Episode three of my epic, and very irregular, 'poke fun at motorsport' series. If you don't like having a sledgehammer taken to your favourite driver, I suggest you stop reading this now...although this is just F1 so most probably don't have a clue with half the names anyway. 

The Formula One season kicked o...uh, green lighted off (not quite the same ring I think you'd agree) in Melbourne two weekends ago and it was thoroughly dominated by the McLaren duo of Lewis "do as I say, not as I do" Hamilton and Heikki "from henceforth dubbed Kovy as it's far easier on the keyboard" Kovalainen which was a big surprise as Ferrari looked to have stolen several marches on the field during testing...the joys of the unpredictabilty of motorsport, eh?

Lewis took the pole from Robert "I'm starting to catch my teammate" Kubica and, yet again, dived straight across the track off the startline to block Robert...clearly Lewis has yet to read the memo about it being bad form to #### on about unfair blocking tactics from other drivers (Alonso at Spa) when you keep doing it yourself. The Kimster got off to a great start for 2008, making me look like an #### for believing he had got over his 'car breaker' tag...thanks, Kimi, you cost me in Will's trifecta, mate. Not only did he start mid-grid, he then got stuck behind Rubens' Honda for half the race, elected not to pit under the safety car that came out mid-distance (insane as that would have put him in a great position to win the race), spun trying to pass Kovy on the restart and spun again trying to pass Toyota's rookie, Timo Glock, before retiring his limping horse when his engine went AWOL...not a good day for the reigning Champion. His teammate faired little better, sel####estructing in the race taking out, firstly himself by spinning at turn one and then David Coulthard as he was trying to make his way through the field...DC won't be sending Felipe any Christmas cards this year if his interview afterwards was anything to go by.

Drive of the day belonged to Sebestian "Mr Champ Car" Bourdais who was on for fourth place until his engine let go less than two laps from the chequered flag while Glock got both Air-time and Crash of the day when he launched himself over the accessway and destroyed his car on landing...I don't think he actually hit the wall so the fact it got that damaged is truly an amazing effort. Kovy got done out of second place when the final safety car came out handing the place to Nick.

On to Malaysia then where Ferrari managed to show the pace everyone knew they had, monopolising the front row while the Maccas were pinged for being morons in the qualifying session by holding up Nick "the most underrated driver in the history of F1" Heidfeld as he attempted to complete his final flying lap. I will see if I can find the onboard camera form Nick's car so you can see the closing speeds as he had to duck and dive around the other cars...so why did just the McLarens get penalised, you ask? Well, of the other seven cars that were also trolling around at, what seemed like, 10 mph, only Lewis and Kovy were on the racing line. Of course, McLaren pleaded innocence saying it was purely coincidental that BMW were the best chance of ruining McLarens second row starting spots. The FIA gave both silver cars a five car penalty and they started the race from 8th and 9th, Kovy in front.

Here we go...good thing Nick used his head or McLaren would require two new cars for the race.

As expected, Ferrari ran away with the race, Kimi jumping Felipe at the first round of pitstops, but, as we've seen several times in his career, Felipe threw his race away when he exited the track, stage left. Of all the drivers, he was the one I was most worried about handling no traction control and so far has a big doughnut after two rounds...not boding well at all. My man, Mark Webber, had a great start...amazingly...and held up Lewis for the first two thirds of the race, helped by Lewis losing (at least) ten seconds on his first pitstop. Kovy managed to come through for third while Robert grabbed BMW's second consecutive second place finish. Jarno Trulli somehow ended up fourth showing that Toyota's early season pace isn't limited to just NASCAR...it remains to be seen if that keeps up the rest of the year however.

The circus heads to Bahrain next where it's BMW's turn to have bad luck and I'm expecting Kimi to be leading the Championship after that race...so naturally it'll still be Lewis in front instead.

The 2007 German Grand Prix held at the Nurburgring shall be remembered for a few things; being red flagged a half dozen laps in due to torrential rain, rookie driver, Lewis Hamilton, storming through the field to finish one place out of the points, and the wheel-to-wheel battle between Felipe Massa and Fernando Alonso for the win with a handful of laps to go...but for the Red Bull team, it shall go down in the history book as their best ever result thus far.

David Coulthard and Mark Webber both finished in the points; 'DC' in fifth while 'Webbo' scored only his second ever Formula 1 podium.

This wasn't the first time a RBR car had visited parc ferme though...David finished third in last years Monaco GP, but it was easily the teams' most convincing performance to date. Several people raised eyebrows when Adrian Newey announced that he was leaving McLaren to go to Red Bull, and the 2007 car was the first he had designed for his new team.

Some people also questioned Mark's move from Williams to Red Bull, thinking he would have been better off going to Renault, taking the place of the double World Champion, Alonso, who left the team for McLaren in 2007. I think Newey's arrival swayed his decision...his track record is mighty hard to beat.

"So Michael, when I come up behind you to take the lead, you just pull over for me, ok?"

