There’s a team in Major League Baseball that is embroiled in backstabbing, infighting, finger-pointing and more unanswered questions than an episode of The Office –but are just as funny. And that was just after the New York Yankees second straight loss of the season to the Boston Red Sox.

Welcome to another episode of “As The Yankees Turn”—the ongoing story of a rich baseball owner who buys, sells and uses players about as often Kevin Federline sires children.

There are so many different personalities on this team, Cybil would fit in perfectly. In fact, pencil her in for a potential 5th starter.

It appears the fallout of ‘Greatest Collapse Ever’ in 2004 is still having its side effects. This is how dynasties and empires have crumbled throughout history isn’t it? They lose a big battle, but technically the “off-the-cliff” fall from grace doesn’t happen immediately. It takes a few years for the walls to really come down.

But when they do, they fall hard. Thus, I give you exhibit 954B of fallen empires: The New York Yankees—at least for the foreseeable future.

Nearly a month ago, I said the Yankees were on the downslide and Randy didn’t look good. It may have been a tad premature, but it is true.

Randy Johnson was supposed to be the ace of the staff. After giving up 7 runs, five hits, five walks and getting just three strikeouts on 92 pitches in 3 2/3 innings last night in a 14-3 loss to Boston, he’s more like the lead donkey of the stable.

"The Boss”—(I thought that nickname was reserved for Bruce Springsteen? Though, I bet King George does hum Glory Days a lot these days)—left after eight innings, presumably to beat traffic.

As he left, he predictably lashed out at his high-priced team, specifically A-Rod, who committed two errors and hasn’t had a clutch hit since Seattle.

"I am upset at a lot of them" Steinbrenner said, when asked about Johnson. Before getting into the car, he said, "The third baseman", tipping us off with a cryptic clue as to who the responsible party really was for this loss.

As a Red Sox fan, I don’t really know why I care or find this all so intriguing, but I do. Playing devil’s advocate for your rivals is fun when you’re not the one with all the problems anymore. It’s like being the black-sheep of the family only to find out that your brother is way more #### up than you are.

With that in mind, am I the only one noticing something strange about Steinbrenner? The last couple of seasons, he’s remained surprisingly low key (for him)—even going so far as to promise GM Brian Cashman and manager Joe Torre more space and less criticism.

Now, suddenly, old George is back—playing the big, bad version of the Boss—with his scowl included at no additional cost. The way this whole saga is playing out eerily reminds me of the Kevin Kline film, Dave, in which Kline plays a guy (Dave) who looks just like the President and after a stroke renders the real President incapacitated, Dave acts like the President for months.

I wonder if we are witnessing a “fake” George—stranger things have happened.

The luck’s run out, though, in the Yankees case, the money never will—but eventually you discover there’s only so much proverbial gold at the end of the rainbow. And while they sit only a game back in the competitive A.L. East, its different this time.

Perhaps the Yankees are getting what they deserve—should you really trust an aging pitcher with a mullet? Or a superstar with commitment issues (remember A-Rod’s $252 million dollar contract with the Rangers that lasted three years and his inability to commit to a nation for the WBC)? How about handing over the hallowed reigns of centerfield to a player who throws like my four year old son does with his non-dominant hand?

Maybe all these soap-opera like storylines—from Carl Pavano’s fake injury to Gary Sheffield’s new “injury=no-play” stance, to A-Rod’s problems in the clutch, to Bernie Williams decline and Randy’s rapidly decreasing dependability—are all part o####iant plan to scam Steinbrenner.

It would be fitting, in a way, if that were the case. Because 99% of the other franchises in Major League Baseball can’t make mistake after mistake after mistake in the front office and player personnel areas and still have a contender year after year.

Cracks in the armor can’t be concealed forever—like El Duque’s age, it will eventually come to light.

The story doesn’t end, it just gets messier.

Dynasties crumble. Empires fall. And the luck runs out.

Welcome to baseball for the rest of us, Yankees.

Now that college basketball has concluded following Florida’s impressive 73-57 win over UCLA last night in the National Championship (maybe the theme song should have been from ‘Jaws’ instead of ‘One Shining Moment’)—we shift gears and change seasons—to the NBA playoffs and to baseball.

Opening Day of Major League Baseball always seemed a little silly to me—why celebrate something that will happen 162 times between now and the end of September? It’s a long season, as they say. In a strange way, that’s baseball’s beauty. It’s the ultimate Gladiator test—like an extended holiday vacation with your family or the NCAA Tournament—survive and advance.

Therefore, we shouldn’t get too worked up by the first day scores—there are still 161 to go.

