There as always has been a lot going on in the sports world. The World Cup has been in full swing, baseball is almost at the halfway point, and Mickelson is crying like a baby after taking a huge smelly dump in his diaper.

Let's start with the World Cup. I played 15 years of competitive soccer when I was a young lad, so I do have a particular interest and respect in what these guys do. I know soccer isn't an US favorite, but other second rate countries love to see their best athletes kick the ball. Have you ever seen a team under perform like the USA? Seriously, How did we manage the Number 5 overall ranking in the world? The rating committee must have been hammered on ecstasy when they made this pick. Not one player on the US team impressed me. Our captain (Reyna) looked like he had a pitchfork in his #### the whole tournament, Keller our goalie (supposedly one of the best in the world) was all but average, and our two best players Donovan and Beasley were totally nonexistent. Brazil, England, Portugal and Germany are a pleasure to watch. Ronaldo has proved doubters wrong about his weight being a problem, Beckham has a hot #### wife and is a marvel on free kicks, Christiano Ronaldo will be one of the best in world in a few years (what ball skills), and the German's are carried by the 12th man and a great team game. It has been exciting even with the absence of the embarrassing US team.  

Baseball is always entertaining this time of year. The Trade deadline approaches and teams are jockeying for position to stay in it. Either that or they are rolling over and dying like the Pirates. Boy My Mets are really looking good. They are flat out running away with the NL East. Good to see the Braves finally taking a dive like Greg Louganis into the AIDS category. In other NL news Pujols is back which means the Cards might actually stop playing with themselves and start throwing their meat at others. The Red Sox, White Sox, A's and Tigers keep rolling. Who would have thought the Tigers would have been this good. Last time the y were this close to good was when they had Cecil Fielder, Kirk Gibson, and Alan Trammel plying for them. Then there is A-rod. Is there not a bigger #### blower in sports..well maybe Phil Mickelson and Monty, but honestly I can't believe a guy with that much talent just can't hack it when there are ducks on the pond. Pathetic I tell you. He should make like Roger Dorn in Major League 2 and start leaning into one to keep rallies going.

Can you all believe that ending to the US open golf? I used to be a big lefty fan, but I would rather root for that cotton picker Tiger at this point then Lefty. Yeah, Phil won a few Major's, but bottom-line is he is a born loser. Now that he has enough money from all his winnings he should stop the crying , quit the game of golf and give his wife some ####y sausage. If he doesn't I will. Another great thing about the US Open was watching Monty blow it again. I mean I almost cheer for him to be in contention just so I can watch him blow up in the end. The Monty blow up in a Major has to be one of my all-time favorite things to watch in sports along with Jim Mora interviews, Chad Johnson end zone celebrations, and Anna Kornakova's jugs bouncing up and down on the tennis court. Flat out Monty is a joke in every way possible! He dresses like my Gpa in the early 50's and you know he definitely wears once of those #### jockstraps. If he blow-ups weren't so entertaining I would tell him he should perform blowing the bagpipes out of us #### for a living.

Anyway lots of entertainment in the sports world. Can't beat it.  

 

I recently took a golf trip with 6 of my college friends to Beautiful Myrtle Beach, SC. Through hours of research we landed at the Barefoot Resort which has 4 fine golf course and arguably the best #### for your buck deal in America for Golf lovers. I live in NYC and the whole weekend including about 72 holes of golf, airfare, entertainment, food, etc.. cost like $500 per person..beat that! 

Now usually when I go on a trip like this with this group it is an utter debauchery. When I say debauchery I mean drinking any alcoholic beverage in site even if it nail polish remover. Weed is standard, and there is more white powder floating around then at a Johnson and Johnson factory. On the other hand Myrtle Beach is no Las Vegas (which is where we usually end up).

I got there Thursday and played 18 on the Fazio course with my friends, Obes, Gump, and Herz. I stayed pretty sober throughout the round even though toward the end I sucked down a few Cranberry and Vodka's. I shot an 89. Not bad a bad score for a decent course. All and All I was pretty happy. 

