Here are some Random Thoughts from around the sports universe and other-wise:

* Can we all agree that, in four years when the San Diego Chargers hold their press conference to announce Norv Turner’s and A.J. Smith’s firings, that we all knew this was a bad idea in the first place?  I mean, I know San Diego is loaded, but they are being coach by Norv Turner.  Couldn’t they have asked any Washington Redskins or Oakland Raiders fan what they think of him?  There is no way Norv Turner gets San Diego gets to the Promised Land.  Man, that decision was dumb.

* When my friends argue about religion, I submit this fact: The University of Tennessee has a back-up QB named Jim Bob Cooter.  This is the only fact that simultaneously proves and disproves the existence of God.  Take that, Kirk Cameron.

Speaking of which, I hope that Jim Bob Cooter gets drafted by the Miami Dolphins, just so that Dolphins fans can watch Jim Bob Cooter vs. Cleo Lemon battle for the starting QB position.  That should make Nick Saban jealous.  He’ll think, “Instead of coaching where I have increased job security, I could be coaching an aging defense, a running back who can’t stop smoking pot, Cleo Lemon, a QB whose knee may never heal, a 37-year old QB who just lost his job to Damon Huard, John Beck and Jim Bob Cooter.  Boy, that decision was stupid!  Speaking of which, I better call the company that helped me get the Alabama job.”

* Then again, it could be worse.  You could be an Atlanta Falcons fan; they are one Michael Vick suspension from Joey Harrington: Starting QB.
 

* Sometimes, the apology reveals much more than the action that caused it.

(Key Quote: The Washington Redskins, as an organization, obviously would never condone anything related to animal cruelty," the team's statement said. Nope, they condone anything related to human cruelty, such as racist mascots! But we better not offend dog lovers.  They are crazy.  And dedicated.  And educated.)

* In Japan, game shows are different than they are here. Very different.  Baseball fights are also much more entertaining.

* In the spirit of Shining, I present: Sandlot 300.

* If I could have any super-human power, I would have super-human laziness.  I don’t know how that will help me to solve crime, but I will have a much better chance of someday marrying Britney Spears.  Speaking of which, people are letting Britney Spears write again, which means more laughs for all of us!

* Here are a couple thoughts on the NBA Lottery:  Everybody who didn’t win the Lottery is complaining they didn’t get Oden and Durant, but let’s look at this from Kevin Durant’s perspective: He is moving from Texas to Seattle…  I can’t wait for the Atlanta Hawks to pass on Michael Conley for Yi Jianlian.  I mean, when you have Tyronne Lue, there is no need to draft a point guard.  Bigger mistakes have been made...

* Have no fear, ladies who miss Brady Quinn’s sexy eyes.  Meet the next Irish QB stud-muffin who will bring sexy back!  Besides, you have Charlie Weis!

* There is a possibility that women may be able to reproduce without dudes.  This begs the question: Why do we need guys?  Many reasons!  They are very dedicated sports fans!  They make sure that bets are paid up, in creative ways!  They invent "useful" food items! Also, cars. Also, toilet cars.  They are always coming up with new ways to satisfy the ladies!  They teach us that common sense isn't so common... over and over and over again.  Besides, it’s tough for some guys to find a woman without this added obstacle.

* The way Hillary Clinton is gathering endorsements, I don't know why we even bother having an election. She's unbeatable...

(Note: Nothing sums up the Clinton years better than this quote: The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry. Yep, they was the best years for education, too!)

* Speaking of grammar, u is a key part of Superman! And I is a key part of Virginia.

* They say that Wheaties is the Breakfast of Champions.  But Wheaties is Raisin Bran without the raisins.  That makes raisins the fruit of losers.

* Let’s face it, body-checking Steve Nash is not the worst thing Robert Horry has ever done.

* Every day, I wake up and read the news, hoping to find an article that inspires me to great things.  Well, that didn’t happen.

* This woman handed me a pamphlet today that showed me how to perform a self-breast exam. I told that wasn't necessary, and she said "you can give this to your girlfriend." What am I supposed to say? "Hey beautiful, have you been thinking your breasts lately? Well I have! Umm, I’m going to go somewhere… where I can… hide in shame..."

* Last year, I was in Tempe, and I watched the Redskins play the Philadelphia Eagles at "The Library," which I would describe as a Hooters, but the girls are dressed in naughty Catholic school outfits, and they have a bookshelf behind the bar. It's as if management was taunting the waitresses with knowledge. Needless to say, I hope any future daughter of mine never obtains employment at "The Library," or other seedy establishments.

* My dream of moose racing is one step closer to become reality.  This is why nobody watches horse racing anymore; nobody cares about horses.  But if you made The Preakness into a moose race (with #### jockeys!), then people will watch.

* And finally, RIP Marquise Hill, an all-around good guy.  Pacman Jones could learn a thing or two from him.

Hope you enjoyed,

Matt Morrison