Josh Q. Public:  Pégate para acá y siente el impacto.  Pegate para acà y siente el impacto.  Pegate para acà, pegate para acá, pegate para acá y siente el impacto.  -Daddy Yankee

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Pedro Martinez.  Vote Pedro!  Everybody’s yammering about Roger Clemens.  Everybody’s jammering about Andy Petitie.  What about Pedro?  What about, pound for pound, the best pitcher of this generation?  What about, pound for pound, the cleanest pitcher of this generation?  Zestfully clean.  Zestfully clean.  You’re not fully clean until you’re Zestfully clean.   Pedro:  “I dominated that era and I did it clean.  I can stand by my numbers and I can be proud of them.”  He should be proud of them.  Proud as a peacock.  Proud as a peacock in 1999.  Best pitcher I ever saw in 1999.  ‘Cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over, oops out of time.  So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999.  Fenway Park.  Dominican flags galore.  Punchados galore.  In 1999 Pedro went 23-4.  In 1999, Pedro had a 2.07 ERA.  In 1999, Pedro threw a club record 313 strikeouts.  Yowza!  Need more?  Need more, senor?  Need more so you can know the score?  In 1999, struck out fifteen or more batters six times.  In 1999, he pitched a masterpiece seventeen punchado, one hit game against the hated New York Yankees.  In 1999, he allowed only thirty-seven walks.  Big deal, you say?  Who cares, you say?  Those thirty seven walks are the lowest total in history for a member of the 300-strikeout club!  How about that?  How about this?  In 1999, Pedro only gave up nine dings.  None of them with runners on base.  Goodness!  Greatness.  The 1999 All Star Game.  Ted Williams is wheeled into Fenway.  Grown men are brought to tears.  Pedro is the American League starter.  More grown men are brought to tears.  Barry Larkin is brought is brought to tears.  Larry Walker is brought to tears.  Slamming Sammy Sosa is brought to tears.  Mark McGwire is brought to tears.  Brought to tears as Pedro strikes out the first four batters he faces.  First time in All-Star Game history that a player had struck out the first four batters.  Kevin Mitchell reaches on an error.  Down goes Bagwell!  Five of six total batters.  Ties the A.L. record of five strikeouts in an All-Star Game.  He did it in two innings.  All-Star MVP at Fenway Park.  Do you BELIEVE?  I did.  The rest of the season is a blur.  As your Curly Headed Girlfriend wrote:  “The Red Sox finish their startling regular season in Baltimore today and open a best-of-five playoff series on Wednesday.  The Sox were not expected to be in the 1999 post-season tournament, but are back in the playoffs on the strength of a historic season by their 27-year-old, 5-foot-11, 174-pound right-handed ace.”  Pedro has to leave game one due to back spasms.  Pedro has to leave game one after pitching four shut-out innings due to back spasms.  A collective gasp rises from the city of Boston.  For every win, someone must fail.  But there comes a point when, when we exhale.  We exhaled in game four.  Number four Bobby Orr.  Game tied 8-8 in the fourth.  Here he comes.  Here comes Pedro.  Here comes Pedro in relief.  Pedro finishes the game.  Pedro holds the Indians hitless.  Pedro strikes out eight in six innings.   Pedro is dead.  Long live Pedro!  Pedro is carried off the field by his teammates.  Pedro: “I wasn’t going to let go, I wasn’t going to do that…I had to be out there as long as I could.”  And that’s the way it was with Pedro.  He always wanted the ball.  Always.  He only pitched one game in ALDS against the Yankees.  Seven big innings.  Two paltry hits.  Twelve huge punchados.  Zero runs.  Great game.  Petie beats Clemens.  It’s a moral victory, but nothing more.  Sox lose 4-1 in the series. 

Pedro finished the 1999 season with AL Pitcher of the Month honors for April, May, June, and September.  Pedro finished the 1999 season as the All Star Game MVP.  Pedro finished the 1999 season as Sporting News Pitcher of the Year, ESPN A.L. Pitcher of the Year, ESPN Player of the Year. Thomas A. Yawkey Award (Red Sox MVP), Associated Press Player of the Year, American League Cy Young Award.  He wins the pitching Triple Crown (ERA 2.08, Punchados 313, and Wins 23).  Incredible!  He should have won the MVP too.  He won in first place votes, but two sportswriters left him off the ballot because they thought pitchers had no business winning the MVP.  I-Rod?  C’mon. Who would you rather have had?

