The Philadelphia Phillies became the first team to make a big move at the general managers' meetings, acquiring closer Brad Lidge from Houston along with infielder Eric Bruntlett on Wednesday night. The Astros received speedy outfielder Michael Bourn, right-hander Geoff Geary and minor league third baseman Mike Costanzo.

The Phillies assistant GM Ruben Amaro Jr. welcomed Lidge with open arms. "We are very happy to welcome in someone to round out our bullpen who is as unreliable and disappointing as the rest of our team. Only 70% of save chances converted last year, a 5.28 ERA the year before. We think he's going to be a perfect fit."

Philadelphia is trying to recover in an offseason after making the playoffs for the first time in over a decade. "We let our fans down this past season. The Phillies are supposed to lose, that's just what we do. This year people at work in Philadelphia couldn't talk about how bad their team was with each other. Fathers couldn't tell their sons, hey, you may not have had a good game of T-ball today, but at least you're not as bad as those Phillies. We feel Brad Lidge will be our best chance to return to the Philly tradition of futility."

SportsComedian.com