Josh Q. Public:I know it’s true, oh so true, ’cause I saw it on TV. -John Fogherty
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! I know. I know. A day late and a dollar short. But I have to do this. Like I always knew this. Like Carl Lewis. Like Carl Lewis, Jim McKay was a mainstay at the Olympics. Like everyone else, I’ll always remember McKay for the 1972 Olympics. I was young back then. Real young. Excitable boy they all said. I stomped in place during the opening ceremonies when the American athletes entered to, When the Saints Go Marching In. I did a #### along with the Mexicans to the Mexican Hat Dance. I watched as the US Basketball team cruised to their sixty-second straight victory. I watched Mark Spitz take seven Gold Medals. I watched the legendary Jim Ryan finish his last race ever. Finished his last race ever, collapsing to his knees. I watched a fifteen-year old Olga Korbut storm back and capture the world’s heart. I watched the workmanlike Dan Gable take the podium, blood oozing from atop his eye. I watched David Wattle in his white golf cap. I watched all of it. I also watched El Tiante pitch four straight shutouts in the middle of pennant race. I watched a war rage on in Vietnam. Yes, I watched it all. But nothing could prepare me for what I was about to watch.
There he was. There was Jim McKay. Jim McKay in all his glory. In all his glory in his gold ABC sports jacket. But something was amiss. There was no Olympic revelry. There was no hoopla. No marches. No jigs. Just stark, solemn, eerie tones. I knew at once there was something terribly awry. Horribly wry. Ghastly awry. It was Jim McKay who told us what that was. It was he who recounted the bloody events of the previous evening. It was he was from whom we first heard of the horrors perpetrated by Black September. It was he who told us Black September broke into the Olympic Village. Black September. Ski Masks. Adidas sweat suits. Snub nosed Kashelnikov sub machine guns. McKay told us of the valiant struggle. The valiant struggle in the middle of the night. A two hundred and seventy-pound Israeli wrestling coach trying to save his team. “Boys, get out!” A handful of athletes escaped. The coach was not so lucky. Heroically, he blocked the door with his hulking frame. Chaos. Gunshots. One dead coach. More bravado. Athletes wielding kitchen knives. More chaos. More gunshots. Another dead athlete. Nine Olympians bound and gagged. Eight ugly men with Kashelnikov sub machine guns.
Eight ugly men threw one dead coach’s body down the steps. Two bullets in his head. One bullet in his chest. One five-week old bouncing baby boy who will never know his father. Eight ugly men. One dead weightlifter. Four bullets in his body. One butter knife in his hand. One wife and three daughters at home. And there was Jim McKay. The sanity amidst the madness. Shining in his jacket of gold. He revealed to us the thugs demands. He revealed to us that if the demands were not met the remaining nine athletes in captivity would suffer the same fate as their brothers. I vaguely remember Duane Bobick going down like a ton of stiffs that night. I clearly remember Jim McKay talking about deadlines. I also rememberPeter Jernnings talking about boarder guards coming in. But it was Jim McKay that stays with me. Ultimately it was these words that have stayed with me my entire life. Jim McKay’s words. You’ve heard them all before. “When I was a boy, my father told me that in life, our greatest ambitions and our worst fears are seldom realized. Tonight, our worst fears have been realized. Two of the hostages were killed in their rooms early this morning. Nine others were killed at the airport tonight. They’re all gone.” Now it is Jim McKay who is all gone and he will be sorely missed.
Josh Q. Public:Well I’m not dumb but I cant understand why she walked like a woman and talked like a man. Oh my Lola. Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola. -Kinks
PublicService Announcement: Ok, here we go! Enough is enough. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens. But this is just ridiculous. I thought this ended with the East German swimmers. Tammy Thomas. Cyclist. World Champeen cyclist. Tom McVay, a tester for the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, told a jury in U.S. District Court in San Francisco that on March 14, 2002, he was assigned to locate Thomas at and collect a urine sample for a steroid test. Not a job I would want, but hey. It’s a living. Prosecutors have called Thomas a “hard-core” steroid user who underwent a physical transformation while using banned drugs. McVay found this out first hand. Found this out when he knocked on Thomas’ door. “It appeared to be like shaving cream on the left side of her face around her ear.” Yikes. Let Noxema cream your face, so the razor won’t. Dr. Margaret Weirman: “Thomas had a deep voice, full beard, chest hair and even signs of male pattern baldness.” Goodness! That’s no woman, that’s a man, man.
