasses. The potion promised to give you "Super Muscles Strong" by putting a drop per day on your biceps. No doubt this is where Clemens first discovered doping.
• Clemens Adds "Misremember" Wikipedia Entry: An IP address that has been linked to Clemens shows that over the past several months he has been maintaining an entry on wikipedia for the word "Misremember". He has ofted cited the site as a source when doing interviews as proof that the word is real. The entry states the word means "a statement showing that Brian McNamee is a #### #### liar pants." His account has also been linked to changes to several Lord Of The Rings entries to correct continuity changes between the books and films.
• Was At Canseco's 4th Grade Birthday Party: Jose Canseco alledges in his new book that Clemens attended his 4th grade birthday party, held at a Chucky Cheese in Houston, Texas. Canseco states that at the party, he discussed anabolic steroids in great detail with Clemens, and also which teachers at school had the nicest boobies. It's unknown at this time if Clemens had a piece of the chocolate/steroids ice cream cake, Canseco's favorite flavor.
  

Brian McNamee handed over new hard evidence to Congress today that his lawyer says will prove that Roger Clemens did indeed take performance-enhancing drugs. Clemens held yet another press conference to refute each piece of evidence given to the government by his former trainer.

• On Blood Sample With HGH- I have given and sold many blood samples to fans during my playing days. My old website Clemensblood.com was very popular for fans who wanted to own something that had been pumped through the heart of a champion. Also, I'd imagine it was a very popular service with vampires. He could have easily gotten it from there and doctored it.
• On Single Titled "HGH Is My Everything" From Unreleased Demo Country Album- This was put out when I was dating a girl outside of my marriage named Heather Garrett Henderson, and it was about her. The line about shooting HGH up before the big game...well, that's something I don't want to talk about. Let's just say the police have already investigated the matter and cleared me of any charges.
• On A Script Written By Clemens Called "Super Cleman" About A Super Hero Who Fight Crime With His Steroid Powered Abilities- This thing was fiction. Plus there have been stories like this in the past. I'm not entirely convinced Popeye's spinach was clean. Anybody test that or bring him before congress? I've eaten green vegetables, and all they do is taste like butt, they don't allow me to fight sailors.
• On Photo Of Clemens Getting Injected With Giant Needle Labled "Steroids", While Giving A Thumbs Up- This was a Halloween costume! Come on people, we've all dressed up as something for Halloween that we didn't actually like. I've seen lots of other people in Barry Bonds costumes like mine, and haven't heard a peep about it.
• On Clemens Severed Left Arm With Needle Still In It- Yes, this seems like a pretty damning piece of evidence, considering my arm is currently missing from my torso as I sit before you. But, I assure you I just mis-placed it last night during some heavy drinking on my ranch. I'm sure one of the dogs will bring it back to the door any minute now. As you can see, despite all of this supposed evidence, none of it is going to stick. So, who wants to pay me $25 million for a couple months work?