Hey...look...a man could do mo' werser...ya know?...Every now 'n then...yer hangin' out watchin' a sporting event anna announcer or broadcaster sez somethin' that strikesya funny (rarely)...takes alot to makeda Stevo laff out loud...but...gotta tellya, last nite, some cat named Mauro Ranollo came up widda gem on "EliteXC Primetime"..

checkitout

When Gina Carano wuz announced the winner of her MMA battle witha torn-up but, game, Kaitlin Young at the end of the second round, his description of Young...

"...Her face looked like it wuz put together like a ransom note..."

...made me spit a six-pack on my new HD-TV.

I know...da dude ain't Cosell or Vinnie Scully...but that wuz classic...gangsta..

(at least... I ain't never heard it before...)

................I think I'm gonna git into dis stuff...

Ok...Here'sdadeal...Yer atta beer joint withyer ne'er-do-well buddy.  Ya laid $500 on da Spurs coverin' da spread aginst da Lakers...11 seconds ta go...97-92, Lakers...you got San Antonio plus 7 anna half...No way da Lakers go fer 3...life is sweeeettt....Ya set da house up...youda maaann!....Cupla street-lizardz sittin' next toya..thinkin' yerra genius..you ain't EVEN goin' home alone...THE WORLD IZ YOURZZZ!!!!...

Not so fast...d**kwad...

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2..........Whooosh!!!..
.

3 pts atda buzzer...LA 100-SA 92...Sasha gotta spread  to cover too..........

     See where "...Roger Clemens added a new claim of "intentional infliction of emotional distress" on Tuesday to his defamation suit against Brian McNamee....This cat's life (Clemens) has been relegated to a horror story...Ferda life of me, I could NEVER imagine goin' thru a fall as deep into an abyss as this guy...I never thought that there would come a day when Da Stevo could even begin to think that I'd rather be in my shoes than Roger "frickin'" (as they say) Clemens...I wouldn't even consider otherwise now...

     How duzza guy come to the conclusions that he has?  I gotta theory on that and I think it comes from the old adage of "..getting to play a kids game for a living all your adult life.."..By that , I mean that he never had to "grow-up"...no different than Pete Rose, fr'instance...Look, these kinda guys have always had a surrogate father after adult-hood.  Whether it be their coach, mentor, sychophant..OR..MONEY..The fact that they had "talent' assured them of that and neither of them had to face adulthood without some sort of God-given right to a buffer other than themselves...It's a protected world fer them...It ain't like that fer mostuvvus..

     In Clemens case, it ain't like a vast majority of athlete's elected to screw-up their lives the way he did...most of 'em have integrity, ethics and are pretty-much thankful for the lives they've been blessed with...They've been taught humility...Clemens is just now fixin' ta learn whut that is and he's reached depths so low that he's mired in it and there ain't no answer for him left but to come clean...anything less ain't gonna work...too late...

.....Even comin' clean ain't gonna change a lot...that's how far he's fallen...Even this ain't gonna werk.....

The ONLY positive thang 'bout gas prices might be that fewer people will git killed overda week-end...Wonder where "W" and Cheney flyin' to... Playerz signed a drug agreement and Dud Selig gave 'em amnesty...Guess that means a lot uvvem slithered their way outta any grief...Waytago Andruw and Prince and 'bout 80% uvya..oh...and...howzzat lawyer werkin' ferya, Roger?... Phillip leadin' atda Colonial..git yer butt back on Tour Eldrick..'Ain't nuthin' wrong with Jason Taylor testin' da Hollywood waters...werked fer Jim Brown...Parcells izza dinosaur...took him long enuff to start Tony Romo over Drew Bledsoe in Dallas, din't it?...I'll be pullin' fer Danika this weekend...Oops...maybe dat's da wrong word...I mean..rootin'...ahhhh crrappp!!...fuhgeddaboudit!!...I'll be cheerin' her on...After allda winter steroid flak. I din't thank I'd git back into MLB this year...thenda 'Stros went onna tear outta nowhere...Didn't watch a single game last year...My interest jus' ain't as intense azzit useta be...Fer my money, a lotta these One-Year-and Out a-holes (Mayo, etal)  ..they can hitda brix az far az I'm concerned...Instant Replay in any sport oughtta beda rule rather than exception...Still thank da DH in baseball shoulda never happened...Backindaday...the only way you were gonna git Koufax outtada game wuzta pinch-hit fer 'im...'Course, Bob Gibson never had dat problem..dude could flat-out hit...

Celts and Pistons goin' 7...Da West will winda whole thang...Sumpthin' ain't right with Roy Oswalt...and last nite, Brad Lidge came in and got Da Puma to fly-out onda first pitch and notched a save 'ginst hiz former team...Good to see Lidge gittit back...dude had some grief down here...Gonna check-out Kimbo Slice next weekend..MMA to Network TV...I'm innnnn...Mike Tyson woulda been bad-#### indat venue in hiz prime...still could, I guess..Kobe...better'n MJ?...nahhhh... Oscar Robertson wuz better'n both...da Jazz suck...Charlize Theron's a babe...Here's a li'l fluff ferya...Da right guy won on American Idol...assumin' ya care....Continuin' the "pop" theme...See where Shania Twain's gittin' divorced...mebbe she'll hook-up with Lance Armstrong  or sumpthin'...All you Fox bloggers eat a lot and drank yer asssses off dis week-end.......annnddd...