Public Spectacle:
Public Acknowledgements:Lance Williams and Austin Powers
This video may be the worst ski crash we’ve ever seen. Austrian skier Matthias Lanzinger crashes shortly after starting his run at the top of a hill and rolls his way down. His injuries were so extensive on his left leg that the lower half had to be amputated.
That’s a male streaker who was dumb enough to get close to batsman Andrew Symonds this week during a match between Australia and India. Unfortunately for the streaker, Symonds spent the summer training with a rugby team and put his new found bashing skills to work. Goodness!
Josh Q. Public:I’ve been running hot. You got me ticking gonna blow my top. If you start me up. If you start me up I’ll never stop. -Rolling Stones
Public Service Announcement: Ok here we go. First things first. Like Tricky Dickie, let me make this perfectly clear. I am not a golf guy. I don’t even play one on TV. However, I can recognize greatness when I see it. Tiger Woods is great. Maybe the greatest athlete we’ve ever seen. Maybe the greatest athlete there’s ever been. A lean mean golfing machine. We’ve all been sitting around waiting for the next Michael Jordan. Begging for the next Michael Jordan. We’ve all been sitting around the Eastern Gate waiting and begging for the next Michael Jordan to come along riding in on his white horse to perform many great signs and wonders. All the while, he has been strolling down the fairway. Strolling down the fairway in Nike red. Strolling down the fairway in Nike red, greater than the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, blessed be he. Greater than Michael Jordan, the Chosen One. Greater than Muhammad Ali, the Greatest. Greater than Babe Ruth himself. Strolling down the fairway and obliterating everything in his wake. I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. Laid down some furious vengeance Sunday. Laid down some record breaking vengeance Sunday. Laid down some record breaking vengeance at Dove Mountain. Fourteen birdies in twenty-nine holes at Dove Mountain. Fourteen birdies in twenty-nine holes for an 8-and-7 victory at Dove Mountain. The largest margin of victory in the final in the 10-year history of this tournament. Yowza! Stewart Cink knows whose name is the Lord. After Sunday’s win, Tiger Woods has won four straight PGA Tour events. Four straight! That doesn’t even count his victory at the Dubai Desert Classic. That doesn’t even count his victory at the Target World Challenge. Tiger woods is on the kind of run our grandkids will be talking about. Like we talk about Arnold Palmer. Like we talk about Ben Hogan. Like we talk about Jack Nicklaus. Like we talk about Sam Snead. Only better. For more than ten years now, Tiger has been the best at what he does. For more than ten years now, Tiger has been the best in show. Since he won the Masters back in 1997, Tiger has been the best golfer in the world. Reign of Terror. La Grande Terreur. La Grande Terreur, Edwin Moses style. And, as good as he’s been, as good as he’s been, he’s better now. What you see is what you get and you ain’t seen nothing yet. Never in the history of sports has the best so far distanced themselves from everybody else. Tiger has four straight. The late great Byron Nelson holds the record with eleven. Get your popcorn ready. The greatest athlete in the world has just gotten started.
Public Acknowledgements: Rick Riley,Richard Milhous Nixon, Pulp Fiction, Beastie Boys and Terrell Owens
This episode of Josh Q. Public brought to you by The Salute Military Golf Association. SMGA is a non-profit corporation whose mission is to provide rehabilitative golf experiences for combat-wounded veterans in an effort to improve the quality of life for American heroes. And they need your help. The SMGA’s primary funding source is their annual charity golf classic. This year, the tournament will be held on May 12 at Army Navy Country Club in Fairfax, VA. By registering a foursome, sponsoring the tournament, or donating to their silent auction, you will help them support the recovery of combat-wounded soldiers. A registration form, sponsorship list, and brochure can be found on their website.
