Law
Enforcement Getting New Access To Secret Imagery
The Bush administration has approved a plan to expand
domestic access to some of the most powerful tools of 21st-century spycraft,
giving law enforcement officials and others the ability to view data obtained
from satellite and aircraft sensors that can see through cloud cover and even
penetrate buildings and underground bunkers.
Oversight of the department's use of the overhead imagery
data would come from officials in the Department of Homeland Security and from
the Office of the Director of National Intelligence and would consist of
reviews by agency inspectors general, lawyers and privacy officers. "We
can give total assurance" that Americans' civil liberties will be
protected, Allen said. "Americans shouldn't have any concerns about
it."
February 3, 2008
Phoenix
Cowboys Complete Perfect Season, Down Houston
in Super Bowl XLII
The Dallas Cowboys completed the first perfect season since
the 1972 Miami Dolphins went 14-0 by downing the Houston Texans 40-0.
“I knew preseason we’d be good, but I had no idea we’d be
THIS good,” a beaming Wade Phillips said. “It was almost as if we could do no
wrong.”
“But what a story those Texans are. For an expansion team to
go undefeated until the Super Bowl…pretty amazing, don’t you think?”
Other coaches around the league have seemed befuddled while
facing these two teams all season long. “It’s uncanny…it’s like they’d come out
of the locker room at halftime and they’d know exactly what we were going to do
the second half,” Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren was heard to say.
Coach Phillips received a congratulatory video message from
President Bush after the game.
June 15, 2008
Dallas
Mavericks Win First NBA Championship, Defeat Wizards in 4
The Dallas Mavericks are the new NBA Champions, following an
unvbelievable sweep of every round of the playoffs.
“Unfreakingbelievable!” shouted owner Mark Cuban. “This is
just awesome!”
The Mavericks, riding high following a 72-9 regular season,
breezed through the playoffs seemingly without effort. The Wizards, 71-10
during the season and likewise undefeated during the early playoff rounds, were
no match for the Mavs.
Other coaches around the league have seemed befuddled while
facing these two teams all season long. “It’s uncanny…it’s like they’d come out
of the locker room at halftime and they’d know exactly what we were going to do
the second half,” Lakers coach Phil Jackson was heard to say.
Coach Avery Johnson received a congratulatory video message
from President Bush after the game.
June 5, 2008
Las Vegas
Veep Cheney Wins Fifth Straight WSOP Bracelet
In an unbelievable and unprecedented run, Vice President
#### Cheney has won his fifth consecutive World Series of Poker bracelet. “Who
knew he even played poker?”, eleven-time bracelet winner Phil Helmuth whined.
“I don’t care who the hell he is, he’s a donk,” railed Mike
“The Mouth” Matusow. “He has no clue of pot odds or anything. How can you play
against an #### like that?”
Other players have seemed befuddled while facing Cheney this
World Series. “It’s uncanny…it’s like he knows what our hole cards are” Howard
Lederer was heard to say.
Pro Andy Bloch claims that there is something improper going
on. “Look at that thing in his ear…you tell me he’s not cheating somehow”.
Cheney’s response to allegations of cheating were, “It’s an
extension of my pacemaker. #### you. Go away.”
Cheney received a congratulatory video message from
President Bush after the game.
September 29, 2008
Arlington, Texas
Rangers Finish Last Again
The Texas Rangers have finished at the bottom of the
American League West yet again.
“Somehow I thought this year would be different,” bemoaned
Coach Ron Washington in his second year at the helm.
1. It's taken me a long time to decide who to root for this Super Bowl. I have no particular affection for either team...but I also have no particular hatred of either team (often a factor in my decisions). So, I've decided, after much yawning and soul-searching (yes, I do have one), to root for...*drum roll, please*...da Bears. And here's why...Rex Grossman. No one could be THAT absolutely #### of a quarterback and get to the Super Bowl. No one. I refuse to believe that he could be worse than me (and I was only a 180 pound small high school center who couldn't long snap) and that the team could still win. Sure, I hope Peyton Manning does well...but I think it would be great to see Grossman have an incredible game, the Bears win, and Rex win the MVP.
