The 2008 NFL Draft is now in the books and we here at TSC take a look at all the hits and misses from the event. Everyone seems intent on assigning letter grades to everything, but we are just going to assign letters. Maybe it's because we like thinking out of the box, maybe it's because we remember the horrid grades we got in school. In either case, here are the breakdowns of the first half of the teams in the draft.

• Arizona Cardinals: They got a man named Early Doucet in the third round. That is an awesome steal, as that is a first-round name.
  Z for Zoinks! What A Name Scoob!
  
  
• Atlanta Falcons: They got 7 players, which really helps to address their biggest concern which is everything.
  U for Unable To Move Quickly Enough Beyond Michael Vick
  
  
• Baltimore Ravens: The Ravens managed to snag the best giant Delawarian on the board in Joe Flacco. You have to give them points for that, but you also have to take them away because it is Joe Flacco, perhaps the most over-rated small school QB in the last 10 years.
  Y for Year Of Delawarian Domination
  
  
• Buffalo Bills: They got perhaps the best cover corner in the draft, which should help limit to Patriots to only 30 point wins over them for years to come.
  C for Covering The 27-Point Spread
  
  
• Carolina Panthers: The big cats traded a bunch of picks to get a tackle named Otah. I think it's a move that had to be made as the Panthers have been searching for a franchise Otah for some time, and they don't come around very often.
  F for Finally A Franchise Otah!
  
  
• Chicago Bears: At least they are set at quarterback and didn't have to worry about it by drafting one of the 10 or so decent ones here. Oh, that's right, they aren't set at quarterback. Massive failure Bears, massive failure.
  O for Oops, We Forgot About Rex Grossman
  
  
• Cincinnati Bengals: We'll have to wait and see how this draft class pans out for the Bengals in 5 years or so. We can do that by checking the roster of the flag football team at the Ohio State Prison after that time. They have some real potential in Pat Sims and Anthony Collins.
  P for Prison Possibly Awaits
  
  
• Cleveland Browns: They traded away most of this draft for other players, which is probably a good thing considering how their drafts in the past have turned out.
  S for Still Waiting To See If They Are As Good As People Think
  
  
• Dallas Cowboys: They got two good players in the first round, plus they landed the only active player with a video game nickname in Pacman Jones. In case anyone else hadn't heard, Q-Bert Rogers and Burgertime McDougal were waived last week by Detroit.
  V for Vendetta Is A Great Movie
  
  
• Denver Broncos: They got a bunch of new players, which is great as anyone else has to be better than the players they currently have.
  A for Any Pick Is A Good Pick
  
  
• Detroit Lions: They picked the runningback who almost broke Barry Sanders single season rushing mark last year at UCF. They got him so they can, of course, kill him and protect the record of the only good player they have ever had.
  P for Pre-meditated Murder
  
  
• Green Bay Packers: The Aaron Rodgers era in Green Bay begins with them drafting a player who is probably better than he is. No doubt there were things said like "Curses!" and "Drats!" in the Rodgers home on Saturday, followed by a twirling of his waxed mustache.
  C for Confidence In Your New QB
  
  
• Houston Texans: Could the Texans have actually made some solid picks to give them a chance at overtaking the Titans, Colts, and Jaguars to become a real contender? No, I don't think so either.
  S for Sorry You Guys Got Such A #### Division
  
  
• Indianapolis Colts: They offered to just skip the draft, as there is nothing they really need, but the NFL made them show up anyway. For just picking names that will sound cool when the players say them during the offense/defense introductions when they are on TV, they did pretty darn well
  D for Does It Really Matter, We're Always Good
  
  
• Jacksonville Jaguars: There was talk they might trade to get Jason Taylor from Miami, but then they saw his dreadful foxtrot this week on Dancing With The Stars. Taylor is finished if he can't execute a simple spinning two-step, said their head scout. Good move in staying away.
  J for John Lithgow, Hater Of Dance

• Kansas City Chiefs: They got what many thought was the best defensive player in the draft, Glenn Dorsey the big tackle from LSU. But do you even really need a defense when playing division opponents like Oakland and Denver? A big empty field is all you need to thwart their attacks.
  U for Unnecessary
  