Like the man says: Heav’n has no rage, like love to hatred turn’d. Nor hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d. Could there be a better time to call your cheating husband on the carpet than in front of hundreds of millions of TV viewers during a broadcast that was supposed to launch the coverage 2008 Beijing Olympics? I think not. Hu Ziwei, wife of popular sportscaster Zhang Bin, hijacked the Olympics news conference to denounce her husband for infidelity. Thanks Bob Reno
Translation: I am here on the stage not as an anchor, but as the wife of the person beside me, Mr. Zhang Bin. Would you please spare one minute and listen to me? It is a special date for the Olympics Channel and for Mr. Zhang Bin. But for me, it also a special day. Just two hours ago, I found out that Mr. Zhang Bin is having an illicit relationship with a woman other than me. The coming year is the Olympic year, and the whole world will be watching China and Chinese people.
Josh Q. Public:I guess I thought I was Elvis Presley but I’ll tell ya something. All Elvis did was stand on a stage and play a guitar. He never fell off on that pavement at no 80 mph. -Evel Knievel
Public Service Announcement: Ok here we go! I gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly. For the day I die, I’mma touch the sky. Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly. For the day I die, I’mma touch the sky. Evel Knievel touched the sky, but more often than not he touched the concrete. If you grew up when I did, you loved Evel Knievel. Clad in his white leather jumpsuit. His white leather jumpsuit emblazoned with the stars and stripes capped off with cape and cane. What was cooler than that? Who was cooler than that? I said I’ll see you later and I give her some old chat. But it’s not like that on the TV when its cool for cats. It’s cool for cats. Cooler than Elvis. Cooler than James Dean. Cooler than Marlon Brando. Cooler than just about anyone. You loved it when he rode through fire walls. You loved it when he jumped over live rattlesnakes. Loved it when he jumped over mountain lions. Jumped over the fountains at Caesar’s Palace. Jumped over thirteen buses at Wembley Stadium. Tried to jump over Snake River Canyon in a star spangled rocket ship. Come and take a trip in my rocket ship, we’ll have a lovely afternoon. Kiss the world goodbye and away we fly. Destination moon. Evel finally jumped the shark. Lliteraly. Knievel decided to retire after a jump in the winter of 1976 in which he suffered a concussion and broke both arms in an attempt to jump a tank full of live sharks in the Chicago Amphitheatre. He suffered nearly forty broken bones before all was said and done. He was America’s Legendary Daredevil when all was said and done. Evel Knievel was my idol for a very long time. In some ways, he still is. He will be sorely missed.
Public Acknowledgements: Kanye West, Squeeze, Nat King Cole, Happy Days and The Smithsonian
Josh Q. Public:So bye-bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye, singin’, this’ll be the day that I die. This’ll be the day that I die. -Don McLean
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Not a glad one today. In fact a very sad one today. Josh Q. Public is saddened by the passing of Hall of Fame Wrestler, The Fabulous Moolah. In the world of women’s wrestling, there will always be one irrefutable legend that stands head and shoulders above the rest. Standing on the shoulders of giants leaves me cold. A mean idea to call my own, a hundred million birds fly away, away. The Fabulous Moolah has flown away. Flown away to the squared circle in the sky. She was the longest reigning champion in the history of her chosen sport. She was the longest reigning champion in the history of any sport. She is synonymous with female wrestling. She will be sorely missed.