Public Acknowledgements:  Napoleon Dynamite, Prince, Dan Shaughnessy, Whitney Houston and Charles VII

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  One man come in the name of love.  One man come and go.  One man come, he to justify.  One man to overthrow.  -U2 

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Finally!  Finally, it has happened to me.  Right in front of my face.  My feelin’s can’t describe it.  Finally, it has happened to me.  Right in front of my face and I just cannot hide it.  Mets fans can’t hide it.  Mets fans can’t describe it.  They just landed the best pitcher in all of baseball.  Just wedding banded the best pitcher in all of baseball.  Just Cutser’s Last Standed the best pitcher in all of baseball.  Yes, meet the Mets, meet the Mets.  Step right up and greet the Mets.  Bring your kiddies, bring your wife.  Guaranteed to have the time of your life.  Mets fans are going to have the time of their lives.  Fresh off a September swoon, the Mets hit a January boon.  Johan Santana is a mere contract extension and a physical away from joining Queens’ Finest.  There is joy in Mudville.  As well there should be.  Omar Minayacal has done it again.  Omar Minayacal has just made the Mets the front-runners in the National League.  After their embarrassing fall from grace, they needed this one.  Yes indeeded this one.  Pitching wins championships.  Period.  Did they give up some good young players?  Sure they did.  Was it worth it?  Sure, it was.  If you want to win and you have a shot to get the best pitcher in the game, you get him.  Just like that.  When I move you move.  Just like that.  Don’t believe me?  Is Hanley Ramirez a good young player?  Sure he is.  How did that trade work out?  This one just may work out as well.  Santana is the one thing this Mets team has been sorely lacking.  A bona fide ace.  Ace in the hole.  Lean on me.  Don’t you know me?  I’m your guarantee.  Over the past five seasons, Johan has been the Twins’ guarantee.  He has won two Cy Young Awards.  He finished third in the voting in 2005 and tied for fifth last season.  Over the past five seasons, he has 82 wins.  He holds a 2.92 ERA.  He threw 1,152 strikeouts.  Yowza!  You know what that spells boys and girls.  That spells the pitching Triple Crown for a five-year span.  Yup, over the last five years, Santana led all of Major League Baseball in those categories.  That’s saying something.  That’s saying a lot.  Know this:  He is still younger than Orioles‘ ace Erik Bedard.  And now he’s moving to the National League?  Fuhgettaboutit!  Lawn Mower Man.  All this power isn’t meant to be in the hands of one person!  God made him simple.  Baseball made him a god.  Mowing down batters in a town near you.  By himself, he won’t win the NL East.  By himself, he won’t have to.  Pedro Martinez, John Maine, Oliver Perez and Orlando Hernandez all get to move down a slot.  Kyle Lohse or Livian Hernandez still in the works.  Omar Minayacal and the Mets have once again painted themselves back into the landscape.  Who’s playing for second?

Public Acknowledgements:  Ce Ce ####ton, Ludacris, Jim Salisbury, Ernest Thayer, Paul Simon and Jobe Smith

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’ve been first and last.  Look at how the time goes past.  But I’m all alone at last.  Rolling home to you.  -Neil Young

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Tom Glavine.  The Mets’ other Tom Terrific.  When there is trouble, I’m there on the double.  From Atlantic to Pacific,
they know Tom Terrific!  Everybody’s waiting for Barry Bonds’ 756th bomb.  Everybody’s waiting for A-Broad’s 500th.  Not me.  I’ll be watching the New York Metropolitans tonight.  Meet the Mets.  Meet the Mets.  Step right up and greet the Mets!  Bring your kiddies.  Bring your wife.  Guaranteed to have the time of your life.  Tommy Glavine’s having the time of his life.  Tommy Glavine’s on his way to his 300th win.  A milestone that still means something.  Something big.  Something real big.  Big Game Tommy has 299 wins.  If the Mets’ 41-year-old star lefty gets this win tonight against the Brewers in Milwaukee, he’ll become only the 23rd pitcher to ever do it.  After him, among active pitchers, there’s the Big Unit with 284.  But Johnson intends on having season-ending back surgery next week and who knows if he’ll ever return.  There’s Mike Mussina with 244.  But with the way Bullwinkle’s been pitching of late, I’d say, not bloody likely.  David Wells with 235 and Jamie Moyer with 225.  Time just seems to be running out on those cats. Running on empty.  Running on.  Running blind.  Running on.  Running into the sun but I’m running behind.  Glavine’s not running blind.  He just may be the last man to pitch for 300 wins.  In an age of pitch counts.  In an age of specialization.  Long man.  Middle man.  Eighth inning guy.  Closer.  In this new age, the 300 win plateau just becomes more and more elusive.  So let’s hear it for this two-time Cy Young Award winner.  Let’s hear it for this ten-time All Star.  Let’s here it for this World Series MVP.  Let’s hear it for this five-time National League leader in wins.  Let’s hear it for this cat who was drafted by the Los Angeles Kings, five rounds ahead of future NHL star Luc Robitaille.  Got spirit.  Let’s hear it.  Let’s hear it for Tom Glavine. 

