The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Seattle Seahawks are Super Bowl contenders."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"
2. It's a Wonder
Why do SanDiego Chargers players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?
So they can park in the handicap spaces.
3. Kissin' Cousins
What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen Tennessee Titans fans in one room?
A full set of teeth!
4. Grounded
Why did the NY Jets players miss their flight for the big game?
They were stuck on a broken escalator!
5. Hit and Run
If you see a Oakland Raiders fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?
It could be your bike.
6. A Day at the Beach
What do you get if you see a New England Patriots fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand!
7. No Way Out
You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and a fan of Denver Broncos. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the Bronco’s fan… twice.
8. On the Bright Side
What do you call a Buffalo Bill’s fan with half a brain?
Gifted!
9. Playing Possum
Why the Arizona Cardinals are like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
10. Licking the Problem
What did the average Sanfransico 49er player get on his Wonderlic test?
Drool!
I hope everyone enjoyed the jokes. Feel free to add ones that you think are funny!
Why did UT choose Orange for the team color?
So the fans could wear it on Saturday to the game, on Sunday to go hunting, and the rest of the week picking up garbage on the highways.
John Madden was in Baltimore to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special telephone near the Ravens bench. He asked Baltimore QB Steve McNair what it was used for and was told it was a hotline to God. John asked if he could use it. McNair replied, "Sure, but it will cost you $200."
John scratched his head, then thought, what the heck, I could use some help picking games. He pulled out his wallet and paid $200. John's picks were perfect that week.
The next week John was in New England when he noticed that same kind of phone on the Patriots bench. He asked Patriot QB Tom Brady what the telephone was for and was told, "It's a hotline to God. If you want to use it, it will cost you $500." Recalling last week, John pulled out his wallet and made the call. John's picks were perfect again that week.
The next weekend John was in Chicago when he noticed the same kind of telephone by the Bears bench. He asked Bears QB Rex Grossman, "Is that the hotline to God?" and was told, "Yes, and if you want to use it, it will cost you 35 cents."
John looked incredulous and said, "Wait a second, I just paid $200 in Baltimore and $500 in New England to use the same phone to God! Why do the Bears only charge 35 cents?"
Rex looked at John and replied, "Because in Chicago, it's a local call."
A Bears fan was driving when he spotted a Colts fan walking along the road. For fun, he swerved near him, veering away just in time.
Though he was certain he had missed the guy, he heard a loud THUD.
The Bears fan glanced in his mirrors but didn't see anything. "What was that?" he asked friend in the back seat. "I thought I missed that Colts fan."
"You did" replied his friend, "But I got him with the door."
In order to save his marriage, a brilliant Bears fan married to a slow-witted Colts fan agrees to undergo experimental brain surgery to lower his IQ so that he too can root for the Colts. After the procedure, as he's being wheeled into recovery, the surgeon goes up to the man's wife. "I have awful news," he says. "We accidentally removed too much brain tissue, and the outlook for your husband is grim." "Oh no, Doctor," says the wife, "what will that mean for him?!?" Then, to her horror, she hears her husband weakly moaning: "Let's... go... Lions..."
Lovie Smith was seated in front at a Packers press conference. when the Packers coach asked if there were any questions, Lovie said "I heard a great Packer joke, do you want to hear it?" The coach said, "Lovie, look to your left, that's our defensive end. He's 300 pounds and easily irritated. Now look behind you and to your right...both are defensive tackles for the Packers and could beat up anyone. Now, are you sure you want to tell that Packer joke?" Lovie looked at each player, saw how mad they looked and said "Nope! I don't want to have to explain it three times!"
A Colts fan and Bears fan collide in a huge accident on the way to Miami. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends." says the Bears fan. "I agree," replies the Colts fan.
The Bears fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
"Look," he says to the Colts fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"
He hands the bottle over to the Colts fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bears fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any?" asks the Colts fan. "No," replies the Bears fan, "I think I'll wait 'til the police get here."