I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• The head coaches who are idiots record will be broken this weekend, as yet another coach decides to kick the ball to Devin Hester.
• Despite the claims of Bumblebee, after this horrible season there will be no Dolphins safe from the big Tuna.
• Unfrozen from the year 1997, a man named Todd Collins will lead his Redskins from the brink of elimination to the promise land of the playoffs in the brand new sci-fi series "Todd: In The Year 2000".
• Why does Best Buy feel the need to explain the punchlines of their jokes to us? That one where the guy is watching the neighbors through a telescope, and then his wife looks and they are making out. For some reason even though everyone gets the joke already he says "They weren't doing that a minute ago!". Or the one where the boss takes the guy's gift card and walks away and he yells "Hey, are you gonna give that back?" We already get it Best Buy, we're real people.
• Detroit will celebrate the fact they actually went an entire game with only 2 turnovers.
• Obviously with 2 quarters left in one of the worst seasons in NFL history, a great coaching mind like Cam Cameron Cameron would consider a quarterback change to his rookie in order to turn the season around
• Alright Cialis, we get it that your pill only gives us an erection when we want it, and not just a 3-hour hard-on like Viagra. But man, is that a whole lot less hilarious.
• Baltimore surprises everyone by narrowly beating the second stringers of Pittsburgh. Charlie Batch surprises everyone by showing he's not retired.
• Nothing makes me happier than seeing a guy who's dating Jessica Simpson fail to put together a good game week after week.
• The Arizona Cardinals will finish with their best record since 1998, although Kurt Warner still claims his 1998 Backstreet Boys debut record is better.
  
• People's Choice Awards? Really? If there's one group I don't trust to decide on movie awards it's the people at large. For reasons why, just look at the staggering opening day gross of National Treasure 2.

The most exciting time of the year is here in the NFL, and I'm of course talking about the NFL NIT Selection. Nothing is better than finding out all the interesting first round matchups for the tournament for teams that weren't quite good enough to make it to the real playoffs. We at TSC are covering the selection show live, and are here with all the first round games and some analysis.

• Cleveland Browns vs. Gardening: The Brownsleftthe stadium Sunday knowing they had an outside shot at the number 6 seed in the AFC. But the Titans disrupted those plans by beating the Colts. While not being able to get that last seed, Romeo Crennel gave his team some actual tomato and sunflower seeds and told them maybe they should take up gardening in the offseason, as football might not be for them.
• Cincinnati Bengals vs. Cincinnati Police Department: These two old rivals will battle it out once again this year. The Bengals managed to avoid any serious offenses this season, but there is still plenty of bad blood between the two. Receiver Chris Henry is especially mad about a domestic abuse arrest last year, something he claims was only because his wife asked him to "Show me what boxing feels like."
• Houston Texans vs. Pink Dancing Elephants: The Houston Texans are going up against those damn pink dancing elephants from Disney's Fantasia. Because the Texans are obviously living in Fantasia if they thought they had a chance at the playoffs with Sage Rosenfels at the helm.
• Philadelphia Eagles vs. Mark Wahlberg: Philly will face off with their acting equivalent in Mark Wahlberg. If you saw him in his band Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch, you probably thought he sucked, but if you see him now in movies like The Departed, you say "Hey! He's pretty good after all!" That is probably also what you are saying now about the Eagles, despite them looking like carmelized dog #### only 4 weeks ago.
• Minnesota Vikings vs. Killer Robots: This matchup makes no sense whatsoever, it would just be cool to see Vikings fight killer robots. It may be too cool actually. I don't know if we would be able to handle it.
  
• Arizona Cardinals vs. Rob Schneider: The Arizona Cardinals are opposing that Rob Schneider character from the Adam Sandler movies who yells "You can do it!" and "We suck again!" which is pretty much the embodiment of every Cardinals fan. Also it's been about as long since Rob Schneider has been funny as it's been since the Cardinals have had an even decent team.

I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• Miami will not win this week(Even I can correctly call this one, how sad)
• The brothers McCown are unstoppable!
• The Packers would be taken seriously as a contender if only they had a running back.
• I don't know if there is anything scarier than Plaxico Burress' player photo.
• Good thing you switched to Kellen Clemens Jets, that Pennington guy threw too many INT's and not enough TD's.
• We get it A####mp;T, your phones work in many places and you can combine the names of all of them into something long and funny. But, not funny after the 7th iteration of this same commercial we've seen. There should be a law of commercials where you can't do the exact same joke more than twice.
• Ken Whisenhunt is dreaming of a playoff berth for his Arizona Cardinals. But sadly he is also living the nightmare that is having Kurt Warner as his QB.
• At least Pittsburgh can stop the pass, now we'll see what New England is made of when they have to grind it out. This prediction could also apply to the Baltimore-Indy game.
  
• When your team puts in Troy Smith at quarterback you know either your team is the worst thing ever, or maybe you're in an Adam Sandler movie or something, and it's supposed to be a joke of some sort.
• Sage Rosenfels will once again do what he has always done, been the worst at his job since the guy that designed Polar Express: The Movie: The Cereal, featuring marshmallow Tom Hanks. He had a long wait in the unemployment line to ponder why kids didn't get excited over eating an oscar-winning actor.
• Out-of-nowhere brilliant QB David Garrard will finally fall apart as the alien who has abducted his body from the world Footballia finally goes back home.
• At least Kansas City has a good running game to help that rookie QB.
• I never thought I'd say this, but please bring back Jared to your commercials Subway. If I have to hear that Family Guy carry on about your feast sandwich one more time, I'm going to parental control block the channel showing it with a random code so that even I can never watch that channel again.

