The NBA Playoffs are beginning and we here at TSC are going to break down the matchups by their mascots, the thing that really matters.

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  Celtics vs. Hawks: Hawks have long been the bane of midgets hailing from Ireland. Their fued dates back to the 1400's, when giant hawks would swoop down and grab them from their fjords because of the attraction to their gold buckle shoes. But these are modern times, and the Celtics have a lot more going for them now. Mainly their having hands, and hence the ability to shoot a firearm, is going to spell trouble for the birds as they can easily be shot out of the sky. I predict a Celtics victory. But if that Hawks want to have a chance they are going to have to go after the Celts only good eye(the right one). They could also get lucky and reap the benefits of a lung cancer diagnosis mid-game due to the Celts love for pipe smoking.
  
  Prediction: Celtics 4-1
  
  
• 
  Pistons vs. 76ers: One of the battles that I have only seen before in my greatest of dreams, car parts against people from the year 1776. I think too much has changed in the past 200 years for the 76ers to be competitive in this series. They are still riding around on horses, wearing those triangle hats, and writing articles of confederacy. Look for the Pistons to drive right over the Sixers while they are in the middle of the street attemtping to draft a declaration of independence.
  
  Prediction: Pistons 4-1
  
  
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  Magic vs. Raptors: It's magic versus velociraptors. To get a proper feel for this movie you have to look at the popularity of the two mascots. Raptors were all the rage back in the 90's with the Jurassic Park films, but now it's all about Narnia, Harry Potter, and Lord Of The Rings. Magic is everywhere and Orlando is going to tap into this pop culture relevance to put away that red #### wearing oversized dinosaur shoes. Also, it is very tough to maintain good ball control with a three-fingered claw hand. Magic win in a closer one.
  
  Prediction: Magic 4-2
  
  
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  Wizards vs. Cavaliers: The magic users take on the men trained in arms and horsemanship. This is also an age-old fued that dates back to the middle ages. Cavaliers nearly drove Wizards to extinction, both in the old war and the last few years in their playoff series. I think it's finally time for the Wiz to strike back. Firstly, look how flexible they are. There is no reason why that pose is even necessary, yet they are doing it. Also, they can levitate a basketball and point at the sun at the same time. That takes skill. Their skills will narrowly overcome that of the Cavs.
  
  Prediction: Wizards 4-3
  

With the Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron James sidelined for a fourth straight game with a sprained left index finger, the Washington Wizards took advantage to beat the Cavaliers 105-86 on Wednesday. Washington's past two playoff runs were ended by Cleveland, including a sweep in the first round last spring when the Wizards were without Gilbert Arenas and Caron Butler.

But this game was different than the others as the Wizards employed real magic to defeat Cleveland. "I don't know how this happened," said confused forward Drew Gooden after the game. Midway through the 3rd quarter the Wizards turned him into a talking donkey. He was ejected from the game after 5 quick traveling fouls as he tried to dribble with hooves. "I'm a fan of Shrek and all, but this is not as cool as I'd imagined it would be. I keep ####ing nonstop, and this tail keeps whipping me. I can't control it! Can they turn me back now please?"

The Wizards used a variety of tricks to claim victory over the Cavs including making the ball disappear for 5 minutes, sawing Zydrunas Ilgauskas in half, and pulling a rabbit out of the shorts of PG Daniel Gibson. Antawn Jamison spoke about the magic his team performed on the court, "We did some excellent tricks out there tonight, but the crazy thing about the rabbit one is that one wasn't even a trick we practiced. I just felt some animal moving around in his pants when I was guarding him. I'm glad it turned out to be a rabbit, and not just the guy getting aroused by magic tricks."