Public Acknowledgements:   Captain Kangaroo, Seymour Seywoff and Jackson Browne

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  It was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.  -Charles Dickens

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  Curt Schilling and Pedro Martinez.  Pedro Martinez and Curt Schilling.  Two peas in a pod.  It takes two to make a thing go right.  It takes two to make it outta sight.  Hit it!  Petey and the Thrill were integral members of the 2004 Red Sox World Champeen Red Sox team.  The one two punch.  The one two punch that led Boston past the hated Yankees.  The one two punch that led Boston past the hated Yankees and took them directly to the Promised Land.  The dogs on Main Street howl ’cause they understand if I could take one moment into my hands.  Mister I ain’t a boy no I’m a man, and I believe in a promised land.  Petey and the Thrill took one moment into their hands.  Schill with the bloody sock.  Pedro in Game 3 of the World Series.  Pedro has since gone to the Mets while Curt continues to toil in Boston, but these two still have a lot in common.  Both putting the Tiger Balm on.  You put the balm on?  Who told you to put the balm on?  I didn’t tell you to put the balm on.  Why’d you put the balm on?  You haven’t even been to see the doctor.  If you’re gonna put a balm on, let a doctor put a balm on.  Both the Red Sox and Mets are in first place.  Because these teams have been in first and the wily old veterans are so critical for their teams’ success in the post season, the clubs are taking their own sweet time getting them back into their respected rotations.  Take it easy, take it easy.  Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.  The Mets have told Petey not to rush his return from right-shoulder surgery.  They want him to concentrate on being 100% upon his return.  Upon his return for the playoffs and beyond.  The Red Sox have an even safer cushion at the top of their division.  More cushion for the pushin’.  No need to hurry Schilling back.  Hurry Schilling back from right-shoulder tendonitis that put him on the DL.  Take it easy, take it easy.  Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.  Take easy and get healthy for the most important of seasons.  The post season.  Schilling vs. Pedro for all the marbles in game seven.  Would there be a better story than that?  Get well soon guys.  Well, at least in time for when it matters.

Public Acknowledgements:  Joel Sherman, Rob Base, Bruce Springsteen, Jackie Chiles and the Eagles.

Public Spectacle: 

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I love it when you hit those switches.  A curve ball’s what my pitch is.  So here we here we come, like dum ditty dum.  I keep all five boroughs in stitches.  -Beastie Boys 

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I watched the Mets Saturday night.  Meet the Mets, meet the Mets.  Step right up and greet the Mets.  Bring your kiddies, bring your wife.  Guaranteed to have the time of your life.  Meet El Duque.  Having the time of his life.  Having the time of his life throwing that lollipop curve.  Lollipop lollipop.  Oh lolli lolli lolli, lollipop. Lollipop!  Lollipop curving with two on and two out in the seventh.  Lollipop curving in an eight-pitch confrontation with Mark Kotsay.  Lollipop curving and whiffing Mark Kotsay.  Whiffing Mark Kotsay en route to a seven inning, seven strikeout, shutout performance.  Doing it with the eephus.  The where’s the beefus.  The good griefus.  The junkiest of junk pitches. In the daytime, I’m Mr. Natural.  Just as healthy as I can be.  But at night, I’m a junk food junkie.  Good lord have pity on me.  Good lord have pity on the batter made to look foolish by the eephus.  That powerful paralyzing perfect pachydermus percussion pitch. That high arching super slowball.  Let it flow.  Let yourself go.  Slow and low.  That is the tempo. 

The Wiffle Ball special doesn’t always end well.  Just as El Duque.  Ask him what happened with A-Broad.  Ask him what happened with A-Broad back in 2002.  Heck, you don’t have to ask him.  I’ll tell you.  Hernandez floated one up that Rodriguez took for a ball.  Once bitten, twice shy.  El Duque decided to come back with the same pitch.  An A-Bomb!  From A-Rod!   El Duque wasn’t the only one who paid for the eephus.  I don’t like to dream about gettin’ paid.  So I dig into the books of the rhymes that I made.  To now test to see if I got pull.  Hit the studio, ‘cos I’m paid in full.  Bill Lee was paid in full.  The Spaceman.  The Spaceman threw the Spaceball.  The Leephus.  The Spaceman threw the Leephus in Game Seven of the 1975 World Series.  Struck out Tony Perez two times with the Leephus in Game Seven of the 1975 World Series.  Get the papers, get the papers.  Now don’t be sad, ’cause two out of three ain’t bad.  Yes it is.  The third time’s a charm.  Magically delicious.  The third time Perez came up, Lee tried it again.  Would I loose or win if I try and love again?  Gonna try and love again.  I’m gonna try and love again.  Bad move.  Gone!  A home run that set the stage for a Big Red Machine come-from-behind win of both the game and the World Series. 