On the first play of the game, Payton Manning broke his arm, so Tony Dungy substituted Tony Stewart. When asked why, Dungy explained. "He's a better passer and if you try roughing him, he'll make you pay for it"
Q: Why are the Colts Staying at the Miami Motel6? A: Because when you're used to traveling in the middle of the night, it helps to have a light left on for you
A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Colts fan" she reports.
"Then," asks the teacher," What are you?"
"I'm a Chicago Bears fan," boasts the little girl.
The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan.
"Well, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so I'm a Bears fan too," she responds.
"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a ####, and your dad was an ####. What would you be then?"
The coach had put together the perfect team for the New Orleans Saints. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn’t find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window 80 yards away.
BLAM!
He lobbed another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 70 mph. BULLS-EYE!
“I’ve got to get this guy!” Coach said to himself. “He has the perfect arm!” So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football…………………………………and the Saints go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the newest NFL superstar, and, in the post game interview a reporter asks him what he wants. All the young man wants is to phone his mother.
“Mom,” he says into the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”
“I don’t want to talk to you”, the old Muslim woman says.
“You deserted us. You are not my son!”
“I don’t think you understand, Mother,” the young man pleads. “We’ve won the greatest sporting event in the world. I’m here among thousands of my adoring fans.”
“No! Let me tell you!” his mother retorts. “At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I h
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?"
the man answers "241."
"That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" the lady answers, "144."
"That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" the man answers, "51."
Albert responds, "How 'bout them Cowboys?"
A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry. No pets allowed."
The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see."
The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.
The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years!"
An elementary teacher starts a new job at a school in San Diego and trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she's a Chargers fan. She asks the class to raise their hands if they too are Charger fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
Because I'm not a Chargers fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Chargers fan, then who do you support?"
"I'm a Bronco fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Bronco fan?"
"Because my mom and dad are from Denver and my mom is a Bronco fan and my dad is a Bronco fan, so I'm a Bronco fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, that's no reason for you to be a Bronco fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and a car thief, what would you be then?"
There was a Brown's fan, a Steelers fan, and a Bug Eater. They attempted to rob a bank but got caught. They went to court and were sentenced to the electric chair. The guys operating it told them that if they survived they were free to go.
The Steelers fan went first. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He told them no. He pressed the button and nothing happened so he was free to go.
The bug eater went next. They asked him if he had any last words to say. He said no and pressed the button. Nothing happened and he was free to go.
The Browns fan went next. They asked him if he had any last words.
"I think if you plug the chair in, it'll work better."
Today in class all of the kids are going to tell there teacher what their dads do for a living. Well, little Bobby went first. My dads a doctor and makes lots of money. Next was little Billy. My dads a lawyer and he also makes lots of money. Now it was little Timmy's turn but he just sat there and said nothing. His teacher was like Timmy tell us what your dad does. Nah, I don't want to. Come on Timmy, be apart of the class. Well, OK... my dad is a #### stripper for a #### strip club at night, dances on men's laps and sometimes he will go in the ally and have sex with them for extra money. Right away the teacher changed the subject and told the kids to go to recess. She told Timmy to come here and she asked him why he said that. I am embarrassed of what my dad does for a living. Yes, but what could be worse than what you just said. He's a Browns fan. Oh, Timmy... I am so sorry!!!
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "I'm worried sick - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Of course," replies the doctor, "Where do you think Raiders fans come from?"
Two Chargers fans were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read: "Here lies Jose' Sanchez, a good man and a Raiders fan." So, one of the Chargers fans ask the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
Four Surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first Surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second Surgeon says, "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The third Surgeon says, "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them in color coded." The fourth Surgeon says, "I prefer Bronco's fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and #### are interchangeable."
A football coach was asked his secret of evaluating his new recruits. "Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that run round the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run straight into the trees, I turn into linemen."
1. A Voice in the Darkness 
