Since being named in the Mitchell Report investigation on steroids, Roger Clemens has been on a crusade to clear his name from the books. The latest effort in doing so is his new RogerClemensReport.com, which is an extremely raunchy and not safe for work site featuring a 49-page document of statistics information and graphs. Apparently Clemens is attempting to tap into the new and extremely lucrative market of numbers p*rnography.

The inventor of the new p*rn, Stick Biggun, applauded Clemens and his new site. "Well, it's definitely a big market out there for numbers p*rnography, and we're glad to have a big player like Roger Clemens involved. I got the idea for the p*rn when I was looking at a calculator one day and I started thinking, what if the 7 decided to have sex with the 4? Could there be anything hotter than that? What if they were doing it on a pie chart? Yeah, the possibilities are endless, and endlessly sexy. I can't even use a keyboard anymore without getting aroused. I have to remove all the number keys."

"I really like where his site is going, it's doing a lot of innovative things. He's got some basic flow charts and Venn Diagrams, which are really the bread and butter of numbers p*rn. But then he has some crazy features like Chart 31, comparing his career numbers to Randy Johnson's. Having two men's numbers all mixed up like that in a bar graph is really taboo, even for us. But he seems to be getting a lot of hits on there, so maybe there is a market for that too. I've actually been contacted about a Britney Spears tape that is floating around where she is balancing her checkbook and doing her taxes. Some of my users are very interested in that sort of numbers p*rn, the homemade stuff is so raw, so real."

Check out RogerClemensReport.com for more on his new business. Please do a search for one of Stick's many numbers p*rn sites like "Dirty Numeric Teachers" and "Number Org*es Unleashed".