In the legendary and iconic movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail, one scene has peasants accusing a beautiful young lady as a witch. They dress her up, and accuse her of working with the dark arts.
I’ve always loved that scene and when I heard that Phil Jackson accused the National Basketball Association of conducting a "witch hunt" on Kobe Bryant, it got me thinking. How could I incorporate that with the Monty Python skit? Here’s what I came up with
Sir Bedevere played by David Stern The accused witch played by Kobe Bryant Peasants played by Shaq, Manu Ginobli, Dwayne Wade, Raja Bell, Kyle Korver, and Marko Jaric King Arthur played by Lebron James
Peasants- We have a witch, we have found a witch. May we burn him?
(Kobe Bryant comes into the scene wearing gansta clothes, with long chains, and a hat flipped to the side. He is obviously been dressed by the peasants to have the appearance of a witch)
Stern- How do you know he is a witch?
Dwayne- He’s dressed like one in all that gansta clothing
Kobe- I’m not a witch, I’m not a witch.
Stern- But you’re dressed like one?
Kobe- They dressed me like this.
Peasants- No we didn’t, no we didn’t
Kobe- This is obviously not my chain and the shirt is two sizes too big.
Stern- Well?
Manu- Ok, maybe we did the chain and the shirt, but he’s still a witch.
Stern- What makes you thinks he’s a witch?
Shaq- We found a book of spells. It’s in a secret witchin language.
(Stern takes the book, starts reading it)
Stern- This is an Italian cook book in Italian.
Raja- Oh… well he’s still a witch, he turned me into an NBA star.
Stern- An NBA star?
Raja- Ok, maybe just for a couple of days.
All- Burn him anyways.
Stern- Quiet, there are ways to tell if he’s a witch.
All- There are? Tell us oh wise Sir Stern
Stern- Tell me, what do witches make?
Peasants- Frogs?... Hurricanes?
Lebron- A synthetic basketball
Stern- Yes, very good. So if Kobe can make a synthetic basketball into the hoop, he must be a?
Shaq- A lucky (expletive) player.
Stern- No.
Raja- A witch.
Stern- Yes
Peasants- Let’s go get a synthetic basketball and a hoop…
Stern- Wait, can’t you also make a leather ball into the hoop.
Peasants- Oh, yes... shoot.
Stern- Your hopes are not done yet, since it’s so hard to make a synthetic basketball into the hoop, Kobe must be a?
Lebron- Dirty Basketball player?
Stern- Exactly, so if he’s a dirty basketball player, he’s a?
Peasants- A witch.
Wade- How do we know if he’s a dirty player?
Stern- Well, I remember a couple of weeks ago when Kobe throw his elbow at Manu, Korver, and Jaric in a pick up basketball game. That would make him a dirty player and a witch.
(Peasants get really quiet; it takes them a while to comprehend what Stern is saying)
firts of all kobe dresses like a #### prep white boy......... but yall to dumb to know that. - he wears vans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you know what them is.
IVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE DEATH OF THE WHITE MAN, WASH MY HANDS IN HONKIES BLOOD AND ALL THE EURPIANS TOO , DEFENED THE BRITS ARROW BY ARROW BY ARROW, THE BROWN MAN MARCHES'S ON !!!!!!!!!!!!
NO WONDER KOBE HATES THE WHITE MAN, THERE PUSSES!!!
WHITE MAN: I GOT A BOO BOO.
KOBE: SHUT THE #### UP BEFORE I LINCH YO ####.
WHITE MAN: YES KOBE FOR THE BROWN MAN IS MORE GREATER THEN US LESSER WHITES.
KOBE: DAMN STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!
KOBE: NOW TO THE PITS WHITE MAN
BROWN PEASENTS: TO THE PITS!!!!!!!!!!
NBA, you're the only one talking racism. You've got some issues to deal with. We're ribb'n with Kobe the player, not Kobe the black man. Color had nothing to do with it. Grow up.
if nash did this would there be a deal.
proly not, the exuse could be cuz he aint have the baggage kobe got wich really isnt much, but played to be more then it is.
i yet to see a white guy get a band end.
thats my piont.