There’s been others.  Other brothers.  Other brothers of the eephus mother.  Rip Sewell of the Pittsburgh Pirates invented it.  Mother Necessity with her good intentions.  Where would this country be without her inventions?  Sewell:  Eephus means nothin’ and so does the pitch.  Dave LaRoche of the California Angels threw the La Lob.  La Lobbed Gorman Thomas. Strike three!  Yerrr out!  Down goes Thomas!  Stormin’ Gorman lost his balance and landed right on his tuchus.  Steve Hamilton of them Damned Yankees was known for throwing the Folly Floater.  Pascual “I-285? Perez threw the Pascual Pitch.  Dave Steib threw the Dead Fish.  Casey Fossum throws the Fossum Flip.  The Fossum Flip Wilson.  Back off, Jack.  Bob Tewksbury threw it.   Mark Buerhle throws it.  And so does El Duque.  Having the time of his life.  I’ve had the time of my life.  No I never felt like this before.  Yes, I swear it’s the truth.  And I owe it all to you.  I owe it all to the ever loving eephus pitch.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Chordettes, Larry Groce, Charles Schultz, Bugs Bunny, Beastie Boys, Ian Hunter, John Sterling, Eric B & Rakim, Goodfellas, Meatloaf, General Mills, Eagles and School House Rock and Dirty Dancing.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  We’re doing fine on the One and Nine line.  On the L we’re doin’ swell.  On the number Ten bus we fight and fuss.  ‘Cause we’re thorough in the boroughs and that’s a must.  -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  Huge rivalry, right?  Interleague play, right?.  Mets/Yankees.  Super Subway Series. Super Duper Subway Series.  Mark Duper. Dressed up like a million-dollar trooper. Tryin’ hard to look like Gary Cooper. Super duper. Optimus Prime vs. Megatron, right?  Transformers, more than meets the eyes.  Transformers, robots in disguise.  I am siding with Chuck D. and Flav on this one: We don’t need it do we?  It’s fake that’s what it be to ‘ya, dig me?  Don’t believe the hype!  I don’t believe the hype.  I walk around the City every day.  City sidewalks, busy sidewalks. There’s no buzz. There’s no electricity. There’s no chitchat by the water cooler.  No big splash in swimming pooler.  This one doesn’t make the big dog drooler.  No one cares.  Willie Randolph doesn’t care: “To be honest with you, and tell you the truth, we’d rather not play these games really, to tell you the truth.  But the fact that we have to play ‘em, might as well have fun with it.”  Exciting.  Riveting.  Breathtaking.  And turned to hear you say.  If only for today.  I am unafraid.  Take my breath away.  Hardly.  This rivalry is a travesty.  A travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.  Let me hear you say, this #### is bananas.  B-A-N-A-N-A-S.  This ain’t Sox/Yankees.  This ain’t Cardinals/Cubs.  This ain’t Dodgers/Giants.  Stanley, see this?  This is this.  This ain’t something else.  This is this.  From now on, you’re on your own.  Met fans hate the Yankees.  Yankee fans hate Met fans.  That’s about the extent of it.   New York Newsday’s Mark Herrmann says:  “This rivalry is not what it used to be.”  Not what it used to be?  What was it?  What was it you wanted?  Tell me again so I’ll know.  What’s happening in there?  What’s going on in your show?  Interleague play only started in 1997.  They played once in a World Series.  What memorable moments of this “rivalry” are there.  I scoured my big brain for hours.  This is all I could up with: 1)  Rocket throwing a bat at Sam Champion’s boyfriend.  2)  1976.  Rick Cerone makes a 10 Jeans ad.  To counter, the Mets call up Lee Mazzilli, teen idol.  3)  While George Costanza is working for the Yankees, the Mets recruit him for the position of Director of Scouting.  That’s it folks.  If anyone can think of anything else, anything at all, please let me know; because I surely can’t.  And don’t call me Shirley.  Petey throwing Zimmer to the ground.  Doc and Bird grabbing each other by the throats.  Playoff game after playoff game.  That’s the stuff rivalries are made of.  Not dungarees and Sienfeld.  Sure this is an intriguing match-up.  Baseball is full of intriguing match-ups.  However, to call this a rivalry, is just silly.  I’ll be watching this week-end. I’ll be watching for the same reason I always watch.  To see the Yankees lose.  Let’s Go Mets! 