We then proceeded back to the Villa where we met up with Johnny be Blue and Bama who got in a bit later then us, therefore they missed out on the round of golf. After BSing for a few hours we headed to a local watering hole for some cheap food and liquor. I was expecting to see some decent looking southern belle's at this place, but all we got we some fat South Carolina hogs who would rather look at a plate of ribs then 6 fine looking guys like us. That was only the beginning of a common trend as you will hear later.

Skoff the last of our group arrived later that evening and met us back at the Villa before we headed out to Secrets for some adult entertainment. Now Myrtle is supposed to be known for some quality strip clubs, but I have to tell you every place that I was in  (Masters, Secrets, and Crazy Horse) was like being in a barn filled with horses and cows. One worse then the next. I mean I am not a man of high standards, but I also don't want my purple headed yogurt slinger to be rode by a moose. Each one should have been wearing a bag over their busted faces.

Friday began early 8:30am on the Love course (best rated in South Carolina). It was nice, but I like Fazio better. Played like #### that morning, but once lunch came I was ready for the best Bloody Mary's I have every had. I know people use the terms must be what they put in the water, but for me it was what did they put in the Bloody Marys.  The second 18 on the Norman course was a blur between the 5 double bloody's and 2 hits of weed on every hole. I was pissing all over the course with no regard for anyone. I was even trying to pick up the 15-year-old cart girl while slurring my speech. I must say my boy Obes was the most fun to play with. That guy just wanted get ####ked up the second 18. Great times. 

Saturday I continued sucking down Bloody's down like it was a cup of Jessica Simpson's #### juice. Golf was great. Saturday was highlighted by the return of Eddie. Johnny be Blue's alter ego. I did venture to a strip club by myself that night for about 20 mins to try a soil my oats, but the only oats that were being soiled were by the southern hogs of Myrtle.

All and All Myrtle Beach was a solid time, although they need an upgrade of women at the strip clubs rather than the chicks with #### that they had to offer.  I give it an A minus overall.

 

Now I am not a huge NBA fan but I can't help with being impressed by the NBA playoffs thus far. The Mavs vs. Spurs series has been sick. Dirk has really stepped up his game and what a job Avery Johnson has done making that team into a half court force rather than a three-point shooting nightmare. Lebron..enough said! The guy really is the #### version of Abe Lincoln. He might just emancipate the Pistons. Is there anybody out there not pulling for the Clip-joint? Pure entertainment seeing them play. Talk about players who make big shots....How about Sammy Cassel. He is one ugly E.T. looking mutherf-er but man he makes shots when it counts. I am a bit disappointed in the Heat vs. Nets series. I thought the Nets would put up more of a fight thus far, but Kidd is starting to look he has a huge load in his boxers and it shows. 

How bout those Duke lacrosse players? I really don't think they are pulling an OJ Simpson on us. I would have to say if the glove don't fit you have to acquit. My bet is the stripper they supposedly #### was abused as a child or molested by one of her relatives, therefore she is trying to get revenge on society.

Lots of stories in baseball. You have Barry chasing the Babe. I know it is a matter of time, but there is no doubt that Barry's body has taken a toll from all those illegal substances that have made him a freak. He has roided up so many times his heart will explode faster than I do after a visit to Taco Bell.

Boy those Yanks are struggling. Randy Johnson can't seem to find it. He must grow back to his roots, if you know what I mean bring back the mullet and beaning people...it's all about intimidation. Matsui is a big loss. Not only was he a big bat, but he also now makes Chin Min Wang the only Asian in the Yankee locker room. That basically means that Wang is only one with a microscopic ####. Matsui will be spending much of the rest of the season at rub in tugs in China Town.

Then there is Albert Pujols. WOW! He is looking to shatter that HR record and every other record. Why aren't people walking him like they do to Bonds? makes sense to me. This guy could hit a pebble 500ft.

How about those Cubs? There offense is more disappointing then when you take a huge wet #### and only have one ply toilet paper to wipe. You know the toilet paper that only leads to a #### rash or blood. Dusty has to get the boot already. I mean if America can vote Chris of American Idol the Cubs can pull the trigger on Dusty.

When does football season start already.....

