DISCLAIMER: This post is about sports. This post is only about sports. You have been warned.
Around the Horn is off the air due to the MLB Playoffs, so here is your cheap ripoff! Around the Horn, Bloggers edition! I am your host MrNFL, in the bold font, and here are today's contestants.
First up, we have NeoAC, in the Red font.
Yeah, I'm back again, but rivjo nowhere to be found, I will be sure to take it
this time! *cue evil laughter* Neil Patrick Harris got nothing on me!
Alrighty then, next is Burger21, in Green font
Hi everyone, I’m burger21, and I only took 20 pills before I got here so ignore
those 911 calls from my publicist. Drugs are bad, M'kay. Next up is Bengals9. And some where along the line, there was a miscommunication, so don't expect much from Bengals.
Finally, making his Around the Horn debut, Demonicume...who didn't write an opening. He'll be in blue font. With that, lets go!
THE FIRST WORD
It is week 5 in the NFL, and as always we have some good games on tap. But if you look at the 4 teams not playing this week, you've got three pretty good teams. Among those teams, the Bengals, Seahawks, Falcons, and the Texans. My question gentlemen, of these 4 teams, which is the best and why? We'll start with Demon.
The Falcons, plain and
simple. But first, lemme tell
you why these other teams aren't the best.
The Patriots pulled
the cover off the Bengals last week and showed the entire
league their soft, creamy. They have a very balanced offense, but they also have
some serious issues. Carson Palmer has 6 TDs in 4 games, but he also has thrown
the ball to the other tram 4 times. When he isn't throwing the ball to the other
side, he's putting it on the turf. He's got 7 fumbles, 4 for a loss. (+2) But the
problem isn't Carson, the problem is the Offensive line. The guy just came off a
serious injury and his line has let him get tagged for 15 sacks already. That's
4 sacks shy of the 19 knock-downs he took all LAST SEASON. (+2) Yup the O-Line isn't
pulling thieir weight; and if things don't change very soon, Carson will see the
turf more times that Drew Bledsoe did last season.
The other Bengal
problem is Run Defense. They can't seem to stop anyone. A supposed
superbowl contender, they are ranked in the bottem half of the league in every
meaningful category: Run Defense (26th), Totsl yards (23rd) and Points Against
(19th). It's a simple fact, you cant expect to get far in the play-offs giving
up nearly 150 yards on the ground and 21 points a game. (+3)
Keys to
fix:
they need to grow some big hairy balls in the middle of that Defense and they
need to find a way to keep their QB off his buttocks.
The Seahawks are the
perfect example of why I hate the Pack-10 : soft scheduling. I
know its not their fault that their division sucks, but I wont ignore the fact
either. Here are the teams they get to thrash twice every year:
the Cardinals, 49ners, Raiders, and the Rams. For decoration, we toss in
defensive powerhouses like the Packers and the Chiefs. The toughest team they
have left to play is Denver and that'll be after they've gone 12-1. I'm furious
because I benched Thomas Jones last week. I fell into the hype that Seattle was
for real. Then I watched Jones – who is every bit as soft as his sissy little
brother in Dallas – put up career numbers. The Bears haven't been able to run
against anyone all season, but Thomas Jones looked like Bo Jackson against
Seattle. They're fakers. They'll have a 12 or 13 win season and get blown out in
the playoffs. I don't know how they made it to the Superbowl. But now that the
Madden Curse has scrubbed their only superstar, we'll see how well they
do. (+4)
As a Dallas fan, I
hate the Texans. No real Texan can
ever truly accept the existence of another football team in our state. It's
blasphemy. The Texans are the Taiwan to our China. We'd crush them if we could,
but no one else will let us. Fortunately, the Houston front office is doing its
best to kill its own chances at every succeeding. (+1)
The worst part is that
David Carr is a good QB. Last season, he
played well enough to win a Superbowl if Big Ben is any indicator. In the right
system, with maybe 1 solid offensive lineman, this kid could be great. His QB
rating is over 100, his TD to INT ratio is great. But he's been sacked over 200
times in his last 4 seasons. I don't know when the Houston front office is gonna
wake the hell up and get this man some protection, but if were I David Carr, I'd
be trying to move to a team that would appreciate the highest rated QB in the
AFC. Yo, DAVE! Tampa is a great place to live. Beautiful beaches, beautiful
women, great weather… (+2)
The Falcons are my
pick.
