Where did this barrage of sports milestones come from all of a sudden? I realize that the summer lull is in full effect, but how many mundane milestones can we tolerate?
Baseball is guilty of milestone mania more than any other professional sport. Home run records, hitting streaks, career wins, career losses, consecutive games played. No wonder America is often bored with its former favorite pastime by this time of year. Instead of embracing the concept of team achievement, the media continues to serve us individual accomplishments by the gallon.
Now don’t get me wrong, individual recognition doesn’t have to be a bad thing. When Craig Biggio reached 3000 hits, that was definitely a moment to applaud. But what were we celebrating? If he had retired with 2999 hits, would that make him less of a player? Less of a man? I think not...
Instead, we should have labeled his achievement exactly what it was - recognition for almost 20 years of dedicated service. Not only did Biggio serve his sport well, but he played his entire career for only one franchise. Any person from any walk of life should be commended for that kind of dedication.
But Biggio’s milestone is just one of many stuffed down our sports-loving pieholes this summer.
Some accomplishments are greater than others. Some may even be worthy of a headline, or perhaps a moment of silence. But why is it that normal fans like you and I know that the Philadelphia Phillies have over 10,000 losses in their franchise history? Why should I care that Matsui reached 100 career MLB home runs?
Like I said, America is officially milestoned out.
If a milestone is simply an indication of time passed, then it really isn’t a milestone at all. I didn’t receive a parade when I reached 10,000 consecutive days lived. Joe Schmoe didn’t make the headlines when he had his 20,000th bowel movement.
But as they say…if you can’t beat ‘em, then sell your everlasting soul and join ‘em.
Here are a few lesser-known milestones I believe to be worthy of recognition:
- Let’s see…Nomar has over 5200 at-bats in the big leagues. Considering that he resets at least once in every at-bat…that means he has completed over 10,000 annoying superstitious pre-batting routines.
- Along those same lines, Derek Jeter has over 7000 at-bats…so he is likely approaching 30,000 major league #### adjustments. Not that a male grabbing his goods that many times is some sort of record. Back in the day, I think Pee Wee Herman accomplished that feat in a little over a week. But still, Jeter should be recognized.
- At the tender age of 21, Lindsay Lohan is already enjoying her 3rd stint in rehab. At this pace, Robert Downey, Jr. and Darryl Strawberry must be concerned about protecting their hallowed record.
- Wisconsin’s favorite son, and everyone’s favorite blogger, Cuzzifer has to be on the verge of some sort of ranting record. Just multiply his total number of posts by 5 to calculate his rant total. Yeah, I bet he will be a pleasant fellow when he retires in Florida. Or Canada. Blog on, Cuz! Blog on…
- Speaking of cheese heads, how many milestones do you think Brett Favre has? Consecutive seasons giving Packer fans a false sense of hope? Most games started without a chance of winning? OK…actually, he is approaching a real one - 300 interceptions. Only 27 more to go. He had 29 INT’s in 2005. Come on Brett, make us proud!
- Most excuses created for missing a team practice? Eh, you figure that one out.
- Most pathetic attempts at ruining your athletic career by breaking the law? I’m not sure about this one, as I haven’t checked the Cincinnati Bengals Team Page/Police Blotter in quite a while.
- Paris Hilton probably deserves an award for something. I don’t what that could be, but the trophy is probably a SUV of some kind…perhaps a Hummer.
- Consecutive days of reign with no intelligence or leadership qualities whatsoever? You might be thinking of someone quite obvious, but Bud Selig has him beat by a long shot.
- And last, but not least…the winner of the most coveted record in the world…consecutive days of freedom for a convicted killer. Not only was this dude convicted of manslaughter, but he murdered an entire sport, too. That’s right…all hail, Don King! Only in America…
Like Michael Vick’s career in Atlanta…I am finished!
For some strange reason (may have been drunk), I have agreed to appear on The Fox Sports.com Bloggers Show…hosted by Frank Irizarry. Other featured guests include bloggers Miracle (aka - Dr. Phil McCracken) and Flying Pig (just your average swine). Be sure to check out the show this Wednesday at 10PM Eastern. Like Rosie O’Donnell in a mud-wrestling match, it should be a ton of fun.
I agree about all the milestones. Some of them are relevant, but most are silly. It's not really a milestone when the guy who reached the milestone just shrugs his shoulders, tips his cap, and heads back to the dugout.
As for cuz and his rants, seeing as how I live in Florida, I say we take up a collection to keep his rants out. Any Florida residents out there who agree?
Did I detect a hint of political opinion in that next-to-last "milestone"? Nah, couldn't be.
I have to congratulate you on setting the modern blogging era record for the use of the words milestone and cuziffer. Could you please forward your shoes, socks, shirt and pants you wore typing this post to the Blogger Hall of Fame? We have a nice display set up with an animatronic likeness of you pulling toilet paper out of the chest of your 9th grade date to the Junior Prom...
jgrace, maybe we can convince Cuz that Canada is the place for him. Besides, he wouldn't get to wear his toque in Florida...