Chompers Says:  My buddy Chompers was at Game 5 of the 2000 World Subway Series.  After the game, he stormed security to get Clemens’ autograph.  While getting it, Chompers says, “You are not wearing a Jays hat in the Hall.”  Chompers is Canadian.  He hates Clemens just like us. For the same reasons.  I saw the autograph.  And not for nothing, from St. Catherine’s to Vancouver, Chompers says, Flutie made a nation of Bills, Chargers, and Patriots fans.  Literally.  A nation of fans. 

PS:  What’s the magic number now?  Six?

Public Acknowledgements:  Taco, Takara, Public Enemy, Bing Crosby, New York Daily News, Jessica Simpson, Woody Allen, Gwen Stefani, Deer Hunter, Bob Dylan, Seinfeld and Airplane.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  All of a sudden I saw sheriff John Brown.  Aiming to shoot me down.  So I shot.  I shot.  I shot him down and I say:  If I am guilty I will pay.  -Bob Marley

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Can we say it now?  Huh, can we?  Can we say Jose Reyes is now the best shortstop in New York City.  I got a hundred guns, a hundred clips, I’m from New York, New York.  I got a semi-automatic that spits next time if you talk, you talk.  Jose Reyes is from New York, New York.  Jose Reyes got a hundred clips in his semi-automatic.  Firing at will.  Firing when ready grizzly.  And it seems to me, he’s ready all the time, grizzly.  Ready Freddy, now go cat go.  This cat goes.  Goes cat goes.  Reyes already has eighteen stolen bases on the year.  He finished with sixty-four steals last year.  He stole sixty the year before that.  Imagine that.  Strawberries and whipped cream, know what I mean?  Imagine that.  It doesn’t hurt that since spring training last year, he has worked with future Hall of Famer Rickey Henderson.  Rickey Henderson,  the all-time king of stolen bases.  Jo-se Jo-se, Jo-se Jo-se!  Ya ya, we know.  Jeter’s got the rings.  What means the world to you, diamond rings, shining things.  But that was yesterday.  Suddenly.  I’m not half the man I used to be.  There’s a shadow hanging over me.  Oh, yesterday came suddenly.  Not for Senor Reyes.  Not for Professor Reyes.  Let’s learn some Spanish with Professor Reyes.  Shall we?  Jugador de beisbol de Abril.  You know what that means boys and girls?  Huh, do ya?  It means National League Player of the Month.  That’s what that means.  Well sorta.  It means Reyes finished the month of April with a .356 average.   It means Reyes finished the month of April with seventeen stolen bases.  It means Reyes finished the month of April with five triples.   Get the papers, get the papers, get the papers.  And to think he almost wasn’t a Met.  Yup, it’s true.  When spittin’ Bobby Alomar came to New York, Jose almost left.  You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.  He didn’t leave.  He’s still a Met.  Meet the Mets.  Meet the Mets.  Step right up and greet the Mets!  Bring your kiddies, bring your wife.  Guaranteed to have the time of your life.  Jose’s having the time of his life.  You Bet Your Life!  Say the secret word and win a prize.  Hooray for Captain Spaulding, the African explorer.  He brought his name undying fame, and that is why we say:  Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!  Hooray for Jose!  Is there a more exciting player anywhere right now than Jose Reyes?  He could very well hit twenty-five bombs.  Spanish bombs rock the province.  I’m hearing music from another time.   Hooray for Jose!   He could very well drive in one-hundred runs.  Son, you’re gonna drive me t’ drinkin’ if you don’t quit drivin’ that hot rod Lincoln.  Hooray for Jose!   He could very well score 140 runs and steal seventy bases.  He could very well win a Gold Glove.  He could very well be the best player in beisbol. 

Public Acknowledgements:  New York Daily News, Joel Sherman, Ja Rule, Carl Perkins, R. Kelly, Cam’ron, Beatles, Goodfellas, Julius Marx, The Clash, Charlie Ryan and the Livingston Brothers and Tom Verducci.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:   I’m fixing a hole where the rain gets in and stops my mind from wandering, where it will go.  -Beatles 

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  Tired of Championship Week?  All Dickie V’d out.  Sick of watching Kobe punching mugs in the mouth?  Need something else to think about?  No need to fret.  I have just the thing.  Just the thing, you bet.  Baseball.  It’s a part of our past, Ray.  It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again.  The Mets could be good again.  Last year, they were just a bat on the shoulder shy of the World Series.  This year they should make another run.  They should make things fun.  They could go straight to number one.  They won’t go to number one with Shawn Green.  Shawn Green.  Just three hits this whole spring.  Just three hits and coming off his worst year ever.  Career low fifteen bombs.  Career low .432 slugging.  He’s not just slow with the bat, he’s slow afoot.  With Moises Alou in left, that leaves Carlos Beltran to cover a lot of ground.  Like the Beach Boys, he’s gonna have to get around.  He’s gonna have to make the plays that amaze and astound.  So what to do Mets fans?  What to do?  Lastings Milledge, that’s what.  That’s what I feel in my gut.  That’s who could give this team their kick in the butt.

