Belmont Stakes-  A Horses' Arse Tale

 With all the talk about the possiblity of the first Triple Crown in 30 years by Big Brown if he wins this Saturday's Belmont Stakes race, it seems a lot of the other horses have been left out of the spotlight. Lets take a lil looksey at a few of them and see why.

First We have Rocket McZee starting in the #2 post. This Horse is sponsored by Stankees Porta-Lounge, a small personal relief company in the New Dork area. He comes in at  7-2 odds. He would likely be the favorite over Big Brown if not for his owner Hank Stinkbreaker's questional training techiques and the competition committee's concerns over performance enhancers. McZee almost didn't make it to the Belmont after a roadside bomber in Bostone tried to take out his trailer.

  His scheduled jockey is Douglas J. Needles from the Back To The Future Trilogy. Needles and McZee have been together their entire careers.

    Next, starting from psot 3 is Burro Cinco. This fiery horse is sponsored by Big Mouth Bubble Gum and is currently seeking a new stable to reside in. He is not happy with the hay and oats supply his current owner provides.

  Rumour has it that Burro Cinco's  new jockey, Gary "Pimp Daddy" Coleman is interested in buying this horse and using it for his security detail job at Cincinatti Correctional Facilty, but nothing has been confirmed yet..

  Starting from the #4 post we have Terell Oatsins.He will sport the 81 and be sponsored by Romobaucher Extra Butter Popcorn.  His trainer says he prefers to be called Oatsey, because of his similarities to last year's Derby winner Rundy Grass.

   Jockeying Oatsey will be Quack-man Bones. Bones  was previously abolished from all Horse Racing activities after an incedent with another trainer at the 2006 Hentucky Derby. The identity of this man was not realeased but we have an exclusive photo proving it was ex Superjockey Barles Chalkley.

    Originally from  the #5 post, we had a surprising new horse named Wyle-D-Squish  sheduled to make his first Belmont start.

   However, during training earlier this week  the Squish got upset for some strange reason after dominating all other horses in practices and had an accident with another SuperHorse's transportation. It still isn't known who was at fault for the accident, but Squish will not recover in time for this year's Belmont.

    Replacing Wyle-D-Squish in the 5 post will be a horse making his first major staks race. Rambo Splice. This horse is relativley unknown. He was voted in by thousands of horse racing fans  from YouBube, which decided to become his sponsor after all the attention this upstart horse brought the popular website.

   His jockey in the Belmont will be Hay Bakin.  Bakin was also an unknown before he got his chance with the Simon Cowell Equestrian Center. Many believe this horse and rider combo will be one and done in this sport.

    Earlier today, the popular Foxblog and NASCAR racing team from GGW was spotted attempting to get to the track to set up  their Gorillas Gone Wild vendor tent. The Superstar race team seems to show up at all major sporting events since GGW co-founder Photogr earned the democratic nomination for the presidential race over his heavily favored opponent Billary Squinton. Also tagging along with the entourage was famous NASCAR driver Tony Screwert of Baby Bibbs Racing,  rumoured to be a transgendered racer in disguise with  GGW under the alias name of Frank. Trust me , i know this rumor is not true. I cant get Tony to where heels for anything.

    However,the two Clydesdales, Shasqueel the Hill and Cloneby Giant, were not able to pull together on the same wagon and the GGW team was stranded without a horse to pull them to a horse race. Go figure!

   After an inside look at the rest of the field for what looks to be a very exciting Belmont Stakes, i'm certain there are plenty of horses or horse's A-s-s-es  that have a strong chance to win the Belmont this weekend besides the Media doll Big Brown. With this field of violent horse power, it could be one of the best high-stakes horse races ever run. If anything, the post race race interviews should be well worth the wait.

Thanks for reading-Cuda

                            The Battle Between  Good and Evil

                       Stat Wars - Attack Of The Brady Clones

       A Short Time From now  ..... In a galaxy  very close ........ to  Indianapolis,

a relentless  army of Brady Clones will arrive by way of the Patriot Death Star for an epic battle of the two greatest forces the Gridiron Galaxy has ever seen.

The Dark Force is strong with their leader Darth Belichick, and his young apprentice, Sith Brady.

Darth Belichick is known throughout the galaxy as a evil emperour out to destroy the universe, and has extensive knowledge in the ways of the dark side . His evolution to  leader of the Galactic Empire is well documented by  intergalactic Senator Princess Lea Mangini of the New Yorkion Region. Together with his protege, Sith Brady,  they have pillaged the galaxy devouring everything in their path. They employ renegades and rogue warriors wherever they can find them, most notedly the fearless  Oaklandonian Dessert Raider,    Sidius Moss.