Josh Q. Public:I don’t mean to brag. I don’t mean to boast. But I’m intercontinental when I eat French toast. -Beastie Boys
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! We’re in the middle of the Cricket World Cup right now. We’re in the Finals right now. The third most watched sporting event in the world right now. Third, behind the Soccer World Cup and the Olympics. Cricket? Ya, that’s the ticket. Quite a sticky wicket. Would you watch it in a box? Would you watch it with a fox? Not in a box. Not with a fox. I do not like it Josh Q. Public. C’mon. Try it, you’ll like it. You’ll like World Cup Cricket. You’ll definitely like Muttiah Muralitharan. Huh? Who? Muttiah Muralitharan. That’s who. That’s who doing the dew. But you can call him Murali. You can call me Ray or you can call me Jay, but you doesn’t hafta call me Muttiah Muralitharan. Who is this Murali you speak of? Murali is the bowler for Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka is in the Finals. The bowler is like a pitcher. Murali is the best bowler in the world. Better than Earl Anthony. Better than Joe Berardi. Better than Big Ern McCracken. Better than #### Weber. Ooops. Wrong bowlers. Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling. Murali is the best bowler in the world. The second best wicket taker of all time. Second best stick it shaker of all time. Second best trick it maker of all time. Wicket refers to the event of a batsman getting out. The batsman is said to have lost his wicket if dismissed by a bowler. Murali has dismissed the second most batsmen ever. Never say never. Never surrender. And when the night is cold and dark, you can see. You can see light ’cause no-one can take away your right to fight and never surrender. To never surrender. Murali never surrenders. Although many have made him try. You see, he has this weird bent-arm bowling motion. Motion in the ocean. Billy Ocean. Now we’re sharing the same dream and our hearts they beat as one. No more love on the run. The International Cricket Committee has had Murali on the run. Murali’s repertoire is unorthodox. Some might say reformed. Think Dice-K. D-Nice. Taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it. His chief weapons are the big spinning offbreak ball and two versions of the top-spinner. One of which goes straight on. The other, the doosra, not so much. It’s a doozy of doosra. Watch that first pitch, it’s a doosra. The doosra spins in the opposite direction to his stock ball. Think gyroball. Would like yogurt with that gyro? His newest variation is a version of a slider, which is flicked out the side of his hand and rushes onto batsmen like a flipper. They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning. No one you see, is smarter than he. And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder. Flying there under, under the sea. But not flying under the radar. Or is it sonar? Tomato, tomahto. Let’s call the whole thing off. The ICC tried to call the whole thing off. We can’t go on together with su####ious minds. And we can’t build our dreams on su####ious minds. Su####ions about his bowling action, Action Jackson, first surfaced soon after his debut against the Australians in 1993. Illegal motion? Motion in the Ocean? Billy Ocean? Nope. He was cleared by the ICC after biomechanical analysis were done. Don’t ask me. They concluded that his action created the optical illusion of throwing. Just an illusion. Doug Henning style. Spellbound. But the controversy did not end there. Over and over gain he was tested. And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time being mad about the same things. Over and over again. About the same things. Over and over again. Over and over again they proved that he’s just good. Real good. The best ever. At the rate he is accumulating wickets, he will shortly pass Shane Warne as the career wicket leader of all time. I am the greatest! I shook the world! Think Cy Young. Think Walter Johnson. Think Nolan Ryan. Think Muttiah Muralitharan.
Public Acknowledgements: Tommy Flanagan, Sam I Am, Alka Seltzer, Miller Lite, Camper Van Beethoven, Corey Hart, Sandy and Bud, Louis Armstrong, Elvis Presley, Cricinfo.com, Charlie Austin, Nelly & Tim McGraw, Muhammad Ali.
Josh Q. Public: ‘Cause one is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. One is the loneliest number, whoa-oh, worse than two. One is the loneliest number. One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do. -Three Dog Night
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Nobody likes a show off. Is there anything these guy can’t do? Anything you can do, they can do better. They can do anything better than you. Anything you can be, they can be greater. Sooner or later, they’re greater than you. The multisport athletes. Doing it all. Having a ball. Answering every call from here to Montreal. Some, you already Gary Gnu about. But others are gonna be a New Zoo Review about. Coming right at you about.
