Even rarer than the eclipsing of the Sun is the forthcoming quarterfinal match between two bright stars of the ATP circuit: Marat Safin and Feliciano Lopez. Indeed, this stellar event has only occurred five times in the last six years.
Please heed this dire Public Servicing Announcement!
Such a collision of exquisiteness is hazardous to your health. The simultaneous impact of the imposing, rakish Russian and the suave Spaniard in the same orbit is unfortunately too much sensory stimuli for most #### sapiens to endure!!!
Particularly those that described Tuesday’s 25 degree Celsius (77F) temperature in London to be “boiling.” Hmmm... royalty unfamiliar with cauldron and oil? Surely, they jest!
Bah! They've yet to know HOT until Safin and FeLo grace the grass!
The athleticism of this masculine pair of celestial bodies has potential to render you sightless! Deafen your ears!! Outright SLAY you!!!
In the self-interest of philanthropy, I have agreed to take on the burden of your Court One tickets, whilst you instead fortify your vision with vitamin C & manganese-rich strawberries. Cream if you desire.
My bravery will afford you the opportunity to lay eyes on the green lawns of the All-England Club once again. Even as soon as the Arnaud Clement-Rainer Schuettler match, which is a more humanly sufferable amount of charm on one court.
Please bequeath all tickets to:
The Ever-Obsessed Ambassador MCLioness
Solo Inhabitant of the Safinfatuated Solar System
Allsaid paper tokens shall be duly recycled.
Those with Ground Admission tickets, please refrain from alms, though your intent is appreciated. I’ve no aspirations to be a jill on Henman Hill. (Lo, I cannot touch the lately christened Murray Mound... though begging for punnery, I favor the more Middle-Ages Brit to the Scot Brat!)
To further proffer my body in the names of both Science and Deity, I shall bear witness to this heavenly event at the risk of losing ALL my senses! I will do so without the projection of a camera obscura! Without shield for my orbs! No plugs for my ears or nose! I shall even deny myself garments as inspiration to the combatants!!!!
I have been training myself for ages, hardening myself with the virtual countenance of Safin more than any body has thus far or shall again.
The afterimage of his visage already engulfs my brain, an affliction I do not wish to share with my worst enemy, nor any other soul. What remains to be tested is my forbearance to withstand his entire physical, sweaty, screaming, ball-pounding presence. I even dare to measure his luminosity in foot candles!
Please, please, Peasants... You marvel at my generosity and sacrifice, but reassure yourselves that my personal gratification is well in hand.
The 187 cm (6’2”) Lopez has less of an influence on my involuntary and voluntary responses. However this lefty, whom flirts on the verge of pretty, moonlights as a model for a reason.
I'd say I'm more athlete than fan. I hope I can say that all my life.
After Marat Safin, is there anyone else?
Some of my other favorite athletes include: Dmitry Tursunov, Kim Clijsters, Roger Federer, Tedy Bruschi, Cory Schlesinger, Brian McBride, Lynn Hill & Dean Potter.
I truly appreciate any advice or criticism. Thank you.
