I know I watch far too much TV.  I know it’s the coward’s way out to blame my wife for this one.  But I’ll be damned if Boston Herald reporter John Tomase, who wrote the explosive and since-retracted report that the Patriots taped the Rams’ final walk-through practice before the 2002 Super Bowl, isn’t a dead ringer for Joshua “Skippy” Gad, who is currently filming episodes of the television series Back to You in the role of Ryan Church.  No not that Ryan Church.  But still:

Josh Gad              John Tomase

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  It’s a nice day when you wake up in Disneyland…It’s a nice day if you wake up in Disneyland.  -Five for Fighting

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Oh boy!  What a game!  What a game!  I didn’t see this one coming.  I didn’t hear this drummer drumming.  Didn’t think it would be me who would be so numbing.  Didn’t think it would be the Pats who would be doing the succumbing.  I didn’t think it would be my New England Patriots succumbing to these New York Football Giants.  Not by a long shot.  Sunday, bloody Sunday.  Oh, I can’t close my eyes and make it go away.  I can’t make Plaxico Burress go away.  Plaxico talked the talk.  Palxico walked the walk.  The Giants’ big play receiver came up big in the biggest of games.  Came up big with the biggest play of his big career.  And that was all she wrote.  I thought it would be written differently.  Throughout the entire game, right up until that touchdown, I thought the script called for Tom Brady to be the hero.  I thought you said are you all right Spider.  I thought wrong.  The Hero of the Day Award goes to one Mr. Eli Manning.  He was poised.  He was composed.  Calm, cool, collected and confident.  Man of the hour.  Tower of power.  Eli Manning stood toe-to-toe with the greatest gunslinger whoever lived.  Stood toe to toe and lived to tell about it.  Like the Man With No Name always says, “You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig.”  Today, Tom Brady digs.  Tom Brady did his part.  Did his part with all his heart.  With the ball at his own twenty and 7:54 left on the clock, Tom Brady did his part.  When Brady comes marching home again, Hurrah! Hurrah!  We’ll give him a hearty welcome then.  Hurrah! Hurrah!  The men will cheer and the boys will shout. The ladies, they will all turn out.  When Brady comes marching home.  Brady marched home all right.  But so did Eli.  David Tyree catches an unbelievable ball with his head.  Plaxico Burress runs right past Ellis Hobbs into the left corner of the end zone.  Touchdown!  Touchdown!  Giants win!  Giants win!  He who laughs last, laughs best.  The Giants are giggling up a storm.  Mercury Morris too.  The Giants are the best team in professional football.  Down goes the perfect season.  Down go claims to best football team of all time.  Down go all my hopes and dreams.  Look at me, I’m in tatters!  I’m a shattered.  Shattered.  Go Celtics!

Public Acknowledgements:  U2, Goodfellas, The Good The Bad & The Ugly and the Rolling Stones

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Hey I just realized its been just over one year since I've been blogging here at Fox.  To all:  Thanks for making my first year so enjoyable.  Here is a repost of my first post.  Second verse, same as the first.

 

 

Josh Q. Public:  The waiting is the hardest part.  Every day you see one more card.  You take it on faith, you take it to the heart.  The waiting is the hardest part.  -Tom Petty

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  You know what I think.  You know I think Tom Brady is the best football player on the planet.  You know I think the Patriots bend don’t break defense is the best in the Biz Markie.  And you know what they say, nobody beats the Biz.  You know I think Richard Seymour is the most unheralded player in football.  You know I think Troy Brown makes plays.  You know I think Assante Samuel got stiffed by the Pro Bowl.  In my heart of hearts.  In my heart of hearts and in my little pea brain, I truly feel the Patriots are the better football team.

Everybody was yammering about Lights Out and the Chargers’ D.  Everybody was jabbering about the frugal Ravens’ D.  Well, I’m still standing better than I ever did. Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.  I’m still standing, giving up a franchise record-low 237 points, an average of 14.8 points per game. Ranked second in the league in the only defensive statistic that matters.  First and ten, do it again.  C’mon offense go, go, go!   Know this my friends, the Patriots are the AFC’s leading scorers in these playoffs.  They average over 30 points per game.  Scoring in bunches.  Scoring in droves.  A slew of scoring.  Enough scoring to beat the Colts.   And lest we not forget,  Mr. Tom Brady.  Mr. Tom Brady, with the strength of ten, ordinary men.  He knows no fear.  He knows not of pressure.  Brady has led a fourth-quarter comeback, on average, once every 3 starts.  He does it all the time.  It is what he does.  You remember.  You remember Super Bowl XXXVI.  You remember U2.  You remember it was all tied up with 1:30 left in the fourth quarter.  You remember there were no time outs. You remember John Madden saying the Patriots should run out the clock and get into overtime.  You remember what happened.  Three straight completions to Who Shot JR Redmond.  23-yard strike to First Down Troy Brown.  6-yard toss to East Boston’s own Jermaine Wiggins.  Spike.  Field goal.  Ball game.  Patriots win!  Patriots win!  If you do remember all that.  If you do, how can you bet against this cat?  Top Cat. The indisputable leader of the gang.  He’s the boss, he’s a pip, he’s the championship.  He’s the most tip top, Top Cat.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