That said, let’s open up a new feature called ‘Balls & Strikes’, where I’ll explore some of the events and players that are either bad (balls) or good (strikes).

Ball: A’s pitching gets an F. I know I just said it’s early, but when you’re the sexy and popular pick to win the AL this year, you don’t want to see your ace Barry Zito getting rocked like Apollo Creed against Ivan Drago in the A’s 15-2 loss to the Yankees. Zito was lit up by New York’s All-Star line-up for seven earned runs, highlighted by an A-Rod homer in the second. He left after 1.1 innings, with a strike-ball count of 30-29.

Strike: Curt Schilling looks good. Sure, I’m a Boston fan so you could ignore this paragraph and call me a homer, but you’d be ignoring a good piece of information. The Red Sox looked good yesterday in their 7-3 win over the Rangers, with Coco Crisp flashing some good glove in center field, David Ortiz going 3-for-5 with a HR and Mike Lowell adding his first home run (and possibly, his first hit) since 1996.

But it was Schilling who looked the best, going seven full innings and racking up a 117-pitch count on his way to the win. His only error was a misplaced pitch to Hank Blalock that ended up being a short home run to right.

No, I’m not worried about Keith Foulke—unlike ESPN’s Steve Phillips, I don’t overreact on Opening Day. Foulke hasn’t pitched since July 4 of last year, so though he got tagged a couple times, it should be expected that he’s going to look a little rough his first few outings.

Ball: Nats lose on a nasty call. It’s not like you expect the umpires to be in mid-season form on Opening Day, but did we have to start the ‘Limited Instant Replay’ debate so soon? Apparently, we did. How was Alfonso Soriano called out on that play at home? Is it just me or did the ump take the wrong angle in front of the plate, instead of on the side of the third base line? Within minutes, the TV cameras showed it as a horrendous call. I’ve never been in favor of replay in baseball, but with calls like this, it’s not taken much to persuade me of the benefits of LIP.

Strike: Bonds is stuck between a syringe and a hard place. Bonds had a needle less syringe thrown at him in the eight inning, but he responded well. He picked it up and placed it in his glove. Surprisingly, he seemed at ease with the situation after the game. It’s probably because he just got a free syringe and that’s one less to order next week.

Ball: Nomar Garciaparra got hurt on his first at-bat yesterday, straining a muscle in his side, something important, I’m sure. In fact, it’s a muscle most of the announcers yesterday said they didn’t even know existed. That’s because it probably doesn’t.) Rest easy Dodger fans, you’ll see him once or twice in June before he shuts it down for the season. I’m just surprised Grady Little didn’t tell him to stay out there.

Strike: Roger Clemens was at the Rangers-Red Sox game yesterday. “Retirement’s where I’m at right now.” Hey, Brett—I mean Roger, just let us know when you’re ready. The Astros, Rangers, Red Sox and Yankees are all pursuing and courting the Rocket like Oz, Jim, Finch and Kevin did the girls in American Pie.

Today’s count went full before we struck out the side. Here’s to a great 2006 season.

Remember how the Beatles sang about the fact you "Can't Buy Me Love"? Heck, they even made a movie about it. Do you remember the old saying, "Can't Win For Losing"? Of course you do, you've probably heard your father/mother/grandparent say it many times. How about the cliche winners never cheat, cheaters never win? Or the greediest player on the greediest team in all of Sports will be destined to live his professional career a tortured failure?

Ok, so I made that last one up myself.

Following his reported decision to play for the United States in the World Baseball Classic, all the above apply to Alex Rodriguez.                                

First, A-Rod tells us he doesn't want to disrespect the U.S. or the Dominican Republic by playing for the other in the WBC this spring. Fine.

But while we're here...does anyone else wonder if the U.S. and Dominican officials were secretly popping champagne bottles in their sky-rise offices at the thought of not having to deal with A-Rod possibly killing them in key situations as the tournament progressed, as he's done to the Yankees the past two playoffs? Now I'm betting that the Dominican officials just popped another bottle, laughing at the U.S. ordering some polish for the trophy and sending a bouquet of "Get Well Soon" flowers with Tylenol to the U.S. guys. Back to the column.

Second, A-Rod changes his mind and commits to the U.S. Fine.

Ironically, we've seen this before. A-Rod signs for $252 million with the Texas Rangers, and after three short seasons gets out of Texas in a trade. After he said he wanted to spend his career in Texas and win a World Series there. Guess those promises have a three year shelf life.

He's a master, I'll give you that. Only he could put a team in the red like the Rangers, then complain about not being able to win. Only a couple teams could/can handle A-Rod's salary while still having enough left over to supply their roster with "less than mediocre" talent. I'll give you a hint: it's the two teams that fought over him in the winter of 2003-2004.

