Chad Johnson, the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, has long been a fan favorite for his creative touchdown celebrations and zany sideline antics. But since the end of the 2007 season, fans and teammates have been noticing a change in Johnson for the worse. It was revealed this morning by a group of doctors in the Ohio area that the cause was that Johnson was growing into giant ####. "Well, Chad came to us last week for his annual physical," said Dr. Poling. "He complained of being unable to stop acting like a #### to reporters, telling his team's fans their franchise sucked, and taking giant shits. After a few tests we were able to confirm our su####ions, that he was indeed turning into a great big ####."

Doctors went into emergency surgery with Johnson to help reverse the growing #### on him, and get it back to a more manageable size. "Well, I've always had quite the ####," said Johnson in his first interview since the operation. "But it's never been quite so big. When you just have a little ####, it can be cute or even endearing to people. But when it gets to big, that's when people start getting annoyed and you start smelling like #### I'd like to appologize to everyone I've offended over the past few months demanding a trade and insulting fans and reporters alike. That wasn't the real me, that was my #### talking."

The recovery time from #### surgery should be short. Johnson will begin a rehabilitation program of being put into a room with some teammates and will have to try not insulting them. The time will first be short, maybe only a minute or two, as even a normal person would have trouble not insulting the ability of this Bengals team. But eventually, once he can make it for an hour or so with them, he will be cleared to return to the field. "I'm just glad they caught this thing before it got out of hand. Being a black man I've always been a big ####, I just didn't want to be a big #### as well. Thanks to everyone for helping me get through this."

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