There is trouble in Miami today as a story broke that late last night a fight erupted between the Miami Heat and team President Pat Riley. Apparently the Miami Heat had positioned themselves well with the trade of Shaq to be well under the NBA salary cap for next season. But Riley was angry to come home and find that the Heat had spent the rest of their cap money on alcohol and draft lottery tickets, leaving them with nothing to sign free agents with. Police were called to team headquarters where they found Riley with several bruises on his hands, and the Heat crying in a corner of the office with a few cuts and bruises of their own. The Heat say they just fell down the stairs, but the police took Riley into custody anyway.

Riley gave an angry tirade as he was drug away by Miami officers. "You just couldn't resist spending my money could you?! We had the best chance to win the draft lottery already, we didn't need anymore tickets! And what the hell is this booze you bought? Bud Light with Lime? We're not the ####valiers here!"

The Miami Heat say they were in the NBA convenience store when they realized they had a few extra dollars to spend. They decided to pick up a few drinks and some draft lottery scratch off cards in hopes of winning big. "We got some really fun games," said the Heat. "One where you have to scratch off 3 dead cats and you can win an O.J. Mayo. Another where you have to match #### fruit with sticks of dynamite and you can get Tyler Hansbrough. They looked like so much fun, we were going to play them together with Riley. But he just kept...watching us fall down the stairs."

TSC stood by as they scratched off one of the cards and tried their luck. "Oh! Oh! We got 2 dead cats and...a horse pleasuring itself! That means we get a free card! Oh man, this was so worth it! It's too bad Pat couldn't have been here to share in this great win for the franchise."