The Mets held off their press conference to announce the firing of Willie Randolph until 3:00 am eastern time, which confused many people around the country. But as everyone knows, most Mets fans come from Tajikistan, where the announcement was made during prime time. The press conference interrupted prime time shows like the medical drama "Happy Happy Rabbit Explosion!" and "Exceptional Star Girls Beautiful", a sitcom about a black family. But the Tajiki people are avid Mets fans, as evidenced by the fact that David Wright finished second in the Prime Minister voting last year, as a write-in candidate. The government declared today a national day of mourning to remember the coach who almost got the Mets to the 2006 World Series before losing to a hot but dreadful Cardinals team.

The streets of Tajiki capital Dushanbe were abuzz with talk about who would be the next Mets skipper while those of us back in the States were still sleeping. "I think I have a good chance at being the next Mets manager," said Yahyo Oqilov, a customer service representative for several American companies. "I don't have any knowledge of baseball, but seemingly neither did Willie Randolph. Most of my experience comes from telling frustrated Americans to unplug their modems and then plug them back in, or that they'll have to send their device in for service. But I think I'm more than qualified to run the great Mets ship."

Mets GM Omar Minaya says the move needed to happen at that time to appeal to their biggest fanbase. "We had to give this news to the Tajiki people first, and that's why we spoke the entire time in Tajikiese. Who cares if it isn't good television here, those people have declared their national flower and national bird the Met. It doesn't even make sense, but it's a great sign of respect. Without their enormous buys of our officially licensed merchandise we would never be able to afford this $120 million payroll which we have used to build an amazing 6 game lead on the tough Washington Nationals. So now hopefully our unsure and short-lived interim manager Charlie Manuel will be able to right the ship and get us out of 4th place. Interim managers always fare very well in times like these."