The Miami Heat are in one of the worst losing streaks their franchise, and indeed all of basketball has ever seen. They have lost 13 in a row, Shaq looks like a man from a retirement home, and Pat Riley has one foot already out the door. It doesn't seem like it could get any worse for the team that is only 2 years removed from a championship. But one Miami resident claims this is only the beginning of a long 1,000 game losing streak that will last until the year 2044. The prognosticator is homeless Miamian Mark Hathoway, long known among the homeless community for claiming he was from the future, and the only reason he can't find a job in our time is because he possesses "future diseases".

He agreed to be interviewed by The Sports Comedian if we took him out for lunch. Despite smelling like cat urine and Jack Daniels, we agreed to take him to McDonalds. As he feasted on a McRib, he laid out how the future will unravel for the Miami Heat. It will be 37 years until they get their next victory over the Antarctica Hyper-Generals, a 206-201 win. They will still have Shaq on the team, as he refuses to retire despite doing everything one can do in a career and having increasingly bad numbers every season. At this time he will be averaging -2.3 points per game, 1.2 blocks per game on his own team. His alzheimer's makes it very hard to know which basket he is defending or shooting on. The team also still be coached by the skeleton of Pat Riley, which actually looks healthier than the current Pat Riley.

Hathoway then asked us to see if we could loan him any money for alcohol. We asked why he needed that, and he said time machines were built solely out of alcohol. We declined that offer.