Women simply don't belong in the dugout! Let's be honest here if that poor women got hit by a line drive foul ball everyone would be saying the same thing as Keith. If her brains were splattered from a Carlos Delgado stinger all the media would be agreeing with Keith and me. If she is a massage the#### then she should be in the training room not in the dugout.

You don't see women playing hardball. Quite frankly a women's reflexes and abilities cannot handle the hardball and that is why they play softball. In addition, is there anything more boring then a women's softball game? The scores are always 1-0, 2-0, 2-1....plain and simple the talent to hit a ball is not there and the one or two girls that have a #### dominate the game. I mean if I stuck RuPaul out there she would be the best player.

If women want to enjoy the game I have two options.

#1 - Get a group of hot cheerleaders together and entertain the crowd in the stands…….nowhere near the field.

#2- Open a concession stand with your best recipes from the your cookbook and serve then up to those starving fans.

Thank you Keith for saying what everyone else was thinking..you truly are my MVP. 

I am an avid fan of watching golf's Majors. I must admit after the 3rd round concluded early Sunday morning I was so excited to watch the final round later in the day, I almost soiled my pants. I can't remember the last time most of the world's top players were in contention to come home with the green jacket on the final day. Then you throw in Freddy Couples in the mix.....Golf's version of Julio Franco was hitting the ball as solidly as he has in 10 years.

All I have to say is WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT! I was totally hoping for it to come down to the last hole but the fact of the matter was it was probably over once Tiger reached 15 and didn't make Eagle.  Once Tiger missed that putt, I had more interest in watching Family Guy reruns then the final 5 holes. I still tuned in though to see Lefty and Couples finish off their round. More importantly though I wanted to get a glimpse of Mickelson's wife one more time. She is totally into that kinky stuff by the way. I can just she her in bra and panties whipping Phil around like a mule. Man these golfers pull hot babes.

Now everyone in the media is building Phil up to be Tiger's big rival. Excuse me but Phil can't hold Tigers jock. How many major's has Tiger won...... well let's just say a lot more. Please! How often on a Sunday in a major is Woods going to miss two makeable Eagle putts while he is in contention. I believe that it would happen as often as Prince Fielder eating a salad as a meal (obviously not too often).  I am going to say it now. Tiger Woods will win at least 3-5 more majors before "The other Big 5" win one. That includes Phil.

How sick do you think it made Tiger to put the jacket on Phil? He probably wiped boogers on that jacket right before Phil slipped the coat on. How ugly is that coat by the way? It is so clear that Tiger hates Phil. Speaking of hating people. I can't stand Jim Nance. Maybe he should start telling it like it is rather than kissing everyone's ####. His mouth has to be real sore this morning.

Hopefully, I won't be so disappointed in the Masters ending next year.

 

You know spring is in the air when you start seeing more and more hot women in their revealing summer dresses. Many happy hours at your favorite bars are now moving outdoors and the crack of the baseball is heard throughout your city. With that being said I would like to give you all some predictions for the up coming season.

1. Barry Bonds will actually be hit by one of these hypodermic needles. He will then flip out and become a serial killer. Does anybody really buy into this "it's cool" attitude? You know in his head he is thinking god I would like to slice Bud Selig in half with an axe.

2. Roger Clemens will come back to pitch for the Astros. Why? Because he can.. and frankly The Stros need him. I know he is 43 going on 33 and his attitude is about as poor as Marge Schot, but hey the guy can pitch.

3. The Florida Marlins will be the wild card in the NL. I don't know maybe it's me, but they remind me a lot of the Indians in the movie Major League.  Owner hates them, gets rid of all their quality talent, but they find a way to pull it off. Josh Willingham is so Jake Taylor lacking the age.

4. Albert Pujols will win the NL Triple Crown. Seriously, I don't think there is a better player in baseball. This guy is insane. Two words.......... "walk him". He is that good.

5.  Jim Thome will lead the AL in Hr's. Just figures that I had this guy on my fantasy team last year and he hit 7 HR's and sat out the season. Of course his back is fine now. He was too busy collecting splinters on the bench last year. Hey, Bud check this #### for roids.