 

Josh Q. Public:  But the pen that I write with won’t tell the truth.  ‘Cause the moments that I can’t recall are the moments that you treasure.  Better take another measure for measure.  -Elvis Costello

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Time to take a trip down memory lane.  The Patriots head to Arizona for their sixth Super Bowl appearance.  The Patriots head to Arizona joining the Cowboys, Steelers and Broncos as just the fourth franchise to make six Super Bowl appearances.  The Patriots head to Arizona for their fourth Super Bowl appearance in the last seven years.  The Patriots head to Arizona poised to make history.  They’ve already made some history.  Some reminiscetory.  Some history that already existstory.  History that can’t be dismissedtory.  True in the game, as long as blood is blue in my veins, I pour my Heineken brew to my deceased crew on memory lane.  Time to pour my Heineken brew on some great moments in Patriots Super Bowl history.

1.  Robbin’ people with a six-gun.  I fought the Law and the Law won.  The Patriots first Super Bowl victory.  The first cut is always the deepest.   Pats down 3-0 in the second.  Mike Vrabel left unblocked.  Kurt Warner, back, back, back.  Throwing as he’s falling back.  Getting slapped in the head by Vrabel as he’s falling back.  The ball sails behind Isaac Bruce and directly into the waiting arms of Patriots cornerback Ty Law.  He…could….go…all…the…way!  He does! He does!  Forty-seven yards!  Touchdown Patriots!  Touchdown Patriots!

2.  The Chicago Bears shuffling crew.  Shufflin’ on down, doin’ it for you.  The 18-1 Chicago Bears.  The best defense in the world Chicago Bears.  The don’t have a chance Patriots.  The Cinderella Patriots.  The Wild Card Patriots.  The won three games on the road Patriots.  Squish the Fish Patriots.  Second play of the game.  Sweetness.  Nobody does it better.  Fum-ble!  Linebacker Larry McGrew recovers.  Take off your shoes and pat your feet.  We’re doin’ a dance that can’t be beat.  We’re barefootin’.  Barefootin’ Tony Franklin kicks a 36-yard field goal 1:19 into the first quarter for the second quickest lead in Super Bowl history.  Unfortunately, that 1:19 was the only fun I had that day.

3.  A tale of two kickers.  A tale o####oat and a hero.  A tale of John Kasay and Adam Vinatieri.  Jake Daylight Come and Me Want to Delhomme.  Jake Delhomme completed a miraculous drive.  A tremendous drive.  A gamebreaking drive.  Completed a drive with a touchdown pass to Ricky Proehl to tie the game at 29 late in the fourth.  This one’s going to overtime!  Not so fast.  A minute eight left on the clock.  The ensuing kickoff.  Flub a dub dub John Kasay is a scrub.  John Kasay flubs the kick.  The Patriots get the ball on their own forty.  Four completions later by Mister Tom Brady.  A miraculous drive.  A tremendous drive.  A gamebreaking drive.  It’s all up to the man with the Golden Leg.  It’s all up to Adam Vinatieri.  Forty-one yard field goal.  Just nine seconds remaining.  It’s good!  It’s good!  Thhheeeeeeee Patriots win!

4.  More Adam Vinieterri.  Patriots and Rams locked in a 17-17 tie.  Tom Brady drives the Pats downfield.  A miraculous drive.  A tremendous drive.  A gamebreaking drive.  A drive that gives Adam Vinatieri a 48-yard shot with seven seconds left.  Vinatieri splits the Superdome uprights as time expires.  Thhheeeeeeee Patriots win!  The Brain:  “When Adam hit it, it was so true.  It was so high and so far. If you want a guy to make a play at the end of the game, he’s the one.”  He certainly was.  He was the best clutch kicker I ever saw.  I miss him.