..............Gawwd Bless our Soldiers and all that fought their #### off so da Stevo could ####-off like dis....I ain't got no right ta complain 'bout...NUTHIN'...OUUUUTTTTTT...

Da Stevo ain't really a big NASCAR or car-racin' fan or nuthin' but that's not to say that I might not get into it one day.  I'm not that big on cars altho' I still think the '57 T-Bird is the finest lookin' car in history.  Either way, no matter whether or not I git into racin' or cars or whutever, I got my doubts that I'll git into 'em az much az this nimrod...Check-out ol' Eddie Smith (yuh really needta click on dat) over there in da U.K.  Ol' Ed's found hisself a purty interestin' pasttime...Da Stevo's thinkin'...

.....Looks like a nomal guy...well...all thangs considered.  But cometa find out, he's figgered outta way to take his hobby to another level...

"...I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.
    I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like    a girlfriend.  I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change..".

    Dude haz sex with his cars...cat gave-up wimmin' he enjoys it so much...Been datin' this VW fer 5 yrs now....I mean...like...check 'im out up there in that pic...dude's proud...ainnhe?

"...Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men...."

     Makesya wonder if he ever had one of them cars Jan & Dean useta sing about in that song "Surf City, USA"  ...you 'member ...

"... I bought a '30 Ford wagon and we call it a woody
(Surf City, here we come)
You know it's not very cherry, it's an oldie but a goody
(Surf City, here we come)
Well, it ain't got a back seat or a rear window
But it still gets me where I wanna go..."

Glad I could share that withya.....Talk amongst yerselfs...

 (UPDATE BELOW)    Ya know?..The last thang on earth a casino needs to do fer me, iz extend me a line of credit.  Hell, Master Card and Visa are playin' with fire fer givin' me da cards they have...anyway, I'm jus' speakin fer myself but, to me..gamblin' izza rush...

     Backindaday...da Stevo, useta do it everyday.  'Course, I wuz single then and made pretty fair dollars, so, the only person I wuz hurtin' wuz jus' myself if I lost any large amount.  Nuthin' likeda Chuckster, of course, but it's all kinda relative...I useta bet football, basketball and baseball.  And I did it every day there wuzza game of some kind on.  The thang 'bout bettin' onna game wuz that no matter what teams were playin'..It would turn a ####-hum match-up into an EVENT ...anda Stevo wuz into events.  It made every Sunday better'n Super Bowl Sunday.

     Over a period that lasted 'bout 10 years, bettin' on all dis stuff, I'm gonna say that I broke about even...Most bookies will tellya that ifya did that good you prob'ly beat the system, and I got no reason to doubt 'em..Sure...you can have a week whereya hit 90% of yer bets and thank yerra genius...but it won't take long before sumpthin' bringsya back down to earth....

     ...Witness this story: 

     After bettin' ferrawhile...I ran across a sports accountant  that took baseball bets.  For the uninitated, here's how that works.  Usually in baseball the betting line is based on the pitching match-ups:  Say you had a game where Steve Carlton wuz goin' up against some jerk-off who wuz lucky enuff to be some teams spot fifth starter...You might hafta lay-down 500 bux justa win a buck-25 ($125).  But, say, Carlton wuz goin' up against Fernando Valenzuela....well, then, you might git an even bet..betta cupla hunnert and win/lose a cupla hunnert...lotta factors go into it but pitchin' iz always the most dominant barometer...

      Genius?!?!

     Ok...widdat outtadaway...My very first week bettin' baseball..I finished da week 30-2..that ainna misprint..even my bookie thought I wuzza genius and mebbe one of Gawdz Children, which gave us another thang in common.  Hell, I almost considered bein' a born-again Christian 'til I realized that gamblin' and that pursuit might be a conflict of interest.  And besides, I wuzn't givin' no church any juice money...

     Cuttin' toda chase here....It took me 'bout two weeks after that to regain some lost humility and rejoin da ranks of jus' bein' another mullet thinkin' he's gotda gift ....Durin' that stretch, one of my losses had me speedin' downda freeway to get to a pay phone (NOTE:fer you youngsters out there, ask yer daddy 'bout that term) to git my bet down on Dodger vs. Cubs at 'bout 5-1 oddz goin' with Fernando V...

.....Cubs bombed 'im...8-3 if I 'member right...  

  ....or Homeless?!?!?

 I ain't sayin' Chuck's right or wrong...but I am sayin':

     I Unnerstand.... But.... you ain't gonna beat 'em...I'm tellinya...you can make book onnit... 

UPDATE: Former Detroit Lion QB and Heisman Trophy winner Andre Ware has said on his Talk-Radio Show...down here in H-Town that he spoke with a close-personal friend of Charles Barkley last night (Tues) and the friend told him that Chuck is no where near close to any financial trouble...as "He is fine...trust me.."...like it was notta big-deal at all...