Brent Hawkins became the 10th Jacksonville Jaguars player to be arrested in the past two years, when he was stopped for drunken driving last night. The arrests for the Jaguars echo similar to those of the Cincinnati Bengals of last year, when they had 12 arrests in a 2-year span. But is it merely a coincidence that so many people are being arrested who play for large jungle cat teams? Modakai, a panther at the San Diego Zoo, held a press conference to address the issue of discrimination among the police.

"We have long been the target of law enforcement, as they attempt to unfairly shame us and put our species in jails and zoos," said Modakai from behind a podium. "My people will not stand idly by while this continues. I'm glad it is finally coming to everyone's attention what I've been complaining about for years, to the girl who comes and feeds me dead ox flesh every day. Police are framing us, especially the panthers, as they are both large jungle cats and black. It's the worst of both worlds."

"How did I end up in this zoo, doing 10 to 20, you may ask? I was pulled over about a mile from my home at around 1:00 in the morning. The officer asked me if I had been drinking, and I told him it was a logistical impossibility to hold a beer bottle with my paws. He told me to show him my license, and I kindly informed him I did not have one, as I was an endangered black panther. The next thing I knew I was being dragged out of my Cadillac Escalade, beaten, and then tazed. It was humiliating. Mark my words human cops, your day is coming. When the cats rebel against their people overlords, we will see who is laughing. You can not eat our heads, but we can #### yours in one bite. Think about that before you arrest another one of us."