 5.  Defense!  Defense!  Push ‘um back, hit ‘um hard.  Make ‘um fight for every yard.  The Patriots didn’t need a last-second field goal from Adam Vinatieri this time.  This time, the Patriots sealed it with a stop.  Stop, in the name of love!  And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.  And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.  Rodney Harrison laid his furious vengeance upon thee.  Freddie Mitchell had to open his mouth.  The People’s Champ.  Fred-Ex.  First-Down Freddie.  Rodney Harrison made him pay.  Made him pay with seven tackles.  Made him pay with one sack.  Made him pay with two INTs.  His second interception with nine seconds remaining to end the game.  You listening Plax?

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I’m the king of rock, there is none higher.  Sucker MC’s should call me sire.  To burn my kingdom, you must use fire.  I won’t stop rockin’ till I retire.  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main man IDAK Alpha 12 always says:  Crush!  Kill! Destroy!  Crush!  Kill!  Destroy!  All right.  Let’s do this.  The one you’ve been waiting for.  Anticipating for.  Roller skating for.  From here to the Golden Gating for.  Patriots/Giants.  Super Bowl XLII.  Sunday!  Sunday!  Sunday!  All I can say to the Giants is this:  Give it up.  Give it up.  Baby give it up.  Abandon hope all ye who enter here.  Welcome to hell.  This game has nothing to do with Eli.  This game has nothing to do with Plax.  This game has nothing to do with Brandon Jacobs or Ahmad Bradshaw. This game has nothing to do with the Giants defense.  Nothing to do with the Giants, period.  Nothing at all.  This game has everything to do with the New England Patriots.  The greatest team to ever roam the planet.  The juggernaut Patriots.  The sluggernaut Patriots.  The punch you in the muggernaut Patriots.  This game has everything to do with Tom Brady.  Tom Brady is the best quarterback that has ever been borned.  Tom Brady is the King of the post-season.  NFL record for most consecutive wins in the post season.  Three Super Bowl victories.  Two Super Bowl MVPs.  Most completions in a Super Bowl game.  Tom Brady threw for an NFL record, fifty touchdowns this year.  Tom Brady has thrown a paltry eight interceptions this year.  Tom Brady has gone deep on everybody.  Everybody.  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Tom Brady.  The Giants won’t be able to find a prayer in the Bible.  I can’t do nuttin’ for you man.  Go lean on Shell’s answer man.  You jumped out of the jelly into a jam.  The best they can hope is for the Patriots to the run the ball.  Then, at least the scores will come more slowly.  Oh, they’ll still come.  Believe you me, they’ll come.  Just more slowly.  Laurence Maroney has smash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Crash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Bash mouthed for 100 yards in four of the last five games.  Including back-to-back 122-yard efforts in postseason wins against the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Chargers.  Pick your poison.  But choose wisely, for while the true Grail will bring you life, the false Grail will take it from you.  Randy Moss is no false Grail.  I wouldn’t choose him.  If he’s open, he burns you.  If you double him, Wes Welker burns you. Or Donte Stallworth burns you.  Or Kevin Faulk burns you.  Or Jabar Gaffney burns you.  Or Big Benjamin Watson burns you.  It’s like walking Papi only to face Manny. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Business bad?  #### you, pay me.  Oh, you had a fire?  #### you, pay me.  Place got hit by lightning, huh?  #### you, pay me.  The Giants are in trouble all right.  Trouble with a capital T.  And that rhymes with P.  And that stands for Patriots!  Titletown, baby!  Titletown!

Public Acknowledgements:  Lost in Space, KC & the Sunshine Band, The Divine Comedy, Chuck Norris, Out of the Past, Public Enemy, Indiana Jones, Goodfellas and the Music man

Public Spectacle:  This is what the Patriots are going to do to the Giants on Sunday:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

 

Josh Q. Public:  I think of you ev’ry night and day.  You took my heart, then you took my pride away.  I hate myself for loving you.  Can’t break free from the things that you do.  I wanna walk, but I run back to you.  That’s why I hate myself for loving you.  -Joan Jett