Well, the white part should have never entered into it, but you know how the press is. The press is...........well..evil. Kobe just needs to be what we used to call "cool on his stool."
They'll rip anybody apart. There was the Green bay player that entertained an underage slumber party so to speak, there was the coach that loved to drive naked....hang on, I'm laughing.....there are the steroid abusers,(many white), ect. ect. The stories are out there, you just gotta look at them. It's all madness.
Truthfully, I have no idea why the big "pick on" Kobe deal with the NBA. But I really don't think it's a color thing. I naively believe it's something else.
However, I think that many Kobe lovers see him through rose #### glasses at times. Kobe is an awesome talent but he tries to do too much at times. The NBA game has changed ala DWade in the finals last year. Many shooters are now leaning in or jumping in on their shots to draw contact. FACT of the matter is that players like Kobe, Dwade, Ginobli, and even my teams Chauncey Billups will pull up for a jumper and then lean into the defender to draw conatct and get to the line.
Problem with Kobe is that he's developed a tendancy to use his elbow when trying to draw that contact. He has gone in with wreckless abandon as of late and caused some nasty results. It's not a witch hunt...it is about trying to reign in some of the senseless contact that is initiated by players that needs to be addressed. My opinion (MY OPINION) is that Kobe has become, at times, a dirty player. And I am not alone in my opinion.
But you know what? I have been watching bball since the early 80s when I was a kid. And after more than 20 years of following this league, I had never thought one day some player can be called "dirty" for throwing a few elbows.
I can start listing the names of players who have thrown a few elbows in their careers, but that list would be too long. Throwing elbows is a part of the game. It seems to me everyone is okay with it until Kobe does it.
Perhaps Kobe has become a dirty player, but I guess if so, he is just trying to fit in.
blingboy - nobody said that Kobe was the FIRST player to ever throw an elbow. I see that many Kobe fans have deep man love for him...GREAT!!! I bet you can show him a hotel room next time he's in town. All I'm saying that if he is going to play that way...he needs to be ready to be called dirty. You know...Bill Laimbeer was dirty, Bill Cartwright was dirty, Karl Malone was dirty, MANY MANY players were dirty and tried to get away with a shove, holding the jersey, an elbow to the ribs. KOBE seems to want to get his ashy, sandpaper elbows up in other players ####. If he wants to play that way....FINE!!!!!!!! He's dirty.
nbafan...buetiful. Ummmmm....what? I see by your avatar that you're not too biased. OKAY...All Kobe fans stand on that side of the room. I'll just stay over here.
By the way bling...my first Piston game was in 1969 at Cobo Arena in Downtown Detroit. I was 8 years old. I've been watching and following pro basketabll since then. I used to sit in my bedroom and listen to them on my transistor radio. Does that make me a bigger fan than you? Does that give me more credence to having my own opinion?
When I was in High School...I used to go to the Silverdome and get two nose bleed tickets to the Pistons for 12 bucks. I went to about 25-30 games a year back then.
It doesn't matter if someone has been a fan for 2 years or 30...When a player starts flailing and thowing out elbows with wreckless abandon JUST to get bailed out with a cheap call...He's dirty. Rest assured whether you like it or not...If he keeps it up he will get more and more scrutiny and develop a reputation. We here in Detroit understand what it means when a player has a reputation...Remember when Rasheed Wallace got called for a Technical Foul for freaking "LAUGHING"?
There is nothing wrong with the way Kobe plays basketball this year and it's getting pretty redundant to stay on his butt about it. He's lost 5 of the top 8 players on the rotation for large parts of the year and 4 of those 5 were nothing to write home about anyhow. And I'm sick to death of immature haters claim he "ran shaq off" when knowledgable basketball fans know damn well that Buss made that decision based on age and Shaq's tantrum for 60 million 2 year extension. Kobe is like MJ in this respect. You haters just can't stop. And don't you dare say MJ wasn't hated as well. It never stopped with him either.