Hint of political opinion? You better believe it. I kept most of it fairly quiet, but I have all kinds of biased views. Until the next great political debate...
Milestoned, you say?? Is that miles toned (which doesn't make sense) or mile stoned (which does) cause a lot are stoned? You have been around a while, which, in of itself, is a milestone, an accomplishment, a feat of endurance and I cannot think of anything else. Fuzz
this is amazing. i log in tonight (just as the brewers are doing the impossible....blowing a 3-0 lead in record time), respond to a comment on my blog, find out i've made the top 3 most useless blogs of the day (apparently, the day now starts somewhere between 3 pm and 10 pm), and find my most favoritest fellow blogger has written about me (no, not you, that other guy)...plus YOU wrote about me too!
i aint movin' to florida either. when i was a kid, the bus driver wore florida/old man pants, and seeing them 5 days per week for 11 years was more than enough for 1 lifetime.
favre's on pace for 2 milestones....career TD's (i think it is) and INT's. my guess is if he approaches the INT record in the midst of a 7-9 season, he'll agree to let aaron rodgers "get some experience" in the last couple games....AFTER he takes the first snap, and possibly lets some DE fall on him for a new season sack record or something....and i think he's close to the career fumble record as well.
Miracle, a crabs record? I don't know about that specifically, but there is a Guinness milestone for most types #### critters housed in a lifetime. A friend of mine told me that or something.
I wonder what the blog will look like when it's done being Flanderized.
Alpaca futures are up every day. Although, being imprisoned in a love nest with 20 foot brick walls isn't exactly a bright future.
Cuz, good luck with that ranting record. You're already a lock for the Hall of Fame, might as well put the record out of reach.
That other guy must be one hell of a blogger.
No Florida, no Canasota or Canadia. Wisconsin must truly be the land of milk and honey.
hi
Vearl, it would be nice to get back to real baseball. The Giants have really struggled this year, but not as much as my Pirates. Maybe Barry can make a reunion tour to Pittsburgh next year to help us out.
i started my own HOF, where only those who didnt stoop to blog enhancing drugs are allowed.
i'm not totally against moving away from wisconsin, but probably not year-round. it's too hot down south in the summer, and too f'n cold here in the winter.
dont forget the one were you are considerd the biggest loser for 30years.and very well have the stupidest storys of all time. this is what happens when you have to much time on your hands and you are a writer.you write some of the dumbess #### ever . what a loser.
caffiene is an acceptable enhancer. even though some have this crazy notion that it's as dangerous as LSD, cocaine or meth, i have yet to suffer any side effects resulting in me believing i can fly, or get shot and not be hurt.
and congrats on taking center stage on the funhouse page. you earned it....another milestone achieved!
The Dan, counting is a special skill. Just like talking in the 3rd person.
Daddy Dave, you may have a point. But I do appreciate you taking the time to read the "dumbess #### ever". I'm not really sure what a "dumbess" is, but I'll assume it's a incredibly intelligent way of insulting someone.
A few notable milestones you missed, O Grand Poobah of Sarcasm...
-Curt Schilling said his 1,000th dumb thing. Today. 25 minutes ago.
-On Monday, for the 500th time this month, someone responded to a Charlie Manuel sentence with the phrase, "umm...what?"
-Terrell Owens had his 200th unnecessary medical procedure to avoid a day of practice over the weekend.
and finally...
-John Kruk is exactly 2.75 inches from joining the hallowed "So Wide He Needs a Second Chair" club.
Cheers, Krukker.
Oh, and on a personal note, I believe this is the 124th time I've posted a comment on one of your posts and failed miserably to be as funny as you.
Cuz, I wasn't sure about the caffeine...so thanks for clearing that up. I once believed I could fly, but I don't think that anything to do with chemicals. I just thought I was a bird for a while, no big deal.
I'm on the funhouse page? The Fox Funhouse, or the Paris website?
Caffiene has been linked to so many heart problems from those potent High energy drinks. It is a drug, and I love the amount in coffee. But I've seen my twin shaking because he thinks caffeine helps him. Speeped has somewhat the same effect although at a much higher rate. I'm guilty on that, but caffiene will hurt you in the long run cuzz, if you drink those drinks. I personally can't believe the FDA allows the drugging of America. Except I support the legalized sale of mary jane, not just for eyeballs, but for personal use. I also hate drug dealers so I'm really messed up.
Be careful of promises made in the hopes your day will be better and the companies who sell it are making zillions on your health.
Last edited by Marty Walker on August 8th at 4:07 PM.
Rational Fan, hey man...good to hear from you. Are you ready for some football!!!!
Poor Kruk. I thought he lost all that weight on the Dan Marino diet, so now his wife doesn't find him so disgusting. He still looks the troll from the Lord of the Rings.
Marty, I think caffeine is OK...like everything else, in moderation. Pretty much any chemical can be harmful to your system if you have too much of it.
But you may want to keep the bong put away until at least noon or so. You'll live longer.
Shooter...
