We needed an excuse to run this picture of Terrell Owens having sex with the ground, and now we have it. Tonight will be the epic matchup of the only two teams in the NFC who have played well enough to be called good, and the game will be shown only to a very few number of people due to it being on the NFL Network. We have investigated the issue, and the only people who actually get the NFL network are subscribers of Makarikicast Cable in ####ladesh. The reason for this are the high prices the NFL wants to charge American cable carriers to put the channel in its basic lineup, along with a few other demands, which the league feels are justified.

"We have asked for a few simple things from cable companies here in the US, and they refuse to budge," said an NFL spokesman. "We want 76 cents per subscriber, which we feel is reasonable. Plus we asked that they let us have the first night with any of their wives immediately after marriage. Also, we want yearly donations of corn and other crops from their harvests. But for some reason they don't want to budge."

If you really want to see the game tonight you will have to book a ticket to a ####ladeshian sports bar and hope there is no cricket being played. The league spokesman elaborated, "Our fans in ####ladesh are some of the most loyal and devoted ones out there. What better game to show them than America's Team vs America's Favorite QB? It's really a tribute to the ####ladeshian spirit. Who would want to watch this game here in the States anyway? Maybe now all of you who are complaining about this game can take up a hobby such as whittling, or maybe go out and look in to trading your truck in for one of those adorable Volkswagon Bugs."

SportsComedian.com