I consider myself one of the purest fight fans left on the planet. I sometimes find myself surfing the cable channels looking for any matchup, on any given day of the week.  When I first heard about the Roy Jones Jr. v. Bernard Hopkins fight, I asked myself the same question millions of Americans asked: WHY??? And then I heard that it was going to be a Pay-Per-View event, and I fell out in the floor laughing! Who in their right mind would pay $55 to see this? O.J. Simpson won't even be tuning into this one, since he has been found guilty of stealing cable (The cable plug fit, so they couldn't acquit). I have since removed the illegal cable box from my home, so I won' t be tempted to tune in to this fight in March. To fulfill my temptation to view this fight, I decided set up this match on the playstation. Because my wife no longer allows my friends to visit the house (something to do with her finding that video tape of my bachelor party), I convinced her to participate in this boxing exhibition. Because I wanted to see Roy Jones get "knocked the #### out", I convinced her to fight as Roy and I was B-Hop. Because she has only played the game twice (under duress), I figured that Bernard would make easy work of Roy in the first round..."Lets get ready to ruuummmble!" In the first round, I immediately went in for the kill. However, it seemed that I could not land a solid shot. Although I took the first round on points, I was upset that B-Hop couldn't take care of business. My wife, apparently sensing my frustration, decided to make Roy Jones come out in the second round with the same aggression that I had tried in the 1st round. Surprisingly, she was able to utilize Roy Jones' "playstation" speed to it's fullest, and actually caused noticeable damage to B-Hop's face.

She actually took round 2. At this point, I was p!ssed. She began to talk smack, telling me that she was going to hurry up and knock me out in this round, so she could go and watch America's Top Model. This was an insult to my manhood. So I had to figure out a way to come back, just to save face. So as the 3rd round began, I had B-Hop work the body for the first half of the round. At the one minute mark of the 3rd round, I had started to see some progress, so I went in for the knockout. B-Hop had Roy on the ropes and it looked like I might be able to pull off a K.O. in the last seconds of the round. Then the most incredible, unimaginable playstation fluke occurred. Roy Jones slipped one of my uppercuts and caught B-Hop with an overhand left.

"Down goes Hopkins, down goes Hopkins." 1, 2, 3, 4...get up B-Hop...5, 6, 7....get your #### up Hopkins...8. Hopkins finally makes it to his feet. The referee asks if he is alright. Hopkins still has a dazed look on his face. The ref puts up his arm and stops the fight! NOOOOOOOO!!!! How did this happen?!! My wife scores a knockout with Roy Jones Jr. in the 3rd round!!! She is jumping up and down screaming in sheer delight. You can't imagine the humilty of losing to a woman in a sporting event.

To make a long story short, I have since sold that defective playstation on ebay. Now that's what's up!