2. My prediction? The team who scores the most points will win.
3. Okay, seriously. If I have to pick, and I have no in depth analysis to back this up, I'll say Bears 35, Colts 27.
4. (And I am dead serious about this) Whether or not my prediction is correct...the team to win the Super Bowl is by definition THE BEST TEAM. I get so tired of people in ANY sport saying, "yes, so-and-so is the champion, but such-and-such is the better team." Nope. The best team is the one that wins it all. It doesn't matter what else happened during the season, who got hot when, who's best on paper...any of that. The whole reason they play the games is to name the champion...and the champion is the one left standing at the end of the season. The Cardinals were the best team in baseball last year, period. If anyone were better, they would have beaten them in the playoffs.
5. Current NCAA football is excluded from #4 until they have a playoff system, but I digress.
6. I have found the ultimate definition of a true friend. He's someone who invites you to watch the Super Bowl, eat fajitas, drink beer...when he can't drink any beer himself! That's exactly where I'll be on Sunday. Bill always has GREAT beer...nothing you'll see advertised on the Super Bowl...and due to some upcoming medical tests, can't have any for a 72 hour period, which includes Sunday. We can still drink...we just can't gloat!
7. The commercials will be 35% laugh your #### off, 20% nice try, 15% roll your eyes at how sappy they are, 10% HUH?, 5% genuinely touching, and the rest for a much needed remedial math lesson.
8. Prince? Really? Oh, well...
9. At the end of the game, I won't be able to resist...the first words out of my mouth will be, "only 11 days until pitchers and catchers report!", which, knowing the circle I'll be hanging out with, will elicit cheers.
10. Guaranteed I'll think of #11 as soon as I hit the "post to blog" button. Whether or not I add it remains to be seen.
Listening to sports radio this morning to hear about yesterday's "report first, ask questions later" latest screw up. Seems that "An accident on Terry Bradshaw Passway" somehow morphed into "Terry Bradshaw passed away from a heart attack" and made the rounds on the airwaves and internet.
Of course, this is just a small example of journalism's drive to be the first to break a story in any genre, facts be damned. But we could possibly have some fun with it...
I'll start with a typical lame example, and you truly creative folks can do it up right
"Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning thumbed his way through questions about his injured throwing hand on Wednesday."
Becomes:
Distraught from injuries, Peyton Manning has left the Colts and is hitchhiking back to his home town.
The locker rooms were uncharacteristically quiet before today's AFC Championship game between the Indianapolis Peyton and the New England Brady.
"I was taken by surprise when the rest of the team didn't show up at the airport", Tom Brady stated. "But at least I got the window seat, and all the peanuts I could eat."
A spokesman for the league admitted that the decision to have just the two quarterbacks play was a result of pressure from the media. "Virtually nothing had been written about defenses, offensive linemen, special teams, coaching staff...it became apparent that the only part of the game worth covering was the quarterback situation. And I might add, the TV folks are ecstatic. They can have every camera trained on the two quarterbacks, without all those other big guys in the way."
Peyton Manning was reflective. "I'll miss those guys, sure. But I can listen to my Celine Dion CDs in the locker room to pump myself up pregame without catching grief from the other guys. And after all, it is MY legacy that is at stake here. I wouldn't want them to feel bad if I never go down in history as one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time because of losing this one game."
"Not that we're...I mean, I...am going to lose."
Oddsmakers in Las Vegas have listed the Peyton as a 4 point favorite.
In the other game, the New Orleans Katrina is listed as a 450 point favorite over the Chicago Grossman.
My place of employment has an NFL football pool. You all know the routine...shell out your 25 bucks, you pick your winning teams every week, there's a weekly winner, 2 or 3 overall winners, and the last place entrant gets his/her money back. Well, in 4 years I've done it...I won the booby prize exactly once, and never even sniffed the money any other time.
Now, it was probably deserved. I suck. I don't give a rat's #### about football. The one year that I actually tried to take it seriously, the results were dismal...same as any other year. Two years ago I based all my picks on which team had the most 300+ pounders in the lineup.
My plea is...do any of you know of a site which might help me make some semi-educated picks? I'd like to give it an attempt, but I'd like someone with his head slightly less implanted in his patootie than mine making the picks. I'm open for suggestions...and thanks in advance for your help!
Hello...I am an educator and musician living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Baseball and poker are my interests here...beyond that, about all I follow is Gonzaga Basketball and whatever tidbits I can pick up to avoid getting totally crushed in my football pool.
