In my family, ripping is a year-round sport. No one is spared. Though my mom, not one given to making many mistakes, has a perennial Steel Curtain-like D.
My dad, on the other hand, consistently faltered in the warm-weather seasons. For that was the time his three divisional opponents -- my mom, my brother & myself -- could unite to prey on one particularly glaring weakness.
My dad, then Master of the Grass, would go out to tackle the yard in a uniform of white undershirt, plaid shorts...
And BLACK SOCKS!
Once upon a time (according to a yarn I read*) a college basketball coach was asked how he made a time-pressured personnel decision. He answered, "The first thing I did was cut the guys wearing black socks."
Outside of the office, black socks were a sign of frailty, knits that would fold under pressure. Mockery of my father became such a shorthand that eventually it was just a matter of stocking-laugh.
Now I'm starting to believe he was actually ahead of his time.
Because I have unraveled the mystery of why yet another Master of the Grass is so dominant!!!
IT'S HIS SOCKS!!!!
Of course, at Wimbledon, the world's best athlete is confined to wear white. But this past fortnight on the Flushing Meadows hard courts, the fashion-forward Swiss star earned the nickname "Darth Federer" for his all-black night match get-up.
Even while practicing with boys' junior champ Ricardas Berankis, Fed -- clad in a pale, unkempt tee -- could not forego the dark footwear.
Except for his quarterfinal against American Andy Roddick, Federer was not playing at the top of his form. He lost sets to John Isner and Feliciano Lopez. And the scoreline of 7-6 (4), 7-6 (2), 6-4 in his final against Novak Djokovic is only a straight-set win on paper. Djokovic had nine break point chances and seven set point chances.
Djokovic was a break and 40-0 up in the first set. And then in fifth game of the third, Fed was 0-40 down on his serve.
Where a pair of white socks would have wilted, black socks prevailed.
'Cause when you think about tough men's tennis attire, you think of... Shoes?... Shorts?... Manpris?!??
No, SOCKS!!! If a player's preference is "Boxers" or "Commando," well those have a certain zing (especially when I think about Marat Safin). But Socks, which doubles as a verb, packs the most punch!!!
And evidence supports that the color of the hosiery matters.
As the song says:
White socks, they always get dirty The longer you wear them; the weaker they get Sometimes, I think I shouldn't wash them But something inside me says "Do it right now!"
Black socks, they never get dirty, The longer you wear them the stronger they get! Sometimes I think I should wash them But something keeps telling me No, no, not yet!
Yes, once upon a time, black socks were the marker of mockery, the sign of shaky footing, the stamp of a heel! But perception has been turned inside out:
They're not just for girl scout campfire songs anymore! Members of Lamb of God -- a band hardcore enough to kick each other's #### -- are so convinced of the power of black socks that they double-duty them, cutting them off to fashion arm bands.**
Darth Federer.
My dad now has someone else cut the lawn while he slices blades of grass with a seven-iron instead. He & his black socks just won his golf league and he has already spent his earnings on a new club. Master of the Grass...
And fashion, apparently... Hmmm, I might just have to dig up some new material for ripping. But before I jump back into the fray, I'm going to throw on a pair of black socks.
I'd say I'm more athlete than fan. I hope I can say that all my life.
After Marat Safin, is there anyone else?
Some of my other favorite athletes include: Dmitry Tursunov, Kim Clijsters, Roger Federer, Tedy Bruschi, Cory Schlesinger, Brian McBride, Lynn Hill & Dean Potter.
I truly appreciate any advice or criticism. Thank you.
