Everyone else seems to have the winners covered, so I decided to put a different spin on my NFL predictions.  Since I’ve become so great at picking losers (see my NFL Pick ‘Em record for last season)…that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Here is my dismal group of predicted division losers for the 2007 season, as well as some analysis on why these teams will stay in the cellar:

AFC East
Least in the East – Miami Dolphins
Last season in the AFC, only 2 teams finished with fewer points…the Raiders and the Browns.  I’m not sure why I bought into the Culpepper hype last year, but this year shouldn’t be much different for Trent Green and the sea-dwelling mammals.

Special Note:  Last year, I picked the Dolphins to beat the Patriots for the division.  They finished dead last with a 6-10 record.

AFC North
Dirty Dogs – Cleveland Browns
The Bengals’ depth chart still looks like a court docket, but I’ll go with the incumbent Browns to finish last in this division.  They were 0-6 last year against division opponents, expect more of the same from the Dawg Pound.

AFC South
Everything is Bigger in Texas, Including Losers – Houston Texans
Here is another division with 3 tough teams and 1 stink-pile.  If Matt Schaub is the savior that leads them to a division title, then I’ll dye my hair blue and donate $1000 to the Paris Hilton for President Campaign.

AFC West
Washed Out in the West – Oakland Raiders
Do I even need to explain this?  New Head Coach Lane Kiffin would have been better off trying to resurrect Britney Spears’ career.  Raiders…last.

NFC East
A Giant Failure – New York Giants
I’m tempted to pick my Eagles as the loser here, just so they will be certain to win it all.  Instead, I’m going with a newly crowned failure…the NY Giants.  I’m no Tiki Barber fan, but NFL fans will see quickly why he was the true MVP of this team.

But to their credit, I do expect that tempestuous Tom Coughlin will lead the league in tantrums and overall rage rating.  

NFC North
Not For a Millen Dollars – Detroit Lions
Another year, another talented receiver.  Not exactly sure how Calvin Johnson will help the defense improve on the 398 points they gave up last year…but maybe Matt Millen knows something we don’t. 

Should be another division title for the Bears…even though they are the only team in the NFL that would be upgraded by starting Brett Farve at quarterback.

NFC South
Clipped Wings – Atlanta Falcons
I’ll go with the Falcons here.  Not because I believe the loss of Michael Vick is crippling, but because the addition of Joey Harrington is.  News flash – picking up a QB that wasn’t good enough for the Lions or Dolphins may not be the best way to go.  Perhaps swiping Kordell Stewart off the Wal-Mart greeter waiver wire would have been a better choice.

Special Note:  Last year I picked Tampa Bay to win the division, but just like Paris Hilton…they ended up under everyone.

NFC West
Worthless Out West - ???
Every year it seems the Arizona Cardinals are the unanimous sleeper pick to make the playoffs, and every year they are more disappointing than an abstinent prom date.  I like the changes they made with the coaching staff, but I think it will take another year for the Cards to turn the corner.

On second thought, I changed my mind…let’s go with the 49ers.  Not even the dynamic duo of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton got scored on more last year (412 points, to be exact).

Speaking of losers…

Daunte’s Inferno

Daunte Culpepper should be starting for the Raiders this season, and believe it or not, this is the gig he was hoping for.  After getting a dose of the Raiders’ pathetic excuse for an offensive line, he should find his comfort zone.  And by that, I mean he’ll be about as comfortable as someone that drops an epic in the unisex bathroom at their office…then realizes the toilet won’t flush.

That’s Hot

Just a quick lesson in football terminology:

8 players in the box
1)  A football term used when 8 players crowd the line of scrimmage in order to defend a stellar running attack
2)  What happens to Paris Hilton at a post-game party

A Little Belated Credit for T.O.

I have watched the movie Any Given Sunday several times, but never realized that Terrell Owens was in the movie until about a week ago.  I was so impressed, that I don’t hesitate in labeling it as the best performance of his career.  He finally did the impossible…he scored two touchdowns without saying a single word the whole time.

Now I know why the DVD can only be found in the Fantasy/Fiction section.

Here’s to another great year of football!  And remember – without losers, there wouldn’t be winners…