Let’s start with an easy one. A cheesy one. A George and Weezy one. Batter up! Bo knows this. What? And Bo knows that. What? But Bo don’t know jack, cause Bo can’t rap. Vincent Edward Jackson. The epitome of the two-sport athlete. One day he’s carrying the Boz over the goal line. The next day, he’s crushing the ball out of Anaheim Stadium at the All-Star game. And look at that one! Bo Jackson says hello!Says hello to my little friend.Maybe the best athlete I’ve ever seen. Maybe the best there’s ever been.
What about Tony Gwynn? We know he played baseball. Just made it into the great Hall. But what if I told you he ran the rock? Would that put you in shock? Would it clean your clock? Ran the point for the San Diego State Aztecs. Set the school assist record for the San Diego Aztecs. Dropping dimes like Newton dropped the apple. Drafted by the San Diego Clippers. Honey drippers. Sucker sippers. Big dippers. You can put that in you don’t know what I said book.
Neion Deion. Prime Time. The best cover corner of all prime time. Eight Pro Bowls. Hit a home run and scored a touchdown in the same week. Played in a MLB and NFL game during the same day. My my, hey hey. Played in both a Super Bowl and World Series. In four games of that World Series, he batted .533. He scored four runs. He had 8 hits, two doubles and one RBI. Hey hey, my my. Prime Time!
John Elway. The Driver. The staying aliver. Ha ha ha ha staying alive. His gridiron exploits are well documented. His football fame well cemented. Baseball? Not so much. Drafted by the Royals out of high school. As a sophomore at Stanford, he hit .361 with nine homers and 50 RBIs. Pitched too. Electric boogaloo. First pick of the New York Yankees. Hit .314 along with a club-high 24 homers for the Oneonta Yankees. It didn’t stick. Chicks may dig the longball, but the Duke of Denver loved football.
How ’bout Beltin’ Todd Helton. That cat sure can hit. Can hit a little bit. Through last year, beltin’ his way to the highest career batting average of any active player. Beltin’ his way to second in on base percentage. Beltin’ his way to fourth in slugging percentage, eighth in intentional walks and sixteenth in doubles. Helton received a scholarship from the University of Tennessee Volunteers to play both football and baseball. Backed up Heath Shuler. Got the starting job his senior season. Got hurt. Lost his job to a 6'5? 230 pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm. Can you say Wally Pipp.
Bullet Bob Hayes. All you need is Bob Hayes. Runs like Hayes, plays like, well, Hayes. Set the world record in the 100. Won two gold medals the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Signed with the Cowboys. A Cowboy baby. Ridin’ at night cause I sleep all day. Cowboy baby. I can smell a pig from a mile away. In his first two seasons, Hayes led the NFL in receiving touchdowns. The only human to have won an NFL ring and a gold medal. Yowza! In the NFL he made the Pro Bowl three times and was All-Pro four times. You can’t touch him, ’cause he’s electric. And if you touch him, you’ll get shocked, shocked, shocked.
Antonio Gates. Four years in theNFL. Three Pro Bowls. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst. Since 2004, only Indianapolis Colts wide-receiver Marvin Harrison has caught more touchdowns than Gates. Goodness! Gates never played football in college. Nope, not a lick. Ain’t that sick? One slick trick. He played basketball for Eastern Michigan and then Kent State. This summer I hear the drumming, four dead in Ohio. A power forward, Gates led the Golden Flashes to a MAC Championship and the Elite Eight. Who knew?
Dave Winfield. Mr. May.One tough ####. Hall of Fame slugger. But check it, check it out. He was drafted by four professional teams in three different sports. Gracious! After graduating from the University of Minnesota, Winfield was drafted by the NBA’sAtlanta Hawks, the ABA’s Utah Stars, the NFL Vikings and the San Diego Padres. Winfield chose baseball. Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?