Lastings Milledge.  Milledge showed up to camp with some extra muscle and a new attitude.  That’s all I need to get me in a good mood.  This kid eats, sleeps, and dreams baseball.  What does he do in his downtime?  “I watch the classic hitters you know, I watch video tapes of their swings.”  Nothing wrong with that.  Nothing at all.  Hopefully, he’s learning patience.  All we need is just a little patience.  Lastings doesn’t draw enough walks.  He could use a little patience in waiting for the right pitch.  But he has something else you cannot teach.  Something for some, that is just out of reach.  Something we all love from here to Port St. Lucie Beach.  Bat speed.  Light has to kick it into high gear just to try and keep up with Lastings Milledge’s bat speed.  He can see and move on a ball better than just about any young player today.  Gary Sheffield fast.  Hank Aaron fast.  The original number forty-four.  Wrist lightning.  Lastings Milledge isn’t a five-tool player.  Lastings Milledge has more than one-hundred tools.  He’s got speed on the base paths.  Tears it up on the old base paths.  Tears it up Cool Papa Bell style.  You know Cool Papa.  A man so fast he could get out of bed, turn out the lights across the room, and be back in bed under the covers before the lights went out.  That’s fast.  Out in the field, his speed can help him get to balls Shawn Green could only dream of tracking down.  He’s got a great arm.  Just this spring, I saw him throw a laser from right, nailing Fernando Martinez at third.  Beautiful throw.  He has that killer instinct and tenacity that makes good players great.  That makes them first rate.  That makes them heroes in the Empire State.  It won’t be long before he’s joining David Wright and Jose Reyes on the NL All-Star team.  Some say he’s a hot dog.  A hot diggety dog.  Throughout his rookie season, Milledge was criticized for being too cocky.  I say Lastings Milledge wasn’t giving high fives with fans after his first big league homerun. I say, he was healing lepers and cripples.  I say Lastings Milledge will be a superstar in this league.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.  -James Madison

Public Knowledge:

1.  Big trouble in the Big Apple.  Down goes Curry!  Eddy Curry who has been coming up big lately, fell down hard.  Fell down hard and strained his left calf on a baby-hook.  That does not bode well for Zeke or the  Knicks.

2.  Willie Randolph gets a three-year deal with the Mets.  Good. He deserves it.  Should have won Manager of the Year. 

3.  With the Patriots out of the picture, I’m rooting for Devin Hester.  Devin Hester, Mr. Anytime, the pound your chester, the bulletproof vester, the very bester.  I’m rooting for Devin Hester to join Desmond Howard as the only special team player to win the Super Bowl MVP.  Mr. Excitement.   Is there any play in football more exciting than the return for the touchdown.  From Pop Warner to the pros, we love it.  It brought Lovie Smith to tears.  We loved Billy White Shoes Johnson.  We loved Mel Gray.   We loved Desmond Howard.  We loved Dante Hall.  We loved Eric Metcalf.  We loved David Meggett.  We loved Greg Pruitt.  We love Devin Hester, Mr. Anytime, the very bester.

4.  What’s going on down in Kenmore Square?  Remember that episode of #### Eye For The Straight Guy?  The Fab Five making over Johnny Damon, Kevin Millar, and other Sox?  Well, the creators of the show are about to start looking for contestants to be in another reality show that will involve the team, entitled Sox Appeal.  A woman will be paired up with a date for two innings o####ame, then another date for another two innings. Then, in the 7th inning stretch, she’ll decide which one she wants to stay with for the rest of the game.  Just stupid.  If that ain’t enough, John Henry, the Sox’ principle owner is looking to become 50% owners of Roush Racing, a top NASCAR team.  Too many fingers in too many pies.  How ’bout focusing on winning another title?  Huh?  How ’bout that? 