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Everybody’s hating the Patriots.  Everybody’s berating the Patriots.  Everybody’s devastating the Patriots.  It just shows to go ya, the world loves a loser.  Soy un perdedor.  I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?  Folks sure want to kill the Patriots.  Folks sure want to kill Bill Belichick.  Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?  I think so, Brain, but this time, you put the trousers on the chimp.  Under Belichick, the Patriots have gone 91-37 in eight seasons.  Under Belichick, the Patriots have gone 14-2 in the playoffs.  Under Belichick, the Patriots have gone 3-0 in Super Bowls.  Under Belichick the Patriots have won five straight division titles and six overall.  Yet, he is despised.  Nobody despised Pete Carroll.  Nobody despised  Pete Carroll when he was jacked and pumped and took a Super Bowl team and ran them into the ground.  Nobody  despised #### MacPherson.  The jolly Syracuse coach who led the Patsies to an 8-24 record.  Nobody despised Rod Rust.  Rod Rust the bust.  Rod Rust the bust, who led New England to a 1-15 season.  The worst season in team history.  But they despise the Brain.  Go figure.  What about the Golden Boy?  Every thousand generations, a perfect child is born, a Golden Child.  He has come to rescue us.  What about Tom Brady?  Folks are abhorring him too.  Das boot.  Giselle.  MVP.  Super Bowl MVP.  Most consecutive wins in the post season.  Best quarterback ever.  Hated it!  Two snaps in a circle.  Where was the abhorrence for the folks who should have been abhorred?  Where was the abhorrence for Hugh Millen?  For Tommy Hodson?  For Marc Wilson?  Guys like that there.  Why was there no abhorrence for them?  I guess they just weren’t good enough.  Not good enough to hate.  The Patriots had always been the loveable losers.  People liked them better that way.  A softer gentler football team.  Most of my life the Patriots have been horrible.  They may be 18-0 now, but it wasn’t too long ago they were 1-15.  In 1990, the New England Patriots were the worst professional football team I have ever seen.  Worst there’s ever been.  Worse than Dentyne.  (Even though it’s good for #### hygiene.)  They were not detested.  Not second guesseded.  Not so bitterly protested.  In 1990, the Pats had the worst offense and the second-worst defense in the NFL.  The most points they scored in a game were tenty-four.  And that was the first game of the season.  In five games, they scored only one touchdown or less.  They never won at home.  If something bad in the game of football could happen, it happened to those Patriots.  Steve Grogan was in his sixteenth season.  Old and decrepit.  The highlights of the season were off the field.  First, there was the Lisa Olsen/Zeke Mowatt/Patriot Missle incident.  Then there was the barroom brawl with Irving Fryar and Hart Lee ####.  A melee that resulted in an eye injury that would eventually end ####’ career.  But no one hated them.  You have to be good to be hated.  This New England Patriots football team is good.  Real good.  Best ever good.  That’s a lot of hate.

Public Acknowledgements:  Beck, Anamaniacs, Eddie Murphy, Men on Film and Bob Ryan

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

PS:  The bouncer who injured Hart Lee #### was named William Early.  AKA Geech.  I later worked with the man.

Josh Q. Public:  How sweet it is!  -Jackie Gleason

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  We gotta win that fight tonight.  We gotta get even with those Socs!  Let’s do it for Johnny, man.  We’ll do it for Johnny!  Let’s do it for Junior.  Let’s do it for Junior Seau.  Let’s make Junior a part of ever.  Junior’s doing his part.  Did his part on Sunday.   Chargers with the ball on the Patriots four.   9:22 left in the third.  Pats up by a frightening five.  Pats up by a tightening five.  Pats up by a slightening five.  Big third and one.  Huge third and one.  Immense third and one.  The play day of the day.  The play of the year.  For all the marbles.  Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles.  Junior Seau’s got yarbles.  And he’s got big balls.  And she’s got big balls.  But we’ve got the biggest balls of them all!  Rivers to Michael Turner.  Pow, Alice!  Right in the kisser.   Junior Seau broke into the backfield to punch Michael Turner right in the kisser for a two-yard loss.  The Chargers would have to settle for a field goal.  Their fourth field goal of the game.  The song remains the same.  They would not score again.  Junior Seau did not have that chance last year.  Out with a broken arm last year.  Gone surfing last year.  Gone surfing last year after seventeen years of distinguished service in the NFL.  Gone surfing last year after twelve consecutive Pro Bowls in the NFL.  Gone surfing last year thirteen  years removed from his last Super Bowl.  And now, here is.  Here is Junior Seau back on the road to glory.  Thirteen years removed from his days as the Tasmanian Devil.  Thirteen years removed from the Lightening Bolt Dance.  Thirteen years removed from the fist pumping.  Thirteen years removed from the sixteen tackles in the AFC Championship Game versus the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Thirteen years removed from the humiliation at the hands of the 49ers.  Redemption.  By the hand of the Almighty.  We forward in this generation, triumphantly.  Won’t you help to sing.  These songs of freedom?  ’Cause all I ever have, redemption songs.  We gotta win that fight tonight. We gotta get even with those Socs!  Let’s do it for Johnny, man.  We’ll do it for Johnny!  Let’s do it for Junior.  Let’s do it for Junior Seau.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Outsiders, Clockwork Orange, AC/DC, Honeymooners, Led Zeppelin and Bob Marley