It isn't because they rank in the top 15 in every meaningful category on both
sides of the ball except passing yards per game. It isn't because Vick is one of
the winningest QBs in the recent history. It's because they win my way: solid
running and great defense. John Abraham – SC in the house baby! – is back from
his groin pull and should solidify an already solid defense. They have 2 solid
backs in Dunn and Norwood – who racked up 106 yards on 6 carried as a backup
last game. And… they run the Spread Option 5 to 8 times a game. Not to kick a
dead horse, but when ever a black QB comes into the league, you always hear
whispers of intelligence. Theyre all dumb. We saw it here in Carolina, Syvelle
was to dumb to be a pocket passer. Ask Auburn hjow domb he is. Vince Young was
the only QB to have his Wonderfukt Score leaked. Analysts are always on the edge
of saying Mike Vick is too stupid to run the west coast offense. Instead they
say it's too complex. Maybe the West Coast offense doesn't suit
his skillset. Or maybe Mike never had a WR who could get open. (+6)
My only issues with
the Falcons are PLAY CALLING and WRs. Are these guys gonna catch any balls? I
watched Alge Crumpler drop 2 TDs on the same drive. The receivers they have can
not, or will nont, get open. Were I Coach Mora, I'd run the option down the
throats of every team we faced. I'd run it the way FLA is running it this year,
which allows for more passing and less getting knocked out. (+2)
Downside? The Dirty Birds face
big defenses this year – Eagles, Carolina, Redskins, Cowboys – but I can see
them running all the way into the play offs.
Good Stuff Demon, Neo, you?
Well, lets take a look at who we have sitting out.
There's the Texans,
but unless the Colts and Jaguars both suffer a massive case of collective
botulism, they aren't going to be anywhere near the playoffs. Heck, I think they
would still manage to come in third to those two. (+3)
Then we have the other
teams, who have looked extremely good in three out of four games. Atlanta
has pounded the ball successfully against Carolina, TB and Arizona, but they were
abysmal against the Saints in the Superdome. I know there was a lot of emotion
in that game, but there was no excuse for the way the Falcons played. Vick
completes only 38% and leads in rushing? Its almost like they threw that
game.......nah. Couldn't be. (+3)
The Bengals took control of the conference
in their first three games, mauling Kansas City, Cleveland and Pittsburgh.
However, they were mere pussycats when playing the Patriots, practically rolling
over for them. They clearly tried to attack New England's secondary with a pass
to run ratio of slightly over 2:1 and it didn't work. The Patriots played
smashmouth football, and Cinci's line couldn't cope with Maroney busting for 125
yards and 2 TDs. And with Baltimore continuing to roll, the North may soon be
out of Cinci's reach. (+4)
Therefore, the best out of the four bye teams is
still the Seahawks. They are lucky that Shaun Alexander is getting the effects
of the Madden curse out of the way early. In the NFC West, its not going to
matter that Mo Morris is running the ball for them, they can coast until the MVP
is back up and running. (+4)
OK, My god I hate Fox's formatting....Burger you?
While the sexy pick is the Bengals, the folks who are falling over
themselves trying to get on their bandwagon are ignoring some glaring
weaknesses, namely their defense. They’re giving up 345 yards per game, barely
ahead of SanFran and Cleveland; 60 yrds worse than Oakland; and over 100 yrds
more than the Chiefs! (+4) In the last two games they’ve yielded 406 yds and 5 TDs –
on the ground alone! And on offense, while everyone has this image of a
powerhouse scoring machine, few visualized Carson Palmer dribbling more balls
than an NBA point guard. (+3) He’s put the pill on the carpet 7 times this year and
looks very rattled against competent defenses. The have played only one good
complete game – in the opener against a Chiefs team that everyone had
over-rated. Cleveland and Pittsburgh both gift wrapped wins via turnovers and
the Pats put a woodshed wuppin’ on them. (+3) You could say much of the same for
Seattle in that Matt Hasslebeck has not looked anything like a Pro-Bowl QB, and
they were strangely ineffective against Detroit of all teams. (+2) I’m going against
the grain here and saying that the best team among these three is Atlanta, with
their power ground game (ranked #1 in the NFL) and ball hawking defense (+6
turnover ratio). And while no one will confuse Mike Vick for Peyton Manning as a
passer, Vick has only two interceptions and is playing with freedom and fun in
Atlanta’s potent offense (+3)
And Bengals?