Unbelievable read as always man... great stuff, and the usual wit and silliness tossed in there. Bravo.
Hmm, some milestones from me too...
If Jeter is grabbin' ####, what about David Wells? He does the 'lift leg-#### grab' on the mound likely 22 times a start. Plus I wonder how many small woodland animals have lived in his goatee during his career...?!
I think Kevin Federline hit a milestone of ten albums sold on his album. He may have bought eight of them.
Shooter and KP have hit the 50 mark for milestone number of movie quotes tossed out there in blogland. Let'#### the century mark by the time the baseball playoffs arrive.
Speaking of performance enhancement, I think Barry's daughter may have had some... nevermind.
"Caffiene has been linked to so many heart problems from those potent High energy drinks. It is a drug, and I love the amount in coffee. But I've seen my twin shaking because he thinks caffeine helps him. Spped has somewhat the same effect although at a much higher rate. I'm guilty on that, but caffiene will hurt you in the long run cuzz, if you drink those drinks. I personally can't believe the FDA allows the drugging of America. Except I support the legalized sale of mary jane, not just for eyeballs, but for personal use. I also hate drug dealers so I'm really meesed up.
Be careful of promises made in the hopes your day will be better and the companies who sell it are making zillions on your health."
Marty, is that you? or Ultra? nevermind.
i'm not getting into this debate AGAIN. short and sweet, i have no use for illegal drugs...i think they're illegal for reasons other than "pharmacuetical companies cant turn a profit on them, so they lobbied to keep them illegal", and those that are legal NEED to be regulated a little better. yes, that's right, i believe many of the legalized drugs, prescription or over the counter, are just as dangerous if not used properly as the illegal ones.
i know about the risks of too much caffiene. if it should cause me health issues in the future, i'll have noone to blame but myself. of course, the way frivolous lawsuits are being won these days, i probably could sue pepsi co. for subliminally getting me hooked on mt. dew. nah, too much of a hassle, and their lawyers are probably smarter than mine, mr. Aku Zayshun.
Hey man, good to be back. Been a little hectic (wedding, housebuying) around my parts (not THOSE parts), but football season's a-coming - I feel a little like a bear coming out of hibernation.
Whaddya think man, is there another run in this Eagles team? Am I kidding myself?
Wow Shooter. You really put some things into perspective for me. I recently heard that a person passes gas about 16 times per day (on average). That means that I have farted or belched over 263,000 times in my life. Now THAT is something to be proud of.
OH...by the way or BTW for you texters. There wasn't a lot of fanfare on Detroit area sports radio/tv about Biggio getting his 3,000th hit. But I've seen/heard about number 756 - 3,297 times since late last night.
I think every NFL team has is optimistic at this time of year, but I think the Eagles have a good shot at making a serious run. Healthy McNabb, a healthy Kearse, TKO Spikes...a little extra depth...
Lisa, glad you enjoyed. I'm sure I'll hear from you on the show tonight. Catch you then.
Shooter B
One of the very many reasons we're seeing this is to outweigh all of the positives rather than accentuate all of the negativity that's been going on in the sport. It creates good television and heightens the discussions that go on all over the place. And with that comes to the added atttention that the sport achieves. If it wasn't there it'd be created somehow or by some means to make and keep it in the public's eye.
A little bit of controversy just adds to it all. And the actions of Selig hasn't hurt it either. His naysaying as to whether or not he'd be there to commemorate Bonds' reaching the milestone only added to the furore that's already gone on.
Rampant, if nothing else...it was nice to see some respect shown by fans and the media once Bonds broke the record. I could have done without all of the controversy leading up to it, but that's life...
Thanks, Josh. 300 wins definitely was impressive. Especially when you consider that Glavine never had dominant stuff. The guy just flat-out knows how to pitch!
May not see it accomplished again. These days, pitchers throw so hard that their arms fall off before 30.
Shooter B
Yoo're preaching to the choir here as if nothing else he ought to have been treated with a modicum of respect. He's achieved something of great merit and even if we don't like the guy per say. We ought to acknowledge the feat with the respect it deserves. It's a choice most cerainly as such that we all have. But in seeing what we're seeing from the fans it is understandable to see some of them voice their displeasure.
Selected as a finalist in the 2nd "Next Great Sportswriter" contest, but I didn't bring enough cowbell to win it.
I am the self-appointe d chairman of the National Sarcasm Society. If you don't believe me, I guess I don't really care...
I enjoy reading anything that is well written...nov els, articles, whatever. I also enjoy writing for recreation. I believe that writers and athletes have the best jobs on the planet.
Baseball is guilty of milestone mania more than any other professional sport. Home run records, hitting streaks, career wins, career losses, consecutive games played. No wonder America is often bored with its former favorite pastime by this time of year. Instead of embracing the concept of team achievement, the media continues to serve us individual accomplishments by the gallon.
- At the tender age of 21, Lindsay Lohan is already enjoying her 3rd stint in rehab. At this pace, Robert Downey, Jr. and Darryl Strawberry must be concerned about protecting their hallowed record.