Brian Jordan. Fourteen year baseball vet. Fool I’m a vet you can bet that. I could dance in underwater and not get wet. Check it. It’s rainin’ bullets and I’m still there. For life. I’m still there. Here there everywhere. Cardinals. Braves. Falcons. Doin’ the dirty bird. Bird bird bird. Bird is the word. Five interceptions and four sacks for the Dirty Birds. Third in the NFL in tackles in 1990 for the Dirty Birds. 1996. Bird of a different feather. Red Birds. In the postseason that year, Jordan hit .333 in the NLDS. Had a game-winning home run in Game Four of the NLCS. More playoff heroics with the Braves. Jordan was a savior in the 1999 NLDS for the Braves. Against the Astros he batted .471. He had the game-winning double in the twelfth inning of Game 3. He drove in seven of Hot Lanta’s 18 runs during the series. Driiiiiiiive!!! Driiiiiiiive!!! My baby drove up in a brand new Cadillac. Yes she did! My baby drove up in a brand new Cadillac. She said, hey, come here, daddy! I ain’t never comin’ back!
Ricky Williams. The Texas Tornado. Knock ‘em out the box Rick. Knock ‘em out Rick. Heisman. Dolphins. Bong hits. Suspension. More Dolphins. More bong hits. Another suspension. Argonauts. This we know. Did you know this? Before the Heisman, Ricky was drafted in the eighth round of the 1995 baseball amateur draft by the Philadelphia Phillies. The Rick is down with the House. He got the Phillie blunts. Ya know he rolls ‘em up. And then he lights ‘em up. And then he puffs them up and passes them. So Danny Boy blasts ‘em. Played four years at the Class A level with the Martinsville Phillies, Piedmont Boll Weavils and Batavia Muckdogs. Hit .283 with six stolen bases in nine tries in thirteen games the year he won the Heisman Trophy. Geez, when this guy isn’t baked to the bejeezus he’s quite an athlete. Quite an athlete indeed.
Me and Marion Jones, we got a thing going on. We both know that it’s wrong. But it’s much too strong to let it cool down now. Marion Jones. Track Star. We all know her as a multiple-medal winner in Olympic competition. Fast like lightning. So fast that it’s frightening. Outta sightning. But in college, she led the North Carolina Tar Heels to a 92-10 record during her 3 years on the team. Here comes Carolina-lina. Here comes Carolina-lina. Here come Carolina with a national championship in 1994. Here comes Marion Jones, All-America point guard. Here comes Marion Jones ranked fifth on UNC’s all-time assists list. Ranked third in steals and seventh in blocks. All that despite playing only three years.
#### Groat. NL MVP and two World Series rings with the Pittsburgh Pirates. In college, at Duke, he averaged twenty-six points per game in and led the country in assists. So turn on the steam, team. Fight Blue Devils fight! National Player of the Year. Two time All American. Get the papers, get the papers. Set an NCAA record with 839 points. After college, Groat spent one season with the Fort Wayne Pistons.
Jim Brown. Maybe the greatest running back of all-time. Hall of Fame running back. Yes, I’m running down the railway track. Could you help me? Police on my back. Number nine. Number nine. In only nine years, Brown became the all-time leading rushing leader in the NFL. Currently, sits third on that list. Maybe the greatest lacrosse player of all time. Hall of Fame Lacrosse player. Led Syracuse’s lacrosse team to an undefeated season in 1957, leading the country in scoring.
Jim Thorpe. Olympic gold medals in the pentathlon and decathlon. Starred in college and professional football. Played Major League Baseball. Had a career in basketball. What more could you ask? A superstar in four sports. So you wanna be a rap superstar, and live large. A big house. Five cars. You’re in charge.
Charlie Ward. A Heisman Trophy winning quarterback. Won that award by the highest margin ever. College Football Hall of Fame. He’s got game. It might feel good. Sound a lil’ somethin’. Damn the game if it dont mean nuthin’. Meant something to Charlie. Won a National Championship in football. Led the Seminoles’ basketball team to the Elite Eight. First round draft pick in 1994 for the Knicks. Didn’t even play baseball in college. Still, he was drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers in the 1993 free agent draft and by the New York Yankees in 1994.