The Best is definetly the bengals. why, two words carson palmer. (+2)
Ok then...Onward...
As you are probably all aware, the MLB Postseason is underway. Very simple question, who wins the World Series and why? Burger?
I’m really not sold on anyone in the National League because both
the Mets and Cardinals have huge pitching concerns. While the Tigers look like
they’re going to make a scrap out of things, it would appear that the Yanks and
A’s will match up in what will essentially be the championship. The A’s
certainly have the pitching to make things interesting, and they seem looser and
less uptight than in previous showdowns with NY. While NY has the lineup full of
All-Stars, I feel Oakland’s arms will prevail against what is a shaky Yankees
rotation. The A’s will win it all. (+6)
Going with the A's eh? Speaking of Eh, Neo, go my Canadian friend.
In the blue corner we will have the New York Mets who score first round
knockouts of the LA Dodgers and the St. Louis Cardinals without so much as a
scratch.
In the red corner we have the Oakland Athletics who after
surprisingly getting rid of the Minnesota Twins, dispatch the exhausted winner
of the Tigers-Yankees series (My money's on NY). This is sure to be a
barnburner.
In the first game, Tom Glavine will get the better of
popular Met target Barry Zito, but Rich Harden will even the score over Steve
Trachsel, and send the series back to Shea knotted up at one.
Oakland
will take advantage of a ####-up Mets rotation as emergency starter Oliver Perez
gets shelled, making a winner of Danny Haren, but John Maine and Tom Glavine
come in and shut down the A bats, and head back to the Bay with a three-two lead
In Game Six, Macha plays a hunch and goes with Joe Blanton against
Trachsel, but Trachsel pitches his career-defining game, a three-hitter, and
Carlos Delgado belts a two-run shot off of Blanton in the fourth to send the
Mets to a 4-1 win, and their first Series win since 1986. (+7)
Interesting answer, Demon?
World Series? Oh,
yeah, its STILL baseball season. Damn. Is there any way we can shorten the
season at all? I don't know who wins. When the Mets had Pedro, I was a Mets man.
But now I'm going with my team from the 80's and 90's: the Oakland A's. The AFC…
ummmm, American League allows you to bat a guy who doesn't even field, and Frank
Thomas is making the most of it. The A's ride The Big Hurt all the way to a
champagn bath. (+2)
Ok then...and Bengals?
The Oakland Athletics because of there excellent pitching and good hitting. (+2)
(HORN) Wait a minute, coming into the playoffs, no one had the A's doing anything, and now everyone is picking them to get to the World Series? All a bunch of bandwagon jumpers (MUTE) With that, we'll take a commercial, Buy or Sell is next.
Mmmmmm, Pizza.....
Ok, welcome back, and it is Buy or Sell Time!
BUY OR SELL?
This weeks Monday night game should be a good defensive showdown between the Broncos, and the Ravens, who have yet to be beaten. Buy or Sell the Ravens remaining undefeated? Demonicume?
Sell: Until the Ravens
find some meaningful offense, I'm picking against them every week. You can't make it to the playoffs riding a TE. Eventually you have to score. The Ravens *may*
shut down Denver's offense, but since they cant find the endzone themselves, I
got Denver by a touch down. (+4)
Burger?
I’m selling this. The Ravens have beaten three teams (Tampa, Clev.,
Oak) with 1 combined victory, and their win over the Chargers was a border line
fluke. Their defense is not as good as the young QB’s they’ve faced are making
them look, and they’ve yet to face some one who will consistently stay committed
to running against them, as we know Denver will. Denver showed patience and
diligence to their scheme against NE and this is the type of game they always
win to make everyone believe they’re good before choking in the playoffs. The
Ravens get exposed for the fraud they are. (+6)
Neo?
