In an unprecedented event, unseen outside the confines of a frat house or a Bud Light commercial, Roger Clemens has filed a "Dude..." suit against his former trainer. Dude Suits are the oldest form of legal accusation, predating even speech and society. In prehistoric times, when a caveman would hit another man's woman with his own club it would illicit a claim of Dude, then pronounced "Ugh...". The proceeding would then go to cave court, where the elder with the longest beard would rule whether or not there was a violation of men's unspoken rules.

Clemens is alleging just this in his Dude Suit, that former trainer Brian McNamee violated his man-trust in revealing to Senator George Mitchell the details he did. They will be tried in the court of John Wayne, being presided over by the honorable Tom Selleck, the manliest of men. Unlike normal courtrooms, but no unlike Judge Joe Brown, there are no lawyers, merely the plaintiff and the defendant. The plaintiff will usually issue the accusation from a written statement, something like "Dude...". To which the judge will ask the defendant "What the hell?" The defendant will have a chance to make his case, I presume he'll use the time honored "Man..." defense. After that the judge will most likely reply "what the ####?" and at that point witnesses will be called.

I believe Clemens has a real strong case here, as the information revealed was about McNamee shooting up Clemens in the buttocks before a game. One of the chief man laws that everyone knows states: "When two men are alone, and one of their pants is off, that incident can never be talked about to anyone, ever. It was probably just the alcohol. Seriously, you are straight. Go watch an Angelina Jolie movie before you think about this further. That time in camp was just an experimental phase. Remember ####? You love those things."

As you can see there, Clemens has a very real and credible case here.