It’s official.  I am “milestoned”.

Where did this barrage of sports milestones come from all of a sudden?  I realize that the summer lull is in full effect, but how many mundane milestones can we tolerate?

Baseball is guilty of milestone mania more than any other professional sport.  Home run records, hitting streaks, career wins, career losses, consecutive games played.  No wonder America is often bored with its former favorite pastime by this time of year.  Instead of embracing the concept of team achievement, the media continues to serve us individual accomplishments by the gallon.

Now don’t get me wrong, individual recognition doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  When Craig Biggio reached 3000 hits, that was definitely a moment to applaud.  But what were we celebrating?  If he had retired with 2999 hits, would that make him less of a player?  Less of a man?  I think not...

Instead, we should have labeled his achievement exactly what it was - recognition for almost 20 years of dedicated service.  Not only did Biggio serve his sport well, but he played his entire career for only one franchise.  Any person from any walk of life should be commended for that kind of dedication.

But Biggio’s milestone is just one of many stuffed down our sports-loving pieholes this summer.

Some accomplishments are greater than others.  Some may even be worthy of a headline, or perhaps a moment of silence.  But why is it that normal fans like you and I know that the Philadelphia Phillies have over 10,000 losses in their franchise history?  Why should I care that Matsui reached 100 career MLB home runs?

Like I said, America is officially milestoned out.

If a milestone is simply an indication of time passed, then it really isn’t a milestone at all.  I didn’t receive a parade when I reached 10,000 consecutive days lived.  Joe Schmoe didn’t make the headlines when he had his 20,000th bowel movement.

But as they say…if you can’t beat ‘em, then sell your everlasting soul and join ‘em.

Here are a few lesser-known milestones I believe to be worthy of recognition:

- Let’s see…Nomar has over 5200 at-bats in the big leagues.  Considering that he resets at least once in every at-bat…that means he has completed over 10,000 annoying superstitious pre-batting routines.

- Along those same lines, Derek Jeter has over 7000 at-bats…so he is likely approaching 30,000 major league #### adjustments.  Not that a male grabbing his goods that many times is some sort of record.  Back in the day, I think Pee Wee Herman accomplished that feat in a little over a week.  But still, Jeter should be recognized.

- At the tender age of 21, Lindsay Lohan is already enjoying her 3rd stint in rehab.  At this pace, Robert Downey, Jr. and Darryl Strawberry must be concerned about protecting their hallowed record.

- Wisconsin’s favorite son, and everyone’s favorite blogger, Cuzzifer has to be on the verge of some sort of ranting record.  Just multiply his total number of posts by 5 to calculate his rant total.  Yeah, I bet he will be a pleasant fellow when he retires in Florida.  Or Canada.  Blog on, Cuz!  Blog on…

- Speaking of cheese heads, how many milestones do you think Brett Favre has?  Consecutive seasons giving Packer fans a false sense of hope?  Most games started without a chance of winning?  OK…actually, he is approaching a real one - 300 interceptions.  Only 27 more to go.  He had 29 INT’s in 2005.  Come on Brett, make us proud!

- Most excuses created for missing a team practice?  Eh, you figure that one out.

- Most pathetic attempts at ruining your athletic career by breaking the law?  I’m not sure about this one, as I haven’t checked the Cincinnati Bengals Team Page/Police Blotter in quite a while.

- Paris Hilton probably deserves an award for something.  I don’t what that could be, but the trophy is probably a SUV of some kind…perhaps a Hummer.

- Consecutive days of reign with no intelligence or leadership qualities whatsoever?  You might be thinking of someone quite obvious, but Bud Selig has him beat by a long shot.

- And last, but not least…the winner of the most coveted record in the world…consecutive days of freedom for a convicted killer.  Not only was this dude convicted of manslaughter, but he murdered an entire sport, too.  That’s right…all hail, Don King!  Only in America…

Like Michael Vick’s career in Atlanta…I am finished!

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For some strange reason (may have been drunk), I have agreed to appear on The Fox Sports.com Bloggers Show…hosted by Frank Irizarry.  Other featured guests include bloggers Miracle (aka - Dr. Phil McCracken) and Flying Pig (just your average swine).  Be sure to check out the show this Wednesday at 10PM Eastern.  Like Rosie O’Donnell in a mud-wrestling match, it should be a ton of fun.