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Are you ready, are you ready for this?  Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?  Out of the doorway the bullets rip to the sound of the beat.  Hey, I’m gonna get you too.  Another one bites the dust.  -Queen 

Public Service Announcement:  OK here we go!  Just another Sunday at the gravel pit.  Like seventeen Sundays before it.  Every Given Sunday!  Yabba dabba doo!  Sure Mr. Slate was a little more ornery than usual.  But good ole Twinkle Toes Flintstone had a few tricks up his sleeve.  Good ole Twinkle Toes Flintstone took care of business as usual.  Taking care of business every day.  Taking care of business every way.  I’ve been taking care of business, it’s all mine.  Taking care of business and working overtime.  Kevin Faulk was working overtime.  Kevin Faulk has been working overtime for the New England Patriots for nine years now.  Kevin Faulk has been working overtime for the New England Patriots for three rings.  Kevin Faulk worked overtime for the New England Patriots once again yesterday.  Oh, I believe in yesterday.  Everywhere you looked yesterday, there was Kevin Faulk.  Everywhere Tom Brady looked yesterday, there was Kevin Faulk.  Here a Faulk.  There a Faulk.  Everywhere a Faulk, Faulk.  There was Kevin Faulk lined up in the backfield.  There was Kevin Faulk lined up in the slot.  There was Kevin Faulk lined up at wide receiver.  There was Kevin Faulk making big plays.  Huge plays.  Game winning plays.  Diving and rolling for an important first down.  Two minutes later a fourteen-yard grab for another first down to seal the deal.  Seal-a-meal.  The fresh new solution for game storage.  Faulk wasn’t the only one working overtime.  The New England Patriots defense put in another yeomanlike effort.  As in, Yo man, you ain’t getting in here.  Not in my house.  Three times the Chargers entered the red zone.  Get the papers, get the papers, get the papers.  Three times the Chargers had to settle for a field goal.  I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.  You don’t score touchdowns against this Patriot team, you don’t win.  Period.  Exclamation point.  You don’t win against these old linebackers.  These washed up linebackers.  Vrabel, Bruschi and Junior Seau.   Vrabel, Bruschi and Junior Seau all made key stops on all three red-zone series that all ended in field goals.  Ballgame!  You don’t win against Bill Belichick either.  Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?  I think so Brain, but Zero Mostel times anything will still give you Zero Mostel.  Bill Belichick worked overtime.  Worked overtime and made adjustments.  Oh, Tom Brady isn’t having a Tom Bradylike day.  Fine.  We’ll tighten it up.  Brighten it up.  Make it righten it up.  We’ll give it to Laurence Maroney.  We’ll smash you in the mouth.  For the second week in a row, Laurence Maroney was a difference-maker for New England.  For the second week in a row the Patriots won a playoff game.  With two weeks to prepare for the Giants, the Patriots are preparing for Disney Land. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Hanna Barbera, Bachman Turner Overdrive, Beatles, Goodfellas and Pinky and the Brain

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Think it’s crazy? Jimmy Dunn doesn’t:

Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!

 

Josh Q. Public:  You say one love, one life.  When it’s one need in the night.  It’s one love.  We get to share it.  It leaves you baby.  If you don’t care for it.  -U2

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  What a difference a year makes.  Last year was the year of the two-headed monster.  The year of Orthrus.  The year of Chimera.  The year of Frank and Stein.  It took two to make a thing go right.  It took two to make it outta sight.  Hit it!  Last year was the year of the two back offense.  The two attack offense.  The two get back Jack offense.  Do it again.  Last year, the Chicago Bears featured Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson.  Last year, the New Orleans Saints featured the Deuce is Loose and Reggie Bush.  Last year, the New England Patriots featured Laurence Maroney and Corey Dillon.  Last year, the Indianapolis Colts featured Addai a Deer and Dominic Rhodes.  Dynamic Duos.  Terrible Twosomes.  This year?  Not so much.  This year it’s all feature backs all the time.  All beatchya backs all the time.  All Grade A meature backs all the time.  Ryan Grant is helping the Packers reach the Super Bowl for the first time in a decade.  He’s living the dream.  Making folks scream.  I scream.  You scream.  We all scream for ice cream.  In 2005, he spent the entire season on the injured reserve.  In 2006, he spent the entire season on the Giants practice squad.  This season, he’s making things happen.  Brandon Jacobs is making things happen.  Brandon Jacobs is rumbling, bumbling and stumbling his way to make Giants fans soon forget Tiki Barber.  He’s big. He’s powerful.  He’s fast.  Think Eddie George.  Think battering ram.  Shattering ram.  Splattering ram.  In New England there’s another guy.  In a pass happy New England Patriots’ offense, Laurence Maroney is hitting the holes.   In a pass happy Patriots’ offense, Maroney is running with power.  The man of the hour, tower of power, he’ll devour.  He’s gonna tie you up and let you understand that he’s not your average man when he gets a football in his hands.  Daaaaamn!  In a pass happy Patriots’ offense Maroney throws a block here.  In a pass happy Patriots’ offense Maroney takes a handoff there.  Does whatever it takes.  Does whatever it to win football games.  Then there’s the touchdown maker.  The shake and baker.  The record breaker.  The takes the caker.  Then there’s LaDainian.  Then there’s Maude.  That old compromisin’, enterprisin’, anything but tranquilizing.  Right on Maude!  Right on NFL feature backs.  This Bud's for you.