Julius Peppers. Dominant defensive end for the Carolina Panthers. Rookie of the Year. Three-time Pro-Bowler. Power forward for the storied North Carolina Tar Heels. Helped the storied North Carolina Tar Heels reach the Final Four. Led the storied North Carolina Tar Heels in field goal percentage, shooting over 60 percent from the floor. The only man to ever play in both the NCAA men’s basketball Final Four and the NFL’s Super Bowl.
Bob Golic. Thirteen year NFL career. Career opportunities are the ones that never knock. Every job they offer you, is to keep out the dock. Career opportunities, the ones that never knock. Knocked for Golic. Golic made the Pro Bowl three times. At Notre Dame, he was an All-America heavyweight wrestler. Placed third and fourth in the country in ‘76 and ‘77. Placed ahead of future Olympic gold medalist Jeff Blatnick.
Terrell Eldorado Owens. Eldorado, why don’t you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you, before its too late. Besides his NFL career, T.O. played basketball and ran track at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. He even had the opportunity to play at the 1995 NCAA Basketball Tournament.
Tony Gonzalez. Kansas City Chiefs. Seven Pro Bowls. In college, played basketball and helped the California Golden Bears beat Villanova in the 1997 NCAA tournament to reach the Sweet 16. Tony tried out unsuccessfully for the Miami Heat.
josh q. public. For the public, by The Public. Irreverent sports opinion from a Bostonian in New York. The one blog to read, when you’re reading more than one. Good to the last drop!
Lanka is in the Finals. The bowler is like a pitcher. Murali is the best bowler in the world. Better than Earl Anthony. Better than Joe Berardi. Better than Big Ern McCracken. Better than 
dismissed by a bowler. Murali has dismissed the second most batsmen ever. Never say never. Never surrender. And when the night is cold and dark, you can see. You can see light ’cause no-one can take away your right to fight and never surrender. To never surrender. Murali never surrenders. Although many have made him try. You see, he has this weird bent-arm bowling motion. Motion in the ocean. Billy Ocean. Now we’re sharing the same dream and our hearts they beat as one. No more love on the run. The International Cricket Committee has had Murali on the run. Murali’s repertoire is unorthodox. Some might say reformed. Think Dice-K. D-Nice. Taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it. His chief weapons are the big spinning offbreak ball and two versions of the top-spinner. One of which goes straight on. The other, the doosra, not so much. It’s a doozy of doosra. Watch that 
first pitch, it’s a doosra. The doosra spins in the opposite direction to his stock ball. Think gyroball. Would like yogurt with that gyro? His newest variation is a version of a slider, which is flicked out the side of his hand and rushes onto batsmen like a flipper. They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning. No one you see, is smarter than he. And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder. Flying there under, under the sea. But not flying under the radar. Or is it sonar? Tomato, tomahto. Let’s call the whole thing off. The ICC tried to call the whole thing off. We can’t go on together with su
illusion. Doug Henning style. Spellbound. But the controversy did not end there. Over and over gain he was tested. And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time being mad about the same things. Over and over again. About the same things. Over and over again. Over and over again they proved that he’s just good. Real good. The best ever. At the rate he is accumulating wickets, he will shortly pass Shane Warne as the career wicket leader of all time. I am the greatest! I shook the world! Think Cy Young. Think Walter Johnson. Think Nolan Ryan. Think Muttiah Muralitharan. 
Let’s start with an easy one. A cheesy one. A George and Weezy one. Batter up! Bo knows this. What? And Bo knows that. What? But Bo don’t know jack, cause Bo can’t rap. Vincent Edward Jackson. The epitome of the two-sport athlete. One day he’s carrying the Boz over the goal line. The next day, he’s crushing the ball out of Anaheim Stadium at the All-Star game. And look at that one! Bo Jackson says hello! Says hello to my little friend. Maybe the best athlete I’ve ever seen. Maybe the best there’s ever been.
Neion Deion. Prime Time. The best cover corner of all prime time. Eight Pro Bowls. Hit a home run and scored a touchdown in the same week. Played in a MLB and NFL game during the same day. My my, hey hey. Played in both a Super Bowl and World Series. In four games of that World Series, he batted .533. He scored four runs. He had 8 hits, two doubles and one RBI. Hey hey, my my. Prime Time! 