6. We should all have a pool of who's arm will fall off first Wood, Prior, or Burnett. My money is on Wood. Mike Barrett better be careful for a flying rotator cuff. In my mind Barrett has the scariest job in all of sports at anytime an arm bone could come flying at him. My over under for games pitched by Wood this year.....6

7. A-Rod will lead the league in ####s given to teammates....specifically Derek Jeter. C'mon Alex please come out of the closet already. Oh, and by the way Corky from "Life Goes On" has a higher IQ, then A-rod's post-season batting average.

8. Prince Fielder will league in most Big Mac's eaten and will also be the biggest rookie bust. He should go to Japan like his dad did, put in a few years as a Sumo wrestler then come back six years later to lead the league in HR's. An alternate job would be to join the WWE as the new Yokozuna.

9. Jose Mesa will can it quits mid season and become the new Santa Claus in the remix version of Run DMC's "Christmas in Hollis". Things can't get worse for this guy, he got replaced as the Pirates closer. Now that is the ultimate burn.

10. Finally...the predictions

Playoff teams:

NL: Mets, St. Louis, San Diego...wild card Marlins

AL: Red Sox, Indians, A's .....wild card White Sox

WS: St Louis beats A's

NL :MVP, CY, ROY (Pujols, Oswalt, Josh Willingham)

AL: MVP, CY, ROY (Manny, Harden, Ian Kinsler)

 

Does anybody think these guys look just as retarded as all the wacko's Howard Stern has on his show? So what if the Manning’s can throw a football and Beetlejuice can't. I would take The Beet in a spelling bee over Eli any day of the week. You can't tell me Peyton isn't a total clone of Gary the ####. At least Gary has Down syndrome, can't say that for Peyton. Of course there is the ringleader of the whole family.... good old Archie. Well if it wasn't for Archie's poor performing sperm he might actually have some decent looking kids.

So, here it is the first part of my competition between the Manning’s and The Wacky Pack.....

TEAM LOOKS- I have to give this one a PUSH. Overall I think that Beetle, Gary, High Pitch Eric, Jeff the Drunk are a better looking bunch (if cleaned up), but what ties this up is the lack of teeth by the Wacky Pack. Would somebody please knock Peyton's teeth out so I could give this one to Howard's bunch.

####-  This is an obvious WINNER for the Wacky Pack.  All the midget's and retards in Howard's bunch mingle with the porn stars or the world, while Archie and company couldn't get laid in a #### house with a fist full of $50 bills. It wouldn't surprise me to see Eli giving head to Shockey.

SPORTS- Although Beetlejuice has been a terror in the midget-fighting scene, The Manning’s are WINNERS here. Even though family is among the biggest chokers in sports they still can put up the numbers and have to be good at something ya know.

INTELLIGENCE- Another PUSH. You have to hand it to the Wacky Pack here. They have nothing going for them in life and still make money for being ugly idiots. Good career move as far as I am concerned. Nice thought! The Manning’s get the intelligence push here because they went into football. If they decided to do something else they would have been failures. Good call by them.

MORE INTERESTING 20 YRS FROM NOW- Wacky Pack again are WINNERS. Everybody can always laugh at drunks, midgets, and Real Retards. Once football is over for the Manning’s, what are they going to do. I can tell you what nobody wants to see a stuttering former NFL QB do play by play. There should be a quota for #### commentators and Michael Irvin is more than enough for a lifetime.

So after 5 categories we have the Wacky Pack up 3-2.. Till next time.

 

 

It has been a while for me, but I am back and better than ever. I recently returned from a much-needed trip to Mexico, where the tequila flowed like a large #### on the rag. In all seriousness, the weather was beautiful and it was relaxing. Now that I am back I am ready to dive right back into the fire of the ever-changing life of sports.

For those of you who haven't read my blog (which should be a crime in itself) know that I am a huge Philadelphia Eagles fan. You can all imagine how I am feeling right now knowing that the most self-centered piece on #### #### (T.O) is going to play for the Dallas Cowboys next year. PARCELLS..... HOW CAN U LET THIS HAPPEN?

