Then it was off to South Beach for another walk and people watching sequence. The respective fan bases have fully taken over Ocean Drive. Everywhere you look, it’s either blue ... or blue.

I’m not sure if George Wendt, John Goodman, and Mike Myers are aware of it -- but still, in 2007, roughly 15 years since the first time the skit ran on Saturday Night Live -- Bears fans still spend every waking second muttering "Da Bears" or "Ditka" to each other. It’s become their greeting of choice here in South Beach.

Black, white, male, female -- it doesn’t matter. Two Bears fans will pass each other in the street, just nod, and mutter, “Ditka” as an accepted and acknowledged greeting.

Think about that.

They’ve substituted "Hello" for "Ditka." What a fabulous evolution.

I’m realizing now that there are several things I didn’t prepare myself for on this trip beforehand:

1. Latina supermodels everywhere you turn. Whereas in New York every other person is a bald 40-year-old man with a Blackberry talking about himself, South Beach has perfect 10’s just roaming the streets at all hours of the day. Seeing the Bears and Colts fans -- these 300 pound men in tight Peyton Manning jerseys tucked into their tapered jeans -- just stare at them is quite enjoyable. It’s like these guys have just been blindsided by a truck. And how about the poor wives of these men? Just standing there, dressed in horseshoe-related clothing, as their husbands nearly keel over from the sight of a pair of real life human breasts that don’t end below the waistline.
2. The heat. It hasn’t even been really sunny yet. But every time I go out, I sweat like Patrick Ewing at the free throw line. Huge beads of sweat just cascading off my brow. Attractive visual, right? Who’s bringing sexy back? This guy.
3. Public drinking. This is the most fascinating one to me. It’s like Mardi Gras out there, only with football instead of beads, and 120 degree heat instead of topless women. People are drinking out of those six foot plastic tubes tied around their necks, doing beer funnels, and my personal favorite -- the Styrofoam cup margarita. Now take all that heavy drinking, add it to the middle-aged, obese male football fans -- and then tickle in the unbearable heat, the perfect women, and the biggest sporting event of the year -- and you have quite a scene.

You’ve got guys in Urlacher jerseys, just stumbling around, yelling “Da Bears”, and giving each other wet willies in each other’s ears. Just falling all over each other in the middle of the afternoon. It’s like Girls Gone Wild, if you’re fetish is Midwestern men with guts and mustaches, and not 18-year old college co-eds.

 

Mix the intoxicated tourist football fan with the models, and it’s really the perfect social experiment.

 

I actually saw a 40-something year old Colts fan approach one of these women on the street. The result was an absolutely apocalyptic scene.

 

Colts fan: "Look at you (shaking head) ... There is a God!”

Woman: (smiles, keeps walking) Colts fan: "I’m a married, man. But my friend, here (puts arm around friend in a Ken Dilger jersey) thinks you’re beautiful. Take a picture with him."

(Shoving camera in her face) Supermodel: (Politely) "No thank you." (Keeps on walking.)

Colts fan: (Not fazed whatsoever, stumbling, with arm around mortified friend) "Plenty of fish in the sea, man. Plenty of fish in the sea. She wasn’t even that hot any way."

 

Yep, he’ll get ‘em next time.

-- Colts receiver John Standeford was Bears quarterback Kyle Orton's main target at Purdue. To this day, Standeford holds the Big Ten record for receiving yards in a career. So, do he and Orton still talk regularly?

"Nope. Not much at all, really."

Why's that?

"I think he changed his phone number."

It's sad when college friends lose touch.

-- Orton was the subject in a conversation I had with Colts guard Jake Scott. Scott, a third year guy out of Idaho, has an absolutely horrific beard growing. Was his better than the Bears third string quarterback's?

"I haven't seen his. But I like mine."

Superstition or laziness?

"Laziness, I guess. But I really like it. A lot."

Note to self: Jake Scott really likes his horrific beard.

-- I try another question at Warren Sapp—this time about Booger McFarland. He cold shoulders me again. As if I don't even exist. Not loving Warren Sapp right now. And to think, I once practiced his dumb touchdown dance from a few years back in a mirror. Regrets, I've had a few.

-- Terrence Wilkins is one of the best kick returners in the game. I ask him if he grew up a fan of Mel Gray.

"Who's Mel Gray?"

I give him a few details on the Lions kick returning great. Then I ask which kick returner he did grow up watching—and if he looked to any in particular. "Deion Sanders, maybe?"

"Nah, I just do my own thing. Do what I do."

Neat.

We're back with some of the absurdity from Super Bowl XLI media day.

Around the same time someone asked the Bears' Lovie Smith where he was when he learned his team was selected to play in the Super Bowl, another person asked the third-year head coach who his favorite American Idol contestant was.

Smith responded: "What is American Idol? But I think Paula is great, and I love her."

I was able to track down former Gator Alex Brown, whose school has won the NCAA championship in basketball and the NCAA championship in football.

"What do you think of the University of Florida right now?"

Brown said: "Year of the Gator, baby! Year of the Gator!"

Later, I saw ESPN host Stuart Scott, and asked "Tar Heels this year?"

"Of course, Tar Heels every year."

I saw John Clayton of ESPN and asked him what he thought of Media Day.

Clayton said, "It kind of is like going through security at the airport ... you know it's coming, you don't mind, you just do it. But what do I know? I've only done 30 of them."

Mo Rocca, who you might recall fondly from as a celebrity commentator on VH1's I Love ... series, asked practice squad tight end Richard Angulo who he thought was going to win.

Of course, Angulo said, "the Bears!"

Then Rocca responded, "What? No! I'm talking Helen Mirren (from The Queen) or Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada) for best actress at the Academy Awards?"

