So many things to talk about! I'm gonna take a break from my NBA Draft stuff to indulge myself ...

Vince Young's Strange Week - The news around VY exemplifies one of the problems I have with modern media and modern discourse: our inability to analyze problems as a *whole*. Let me summarize Vince's career: he hired a terrible client, revealed himself to be a dope in the wonderlic tests, had a surprisingly good rookie year ... which apparently he hated, so he kinda-sorta thought about quitting, and then had some sort of epiphany that changed his whole outlook on life ... which resulted in a *terrible* second year and a shirtless drinking binge. Terrific. Uh ... what direction is his life taking? What are Titan fans supposed to expect from this guy?

I was Wrong about the Lakers - For the past year I never wavered on my belief that the Spurs would win the whole thing. I won't even use the non-call on Barry as an excuse, because I think the Lakers would've won anyway. The Lakers are going to win the Title because they have Phil Jackson ... or is it just because the other guy will be either Flip Saunders or Doc Rivers? Whatever.

the Magic's New GM - Thank you, Orlando, for taking another overrated Seattle property. You got Rashard Lewis away from us, and now you've hired Rick Sund for some reason. For those of you who don't know him, Sund is the most unexciting, average, uninspired, boring executive in the NBA. Why not just hire Bill Simmons? I'm not repeating a joke, I'm deadly serious. Why not? What about me? What about ... Major Applewhite?  Isn't *anything* better than mediocrity?

Doug Collins? DOUG COLLINS? - Re-read the last passage.

Bill Bavasi gets a Vote of Confidence - One of my passionate sports-beliefs is: when a team is mediocre, *blow it up*! I said that the Mariners' 2007 season was the *worst* thing that could happen to them because it would convince everyone that the front office knew what it was doing. Everyone disagreed with me. Who's the #### now? 2007 gave this town another year of Bill Bavasi, and you're all starting to see a record that *actually* reflects the quality of this team. The Mariners are making a lot of money, and in recent years they've finally decided to spend some of that on the payroll, but it doesn't matter because they DON'T HAVE AN #### CLUE! Stop going to Safeco Field you stupid, gullible, ignorant tools.

In light of the negative response to my recent mock draft, I thought it would be interesting to look at some previous classes and see how my philosophy is reflected in the way these players turned out (no, of course you don't know my NBA philosophies, but they shouldn't be too hard to figure out after reading this). I'm going to start with 2000, and probably go up through 2005.

Disclaimer: I made the decision to do this before I looked at these classes, I didn't go searching around the internet for things that conveniently rationalized my previously stated opinions.

1. Nets - Kenyon Martin -- I won't penalize them (or the Nuggets) for his injuries. Kenyon is a very solid player who never should've been drafted at no. 1. His offensive game only blossomed in his senior year, and he can never be a truly dominant defender (too small for post players, too slow for 3's), so what's the surprise? He's a 3rd option, at best, and he'll only win a title if his next contract reflects his actual talents and not his lofty position in the 2000 Draft.

2. Grizzlies - Stromile Swift -- A lanky, athletic, under-sized player who knows as much about offense as Mike Brown. NBA teams have always tried to make him a center (which is a commentary on his basketball skills), even though his only chance to make it was as an energizing defender of 3's and 4's off the bench. Would've been fine as a late 1st-rounder.

3. Clippers - Darius Miles -- Forget the injuries and the legal troubles. How many 6'9" 200-pounders have been vital components of Championship winners? Tayshaun Prince is the best example, but he's the 4th offensive option on his team ... on a good day. If you compound the character issues, Miles was one of the riskiest picks of the draft, with very little potential reward.

4. Chicago - Marcus Fizer -- Another under-sized power forward, whose skills are so limited that he couldn't possibly be converted to a 3, and is far too small to be converted to a 5. This is the *4th pick* in the draft and Chicago picked a guy who could be no better than Udonis Haslem.

5. Magic - Mike Miller -- He's turned out alright, but was he worth the 5th pick? He was a skinny, athletically-limited shooter. He was destined to be a role-player; or, at best: a *really good* role-player.

6. Hawks - DerMarr Johnson -- Hurray! Another 6'9" 200-pound stud with a 'good offensive toolkit' and a 'big wingspan' and 'athletic potential'. I'll ask again, how many of these guys work out? Why do we keep drafting them?

7. Cavaliers - Chris Mihm -- Alright, here's where I become casual : he's a graduate from Texas, which is probably the very worst major school at producing 1st-round draft picks, in any sport. Besides, how many white 7-footers drafted in the 10 live up to their 'potential'?

