I was given an opportunity to interview college basketball star and future 1 pick Greg Oden and I would now like to share with you what was said. Some of the stuff me surprise you.
Santini- Thank you for being here Greg. I know you have a busy schedule and I'm glad you took the time to talk to me.
Oden- Not a problem. I just got finished with my History of Rock n Roll class and I'm happy to grant you the interview.
Santini- History of Rock n Roll? What's up with that?
Oden- That shits tough bro. One test we had to listen to an instrument that was being played and say what it was. If not for that players bonus here at OSU I would have failed.
Santini- Players bonus? So you’re saying any athlete that goes to OSU gets a players bonus on each of their exams?
Oden- Hell yeah cuz. How else would we make it through college?
Santini- Ok, I'll forget you said that. Talk about your NCAA tournament experience. This is your first year at college so it must be great taking part in The Big Dance.
Oden- The Big Dance? Shoot man, we playing basketball. This ain't no ballroom dancing tournament. The Big dance, what a stupid name. Who would even call it that. Anyways, we played Central Connecticut State in the first game. I tried to Google Connecticut State but it kept saying "no results." Where's Connecticut anyway? It don't matter. Then we had Xavier and I was like, Damn we playing some X-Men today boys. Conley, get ready for that Wolverine ####. That would have been tight as hell bro if we played them X-Men. I would like to press Halle Berry if you know what I mean. Then we played Tennessee and the Big O took them out baby. Now we got some ####es in Memphis. Memphis? I didn’t even know they played basketball in Memphis.
Santini- Yeah, they do. And Memphis is a pretty good team. You better watch out for them.
Oden- Watch out for them? They better watch out for the Big O. Did you see the foul I put on that fool against Xavier?
Santini- Yes I did. What’s your opinion on Kevin Durant? Many have said he will be the number draft pick in next year’s draft.
Oden- Oh, you mean Kevin” "I'm Not in the Sweet Sixteen" Durant. The Celtics got fined for calling him? Why? They need a dark toothpick? I wanted Texas to get into the Final Four so I could show the world who deserves that money, playboy. Durant, seriously, eat a hamburger or something,
Santini- Alright Greg. In your opinion, what aspect of your game do you think you need the most improvement in?
Oden- Improvement? Greg Oden doesn’t need no improvement. Greg Oden can do anything on a basketball court and more. I could snap me fingers and cause a tsunami to hit Ohio. I could strike out Albert Pujols with a broken hand. I can flap my arms and cause a windstorm. I’m Greg Oden ####. I don’t need no improvement.
Santini- There can't be a tsunami in Ohio Greg, you're not around an ocean.
Oden- Then what do you call Oden's Ocean?
Santini- You mean Lake Erie?
Oden- Hell no? I renamed it Oden's Ocean baby. I'm going make me an island in that ocean, maybe buy a couple piranhas and sharks, put them in there. That be tight as hell
Santini- Ok, Let’s just get back to the interview. If you could play one on one with anyone dead or alive, who would it be?
Oden- Nobody because no one can handle The Big O. I wish I could get that car from back to the Future, maybe pimp it out a little. You know, add some 28’s and #### like that. If I had that car I would go back to the past and dunk on Kareem, block Bill Russell's shot and just abuse Wilt in the post. I could dunk on Jesus Christ with four fouls on me and one hand tied behind my back. The world is mine. They're re-naming the school The O-Den State University. The mascot will be a scaled down replica of my hand. I'm the greatest ever. Santini- One last question Greg, will you go pro next year or will you stay in college.
Santini- One last question, Are you going pro?
Oden- What a stupid #### question. I’m going pro, playboy. College has done nothing for me. I’m already think of a name for my mansion bro. And I’m gonna get a sweet #### garage, name it the O-Den. That’s tight as hell. Maybe I’ll get a pet to. A snake? Nah, I already got a black anaconda in these pants, homie. Oh ####, I got it. One of them polar bears. They might be going extinct but hell I’m Greg Oden. I get whatever I want. I could teach the bear how to ball; #### would be tight as hell.
Santini- Thanks a lot for this interview Greg. It’s been very interesting.
Oden- Not a problem cuz. So how much you gonna pay me for this.
Santini- Excuse me, I’m not paying you anything.
Oden- You mean you ain’t one of them boosters? The guys who pay me a hole lot of money for dunking on people’s faces.
Santini- No, I’m just a blogger from foxsports.com.
Oden- A blogger? You mean you don’t even write for a newspaper? Now no one will know what the O’s gotta say.