Super Bowl Media Day brings all sorts of surprises. So, those two kids who got kicked off American Idol in Seattle were here. I had to ask them what they thought of that Ian Bernardo guy from New York.

"No comment," they said. "We're only here to talk about football."

Bernardo, who goes to school in Miami and is working Super Bowl Media Day for Weekly Reader, is here. Since Weekly Reader was one of my favorite publications as a youngster, I wanted to talk to Bernardo and get an idea of what kids are reading these days.

"What are the kids reading these days? Is it Judy Blume, or are they reading the Harry Potter books?"

Bernardo responded: "Neither, they're reading ESPN sports almanacs."

I told him: "That upsets me greatly."

Someone asked Bears offensive tackle John St. Clair, "Who would win a football game? The prisoners in The Longest Yard or the Cincinnati Bengals?

The reporter then laughed out loud at his own question. Nobody else found it funny at all. St. Clair didn't answer.

(Awkward silence)

I tracked down Bears kicker Robbie Gould, and asked him, "Burning question everyone is asking this week ... are you Jewish, or not Jewish?

"Not Jewish."

I responded in my best Adam Sandler voice, "Robbie Gould ... not a Jew!"

Warren Sapp is here in Miami working for the NFL Network, and I asked him if it would be weird playing for a coach (new Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin is 31 years old) who is three years younger than him.

Sapp looked at me, stared me right in the eyes, walked right past me, didn't answer and hugged one of the female correspondents for the Best Damn Sports Show Period.

Next up: The Colts.

Media Day is here, and I opened the day by tracking down last year's college football receiver of the year, Mike Hass, and asked him what was a bigger thrill ... being the Biletnikoff Award winner, or playing in Super Bowl?

Hass: "Two completely different things ... one is the pinnacle for being the best individual player at your position in the college game, and the other is the pinnacle for being a team player in the pro game."

To Bears backups Dwayne Slay, Leon Joe and Rod Wilson: are you going to out to party tonight?

They responded in unison: "No comment."

Then added: "We're hanging low. We're not doing anything."

To which practice squad receiver Brandon Rideau responded: "Tell him about Monica Lewinsky!"

Big inside joke, apparently ... bunch of LOLs.

Receiver Justin Gage played collegiately at Missouri, so I asked him who had the better hair ... former Missouri basketball coach Quin Snyder or Lovie Smith?

Gage: "Lovie Smith has better hair during the weekdays, Quin Snyder has better hair on the weekends."

Bears backup quarterback Kyle Orton sports a huge, disgusting beard, so I had to ask him when was the last time he shaved.

"Last April."

"Do you keep that out of superstition?"

"No, out of laziness"

Of course, the obvious follow-up question to Orton had to be about all the pictures all over the Internet last year, in which he was visibly drunk and with a number of members of the opposite sex. How did he take it?

Orton responded: "My friend sent him over a link to all the pictures ... what can I do, I'm a young guy having fun."

Rookie defensive tackle Dusty Dvoracek is on injured reserve but still made the trip to Miami for Super Bowl XLI. I had to ask the former Sooner where he was when Boise State ran the hook and ladder, and later the Statue of Liberty play, to shock Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.

Dvoracek said: "I was in the living room, flipped over my couch and couldn't believe my eyes."

I followed up with: "What do you think of Adrian Peterson? Will he be a good pro?"

"Adrian Peterson is going to be a Hall of Fame player. Mark it down in ink. He's going to be one of the best there ever was."

Like an unstoppable locomotive, the Super Bowl hype machine has officially begun rolling. Miami's alive, and so is the undeniable buzz surrounding Sunday's game. Everywhere you turn, it's Super Bowl. TV, Radio, Print, even PerezHilton.com -- it's focused on the biggest sports week of the year.

What do we call this thing -- The Peyton Express? The Lov-ie Train? Pick one and roll with it. Everything's acceptable this week. No cliché is too hackneyed, no hyperbole too exaggerated. No New York Post style headline ill conceived.

And believe it, by Sunday, you'll have heard them all.

The Bears and Colts arrived in Miami on Sunday and did a few minor press conferences on Monday. No fireworks, no inflammatory statements, no trash talk, no guarantees … yet. Just Rex Grossman in that Belichick-esque hooded sweatshirt, saying the right things to the right questions.

There's also been no C-list comedians barraging backup quarterbacks with senseless questions, sock puppets screaming at coaches in foreign languages, and Maxim cover girls posing for pictures with mascots. No questions asking Tony Dungy and/or Lovie Smith how long they've been black coaches, no Eli chatter for Peyton Manning to address, and not a single punch thrown amongst the members of the media.

That all comes Tuesday. That's right, Media Day is finally here.

If you're not familiar with the set up -- here's what we're looking at:

10:00-11:00 a.m. ET: Chicago Bears -- All players and coaches available to credentialed members of the media.

Podium Guys: Lance Briggs, Thomas Jones, Charles Tillman, Brian Urlacher, Alex Brown, Rex Grossman, Olin Kreutz, Lovie Smith, Bernard Berrian, Devin Hester, Adewale Ogunleye, Mushin Muhammad

11:00 am- 12:00 p.m. ET: Media Buffet Lunch (A horrifying, train wreck of a sight)

12:00pm- 1:00 p.m. ET: Indianapolis Colts -- All players and coaches available to credentialed members of the media.

Podium Guys: Bob Sanders, Dallas Clark, Jeff Saturday, Peyton Manning, Tarik Glenn, Marvin Harrison, Dwight Freeney, Tony Dungy, Cato June, Anthony McFarland, Reggie Wayne, Adam Vinatieri

Anything goes on Media Day. The weird, the wacky, and the foul. It never dissapoints.

Buckle up, folks. This train just keeps on picking up steam.

Stay tuned for updates ...