Public Acknowledgements:  Sesame Street, Rob Base & DJ Easy Rock, Steely Dan, Keith Jackson, LL Cool J,  Bea Arthur and the King of Beers

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Punks jump up to get beat down!  -Brand Nubian

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Championship Weekend.  And then there were four.  This old man, he played four.  He played knick-knack on my door.  With a knick-knack paddywhack, give the dog a bone.  This old man came rolling home.  Who’s gonna get the bone?  Who’s gonna sit on the throne?  That’s what we want to know, from here to Sierra Leone.  Who’s gonna come rolling home?  Who’s going bowling?  Super Bowling.  Bowling for Dollars.  Candlepins for Cash.  Take the skinheads bowling.  Take them bowling.  All right.  Let’s get to this.  Like we always knew this.  Like Huey Lewis.  NFL Championship Weekend.

New York Football Giants at Green Bay Packers

Everybody’s jumping on the cheese wagon.  Everybody’s jumping on Ted Stroehmann’s boy.  Brett Fav-ruh.  Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.  Three-time NFL MVP.  The ultimate weekend warrior.  He’s got the records. Hit records.  Smash records.  He’s got a ring.  He gets knocked down, but he gets up again.  You’re never going to keep him down.  He’s not getting up this time.  Not against this New York Giants ballclub.  I like this team.  Yes, it’s gonna be cold at Lambeau.  I get it.  The Giants are a cold weather team too.  That advantage is slim.  Slim Pickens.  Yes, the Giants are on the road.  I get that too.  But, by beating the Cowboys, deep in the heart of Texas, New York continued their remarkable road prowess.   Continued their remarkable road prowess with their ninth straight victory away from home.  By beating the Cowboys deep in the heart of Texas, New York set a single-season NFL record for most consecutive road wins.  Yowza!  They win by playing football the way it’s supposed to be played.  Old time football.  Eddie Shore football.  They commit very few penalties.  They commit even fewer turnovers. They pound the ball on the ground with Big Bad Brandon Jacobs.  Eli Manning has been efficient just when you needed him most.  Plaxico Burress and Amani Toomer match up with the best of them.  On defense, they get to the quarterback.  They’re not flashy.  Not dashy.  In the mouth they smashy.  Team football.  Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit.  Team, team, team.  No one more important that the other.  Welcome to New York Giant football!

San Diego Super Chargers at New England Patriots

I’ve been waiting for this one.  Anticipating for this one.  Stay right here, ’cause these are the good old days.  Good old-fashioned rivalry.  Colts/Pats was a nice rivalry.  Colts/Pats was a cute rivalry.  Brady vs. Manning.  All that.  But it’s time to take the gloves off with this one.  Go all Ogie Ogilthorpe with this one.  Punch somebody in the eye with this one.  The Chargers have been doing some gabbing.  Igor who?  The Chargers have been doing some blabbing.  The Chargers have been doing some back stabbing.  Back stabbing since the Patriots did the Lights Out Dance on the Super Charger logo one year ago.  Know this:  You can’t have a signature dance or prop and not expect it to get used against you if things go bad.  The Honky Tonk Man knew there was always a chance that somebody would take his guitar and smash it over his head.  The Patriots took Shawn Merriman’s guitar and smashed it over his head.  The Chargers have been crying ever since.  LaDainian Tomlinson’s been crying.  Shawne Merriman’s been crying.  Igor Olshansky’s been crying.  Phillip Rivers’ been crying.  And if any of ‘em ain’t crying now, they’re gonna be crying on Sunday.  All the Patriots talk about is their next foe.  All the Patriots do is play football games.  All the Patriots do is win football games.  The Patriots are going to crush the Chargers on Sunday.  Remember these three little words.  These four little syllables.   Brady to Moss.  You’re gonna hear ‘em.  Again and again.  Brady to Moss.  Then, Antonio Cromartie will be crying too.  Antonio Gates, LaDainian Tomlinson and widdle Phiwip Wivers all have widdle boo boos.  All that’s left now is, for New England to solidify their place in NFL history.  New England is the best team you have ever seen.  The best team there’s ever been.  Better than Mats Sundin.  It’s just not fair.  This is what the Patriots are going to do to the Chargers on Sunday:

Public Acknowledgements:  Ed Kilgore, Bob Gamere, Camper Van Beethoven, Something About Mary, Chumba Wumba, Slap Shot, Hoosiers, Carly Simon and Bartstool Sports

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  There are those who’d bet love comes but once and yet, I’m oh so glad we met, the second time around.  -Frank Sinatra

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Randy Moss.  Deal of the century.  Steal of the century.  Make you wanna jump and squeal of the century.  You can Herschel Walker me.  You can Eric Lindros me.  You can Jim Fergosi me.  Heck, you can even Babe Ruth me.  Wake up the damn Bambino and have me face him.  Maybe I’ll drill him in the ####.  The only trade that comes close is Joe Barry Carroll and Rickey Brown to the Warriors for Kevin McHale and Robert Parish.  That’s it.  Randy Moss for a fourth round draft pick.  Randy Moss for John Bowie.  John Bowie.  You may know him from Madden NFL 08.  You may know him as CB # 35.  You may know Randy Moss as a future first ballot Hall of Famer.  You may know Randy Moss as the best wide receiver in football.  Ever.  Here’s a guy who was washed up.  A Fendi bag and a bad attitude.  Moonshine Moss.  All of it.  Here’s a guy wants to win.  Here’s a guy who believes his NFL legacy is tied to winning a Super Bowl and not to individual accomplishments.  Here’s a guy who was so intent on joining the Patriots that he chartered a private jet so he could make it to team headquarters and meet with owner Robert Kraft.  Here’s a guy who was so intent on getting that ring that he took a $6.75 million pay cut.  Here is a man who would not take it anymore.  A man who stood up against the scum, the dogs, the filth, the #### Here is a man who stood up.  Look at him now.  Moss has been the consummate team player.  Moss finished the season with 98 receptions.  Moss finished the season with 1,493 yards.  Moss finished the season with an NFL-record twenty-three touchdown catches.  Moss finished the season undefeated.  Neutralizing Randy Moss was a mission that bordered on impossible.   And Tom Brady capitalized.  Again and again.  Against the Jets, 13 of the 27 passes Brady attempted were thrown to Moss.  A week later against Miami it was bombs away again.  Randy Moss:  “Hell, I’m Randy Moss, what do you expect?”  Nothing less Randy, nothing less.  Moss may have only made one catch in the Jaguars game, but because Jacksonville double and triple teamed him, it opened up other receivers.  It opened up the running game.  It gave the Patriots another victory.  And that’s what Moss has given New England every week.  Another victory.  I love that smell.  Ooooh that smell.  Can’t you smell that smell?  The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill.  Smelled like… victory.  Someday this war’s gonna end.  Not this year.  Not while Randy Moss is still around.  The best trade ever. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Pedro Martinez, LL Cool J, Len Pasquarelli, Sam Farmer, Taxi Driver, Lynyrd Skynyrd and Apocalypse Now

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Ain’t no stoppin’ us now.  We’re on the move.  Ain’t no stoppin’ us now.  We’ve got the groove.  -McFadden & Whitehead 