5.   Who dey?  Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry was sent to jail for two days after pleading guilty to allowing minors to drink alcohol in his hotel room last spring.  How do you keep a guy like that on your team?  What kind of message are you trying to send out.  Just disgraceful.  Kenton County District Judge Greg Grothaus:  “You brought shame with this on yourself.”   Sounds a lot like Slapshot:  “You do dat, you go to da box, you know, uh, two minutes by yourself, and you feel shame, you know, and then you get free.”  Denis Lemieux style. 

6.  Here keep coming the Suns.  It took them nearly 40 years to win 15 straight games. They needed only a month to do it again.  Between them and the Mavericks the West is looking mighty tough.  Mighty tough.  And with Chairman Yao coming back after the All-Star break, we should have ourselves a good ole fashioned bahn burnah.

7.  On Wisconsin!  On Wisconsin!  Grand old Badger state!  Wisconsin smashed Michigan 71-58 last night to extend the nation’s longest winning streak to 16 games, breaking a 66-year school record.  Alando Tucker, Brian Butch and company sure look tough.  Tougher than leather.  Tougher than Leather Tuscadero.  The Big Ten is proving to be a formidable conference.  That’s gonna be one great tournament to watch. 

8.  What had happened was.  Here we go.  T.O. says he wasn’t taking a shot at the Tuna with his comments after the Cowboys head coach announced his retirement on Monday.  Are you sure?  It really sounded like you were.  Well, I guess I believe you.  Why shouldn’t I?

9.  We all love LeBron, but is he clutch?  King James scored 13 points in the second overtime period but missed a 3-pointer at the buzzer in an attempt to extend the game.  In his career, LeBron has made 4 of 14 potential game-tying or game-winning field-goal attempts in the final second of either the fourth quarter or overtime.  You be the judge.  Judge Wapner.  Judge Judy.  Judge Nelson.  Mike Judge.

10.  You can’t handle the Truth.  Or more to the point, you can’t handle the NBA without the Truth.  My Celtics drop their record to 2-15 in games without Paul Pierce this season.  And not for nothing,  with a loss at Sacramento, the Bucks’ record fell to 1-8 this season without Michael Redd.  And that’s the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothin’ but the Truth, Ruth.

11.  The Mamba’s boy.  Chucky Atkins.  Chucky came off the Grizzlies‘ bench to score 29 points and hand out 15 assists in a 132-130 overtime victory at Utah. Atkins was the first NBA player with at least 25 points and 15 assists in a game he didn’t start since Cleveland’s Bobby Washington (26 points, 15 assists) did it against the Lakers on Feb. 9, 1971.

12.  If you were able to find out where the Versus Channel is on your network dial, good for you.  If you did, you saw history.  If you did, you saw Joe Sakic.  You saw Joe Sakic get four assists.   You saw Sakic’s seventh multiple-point game in All-Star play, breaking the record he had shared with Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Mark Messier and Luc Robitaille.  Way to go Joe.  Super Joe.  Super Joe Charbeneau.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  We can be heroes, just for one day.   We can be heroes, what d’you say?  -David Bowie

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  I’m over it.  Kinda.  I still haven’t read the paper.  I still haven’t watched Sports Center.  Still haven’t returned any of the phone calls.  Those horrible phone calls.  But I’ll bounce back.  I get knocked down, but I get up again. 

Jabbar Gaffney got knocked down.  Jabbar Gaffney got up again.  What a play, what a play.  At the time, I was convinced it was going to be the next “the catch.”   At the time, I thought Gaffney was going to be the next latter day Patriot.   All tied up.  Tom Brady, under pressure.  Under pressure, this is our last chance.  This is our last dance.  Tom Brady under pressure.  Tom Brady cool as a cucumber.  Tom Brady finds Gaffney in the back of the end-zone.  Gaffney climbs the ladder.  He U-hauls it in.  He gets jacked out of bounds.  He manages to get a foot down.  Did he get it?  Did he get it?  Touchdown baby!  Touchdown!  Up by seven.  Woo doggie.  If the Pats win this thing, Gaffney’s a hero.  A Hiro.  A Hiro Nakamura.  Pats lose.  He’s not.  Just another great play to go in the annuls of forgotten great plays.  That’s when the light bulb went off.  The red light bulb went off on top of my head.  Jay Greenberg style.  What were some other great plays that were negated due to a loss?  Smaht huh?  Real smaht.  “I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!”  Fredo style.  So lets do this thing.  Would be heroes:

Don Strock:  Don Strock led the nation in total passing and total offense while at Virginia Tech.  Don Strock, Miami Dolphins.  1982 AFC Championship game.  Orange Bowl.  The Epic in Miami.  Dolphins taking a beating.  In comes back-up QB Don Strock. Don Strock, the Dolphins rock. Give ‘em that electric shock. There’s still time on the clock. He rallies his team.  With Miami trailing the Super Chargers 24-10, Don Strock throws a 15-yard pass to WR Duriel Harris.  Woop!  Hook and ladder, baby!  Hook and ladder.  Woop!  Harris laterals to RB Tony Nathan.  Woop!   He…could…go…all…the…way!  He does.  Touchdown baby.   Touchdown to close out the half.  The Dolphins go on to lose in overtime.  If they win that game.  If they win that game, that play becomes the greatest trick play ever.  Don Strock becomes a hero.  Oh, what could have been.