I have a few comments regarding this subject. First off Terrell, you are a complete and total ####. You ruin a team that I love and then you jump ship to our biggest rival for one thing ($$$). Now, I am not going to argue with your talent, but I can honestly say I hope a car hits you. A person like you doesn't deserve talent. You should be sacrificed in Iraq. You are the most unprofessional player I have ever seen. You are what is wrong with sports. I hope that Brian Dawkins decapitates you at "The Linc" when you come and visit next season, if you make it that long.

Secondly, there is Jerry Jones. You are the antichrist. How can you pay a clubhouse cancer like this the money you just did? You basically are saying to this ego manic that it is ok for him to do what he did last year to the Eagles. This is a prime example of the "Just because you have the Money Theory". Let's bring back the bounty bowl on T.O.

Lastly, there is Rosenhaus. "I can feel the love in the air between Jerry and Terrell"...Please shave it! There isn't a more annoying weasel in all of sports. The only kind of love I want to see is Jerry's #### in T.O's #### after a Cowboys losing season. If I saw Drew in public I swear I would punch him in the face. In fact, I challenge you Drew, if you have the balls. I am out here. Drew, I am calling you out!!!! I want a piece of you/the whole thing. I will beat you like Pee Wee to his meat. The fact that an honest hard working guy like me is sitting here making the everyday dollar, while you make millions being a ####, while lying to the public makes me want to puke.

I know this blog basically made no sense at all except for utter hatred, but basically it is that simple. I HATE T.O, Rosenhaus, and Jones. I just wanted to wish them a lifetime of misery from all of us in the city of brotherly love.

Now I am no Peter Vescey, but I can tell you that there is no reason to even televise an Eastern Conference game anymore, unless it is the playoffs. Frankly, it is just a waste o####ood three hours of TV. I would rather watch reruns of last week's American Idol performances in a heartbeat (Oh Pickler is a hottie!!!). The most entertaining thing about the game was listening to Bill Walton ramble on about Iverson not being invited to try-out for the U.S Team (which is a disgrace in itself). I like watching the Sixers and until yesterday there was no player I enjoyed watching more than Iverson, but as the day rolled on that all changed thanks to Steve Nash. Now I know you are all saying what about Wade, Pierce, Vince Carter, Lebron, and Shaq, they are pretty fun to watch. Well, maybe once in a while, but That Suns vs Mavs game was a breath of fresh air for most of us in the North East.

Now when it comes to football, I am a defense kind of guy. I would much rather watch a Jimmy Johnson run (Eagles Defensive coordinator) Blitz Defense then the "Greatest show on Turf" any day of the week. In b-ball I want to see no look passes, ally-oops...basically anything that has to do with an up tempo game. This is exactly what The Suns vs Mavs game provided. I mean seriously someone should clone Steve Nash for all the teams in the league.

The reigning MVP is just flat out ridculous. There is not a player in the NBA right now that makes his team that much better than Nash. It goes without saying that I think he deserves the MVP again this year, especially without Amare in the lineup. Then we got Marion also. The guy is 6'7, he grabs 15 Boards a game, is one of the quickest guys in the league, and can shoot the three. Then you get to the Mavs. You got Dirk Diggler, a 7 footer who runs the floor and shoots the three. They also have some of the best young talent like Josh Howard and Marquis Daniels. You can't even compare the entertainment you get out of the Western Conference then the East. Man you people on the West Coast are spoiled.

Now I will also love Iverson for his thug like antincs, but Nash who is an off the court stud as well(used to #### Liz Hurley) might have just opened my eyes to some serious entertainment to an otherwise somewhat boring league. I thank you Nash for the swishes and dishes. Keep up the good work.

 

 

 

Spring is in the air and Free agency will soon be upon us as soon as the NFLPA and Owners decide on a "reasonable" way to resolve the labor dispute. I am sure I am not the only person who thinks it is uterly disgraceful that these parties can't come to an agreement over how many "millions" of dollars they can give out. I think keeping an even keel as far as the salary cap is important to the league, but c'mon guys you are making millions anyway..so just get it done already. The fans are waiting......

