"No Johnny, I don't know how Melky Cabrera is not a white guy with celebratory dance moves that bad." -Bobby Abreu

(JOHN MUNSON/THE STAR-LEDGER via US PRESSWIRE)

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"We are happy to announce the signing of another piece of last year's world champion team," said a happy Hank Steinbrenner at a press conference Friday morning. "We were very happy with the way the team performed last year in sweeping every game of the playoffs and World Series on the way to winning yet another Championship."

Jorge Posada was the piece Hank was talking about, who inked a $52.4 million 4-year contract yesterday, making him the highest paid catcher in history. The Yankees are also close to re-signing Alex Rodriguez, Mariano Rivera, and even backup catcher Jose Molina. They also re-signed disappointing center fielder Bobby Abreu for $16 million. Their biggest loss from last year's team would have to be...relief pitcher Ron Villone? It's a strange move to resign everyone from a team many thought was a major disappointment last season.

But after Hank left the room, George Steinbrenner elaborated. "Alright everyone, as you can see I haven't been completely honest with my son about what happened last year on the field. Hank is a special boy, and he just can't handle being let-down. One time when he was younger we told him we wouldn't be able to stop by McDonald's after school, even though I promised, and he went into a seizure. He just can't handle the truth. So I told him we won the championship last year. I've actually told him we've won every championship for the past 30 years."

Asked if that seemed irresponsible Steinbrenner continued, "No. It's just the way you've got to handle him. We've never actually told him that Santa Claus wasn't real. Before he got married we called in his wife and told her she had to go out and put out the presents so that he'd never figure it out. It's a bit of a crazy situation, but it's necessary. Our team is going to be as bad as before, but cost even more than it did. But at least Hank will be happy."

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