Mr. Roarke uttered these memorable words weekly as he and his miniature sidekick, Tattoo, would welcome visitors off of their hydroplane and onto Fantasy Island. Similarly, Celtics fans nationwide are currently pinching themselves, awaiting their complimentary leis and shamrock beverages, as Boston ushers in a new and promising era. By landing both Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett this off-season, Danny Ainge may have already locked up G.M. of the Year.
However, let us all not drink the green Kool-Aid just yet. While the Fleet Center‘s future is certainly more promising than in seasons past, the Celtics are still far away from locking up the Eastern Conference, never mind an NBA title. Championships are not won on paper; several factors still stand in the way of the Celtics raising the O’Brien Trophy. The lack of a quality point guard both offensively and defensively, limited cap space, lack of a quality defensive presence on the interior, a strengthened Eastern conference and very possibly their head coach could all deter the Celtics from hoisting their 17th championship banner.
Who’s Bringing up the Ball?: Recent rumors have pointed toward the signing of veteran point guard, Brevin Knight. But can Ainge get him to sign for peanuts, knowing he’ll still have to land another big man? And are Knight and Rajon Rondo, a second year point guard who averaged four assists and two turnovers last year, enough to be the Celtics floor generals and dictate the tempo of the ballgame? And if not Knight, who? They won’t need much scoring out of this position, but they will need quality decision-making, limited turnovers and solid defense.
Who’s Defending the Point?: The last five NBA champions have all had one thing in common: a quality ball-handler in the clutch. Tony Parker won last year’s Finals MVP Award and has run the point for San Antonio’s last three titles. Dwayne Wade handled most of the crunch time point guard duties during Miami’s championship run. And Chauncey Billups won the Finals MVP for the Pistons in 2004. Whoever runs the floor for Boston will have to contend with tough point guard play. In a recent article, Bill Simmons compared the signing of these three superstars to the Rockets’ Barkley-Drexler-Olajuwon experiment. He appropriately pointed out that their point guard, Matt Maloney, was routinely broken down in the playoffs by John Stockton, leading to the Rockets being ousted prior to the Finals. The modern NBA has seen the emergence of Deron Williams, Chris Paul and T.J. Ford. In the Atlantic Division, the Celtics will regularly have to defend Ford, Jason Kidd, and Garnett’s former teammate, Stephon Marbury. If Boston is fortunate enough to get to the Finals, they’ll likely have to defend against Parker or two-time MVP, Steve Nash, both of whom are perfectly capable of breaking down a quality defender, never mind a mediocre one. If Danny Ainge fails to land a somewhat competent point guard who can mesh with this team and play on both ends of the floor, this experiment may all be for naught.
Cap Space: With Garnett, Allen and Pierce, the Celtics have all but expended their available salary. Management will have to be very creative under the cap. Anyone they acquire, and there are still key roster spots to fill, will have to put their egos aside and sign for close to the league minimum. I foresee Ray, Paul and KG picking up many dinner tabs in their immediate futures.
Age and Health: Adrenaline, drive and determination are essential to winning an NBA title. Unfortunately, so are minutes from the big guns. Both Ray Allen and Paul Pierce missed major playing time last year due to injury. Pierce played in 47 games and Allen suited up for 55. Tony Allen, who may also split time at 1- and 2-guard position, only played 33 games last season. The Big Three will all have to stay healthy for the Celtics to achieve their dream of a title. The coaching staff must effectively manage their minutes to ensure they’re all 100% come playoff time.
Coaching: Doc Rivers currently holds a 102-144 coaching record with the Celtics. While he has been saddled with mediocre teams in both Boston and Orlando, he is still under .500 for his career. The last 17 NBA championships have been commandeered by the coaching elite. During this period, only five men have led their teams to titles: Gregg Popovich, Pat Riley, Larry Brown, Phil Jackson and Rudy Tomjanovich. Can you really see Doc Rivers' name in this category? Ainge did the right thing by signing Rivers to a long-term extension to avoid any questions about his future with the team. However, expectations are extremely high. And if Doc cannot get the job done with these players, Celtic ownership can and will find someone who can. By that time, though, will it be too late?
The Diesel: While the center position in the league is not what it once was, the Miami Heat still boast a certain big man named Shaquille O’Neal. While Shaq is on the waning end of his career and will most likely not play a full season, he is still an undeniable presence. In a four-game series, who will cover an inspired Shaquille O’Neal looking for one last shot at a title? Kendrick Perkins? Glenn Davis? The tallest guy on the Celtics roster is free agent Michael Olowokandi. Need I say more? The Celtics must add a body, like PJ Brown or Kevin Willis, someone to absorb some fouls when they have to… and they’ll have to.
Eastern Rebirth: Compared to the Western Conference, the East, commonly referred to as the ‘junior varsity,’ has been the laughing stock of the league in recent years. That will not be the case this year. Chicago’s roster is stout. Detroit will be looking to make another run. Toronto will ensure they’re not a one-hit wonder. The Nets return their big three. Orlando has re-tooled. The Knicks may contend. And Cleveland still has a player named LeBron James who’s already tasted the NBA Finals and assuredly wants a return trip. To paraphrase Dikembe Mutombo, the Celtics will not have “a walk in the cake.”
The Celtics were the second worst team in the league last year. They have clearly made dramatic improvements and generated enough of a buzz to remove Tim Donaghy from the NBA headlines. The acquisition of both Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen undoubtedly makes Boston instant contenders. But those three by themselves do not a championship make. Unless Danny Ainge and Celtics ownership face the remaining issues at hand, Boston may just fall short of its goal.
Turn-ons: Gator national championships ; Sushi; NBA Playoffs; A Tribe Called Quest; Women; Jack Daniels; Women who drink Jack Daniels; Women who drink Jack Daniels while eating sushi; Women who dream of more Gator national championships while eating sushi and drinking Jack Daniels during basketball season, The Red Zone Report
Turn-offs: Waking up early; The inevitable media coverage Bobby Bowden will get when he finally retires; Drama; Prejudice; Chicken liver; Work of any sort