So who are the five best #### for your buck players out there..

1. Steve Hutchinson- The best guard in football. You may be saying why a guard not a RB, QB, Or WR. This is why... Mr. MVP Shawn Alexander would not have rushed for the yards and TD's he has in the past 3/4 years if this guy wasn't blocking for him. Walter Jones and Hutch put together the best side of an offensive line in the league. He has been tagged as a transitional player and Seattle would be crazy not to match any offer, even if it costs them Mr. Alexander. Look for the Vikes, Eagles, and Panthers to be big bidders for him.

2. Terrel Owens- As an Eagle's fan this guy makes me want to vomit more than 25 shots of pine tar, but for a short term contract and at a bargin price TO will get everyone's popcorn ready in Denver or KC. Look for 1,300 yards and 12 to 15 TD's from the most self centered athelete on Earth.

3. Chris Hope- This Steelers saftey let Troy Polamalu his saftey partner be able to run all over the field and grab the headlines. Here's a quick hit for you. He had more tackles and INT's than the much publiczed Polamalu. He is young and is good against the run. Pitt will have a tough time replacing this guy.

4. Ty Law- Yeah, he is getting up there in age but there is no doubt he is still a quality shut down corner. Coming off a season ending knee injury in 2004, Law only led a Jets Defense in INT's and will only be better in 2006 as the knee is fully healed. KC, Miami, The Pats, and Jags will be lucky to have him.

5. Joe Jurevicius- An oldie but a goodie. This guy is big, clutch, and will be a help to any team that grabs him. He filled in wonderfully for Darrel Jackson last year and youy can argue Seattle would have been a little less fortunate in Joltin Joe wasn't there to step in. He killed the Eagles with great grabs when he was with the Bucs and I look for him to be a big factor with whomever he signs with. Look for the Pats to be a huge player in the running for him.

Goose Out!

I am not a fan of Roger Clemens, but I do respect the fact that he could be the greatest pitcher ever. His stats are almost unmatchable. When he finishes his career he will probably be in the Top 10 in most significant pitching categories, not to mention all those CY Young Awards. Even more amazing is what he has been doing after the age of 40.

The one thing that nobody can argue is that that guy is a complete and utter ####. My hatred started back in 86' when he was on the mound against my beloved Mets in the World Series, but that only bothered me a bit. Frankly, if he stayed in Boston I probably wouldn’t of had as much beef with him as I do today. Just like all the other scum suckers that want to win a World Series..who does Roger move on to after the Blue Jays...none other than The Yankees (Boston’s biggest rival). I can honestly say I respect a lot of the Yankees, but the only real Yankees I ever liked/like are Paul O’Neil and Mo Rivera. It didn't help his case when he tossed a broken bat at Mr. Met of the past 10 years Mike Piazza. I mean at least toss it at an #### like Carl Everett, but not a guy who gives his all for the game like Big Mike.

Now Roger has gone about his business the past couple years. He has pitched great, he has faked retired 3 times, but yesterday was the tip of the iceberg for me. After giving up a first pitch HR to his son Kobe in batting practice....Big Roger proceeds to give his son a little chin music next time up (ala "The Duke" in Major League). I mean seriously you have to be kidding me. Are you so mad because the wife isn't giving up coochie at home. This has to be the biggest bonehead move since Vince Coleman threw firecrackers at kids in the late 80's. All he had to do was hit his son in the head, turned him into a vegetable for life and everyone would all be throwing him under the bus. This is worse than anything Raffy, Canseco, or McGuire did as far as steroids I think. Since he didn't hit him though..it is just a side note to all the public. Well not to me!!!

This guy needs serious therapy. I know a place where he would be a wonderful asset with all this built up hostility...Iraq!!!! It is an embarrassment that he is representing our country in the WBC. The sad thing is he will probably play another year for 20+ million and maybe win another CY Young or World Series and everyone will be praising him. It is pricks like this that give sports a bad name and that makes me sick.