How ’bout Beltin’ Todd Helton. That cat sure can hit. Can hit a little bit. Through last year, beltin’ his way to the highest career batting average of any active player. Beltin’ his way to second in on base percentage. Beltin’ his way to fourth in slugging percentage, eighth in intentional walks and sixteenth in doubles. Helton received a scholarship from the University of Tennessee Volunteers to play both football and baseball. Backed up Heath Shuler. Got the starting job his senior season. Got hurt. Lost his job to a 6'5? 230 pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm. Can you say Wally Pipp. 
Antonio Gates. Four years in the NFL. Three Pro Bowls. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst. Since 2004, only Indianapolis Colts wide-receiver Marvin Harrison has caught more touchdowns than Gates. Goodness! Gates never played football in college. Nope, not a lick. Ain’t that sick? One slick trick. He played basketball for Eastern Michigan and then Kent State. This summer I hear the drumming, four dead in Ohio. A power forward, Gates led the Golden Flashes to a MAC Championship and the Elite Eight. Who knew? 
Brian Jordan. Fourteen year baseball vet. Fool I’m a vet you can bet that. I could dance in underwater and not get wet. Check it. It’s rainin’ bullets and I’m still there. For life. I’m still there. Here there everywhere. Cardinals. Braves. Falcons. Doin’ the dirty bird. Bird bird bird. Bird is the word. Five interceptions and four sacks for the Dirty Birds. Third in the NFL in tackles in 1990 for the Dirty Birds. 1996. Bird of a different feather. Red Birds. In the postseason that year, Jordan hit .333 in the NLDS. Had a game-winning home run in Game Four of the NLCS. More playoff heroics with the Braves. Jordan was a savior in the 1999 NLDS for the Braves. Against the Astros he batted .471. He had the game-winning double in the twelfth inning of Game 3. He drove in seven of Hot Lanta’s 18 runs during the series. Driiiiiiiive!!! Driiiiiiiive!!! My baby drove up in a brand new Cadillac. Yes she did! My baby drove up in a brand new Cadillac. She said, hey, come here, daddy! I ain’t never comin’ back!
Me and Marion Jones, we got a thing going on. We both know that it’s wrong. But it’s much too strong to let it cool down now. Marion Jones. Track Star. We all know her as a multiple-medal winner in Olympic competition. Fast like lightning. So fast that it’s frightening. Outta sightning. But in college, she led the North Carolina Tar Heels to a 92-10 record during her 3 years on the team. Here comes Carolina-lina. Here comes Carolina-lina. Here come Carolina with a national championship in 1994. Here comes Marion Jones, All-America point guard. Here comes Marion Jones ranked fifth on UNC’s all-time assists list. Ranked third in steals and seventh in blocks. All that despite playing only three years.
Jim Brown. Maybe the greatest running back of all-time. Hall of Fame running back. Yes, I’m running down the railway track. Could you help me? Police on my back. Number nine. Number nine. In only nine years, Brown became the all-time leading rushing leader in the NFL. Currently, sits third on that list. Maybe the greatest lacrosse player of all time. Hall of Fame Lacrosse player. Led Syracuse’s lacrosse team to an undefeated season in 1957, leading the country in scoring. 
Julius Peppers. Dominant defensive end for the Carolina Panthers. Rookie of the Year. Three-time Pro-Bowler. Power forward for the storied North Carolina Tar Heels. Helped the storied North Carolina Tar Heels reach the Final Four. Led the storied North Carolina Tar Heels in field goal percentage, shooting over 60 percent from the floor. The only man to ever play in both the NCAA men’s basketball Final Four and the NFL’s Super Bowl.
Terrell Eldorado Owens. Eldorado, why don’t you come to your senses? Come down from your fences, open the gate. It may be raining, but there’s a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you, before its too late. Besides his NFL career, T.O. played basketball and ran track at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. He even had the opportunity to play at the 1995 NCAA Basketball Tournament.
