The 2008 NFL Draft is now in the books and we here at TSC take a
look at all the hits and misses from the event. Everyone seems intent
on assigning letter grades to everything, but we are just going to
assign letters. Maybe it's because we like thinking out of the box,
maybe it's because we remember the horrid grades we got in school. In
either case, here are the breakdowns of the second half of the teams in
the draft.
Miami Dolphins: According
to this picture, their new quarterback will apparently be wearing
formal clothes under his uniform. I don't know if that will help or
not, but they will look a lot more dignified as they lose every week. F for Fancy
Minnesota Vikings:
They got the dumbest quarterback since Terry Bradshaw in USC's John
David Booty. But that didn't stop him from winning 4 Super Bowls,
having a long broadcasting career, and making tons of assinine 10-10
phone number commercials. Maybe it won't be so bad. D for Dum Dums
New England Patriots: They
got a great linebacker in the first round to help phase out one of
their aging stars, which should help a lot. They also got a QB in the
third round, which should finally help them stabilize themselves at
that position. If they only had a franchise passer, they could have won
3 or 4 Super Bowls by now. W for We All Hate You Patriots
New Orleans Saints: They
drafted a big DT in Sedrick Ellis who can really play some defense. The
Saints are hoping he can show the rest of their defensive players just
how it's actually done. H for Hey, That's How You Tackle A Guy
New York Giants:
They got a steal in Michigan receiver Mario Manningham during the third
round. If only his team didn't play against college defensive
powerhouse Appalachian State, he might have had some better numbers.
Luckily there are no Appalachian-quality athletes in the NFL to stop
him now. Y for You Lose To Appalachian State, You Shouldn't Be Allowed To Play Football Anymore
New York Jets: Well,
at least they won't have the same team as last year. That's all you can
really say to yourself every year as a Jets fan. You can also spell the
word Jets to yourself and then say the word three times like you are in
a retarded middle-aged spelling bee. T for The Most Stupid Cheer In History
Oakland Raiders: Darren Mcfadden was the loser of the Who Goes To Oakland Lottery. Sorry buddy, I know it's tough. P for Poor Darren
Philadelphia Eagles:
They traded their first round pick again for the second year in a row,
but they managed to get some nice players anyway. There were some
players they liked, but Andy Reid just likes screwing up Mel Kiper's
Big Board. T for Take That You Permed ####
Pittsburgh Steelers: The
Steelers picked up Limas Sweed in the second round. If he's anything
like the real Swedish, he's going to be awesome. And he's going to make
some awesome chocolate. S for Swedish Chocolate
St. Louis Rams: They
picked up Howie Long's kid to try and keep that defense as fierce as it
has been over the past several years. Only time will tell if it is as
fierce as the witty zingers his father slings at the crew of FOX NFL
Sunday. They can only hope. R for Really? You Aren't Tired Of Madden Impersonations Yet?
San Francisco 49ers:
None of their picks answered their phones when they saw "San Francisco
49ers" on the caller ID. They managed to trick Kentwan Balmer into
picking up when they used a stranger's cellphone, but he hung up as
soon as he realized the ruse. C for ####, None Of Our Picks Seem To Be Home
S for Seattle Seahawks: Well, in that division they could pick a pots and pans set in the first round and still be very competitive for many years. H for Haha, We Get To Play In The NFC West
Tampa Bay Buccaneers:
They got another player named Dexter Jackson, who was their Super Bowl
MVP when they won it a couple of years back. Hopefullyhe can bring them
back to the good old days when they wore a blinding orange and were
represented by a mustached man with a knife in his mouth. P for Pimp-Like Helmet Pirate
Tennessee Titans: Well,
they needed a receiver for Vince Young and they got...a runningback?
Another year of running for your life and hoping someone accidentally
gets open Vince. Good luck. B for Boobs
Washington Redskins: They made it through a draft without trading a bunch of picks for over-priced old free agents. Well done Redskins, well done. M for Maybe Learning From Past Mistakes
These have been kind of funny, though Denver is no where as bad as the previous article indicated. I want to also give you heads up that you've list the San Diego Chargers as drafting Chris Long, which would scare me as a Denver fan... but fortunetly, it's St. Louis who did that. Feel free to delete this once you fix the misplacement...
Oh, and you forgot the other lettering for the Vikings... L, for Los Angeles, here we come!
Good catch buddy, fixed the Rams thing now. The Broncos are not quite as bad as I let on, but bad team jokes are just easier to make so I go for them whenever possible. :-)
I believe the Stealers refers to the way they won the Super Bowl over Seattle. The Seattle Refs weren't available to provide the home cooking that time. As a Giants fan that just made my day.
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