Despite his latest effort, battling Jet Li as a cursed Chinese emperor, being kind of a failure, Brendan Fraser will be back in a fourth Mummy installment. The sequel will document his fight against an ancient quarterback known as The Favre in the year 2112. It has yet to be explained how Fraser's character is still alive at this time, but it's assumed the amazing writing staff behind the very cerebral Mummy franchise will be able to come up with a perfectly plausible explanation.

"The Mummy IV: Madden Cover Curse" will take Fraser's character to the far reaches of the future temple known as EA Sports. Inside the building, which has been condemned for some 50 years, he discovers the remains of once great players who have appeared on Madden covers. Michael Vick, Shaun Alexander, and Marshall Faulk are all entombed there along with Brett Favre, the fallen Lord Emperor Of New York.

He came to rule the state after leading the Jets to a Super Bowl in his first season, and the 24-7 media coverage around him allowed him to take over a position as dictator. From there he used the NY national guard to stage a war against the rest of the country, eventually moving on Washington DC. The President asked lead adviser John Madden what could be done to stop Lord Emperor Favre, but he said nothing. For Favre's intangibles and gunslings(a new device somehow superior to a real gun) were too much. The President surrendered the country and within a matter of months Favre ruled the entire Western Hemisphere.

But he was entombed in the EA Sports corporate headquarters by a magical priest who decreed that he and others were under to control of the Madden Curse. This was a curse which made them seek world domination, and also want to fight dogs against each other. The only way to stop them was to entomb them in the offices of EA forever. It was also the only way to stop EA from releasing the same game every year with new rosters and one new offensive or defensive feature and charges $60 for it.

When Fraser's character enters the offices in the future, he re-activates the mummified players and has to battle them as they try to take over the world. He must fight against Michael Vick's hellhounds, Marshall Faulk's horrid announcing ability, and outrun Shaun Alexander, as he comes after him 2.2 yards at a time before falling to the ground. After that will he have what it takes to take down Lord Emperor Favre once and for all? Find out next summer...

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ESPN reporters showed up at Green Bay Packers camp today in anticipation of recording Favre's first day on the field, only to discover that there were football players there who were not Brett Favre. John Clayton interrupted live programming on ESPN's Monday Night Favredown to announce that new football players had indeed been discovered. Apparently these other players also are part of the NFL, and play positions as equally important to victory as quarterback. The crew of Favredown had many questions for Clayton such as which of them he thinks will end up being the second string Favre, how many of them look like that can "gunsling", and how does a strong safety work? They were almost ready to accept that players aside from Favre existed in the world, but then Clayton told them about 3 players who were there playing as something called a "tight end".

The crew then laughed heartily and ridiculed Clayton, with Shannon Sharpe saying that "obviously a tight end is another one of the homosexual fantasy creatures you draw in your reporter's notepad and show me in the office. I still remember the Dickicorn you showed me last week, despite my telling you every damn time that I don't want to see or hear about them."

While Clayton was cut off from the broadcast, Chris Mortensen appeared live from that room he sits in with all the phones to tell the crew he just got off a call where an unnamed source told him there may be as many as 31 other teams out there in the world. The crew asked just what this would mean for the future, and Mortensen told of a world where the top story on Sportscenter would be not about Favre, but about another team and person. This discovery could mean a show completely devoid of Favrian updates, and they may even be able to replace the "Favre" position on the score ticker with one that simply says "NFL".

Even more strange was a report by Mortensen that some sort of exhibition game had been played already. The only news organization said to have covered the event was a high school newspaper in Canton, whose teacher made them attend, where they only kind of paid attention while listening to radio updates on Favre's flight from Mississippi to Wisconsin. Therefore information was sketchy, but it's believed to have taken place between a team of horses and one full of sunburned individuals. Other news from their paper included that Kristine was spotted at the movies with Jason and next Wednesday's lunch special is salisbury steak.

The news of other teams and players has completely shaken up the ESPN offices. They even woke up draft guru Mel Kiper, who has been asleep since 1991, the year Favre was the only player taken in the NFL draft. "Things are crazy around here right now," he said. "I'm trying to piece things together, but apparently we've been covering this guy so long we had forgotten about everything else! I also learned I have 3 children at home! I didn't even remember them! This is so exciting!" More information on these developments as they happen.

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