In the legendary and iconic movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail, one scene has peasants accusing a beautiful young lady as a witch. They dress her up, and accuse her of working with the dark arts.
I’ve always loved that scene and when I heard that Phil Jackson accused the National Basketball Association of conducting a "witch hunt" on Kobe Bryant, it got me thinking. How could I incorporate that with the Monty Python skit? Here’s what I came up with
Sir Bedevere played by David Stern The accused witch played by Kobe Bryant Peasants played by Shaq, Manu Ginobli, Dwayne Wade, Raja Bell, Kyle Korver, and Marko Jaric King Arthur played by Lebron James
Peasants- We have a witch, we have found a witch. May we burn him?
(Kobe Bryant comes into the scene wearing gansta clothes, with long chains, and a hat flipped to the side. He is obviously been dressed by the peasants to have the appearance of a witch)
Stern- How do you know he is a witch?
Dwayne- He’s dressed like one in all that gansta clothing
Kobe- I’m not a witch, I’m not a witch.
Stern- But you’re dressed like one?
Kobe- They dressed me like this.
Peasants- No we didn’t, no we didn’t
Kobe- This is obviously not my chain and the shirt is two sizes too big.
Stern- Well?
Manu- Ok, maybe we did the chain and the shirt, but he’s still a witch.
Stern- What makes you thinks he’s a witch?
Shaq- We found a book of spells. It’s in a secret witchin language.
(Stern takes the book, starts reading it)
Stern- This is an Italian cook book in Italian.
Raja- Oh… well he’s still a witch, he turned me into an NBA star.
Stern- An NBA star?
Raja- Ok, maybe just for a couple of days.
All- Burn him anyways.
Stern- Quiet, there are ways to tell if he’s a witch.
All- There are? Tell us oh wise Sir Stern
Stern- Tell me, what do witches make?
Peasants- Frogs?... Hurricanes?
Lebron- A synthetic basketball
Stern- Yes, very good. So if Kobe can make a synthetic basketball into the hoop, he must be a?
Shaq- A lucky (expletive) player.
Stern- No.
Raja- A witch.
Stern- Yes
Peasants- Let’s go get a synthetic basketball and a hoop…
Stern- Wait, can’t you also make a leather ball into the hoop.
Peasants- Oh, yes... shoot.
Stern- Your hopes are not done yet, since it’s so hard to make a synthetic basketball into the hoop, Kobe must be a?
Lebron- Dirty Basketball player?
Stern- Exactly, so if he’s a dirty basketball player, he’s a?
Peasants- A witch.
Wade- How do we know if he’s a dirty player?
Stern- Well, I remember a couple of weeks ago when Kobe throw his elbow at Manu, Korver, and Jaric in a pick up basketball game. That would make him a dirty player and a witch.
(Peasants get really quiet; it takes them a while to comprehend what Stern is saying)