DAVID STERN IS A JOKE!!!!!!AND SO ARE HIS FINES!!!
CAN THE GUY EVEN PLAY BASKETBALL, HAS HE EVER PLAYED!!!WHO EVER SAID HE HAS TURNED THE NBA AROUND IS A FOOL!! IT'S THE PLAYERS WHO HAVE TURNED THE NBA AROUND NOT TO METION TIME AND THE WORLDS LOVE FOR THE GAME!!!! WE HAVE GREAT PLAYERS ACROSS THE BOARD AND THEREFORE WE HAVE BETTER COMPETITION IN THE NBA. DAVID STERN YOUR A JOKE!!! LAST I CHECKED WE HAD A RIGHT TO SPEAK OUR MINDS REGUARDLESS IF SOMEBODY DID NOT LIKE THE COMMENT, WHAT IS THIS RUSSIA. NOBODY USED PROFANITY HERE, JUST STATING THE TRUTH! HE IS LIKE THE LITTLE BOY PEOPLE USED TO PICK ON IN SCHOOL BUT NOW HE IS THE MOMMY LAYING DOWN THE LAW FOR TALKING TRASH ON HIM AND HIS #### AS@ FINES. ITS BULLS@#$!!!!!!
FlyingPig, maybe you have followed the NBA much longer than I have, but it doesn't make you more of an expert. Anyway, if throwing a few elbows make a player dirty, then can you think of any player in the NBA who isn't dirty? Can you name anyone, past or present, who you know for sure that he's never thrown an elbow? I don't think so!
And by the way, I am not a Kobe fan and not a Kobe hater. And I am okay if people want to call Kobe dirty for throwing elbows, as long as you do that for every other player who has done the same.
Finally, what I have problem with is the Kobe or any player getting suspended for throwing elbows. I think as long as a player is throwing elbows in the context of playing the game (ie, shooting, defending, rebounding, etc), he should never get suspended. At the most, he can be called for a foul.
Maybe my views make me a tough guy, but I believe the NBA is for tough guys. If you can't take an elbow or two to your head, then go play in Europe or in the WNBA.
I don't think it is a witch hunt. I also don't think the stuff he is doing is necessary. I also wouldn't deny that NBA players throw elbows and stick their hands into the faces of their opponents. Flagrant Fouls have been called for a lot less than some of the things he has done recently. I'm not going into race and I'm not going into his moral fiber, couldn't care less. However, don't fly by me, throw an exaggerated elbow into my face, and act like a hurt child and cry foul, or let your coach cry for you, when I retaliate and kick your ####. Bottom line...if he is going to play like that then he should expect something in return. Oh, wait a minute. He is only protecting himself for all of the years he has been abused on the court. Yawn! Other than that, play ball! Oh, and by the way, great post!
bling - read my comments to you. I was making a comment based on what you had said. I agree that it does NOT matter how long you are a fan. I for one do not like the ticky tack #### that goes on in todays NBA. I think some players perpetuate the ####. HEAR me LOUD AND CLEAR...Kobe Bryant is a great talent...but he plays very dirty at times. I don't like when ANY player looks for referees to bail them out when they are standing 20 feet from the basket with 1 second left on the shot clock. Kobe loves to have the ball in his hands and be "the man" He and DWade have become famous for jumping INTO the opponent to draw contact when they have no shot.
Matt1977 - What in the #### does david stern playing even one game of basketball have to do with anything? HE'S THE #### COMMISSIONER FOR PETE'S SAKE. Are you stupid? Anyone that doesn't know that David Stern basically turned the NBA into a multi-billion dollar business? Do you know that the NBA is telecast in over 130 countries? David Stern is a LAWYER you dumb ####. His job is to run the National Basketabll Association BUSINESS. The only correct statement in your comment is that YOU DO have the right to be as stupid and ignorant as you want to be.
