Introducing a new feature for those of you have the desire to be foolish without being ridiclous. (I plan on keeping the latter covered myself.) We'll start this inagural look by taking our best shot at what a conversation between Mitch Kupchek and Steve Kerr would be having concerning trading Lamar Odom for the Matrix.

(ring) Phoenix Suns, how may I help you?

Good morning. This is Mitch Kupchek, may I speak with Steve Kerr Please?

Who?

Mitch Kupchek, the General Manager of the Los Angeles Lakers.

Please hold......Sir, I'm sorry, we have no one in our phone directory named Mitch Kupchek.

No Miss, I'm Mitch Kupchek, I'm calling from Los Angeles. Will you please tell Kerr?

If  you're the general manager then why don't you have his direct number sir?

I did but you must have not paid your phone bill. The number is disconnected.

That's highly unlikely Sir, please hold.

You know Danny, when people say Danny Ainge isn't persistent, I tell them.........

Steve? It's me. Mitch Kupchek.

Who?

Very funny, now listen. I know you're the legend and all that but you don't have that much experience at GM so I'm here to tell you, I'm going to help you out and not let something happen to you like happened to us with Shaq. You play this too tight to the vest and you wind up........

Losing KG to Boston? What's on your mind Mitch? I have Ainge on the other line.

Great.Let me cut to the chase. Odom reeks. I gotta unload this stiff before Kobe bails on us and Jack refuses to take his free stinking 4,000.00 chair for free. I got a #### mob on my hands. Extended Cook and he hasn't hit a shot since. You can come out of this smelling like a rose. Both of them are due big time. What do you think? Now is not the time to slowplay.

I may be short but that don't smell like no rose to me. More like the south end of a north bound burro to me.  You want Marion for two guys you busted out on?

Well hey if that dog won't fight, how about I give you Odom, Cook, Radmonvitch, Kwame Brown and and a second round unrestricted pick for Marion and Amare?

Must be harvest time over on the coast eh? You wouldn't throw in Farmar if I throw in Nash would you?

You serious? You could twist my arm I guess.

Sounds like you been doing some twisting of your own. You haven't been at the Ouiji board again have you? McHale told me about that one.

You got jokes eh? Listen I hope you don't go around clowning around with the other senior GM's around the league like this. You could get a bad reputation and.....

No, I been lucky for the most part in ducking guys I would be clowning on. Usually don't hit the one hold button.

Lucky for them. So what's it going to take to get a deal down. This phone call. End of today latest. You can announce. Marion wants to play with Kobe and we'll get a top four seed so you don't kick outr tails until the second round. Sound fair?

How about Odom and Bynum and a first round pick?

You don't want Bynum, trust me. We're only keeping him in case the Goodyear Blimp needs an emergency replacement. He's making Oliver Miller look like Wilt Chamberlain. I couldn't do that to you.

Well call me a sucker. I always had a soft spot for Miller.

You'd be better off with Kwame I'm telling you. He wore hand extenders all summer long. His fingers are at least six inches longer. He spelled Cat two out three times right just yesterday on the flash cards. This gives you some beef up front.

Unfortunately we're not a cattle processing plant or I'd be there. Let me think. I'd like to help you....uh...man talk about a brain lag...what was your name again...oh right Mitch. Sorry Mitch......we might work something out...you're going with Odom and a first round unprotected and all we need to agree on is the cap balance right?

Now you're thinking. How about Cook? The guy can hit the three on the break.

If he's the only one breaking. How about Bynum?

You know Steve I'm going to let you in on a veteran GM secret here. Owners are idiots. They see a stiff as something and they won't let them go. This is the hang up here on Bynum. Me, Kobe, Phil the entire organization including Bynum wants him gone but Buss won't have it. How about Cook?

Beat me to death why don't you? You old pro's flat out show no mercy do you? Tell you what, Odom, the first round unprotected in 2008 and 2009 and I'll take Cook and we got a deal.

Kid you are out of your mind. No way both years unprotected. 2009 unprotected and 2008 if we fall below 25th.

Deal.

Give me your private cel and I'll send the papers over right now and to the league.

Two hours later (ring)

Steve Kerr

Steve, Mitch, did you....

Who? 

Mitch Kupchek. We haven't heard a peep from Stern. You hear anything?

Fraid I got bad news Mitch. I was actually reaching to feed the papers in from this end when I got a call from Memphis. Looks like I got overriden on this one. Like you said, Owners are idiots. What are ya gonna do? I feel like such a fool. I'm really sorry I blew this one.

Well I wouldn't be saying that, but since you did. Hey you kids gotta live and learn. You'll catch up one of these days. That's basketball. Who'd they take you with?

Gasol and one stinking number one.  Oh and a couple of nobodies.  I guess their owner was freaking out about losing money hand over fist and out of nowhere he went looney tunes.

That's the sign of an new guy son, you're gonnna.....hello? Hello? They must be in real trouble over there themselves. Phone cut off again.

Hey Danny? He's bummed. We'll keep playing him and Marion for a few days and I'll have you your guy. We'll get Bynum and Odom and you can have Bynum on the deal we're working on.