8. Bulls - Jamal Crawford -- Funny dude, he had the most character questions heading into the draft, and turned out to be the only guy who didn't hate Larry Brown for asking the Knicks to play defense ... yes, Jamal Crawford is the best pick of this draft's top-10.

9. Bucks - Joel Przybilla -- What was that thing I said about 7' white guys? Oh yeah ...

10. Clippers - Keyon Dooling -- Ick. Not much of an example for my belief that shoot-first-ball-hog point guards are poison, cause we all know how Dooling turned out.

Oh my God, I had no idea how bad this draft was going to be. Seriously ... I just looked at the rest of the 1st round, I'm going to vomit. You've just read this and are probably thinking: "what 'philosophy' nonsense were you talking about, ####! This draft just flat-out sucked!"

But here's the thing, we should've known that most of these guys would suck ...undersized power forwards, 7' stiffs, lanky sticks ... these guys fit profiles that are bound for disaster, or, at the very best, solid role-players.

The Mavericks were the better team. They're more athletic, deeper, better-coached, they play harder, better defensively, they have a better owner, and MUCH better chemistry. But they lost, because, as I've stated before, the NBA is about superstars. The Heat had Wade and Shaq. The Mavericks only have Nowitzki (who I'll get to in a minute), who isn't as good as Wade or as impactful as Shaq.

I won't Gloat about my Pick

I actually picked the Heat to win this title two years ago, and again after the conference finals. But I won't take credit for it, because I already admitted that I thought I was wrong about the pick after game 3, and because of the officiating controversy (which I don't have an opinion about, I'm just leaving the possibility open...).

We can now agree about Nowitzki

After his 50-point game, everyone and their illegitimate child proclaimed with glee that 'THIS IS THE BEST PLAYER IN THE GAME'! Except for me, I was wrinkling my nose while sheepishly asking: 'Really? One good game on a great team makes a jump-shooter the best player in the game?' Well, time has passed, Dirk has come back down to Earth, and everyone has backed down from their ridiculous assertions. In two weeks Dirk has returned to his proper place: a very good all-star who isn't capable of carrying a team on his back to a title. Wade put Dirk in his place with a worse team behind him, that's all you need to know.

Anyone else feel terribly for Stan Van Gundy?

I was going to just call this a 'coup', but then I thought, why not make an analogy? Yippee! (I apologize if this is too literary, I'm in the mood to reference the Iliad, though this analogy doesn't stick to that storyline)

Agamemnon goes to war against Troy with an army led by a cadre of badasses in Achilles, Diomedes, Odysseus, etc. They're on the cusp of victory, but then Zeus, in his obtuse machinations, flings lightning bolts at the kneecaps of all of Agamemnon's heroes, crippling all of them! The Trojans, led by Hector (the Michael Jordan of the actual literary war) beats Agamemnon's crew back to their boats, nearly annihilating them. But then, just as Achilles and the boys recover from their injuries, Menelaos stabs Agamemnon in the back and takes over! Achilles, with divine help, kills Hector, and they run rampant over the Trojans and win the war. Menelaos re-bags his wife Helen and is hailed as a hero. Paris even joins the two in bed for a twisted bigamist orgy.

Alright, that was awful. But everyone knows what happened, Stan was robbed.

The Future

Who wins next year? It's very interesting. I don't think that the Heat can do it again, Shaq's declining too quickly, and that chemistry isn't going to be improving anytime soon (if it did, Wade *could* lead a team that talented to a championship without Shaq, but I doubt this will happen). So who's in the running? My pick has to be the Spurs, but here's a breakdown of the levels of probability:

1 - The Spurs. Only team with a dominant post-player in his prime.

1a - Wait for it .... the .... MAGIC. Yes, Orlando. Only because of Dwight Howard. But this hinges on a number of variables. What kind of offseason will they have? Will Dwight Howard continue to push this notion of being a clone of Kevin Garnett (which would be a disaster)? It's uncertain, but Howard is looking like the only current player who could potentially join the pantheon of Shaq/Duncan/Olajuwon/Jordan/etc.<br>And the Heat, they're still a possibility. A touch more probable than the following two...

2 - The Mavericks and the Pistons. Two very good teams who are dependent on others to win a title. 'Dependent' in that they need a little bad luck to happen to their superstar-led opponents.

If none of the first three teams win it, I'll be surprised. If none of these *five* teams win, I might spontaneously combust.