Belmont Stakes-  A Horses' Arse Tale

 With all the talk about the possiblity of the first Triple Crown in 30 years by Big Brown if he wins this Saturday's Belmont Stakes race, it seems a lot of the other horses have been left out of the spotlight. Lets take a lil looksey at a few of them and see why.

First We have Rocket McZee starting in the #2 post. This Horse is sponsored by Stankees Porta-Lounge, a small personal relief company in the New Dork area. He comes in at  7-2 odds. He would likely be the favorite over Big Brown if not for his owner Hank Stinkbreaker's questional training techiques and the competition committee's concerns over performance enhancers. McZee almost didn't make it to the Belmont after a roadside bomber in Bostone tried to take out his trailer.

  His scheduled jockey is Douglas J. Needles from the Back To The Future Trilogy. Needles and McZee have been together their entire careers.

    Next, starting from psot 3 is Burro Cinco. This fiery horse is sponsored by Big Mouth Bubble Gum and is currently seeking a new stable to reside in. He is not happy with the hay and oats supply his current owner provides.

  Rumour has it that Burro Cinco's  new jockey, Gary "Pimp Daddy" Coleman is interested in buying this horse and using it for his security detail job at Cincinatti Correctional Facilty, but nothing has been confirmed yet..

  Starting from the #4 post we have Terell Oatsins.He will sport the 81 and be sponsored by Romobaucher Extra Butter Popcorn.  His trainer says he prefers to be called Oatsey, because of his similarities to last year's Derby winner Rundy Grass.

   Jockeying Oatsey will be Quack-man Bones. Bones  was previously abolished from all Horse Racing activities after an incedent with another trainer at the 2006 Hentucky Derby. The identity of this man was not realeased but we have an exclusive photo proving it was ex Superjockey Barles Chalkley.

    Originally from  the #5 post, we had a surprising new horse named Wyle-D-Squish  sheduled to make his first Belmont start.

   However, during training earlier this week  the Squish got upset for some strange reason after dominating all other horses in practices and had an accident with another SuperHorse's transportation. It still isn't known who was at fault for the accident, but Squish will not recover in time for this year's Belmont.

    Replacing Wyle-D-Squish in the 5 post will be a horse making his first major staks race. Rambo Splice. This horse is relativley unknown. He was voted in by thousands of horse racing fans  from YouBube, which decided to become his sponsor after all the attention this upstart horse brought the popular website.

   His jockey in the Belmont will be Hay Bakin.  Bakin was also an unknown before he got his chance with the Simon Cowell Equestrian Center. Many believe this horse and rider combo will be one and done in this sport.

    Earlier today, the popular Foxblog and NASCAR racing team from GGW was spotted attempting to get to the track to set up  their Gorillas Gone Wild vendor tent. The Superstar race team seems to show up at all major sporting events since GGW co-founder Photogr earned the democratic nomination for the presidential race over his heavily favored opponent Billary Squinton. Also tagging along with the entourage was famous NASCAR driver Tony Screwert of Baby Bibbs Racing,  rumoured to be a transgendered racer in disguise with  GGW under the alias name of Frank. Trust me , i know this rumor is not true. I cant get Tony to where heels for anything.

    However,the two Clydesdales, Shasqueel the Hill and Cloneby Giant, were not able to pull together on the same wagon and the GGW team was stranded without a horse to pull them to a horse race. Go figure!

   After an inside look at the rest of the field for what looks to be a very exciting Belmont Stakes, i'm certain there are plenty of horses or horse's A-s-s-es  that have a strong chance to win the Belmont this weekend besides the Media doll Big Brown. With this field of violent horse power, it could be one of the best high-stakes horse races ever run. If anything, the post race race interviews should be well worth the wait.

Thanks for reading-Cuda