I'll BUY this. Denver has looked mighty weak this year. Their offense has failed
to get anything going so far, averaging a mere 12 points per game and against
Baltimore's defense, points are going to be even harder to come by. It may be
another 9-6 squaker but I'd rather have Matt Stover than Jason Elam. (+3)
And Bengals?
I'm buying this. The broncos looked weak in there games agianst the cheifs and
rams and the ravens have looked great in all of there games. (+3)
Ok, onward...
Of course, ESPN is going to hype "Terrell Owens' Big return to Philly" My question is, Buy or Sell 100 yards reciveing for The Player. Bengals?
I'm selling because there is no love lost between the Eagles and with his broken
hand i think he loses a step or two. (+3)
Demonicume?
Buy: What do you do when
you cant stop the run because you've let your best defensive players go
elsewhere? You blitz, blitz, blitz. The Eagles have a soft pass defense,
giving up nearly 300 yards a game thru the air to the likes of David Carr and
Alex Smith. Bledsoe tossed for near 500 yards against defenses like JAX and WAS.
Will TO get his 100 yards? Ummm, yeah, and easily. As long as Jimmy Johnson
keeps blitzing, The Dallas receivers will be wide open. Witten, Glenn, Owens…
pick your poison, who you gonna double cover? If you don't blitz, Julius Jones
will run down your throat. With people like The Lesser Manning and his feeble
receiving corps coming back to embarrass the Eagles Defense, I just don't see
anyone on that defense stopping TO. I'll give Dallas the benefit of the doubt
that Glenn and TO are as good as Plexi-glass Burress and Alligaor Arm-ani
Tooner. They both got their 100 yards. (+7)
Good answer, Neo?
I'll BUY this one too. T.O. always seems to get out a little something more for
the big games, and this is a big games in his mind. If Lito Sheppard sits again,
he's going to have Sheldon Brown on him most of the game, or even Dexter Wynn
when Brown needs a breather. Brown's only an average CB, and Wynn a pre-season
cut, so T.O. should be able to get those 100 yards. (+4)
And Burger?
Terrell is one of those guys who can get 100 on limited touches
because of his ability to take it to the house from anywhere on the field, but I
am selling this. Dallas has done a good job so far in taking what the defense
gives them, as evidenced in the big season Terry Glenn is having. When teams
focus on TO (and I believe the Eagles will be just a little focused on him don’t
you think?) the Cowboys have exploited their other options. (+4)
Alright...We continue...
The Big college football game this weekend is the matchup between #9 LSU, and #5 Florida. Buy or Sell Florida coming up with a victory? Demon?
Sell, FLA has no run
game. None. I don't know how you run the spread option without a serious run
attack. If DeShaun Wynn – the closest thing they have to a RB at FLA – aint in
the game, they don't have a shot. Chris Leak is the best passer in the nation,
but LSU has the nastiest secondary in college football. The D-Line will be after
him all game. I got LSU smacking FLA down by 14. (+5)
Bengals?
I'm Buying this. Why. Honestly i don't know but i just think Florida is the
better team. (+1)
Going with your gut I see. Burger?
Again, I’m in a selling kind of mood! This may be an even better
game than LSU-Auburn, but this time LSU comes out on top. Florida’s RB is ####ed
up and if they get the Gators one dimensional, LSU will show why they’re the #1
overall defense in the nation. Offensively they have the 5th ranked
passing offense in the country behind Russell and they will be too much for the
Gators. (+4)
And Neo?
I'm almost out of money, but I'm still going to have to BUY this as well.
Florida's on a roll right now, and although LSU some very impressive offense in
check, they haven't played one as versatile as the Gators. Urban Meyer is
starting to get his kind of player in, guys like Tim Tebow, and his defense has
been playing very well as well. I think the Gators will win, but their
undefeated season ends next week against Auburn. (+4)
(HORN) Ok, we're done with two rounds, and looking at the scores, Bengals is no where close, so (MUTE), and done. Out of Bounds is next...
Sponsored by Chris Berman...seriously, why do people dislike this guy?
And two down, here's the scores. Demonicume leads with 40. Burger in 2nd with 35, and Neo behind with 32.
OUT OF BOUNDS
This Wednesday was the return of the NHL. Only the 2nd season since the lockout two years ago. My question is, what do you see for the NHL's future? Neo?
I think the NHL can have a very bright future, but some changes need to occur.