Side Note:  During the 2003-2005 football seasons, Nathan was the running backs coach at Florida International University, under head coach, you guessed it, Don Strock.  You remember FIU.  The Brawl with the U.  Yup.  Them.

Endy Chavez:  Endy Chavez, 2006 New York Metropolitans.  National League Championship Series vs. the Cardinals.   Game seven.  Cliff Floyd hurt.  Chavez taking his place in right.  Game all tied up.  One out in the sixth.  Jim Edmonds on first.  Up comes big Scott Rolen.  Oliver Perez delivers. Swack!  That ball is high!  It is far!  It is…caught!!!  Chavez on his horse.  Chavez, at top speed.  Chavez at the warning track, plants his right foot, leaps at the wall, walking tall, makes the sno-cone special.  Highway robbery.  Saves the two-run bomb.  He ain’t done yet.  Not by a long shot, brother.  He has the presence of mind to gather himself and make the perfect throw to Jose Reyes. Double up Edmonds.  How about that?  Tommy Agee and Ron Swoboda got nothing on this kid.  All for naught.  Beltran can’t get it done.  Mets lose.  How do you not swing at that?  You really have to take the bat off your shoulder there.  Just embarrassing.

Jack Nicklaus:  The Golden Bear.  Yup.  He lost once in a while.  He lost to the “Kansas Kid”.  He lost to Tom Watson, the “Kansas Kid,” at the British Open at Turnberry back in 1977.   Sherman, set the Way Back Machine. The Duel in the Sun.  Arguably golf’s greatest tournament.  Through the first three days, both Nicklaus and Watson had put up 68, 70, and 65 scores. They played together on Sunday.  They played together on Sunday and matched each other shot for shot.  Golf’s version of Bird/Dominique.  Mano y mano.  Blow for blow.  Toe to toe. Then it happened.  It happened on the 12th hole.  The Bear hits a spectacular 25 foot putt.  Yowza!  Goes up two.  Ballgame.  Not so fast there, Sparky.  The Kansas Kid isn’t finished yet.  No siree Bobby.  Nails a 60-foot putt on 15 to tie it up.  Birdies the par-5 17th hole.  That’s ballgame.

Valeri Zelepukin:  Valeri Zelepukin, New Jersey Devils.  Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals vs. New York Rangers.  Devils down one nothing.  Martin Brodeur pulled.  20 seconds remaining in regulation.   Faceoff in the Ranger end.  Madison Square Garden is going crazy.  They’re already dancin’.  Victory dancin’.  They put their left leg down, their right leg up. They tilt their head back, and finish the cup. Beastie Boys style. The Devils get the puck down low to Claude Lemieux.  Lemieux, across the crease to Valeri Zelepukin.  Zelepukin shoots.  Saved!  Rebound back to Zelepukin.  He shoves it in!  Zelepukin scores!  It’s all tied up!  It’s all tied up!  Eight seconds left ladies and gentleman.  We’re going to overtime!  Actually two overtimes.  You know what happened then.  Howie Rose does too:  “Matteau! Matteau! Matteau! And the Rangers have one more mountain to climb!”   Zelepukin who?

Tim Duncan:  2004 Western Conference Semifinals vs. the Lakers.  Game six.   11 seconds remaining.  The Mamba hits a jumper.  Lakers up one.  Is this game done? It should be fun. Pass the Cinnabon. Time out.  The Spurs inbound to the Big Fundamental.  Time a tick tick tickn’ away.  Shaq Daddy all in his mug.  Stumblin’, bumblin’, Duncan hits the fall away.  Hits the fall away and hits the deck.  Geronimo, look out below.  It’s over, it’s all over.  Sort of.  Point 4 seconds left.  Three time-outs later the Glove inbounds to Derek Fisher.  The Fish that saved L.A.  Fisher catches it.  Fisher shoots it.  It’s good!  It’s good!  Lakers win! 

Their defeat stolen from their jaws of victory.  These guys gave it their best.  But I guess their best wasn’t good enough.  You wanna be a hero? Huh Binky, do you? You can save the cheerleader, save the world. Or, you can just win baby!

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!