Newey has a reputation of producing the goods when it comes to F1 design; he was responsible for the Williams and McLaren domination of the 1990's so both David and Mark were eager to get behind the wheel of his latest creation.

Alas, there were a few teething problems as the team switched from Ferrari to Renault power and also went with a seamless shift gearbox; Webber in particular has had a torrid time with reliability.

But the racing Gods smiled on them in today's race...and they were one of the few that it did.

It's times ike this I'm glad I'm not an F1 driver...keeping it on the track in those conditions? No thanks!

Webber's last (and until today, only) podium came in the 2005 Monaco GP when he was in his first season with Williams. His teammate was current BMW driver (and the vastly underated in my opinion) Nick Heidfeld who outfoxed Mark in the pitstops to get in front of him. Both drivers were then caught behind the Renault of Alonso who was struggling with his tyres.

Nick was the first to dive past Fernando under braking coming out of the tunnel, with Mark following suit a couple laps later. Alonso didn't give it to him very easily though...he shot across the chicane and went back in front of Mark but didn't have to give up the spot since Mark overcooked the corner as well. However, that didn't bother Mark as he tried the same move on the next lap and barely managed to keep it in the 'lines' so Alonso had to yield to him.

Since then it has been a rather frustrating time for Webber; frequently showing how quick he can be by planting whatever car he drives consistantly in the top 10, he just couldn't turn his Saturday pace into Sunday results. Many a time has Mark been running strongly only to be let down by the gearbox...or the engine...or the electronics, you get the idea.

Considered by many to be the fittest guy on the grid, Mark must have started to wonder if his hard work would ever pay off. But the Red Bull does have raw speed and they do say that it's easier to take a fast car and make it reliable than the other way round...Webbo will certainly be hoping so as the season goes into its second half.

The hopes of a nation...Webber is Australia's only current F1 driver.

ITV-F1 article

Alrighty then, a bit of information regarding this underground movement that was started up in 2005.

The ability of a 'Stopper' is in their capacity to be the final post in the vast majority of topics or to completely ruin the momentum of a topic and/or sporting person/horse/etc. Until recently, our numbers were scarce, testament to how difficult it is to become a 'Stopper', but over the last month a re-evaluation has taken place and the following foxsport bloggers have been given a place on the register;

photogr - his main skill lies in picking Jimmie Johnson for Cup races. Jimmie's performance at Dover (flat tyre), Pocono (crash) and, at the present moment, Sonoma (penalised and will start from the back of the field) have earnt photo this honour. He has since switched drivers for the Sonoma race having seen Jimmie's predicament...this has the potential to end up in tears on Sunday.

Dave_In_Indy - it takes a great amount of talent to be able to pick two drivers out of three who will run out of fuel, but that is exactly what Dave did last week for the Cup and Busch races. Another strong showing in the Formula 1 however may see his membership come under question from the other members.

williamwilman - Will is currently doing exactly what he needs to do since he is running the Trifecta competition; not leading it. His main ability lies in picking drivers who he believes are certainties to do well and they bomb out instead...expectations are that he will rig his competition so he ends up winning anyway ;)

volfan69 - this application was brought forward by other members. Picked Bobby Hamilton Jr in last weeks Busch race as part of her Trifecta and he got caught up in a crash. By dint of trailing the field in Will's Trifecta percentages, she gets a well-earned spot on the board.

14Falcons - Started off with a hiss and a roar by winning the Memorial Day Trifecta but has since stumbled into obscurity and found his seat at the table after picking Kenseth in last weeks Cup race...only for it to be the first race Matt hasn't finished on the lead lap.

Tezgm99 - the founder based on his ability on another messageboard where his record of being the final post on a thread topic was hovering around 90%, he therefore calls the shots on who gets in and who has to prove their worth before being accepted into this elite club. Any questions about his place as leader are met with the following names and races; Massa at the Canadian GP (got DQ'd), Rosberg at Indy (running in the top 6 with 5 laps to go...then his engine blew up), Newman at Michigan (qualified in the top 4...finished 37th having lost 3 laps early and managed to take out Kenseth, ruining Falcons day too) and Heidfeld at Indy (having said that both drivers starting with 'Nic' were driving well, both failed to finish the race).

To receive an invitation is all about fully recognising this special talent.

Notable Mentions:

JayJayDean - a stats guru through and through, JJD scours the history books any chance he gets in an attempt to gain a 'leg up' on the compeition in the Trifecta. He is the only multiple round winner so not all members agree with him being placed at the table, hence only provisional status has been granted. His pick of Robert Kubica at Montreal though was a spectacular move...nearly as spectacular as Robert's horror crash. Amazingly, Robert escaped with only a few bruises and a mild concussion.

Candystar - not part of the foxsports community but deserves a mention on here regardless. A feisty Canadian who loves nothing better than leaving Tez at awkward moments when instant messaging with him, she can only make the grade based on her ability to be the last poster on messageboards as she isn't a sports fan (likes horses though). At present, her record of achieving that isn't brilliant...but she is learning patience.