"Alright boys, we've embarrassed Kurt Warner by catching more of his passes than the other team. Now let's strip him and cover him in shaving cream to take away what shred of dignity he might have left."

(AP Photo/Elaine Thompson)

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I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• Uh oh, the San Diego defense on my fantasy team is going up against that fearsome Colts offense. They never turn the ball over.
• Brooks Bollinger will pass for more than 8 yards in the first half against Green Bay.
• The key to the New Orleans resurgence has been that defense, they are just good at keeping people out of the endzone.
• After years of seeing Wendy as only an idealized red-headed girl on the Wendy's logo, the truth has finally been revealed. She is actually a riot-inciting crossdresser who lives in a dream world where people chop down trees with their feet and jump into holes.
• Philadelphia just always seems to run out of steam in the 4th quarter, look for them to be burried on Veteran's Day by the team from our nation's capital.
• The thing that impresses me most about the Raiders is that they can plug any QB into that system and they can succeed. Look for a lot of points Sunday.
• I've seen a person with dreadlocks maybe 2 times in all my real life. I see at least 5 people with dreadlocks on the football field at all times. Someone should investigate this.
• I just got my ticket for the Detroit Lions bandwagon! Wahoo! Nothing is gonna slow this thing down now! Wait a minute, is that a cardinal in the middle of the road to the Super Bowl? Surely that won't derail this Detroit Express.
• For fans of the greatest comedy show on TV right now, the 2007 Miami Dolphins, they will not be disappointed and have to watch an actual close football game.
• I think we can all agree the best thing about NFL broadcasts is the TD-Commercial Break-Kickoff Return-Immediate Second Commercial Break sequence. Nothing gets you into the game after a score like a 10 second interlude of football between commercials.
• Some fool in my fantasy league traded me Adrian Peterson for that washed up old Donovan McNabb?! The title is mine!
• There is no way the Cowboys can beat the Giants when they are wearing their ridiculous all-red jerseys.
• If there is one thing we can all be thankful for during this WGA writer's strike, it's that it finally stopped The Big #### Theory, and their horrible promos from existing. Let's hope this thing goes on for awhile. I think sacrificing every show and movie forever might be worth it to stop this horrible sitcom.

A future NFL champion may someday be crowned overseas in a game witnessed predominantly by a foreign audience, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said. There's a great deal of interest in holding a Super Bowl in London," Goodell told reporters Monday. "So we'll be looking at that." The commissioner said London's Wembley Stadium would make a great candidate for American pro football's biggest matchup, given the opening of the stadium's lastest incarnation and enthusiasm overseas for the game.

Indeed, there is a ton of overseas enthusiasm for NFL football. Just look at how well NFL Europe, or NFL Europa, or NFL German Cities No One Has Ever Heard Of Before(NFL GCNOHEHOB for short) did. Nevermind the fact that the NFL GCNOHEHOB logo couldn't even fit on a television screen, there just wasn't much interest in it. Goodell points to the fact the 2005 Cardinals-49ers game in Mexico drew 105,000 people to it, the largest crowd in NFL history. Well, that's because our stadiums in the U.S. only hold 60-70 thousand people. If a Super Bowl were held in the 250,000 seat Daytona speedway, it would sell out. The only reason this is being considered, is so we can try to tap into a few European markets to get NFL global dollars.

The best NFL Europe team had to be the one from Amsterdam, which was named the Admirals because it also started with A, despite Admiral only being a rank in the U.S. and U.K. navies. Nothing gets a country excited about a team than naming them after a foreign military position. I know I would be pumped if my hometown of Orlando got an expansion German soccer team named the Orlando Oberstabsbootsmanns(Germany's highest Naval rank).

I forgot to post this before the games ran Sunday, but since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

• My fantasy team may be going to hell, but I'm sure glad I stayed away from Adrian Peterson on draft day. That guy doesn't have what it takes to play on this level.
• This is the week the Cincinnati Bengals get back on track against a bad Kansas City team.
• I think the Dallas defense matches up very well against New England.
• No one would give the uber-annoying Frank Caliendo his own show to showcase his never-ending Madden impersonation. Especially not TBS, because they know funny.
  
• The Cardinals have finally stabilized themselves at quarterback, thank goodness.
• Vinny Testaverde and Jeff Garcia are just too old to get it done in today's NFL.
• Erectile dysfunction pill commercials really know their audience, I am sure there have been many times an old couple was sitting in two seperate bathtubs outside on top of a mountain, and wanting to do it, only to have some ED ruin the fun.
• Whoa! The Miami defense is available in my fantasy free agent pool? And they're playing Cleveland! I've got an easy W this week!
• I think the St. Louis offense is incredibly underrated. Gus Frerotte was great in Washington...10 years ago.
• This is the week Shannon Sharp goes to a vocal coach to correct his nonsensical mumbling speech.