Alex Rodriguez is a mystifying example of a modern athlete. A sure fire Hall of Fame candidate...with no rings. Great numbers throughout the regular season every year in every possible situation...except when it matters.             

He's got two MVP Awards. One he won in 2003, as a Ranger, one of the worst teams in baseball that season. Think about that. How many other times, in any league, has a player with good stats from a terrible team been voted MVP?

Shaun Alexander was just named NFL MVP over Peyton Manning, largely due to his record breaking TD's, his teams' overall record and his league leading rushing yards. Just one question, though: if Alexander did all those things and the Seahawks were 4-12, would he have won? Of course not. Or Barry Sanders probably wins the MVP five times in his career.

Being a great player on a bad team doesn't make you an MVP.

 A-Rod's other MVP came this year in a close race with a designated hitter.  By the end, people were looking for a reason to talk themselves out of voting for David Ortiz. He doesn't play the field, etc, etc, etc. It shouldn't have even been close--in any other year, if a Yankee is going up against a Boston DH, the Yankee should win every time, and I'll admit I'm a Red Sox fan. But did you hear the Yankees' own players' coming out saying A-Rod was their unequivicocal leader, the heart of the team? Nope. It seemed split on their team if the MVP of the Yankees was Gary Sheffield or Mariano Rivera.

There's just something about him that keeps people away. What's with his personality, you wonder, if Derek Jeter doesn't like him? He's defined by his post-season inadequacies, his Chuck Norris chop block on Bronson Arroyo in the '04 ALCS, his massive contract and the poor way he defends himself (See Picture at right). 

You can't really blame him for taking the money back in 2000. The Rangers offered it. Would you have turned it down? The problem is, where did we go wrong? Around the same age, Michael Jordan was considered a great talent, but never got paid like A-Rod. He made his money of his Air Jordan's, his personality and his commercials. The basketball cash didn't come until near the end of his days with the Bulls.

Shouldn't a reward like $25 million a year happen after you've achieved something more than potential and a career .300 average?

So whether he plays for the U.S., the Dominican Republic or the Yankees, Rodriguez won't ever be able shake his stigma or earn his paycheck.  To the fans, he can't even use that money to buy their love.

If you're still wrapped up in the fact you think Chris Paul should have stayed at Wake Forest for another year, that he was too small, too inexperienced to play in the NBA, get over it. 

He's tearing up the league after a month and a half.  Through the first 22 games of the season, about a 1/4 of the way through, the 4th pick of last summer's draft isn't the reason the New Orleans-Oklahoma City-Soon To Be Las Vegas Hornets are bad.  If anything, he's the reason they're not worse.

Paul's stats are amazing for a rookie point guard--perhaps the hardest position to adjust to from the college game to the NBA.  He's averaging 16.3 points, 7.1 assists, 5.9 rebounds and 2.18 steals per game--compared to just 2.59 turnovers.  The assist-to-turnover ratio is the most impressive stat (as well as the rebounding) the 6'0", 175lb. 20 year old has going for him. 

Paul's 4th in the league in steals, 1st in rookie scoring, 1st in rookie assists (10th overall)--all while playing his rookie season for a terrible team dealing with being displaced to Oklahoma City. 

The other impressive rookie I've seen has to be New York's Channing Frye, out of Arizona.  Again, for a terrible team, Frye is averaging 15.2 points, 6.2 rebounds, 1.1 assists and 1 block per game.  He's shooting an amazing 52% from the field. 

A couple other thoughts while we're here:

--Why is Tim Duncan doing that to his hair?  Is this the year of hair, or what?  Did it start with Randy Moss last year and that awful afro?  It's spread to Jake Plummer's beard and Chris Kaman's head.  It's not the length that bothers me, it's the "I-Didn't-Really-Have-Time" look.  C'mon fellas, you're rich athletes, you can afford to go to a store and by some hair product or something. 

--Can we start a petition to get Grant Hill to just stop coming back?  It's so bad that I look away every time he moves, afraid he's going to go down in pain.

--Let's all just try and understand something: LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony aren't the Bird/Magic of the present.  They're LeBron/'Melo.  And they don't have a rivalry yet because they've only played each other about 5 times.  Don't force what's not there, folks. 

--One baseball note: Alex Rodriguez is sitting out the World Baseball Classic in March, reportedly.  That takes the pressure of him trying to choose between the U.S. and Dominican Republic.  I wonder if Yankees fans are wishing he would have sat out the playoffs.  That would have taken the pressure off their screaming lungs.  Or maybe they're wishing he'll just sit out the whole year.