I am at a crossroads. My favorite basketball team has been the NY Knicks since I have been alive and I am not the kind of person that switches favorite teams either. Honestly, I don't know how much more I can take it. Isiah Thomas is the worst GM in the NBA and maybe the worst GM of all-time. People can argue that the GM's before him caused the problems and he inherited it, but I am not buying it. I would go as far to say that he has done a worse job then any of the LA Clipper GM's in history.

He continues to dig a deeper hole for a team with by far the highest salary in the league. Every player he trades for is a selfish #### or a complete waste. Every player he has signed (i.e. Jerome James) is an over paid bust. Are there any redeeming qualities? Isiah is probably the best player the Knicks have and he can't even play.

Have they really helped themselves in the draft? No!!! Channing Frye, Ariza, Lee, and Robinson have potential, but they are the only ones with any value. It is only a matter of time before we trade them. Besides does anybody really think that Lee or Robinson are going to help save the Knicks. I sure don't. So this leaves us Frye to be the Knicks big difference maker for the future. He will be lucky to last till the end of the year on the Knicks roster and who will we get in return an over paid player who has probably been injured (K-mart) or another selfish #### (Steve Francis).

Isiah failed miserably in Indiana and now he has turned the Knicks a historic franchise into a joke. When is someone going to fire this ####? We need youth, talent, and team play. It makes me sick every night watching the Pistons who have few stars, but they complement each other perfectly. Now Joe Dumars..he is a GM. We got the wrong Bad Boy. Look at the Spurs..same thing.

Here's my solution. Fire Isiah!!!! Hire Gary the ####!! Trade whatever you have left to offer to Minnesota for KG. Play KG against 5 every night for a year or two. Then spend your money wisely and get King James a few years from now and surround these two guys with role players (team players). Players like...Udonis Haslem, Bruce Bowen, Kyle Korver, etc... Eastern Conference Finals in no time, not Isiah's 10 year plan.

It sounds simple and it should be for a NY franchise.... 

Does anybody but me think that all this hoopla between Cuban, Jackson, and the refs should not be newsworthy? Is the NBA so desperate for news that this is what they are trying to use as self-promotion? Is this Phil Jackson's Zen way of taking some of the spotlight away from Kobe for a few days?

What a pointless story. Yes, Phil Jackson is considered one of the greatest coaches of all time and in some cases he could be considered a miracle worker being able to control the mega ego's of Kobe, Shaq, MJ, and Scottie.

News flash Phil!!! You can't control the refs. You are the last one who should be complaining about the officials. Kobe gets a hangnail and is sent to the line 80 times a game. The same could have been said for MJ and Shaq. That is what happens when you coach the NBA greats. So………. the refs may have had one bad game in your 10+ years as coach. It is not worth crying about. I didn't see Cuban on the court making the calls so what does he have to do with it. Did Cuban use the dark side of the force to influence the refs?...I highly doubt it.

I think it is really obvious that the Lakers are an average team and you can't handle that. I mean after all Phil when you have as many rings as you do, you get spoiled. Maybe Mr. Jackson should have stayed in Idaho, smoked his weed, rolled around in the mud, and made love to the flowers in his garden. Personally, without 2 Superstars you are nothing but an average coach in my opinion. Instead of wasting your time barking at Cuban and the refs, start barking at Jerry Buss to go out and get you Kevin Garnett.

Till that day comes just roll a Fat Doobie, sit down on the bench and let Kobe take you to an early exit from the playoffs.

 

I have a terrible hangover! It happens every year about this time and the only thing that can rid me of it is the Sweet Sounds of Spring Training. Let's all be honest the period between the end of the Super bowl and start of the MLB season sucks goat testicles. It is just my opinion but the NBA is average, the NCAA doesn't get good until March, Golf is only as interesting as Tiger Woods makes it, and hockey shouldn't even be considered a sport.

One of the most exciting things after the NFL season is the NFL free agent period, who is going to get traded, and the NFL draft. I have a huge Miami Dolphins fan in my office and all he does is mention how up and coming “The Fish” are. Now, I will be the first to admit I am impressed with what Nick Saban did last year with this team. They have a star WR in Chambers, a solid Defense with Jason Taylor and Zach Thomas as anchors, and it looks like they have hired some nice coordinators for the 2006-2007 season. In my eyes the biggest question they have besides whether Gus Ferotte is going #### his head into another wall and get knocked out for the year is...What to do with everyone's favorite pothead Ricky Williams?