First, ditch the OLN. I don't know why they even bothered signing with them in
the first place. Even a discounted contract with ESPN or ABC would have been
smarter. (+4) Second, start promoting the young guns more. Get Crosby, Ovechkin,
Cheechoo and others out into the mainstream, be it with Bud Light, Coke or
Viagra (hey, how could Ed Belfour turn that offer down?). A little promotion
goes a long way. Finally, make going to game more affordable for the fans. I
mean I tried to go to a preseason game a couple weekends ago. One ticket cost
$75! How can the NHL expect to attract the average man, when the average man has
to fork over a third of his weekly pay to see a game? (+4)
If the NHL's
lucky, we could have a repeat of 1994. The Rangers won the Cup that year, and
America's biggest market loved it. This year, they ae poised to strike again,
and even Chicago could be in the mix, with their impressive 8-6 win over
Nashville. A Rangers-Blackhawks series would be a great thing for hockey in
America (no offense, Hurricanes, but nobody outside Carolina cares that you
won.) (+3)
Good stuff, Burger?
The NHL season is only two days old and already we’ve seen some
exciting action. The league has to provide a product that makes fans anxious for
more, and there are numerous young stars on the horizon able to deliver. I think
part of the recent demise of interest from the more casual sports fan came not
only from the Labor disaster and instability of teams and the League as a whole,
but also from a generation of front line stars fading away. (+3) The league has tons of work to do and
can’t realistically be mentioned among the Big Three, but new stars like Sydney
Crosby could go a long way toward bringing the excitement back, and I for one
hope that hockey has a rousing revival. (+2) Hockey zealots know
the players on their teams and most others, but the league has been void of the
names that everyone knew – the Marios and Gretzkys. Yes, those two are probably
the two greatest ever and they can’t truly be replaced but with many of the good
young players coming up having names that can barely be pronounced it has been
increasingly harder for fans to relate.(+2)
I agree there, and Demon?
Hockey? I'm in Carolina, and I had no clue they won the Stanley Cup last year.
They did win, didn't they? I don't even know what city the team plays in. What
would make me interested in Hockey? I'd love to be more involved with the
players. We don't need a NHL T.O. Saga, but I'm not interested in Hockey because
I don't know any of the players. I don't have to be in the city with the team to
like them. Future? I see no future. Until the NHL finds a way to market their
product in a more appealing way, I'll be changing the channel whenever its on
TV. (+4)
(HORN) Alright lets look at the scores, and we have a close one. Demon, with 44 you are safe, Neo has 43. And Burger, barely short with 42. Gonna have to say goodbye to you Burger.
I’m out…like downtownrob’s blogging career!
Yes indeed you are. Showdown up next between NeoAC and Demonicume. Two enter, and one gets to feel happy for the day. The Punching bags of Division 1-A football...
SHOWDOWN!
Showdown time now between Neo and Demon, Let's do this!
Texas plays Oklahoma Saturday in a classic rivalry game. Who ya got? Demon?
Oklahoma – Peterson is a GROWN man. He
wont win the Heisman because voters love pretty boy QBs. Advantage for Peterson
in the Heisman race? Good Ole Boy voters. If Troy Smith scrambles for more than
a a few hundred yards this season, its guaranteed some of them will write him
off as a typical running *cough* (black) QB – cuz that's what happens in the
NCAA. ESPN will show all his running highlights, and the slower voters will vote
for a guy who plays his position 'as it should be played.' Mark my
words. Texas, all the way. Colt McCoy's finally getting confident, and getting more
comfortable in that Longhorn offense, and that is bad news for the Big 12. He's
just going to get better and better as the season goes on, and I don't believe
Oklahoma will be able to handle him.
Not sure how the race card got pulled up in this question, point goes to NeoAC.Next...
Nascar at Talladega this Sunday, who ya got? Neo?
Talladega is a #### shoot. You never know what is going to happen here, as the
Big One lurks around every corner. The restrictor place, levels the playing
fiels as well, so any number of teams could logically win this thing. I;m just
going to spin the ole Wheel of NASCAR in my head and come up with a random name.
And the winner is........Little E, Dale Earnhardt Jr., who uses this win to
climb back into the Chase hunt.