The Evil Empire seeks domination of all in their path, and have not taken any prisoners in their journey to this point. They have spared no life, not even the all-knowing droid known as the "Original c3p-81"  nor his trusty companion     R-2-Romo.

 They have spilled the blood of 8 worlds and left not  a single enemy alive, and until now  no one has been able to stop them.

The One true hope for the survival of the Gridiron Galaxy is a  Jedi Fighter named Peyton Wan-Kenobi.

He will not be alone in his quest to save the NFL Republic. Jedi Master Tony Windu has great knowledge of the Force and and is an expert in Jedi Mind tricks.

Fierce warrior, Joseph Yodai, is a master of the pigskin saber and  the talented Hans Harrison precisely pilots the fighterships better than anyone in the Republic after learning the ways of the Jedi from the great Jerry Ricewalker.

   Together with Peyton Wan-Kenobi, They are preparing for a battle to the death with the Dark Lord and his Brady droids. Anyone left alive if the Dark Side is victorious will be fed to the slug-like alien gangster John Madd-a-Hutt.

   It is crucial to the survival of the NFL Republic and Gridiron Galaxy that the Jedis are victorious in this epic battle of Good vs. Evil. They are the last hope for good to prevail, and the republic of the NFL is counting on them.

In the words of the late C3P-81,    "Getcha Popcorn Ready!"

Coming This Sunday to a theater near Indy.

Note:  Epsisode II    "Stat Wars- Revenge Of The Skins"     

 is available pre-release by special request through VBchickRedskinsfan only on BlueRay Disc.

      If you watched  the Broncos/Raiders game during week 2 of this season, the Raiders/Browns game the following week,  or Monday Night's Cowboys/Bills game, then you saw a team kick a late field goal to supposedly win the game.  The kick went through the uprights and fans cheered or booed as their team won or lost. 

      After experiencing all the emotion of the team pulling out the victory, or the agony of the loss, you realize they have to kick it all over again, because the opposing coach called a timeout just before the potential game winning feild goal kick occured.   In the Cowboys/Bills game, the kicker was able to make the kick again and this tactic failed,  but  both previous times  the team's kicker missed the second kick, and the team lost the game.

      "Icing" the kicker by calling a timeout just before the kick attempt is something that has been done for decades, and teams today  expect the opposition to call a timeout if they have any remaining in that situation. There is  nothing wrong with that at all. It's just considered  part of the game.

       But,    There is a big difference between calling a timeout a couple seconds before a feild goal attempt in order to "Ice" the kicker, and the tactic Shanahan, Kiffin, and now #### Jauron have used.

     The issue is not the act of using the "Icing" tactic, its about WHEN they are doing it .   The method they are using is  to call the timeout just as the deep snapper raises his head a split second before releasing the ball for the attempt. The play is theoretically already in motion , but if the ball hasn't been snapped yet,  the timeout is allowed and the play has to be tried over again.       For now, they say its perfectly legal, although nobody from the NFL has clarified why it is allowed and isn't considered an unsportmanlike attempt to gain advantage over  another team.

      Should it be legal?

     The NFL rulebook has examples of similar plays where an unsportmanlike play is not allowed and the action results in a penalty.

     First is the rule that states a defensive player can not induce an offensive player to false start by flinching, jumping back and forth into the neutral zone, or simulating the snap count with grunts,chants, etc.. in an attempt to get the offensive player to move before the snap.      This "neutral zone infraction" results in a 5 yard penalty to the defensive team.

     "Delay of game" is another example. If a play ends,the whistle blows,   and the opposing team does something such as  spiking  the ball or laying on the offensive player so he can't make a reasonable effort to get in place for the next play,   the defense is given a delay of game and 5 yard penalty.

Even excessive crowd noise by the defensive team, although very rarely enforced, is a 5 yard penalty and considered one of those "unsportmanlike" plays by NFL rules.

      "Unsportsmanlike"  plays such as these  that are deemed an un-fair advantage to the defense, are considered penalties and illegal in football.    I don't see how calling a timeout just as the snapper lifts his head to snap the ball to the holder  should be considered fair,  or good sportsmanship relating to the nature of the game.

     Sure it's legal for now , but it's nothing more than a ticky-tac attempt to gain an unfair advantage, just as the neutral zone infraction and delay of game are, yet neither of those are allowed.

     We will probably see this several more times this year now that every coach in the league watched the Monday night game . Hopefully, the Superbowl doesn't come down to a field goal attempt, or the whole world will have to go through the emotional roller coaster twice, as fans of the Broncos,Raiders,Browns,Bills, and Cowboys already have.

    Personally I think its a cheap tactic, and the way Shanahan and others have used it this year takes away from the efforts and fair play that other coaches/teams preach as part of building a respectable team.

    What do you think?