Ronnie Brown is obviously a talented back and he is the type of runner that needs 25 carries a game, with Ricky there this won't happen. So who are the top 3 teams that could use Ricky's services and what do they need to give up (in no particular order.)

1. Arizona - Imagine this offense with Fitz, Boldin, and Ricky. Why not give up a first round pick for him? A few problems here. Problem #1- the offensive line is terrible. You could find a better offensive line at a Weight Watchers convention. Problem #2- the defense needs help also. They do have a few good players; Adrian Wilson being one of them, but for the most part “Desert Swarm” gives opponents more free gifts than the Salvation Army gives the homeless. Problem #3- Kurt Warner????, Yeah I know he is a former MVP, but those days are long gone and his wife has that ugly dike haircut. The Cards aren't winning anything with "The Mad Bomber" under center.

2. Carolina- EARTH TO FOX....Steve Smith can't do it alone. For a team that needs one more piece..Ricky could be that pipe. Let's look at the positives here 1. Good defense 2. Good QB 3. Good Line. You get my point... Steven Davis is done, Nick Goings has the worst last name for a person who couldn't run if he had 4 legs, and Foster is an average Running Back who is always injured (not reliable). Bottom line Ricky is better. Draft Pick anyone???

3. Vikes- How many years can you go with a RB by committee that doesn't work? Ricky solves that problem. He would fit in perfectly in Childress's West Coast offense and finally give the Vikes some stability at RB. Then you can deal Mike Bennett to Zona and get help on the defensive side of the ball. Now what would I trade to get Ricky....Dante! I personally feel Culpepper will not be good in a West Coast offense and Miami could use a QB. Dante to Chambers looks nice on paper. Only issue I have here is the Vikes have the own off the field problems with the "Love Boat". I don't know if they want to invest in a potential problem in Ricky.

honorable mention: Philly, The Saints, Titans, and Jags

Look at it this way....if you get Ricky out of Florida you keep him away from those Florida Crips. 

Now I would say I am an above average fan of reality TV, especially those with hot women, nerds, and people getting the #### kicked out of them. Some of my favorites include Temptation Island, The Contender, The 1st Average Joe (w/ Adam Mesh), Love Cruise, and The Real World. I was listening to Mike and Mike in the morning on ESPN radio this morning and apparently they are hosting a Wedding on ESPN. I couldn't think of a more dumb idea in my entire life. I am going to attempt to explain how it works.

16 couples are going to send in their "ideal wedding" and Mike and Mike are going to pick which couple has the most entertaining and interesting story/idea. Now I am thinking to myself...just what I need to be watching two 3000 pound Green Bay Packer fans wearing those stupid Cheese heads blocks on their head in their Bart Starr Jersey's saying "I Do". I would rather watch German Toilet Porn for Six hours with Fat #### from Austin Powers sitting on my lap. I think you all get my point this has potential to be the worst thing ever except if Bob Picosi is reading the vows (sorry I love that nerd).

Here is my idea for a Sports Reality Show. This involves four of the things that I love in life ####, ####, sports, and alcohol. It would be called "Beers, Butts, and Bowling". You have three contestants each week chosen at random based on a video bio. The idea here is to get the most pathetic, uncoordinated contestants each week. Within this half hour show these three losers will be bowling for one night with a Porn Star (that is video taped and shown at the end of the show). The catch here is that before each frame each contestant must alternate between funneling or shot gunning a beer. Now the key here is the contestant's...Nerds, Psychically Challenged, and Psychical problems get high grades in my book. Sideline interviews by Gary Coleman and Pat Summeral. Hosts can vary but I am leaning toward Jerry "The King" Lawler, Mike Patrick, and Bill Rafftery. I don't know about you but I think this has great potential....so spread the word if you think it is a winner.

Unfortunately, till my ideas get out to the public we are stuck with Mike and Mike's Marriage show. God I hope the winners of this one are hot lesbians.