I got Jeff Gordon. I like him cuz everyone hates him. He should have won earlier
this year… I don't know why anyone hates him. But it's time for Jeff to win,
smash that stupid bottle of Pepsi or milk or whatever, grab his manhood and tell
everyone to swing low.
Great NASCAR knowledge here, LOL. I'll give it to Demon, for having a reason for picking his winner.
Finally, Many MLB managers were canned at the end of the season. Of all of those managers, who goes on to have the most success? Demon?
Robinson. He's gonna move into retirement. He should find him some sweet young
thang (or two) and move to a sunny place with no ESPN. Then he wont have to be
ashamed of the what his game has become. No Grim-sley reaper. No posting Bonds.
No Roger –I'm stronger than I was at 20 but I'm clean – Clemmons. No knucklehead
Administration that somehow manages to own a team and promote competition at the
same time.
Mr. Robinson, its time
to come home, old boy. Kick back with a lager of choice, a girl 1/3 your age, a
HUGE DLP TV with a DVR that lets you skip Enzyte commercials. Then you can
subscribe to ESPN Classic and watch Old –School baseball all day.
Well, the rather obvious choice would have to be Joe Girardi. I mean he didn't
do anything wrong when managing the Marlins. The only question is will he go to
the Cubs like everyone is predicting, or will Tom Hicks try and lure him to the
Lone Star state? It wouldn't be a bad venture oppertunity. Every team that has
fired Buck Showalter has won the World Series the next year.
Sorry Neo, Demon's answer was too freaking hilarious to pass up, point goes to Demon, win goes to Demon. Face time is yours.
I'm taking a break
from ESPN. Everyday I power on my TV in hopes of getting news coverage. And
every day I am sadly disappointed. Here are my top 3 reasons for putting down
the remote and reading a good blog:
3) The don't report.
'Report' is defined as 'an account brought by one person to another." Its from
the Old Fench 'rapport' "to tell, relate" and from the Latin
'Reportare' 'to carry
In that definition, I
see no room for spin. I see no room for opinion or supposition or guesswork. I
don't know why ESPN claims to report the news when its integrity is so obviously
compromised. ESPN suckles at the #### of any company looking to sell something to
a male aged 18-45. To do this, they need story lines. To get story lines, they
need heroes and villains. We need debacles and saviors. Every week someone,
somewhere, is on the brink of losing it all. Or panicking. Or if they aren't
panicking they should be. ESPN is just as sensational as FOX news – the
conservative news channel that tried to spin a government official soliciting
sex from young boys – or MSNBC which should officially chance its name to
MSNBConspiracy TV. I'm sick of it. I just want box scores and replays. Thanks a
lot.
2. Jesus, would someone please put something big in Joe Theismann's
mouth? My zipper is stuck... damn. or Joe Walton. or Charles Barkley. They hire
any jack off the street to be a newscaster. I'll take any one of the bloggers
out here ahead of the pricks ESPN throws up there. I'm tired of 'Rumblin and
Stumblin.' i'm tired of 'BOO-YOW!' i'm sick to death of trying to guess the
width of the stick that's a foot deep in Steve Young's ####. i hate Mark May. the
only guys that interest me are the guys everyone else hates: Lou Holtz – fake
teeth, lisp and all – and Michael 'it wasn't my pipe' Irvin. I also like John
Madden, though he rarely makes sense. But sometimes, when the moons are in
alignment, he makes some HUGE points between bits of applesauce and turkey.
1. there are Warriors out tonite. in every part of the world, men, women
and children are striving to do great things. They aren't sullied by political
backgammon. They don't do it for the money or the nookie or anything else beyond
the joy of achievement. People are striving against the limitations of their
bodies and minds in pursuit one brief moment of true achievement. They say a
lifetime of misery is worth a second of enlightenment. ESPN's cameras are
supposed to be there when that second happens…
You've failed us all,
old friend, and I have outgrown you.
Interesting Demon, but a mute for taking so much time with your face time. Neo anything you want to add?
Round of Keith's on me! Don't forget to check the Pickoff!
I take it that Keith's are some form of Alcohol, and you get a (MUTE) for that.
Well thanks everyone for checking this out. I'm MrNFL, and you can re-watch this by clicking the refresh button.