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  What do you have to say for yourselves now?  Huh?  What?  What happened to your blueprint?  The best laid plans of Jags and men often go awry.  What happened to your three yards and a cloud of dust?  What happened to the slugfest?  The up in your mugfest?  The love is the drug I’m thinking of fest?  What happened to the Dynamic Duo?  Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor.  The league’s second-most productive duo during the regular season.  Combined for a measly sixty-six yards.  A paltry sixty-six yards.  A pedestrian sixty-six yards.  Smash mouth football?  Hey now, you’re an All Star.  Get your game on, go play.  Who smashed who’s mouth.  Who sews whose socks?  Sue sews Sue’s socks.  Who sees who sews whose new socks, sir?  You see Sue sew Sue’s new socks, sir.  You saw the Patriots dominate the ground game.  You saw Laurence Maroney rush for 122 yards and a touchdown.   I thought you said Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew would run roughshod all over the Pats.  I thought you said the Patriots’ defense was overrated.  I thought you said, I thought you said, spider, spider, I’m all right spider.  Looks like you forgot.  Forgot about something.  Forgot that this New England Patriots football team eats lightnin’.  Forgot that this New England Patriots football team craps thunder.  Forgot that you need to score a touchdown every possession.  If you don’t, you lose.  You lose because of a man called Brady.  You lose because of Tom Terriffic.  When there is trouble, I’m there on the double.  From Atlantic to Pacific, they know Tom Terrific!  Tom Brady did what Tom Brady always does.  Tom Brady played his best football in his biggest football game of the year.  Tom Brady completed 26 of 28 passes.  Tom Brady threw for three touchdowns.  If not for two catchable balls that weren’t caught, Brady would have been perfect.  I won’t fail, I won’t flop.  Stall or stutter, yes I won’t stop.  It takes hard work, to be like this.  You should know, cause I’m a perfectionist.  Tom Brady:  “When they’re open like that, it’s my job to hit them.  They’re open every time.”  Wes Welker was open.  Benjamin Watson was open.  Jabbar Gaffney was open.  Kevin Faulk was open.  Randy Moss?  Not so much.  He was double and triple teamed all game.  But when you have the NFL’s MVP at the helm, one receiver is not gonna matter much.  He’s done it without Moss before.  He did it without Moss again.  When you have the greatest quarterback whoever roamed the planet at the helm, anything is possible.  19-0 is possible.  A fourth Super Bowl is possible.  A dynasty is possible.  The New England Patriots.  Eatin’ Lightin’ and Crappin’ thunder. 

Public Acknowledgements:  Robert Burns, Roxy Music, Dr. Seuss, Goodfellas, Mickey Goldmill, Jay Mariotti and Run-DMC

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

My Rice Girl is at it again:

Peace out homies! Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Never yellow, never chicken, listen for my spurs draggin’.  And when I’m kickin’ dust you better circle up the wagons.  So when I rip thru your town don’t be gawkin’.  Just tip your hat and Tex, keep walkin’.  -Kid Rock

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Just a quickie today.  No time to speak softly and carry a big stickie today.  Gotta yell and throw a cement brickie today.  Got my Patriots hoodie on again.  Circling the wagons again.  Waving my red white and blue flaggons again.  Slaying some dragons again.  Cheatergate this.  Cheatergate that.  Sit on it, Potsie.  F ‘em.  That’s what I say.  The cheater cry is a desperate cry by desperate fans without a horse in the race.  Oh ya.  That’s everybody else.  I liken it to the relentless 1918 chants.  The relentless 1918 chants pre-2004.  Before we evened the score.  Before we slammed the door.  Get a Yankees fan in an argument.  Smash said Yankees fan in said argument.  The argument inevitably went to 1918.  1918.  1918.  But then along came 2004 and that was that.  The Pats need this one.  Shut everybody up with this one.  Punch ‘em in the mouth with this one.  Who’s gonna stop them?  The winner of the Jags/Steelers?  C’mon now.  Even you don’t believe that.  I don’t care which team comes on top of that game.  The Patriots humiliate them.  This is what the Patriots are going to do to the winner of that game:

Then who?  The Chargers?  The San Diego Super Chargers?  Bring ‘em!  I hate the Chargers.  I hate crybaby LT.  The touchdown maker.  The record breaker.  The dirty rotten snaker.  I hate that dancin’ fool Shawne Merriman.  But take heed Chargers fans.  At least you’ll find solace in this.  At least this time the Patriots won’t be dancing all over your logo once the beating is complete.  This time they’ll be dancing on their own logo.  All the sweeter.  But it probably won’t come to that.  It probably won’t even be the Bolts.  It’ll be the Colts.  Now, I have no hate for that six-five, 230-pound quarterback with the laser rocket arm.  But Mr. Brady has something to prove.  Something to move.  Something to groove.  When Manning was smashing Brady by the numbers, Tom Terrific had the rings.  Rings trump numbers.  Now that Tom is smashing Peyton by the numbers, he needs to bring home the ring too.  The ring is the thing.  It don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got them rings.  When Brady delivers both the ring and the numbers, all this who’s better nonsense can stop.  Stop, in the name of love.  What more in the name of love?  By the look in Tom Brady’s eyes this season, do you doubt it?  How can you?  So Patriots, wanna make this all go away?  Huh?  Do ya.  Just win baby!  Run the table.  Circle the wagons.  Slay some dragons.  See you in Disney Land ####es!

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

PS:  Congratulation Brain on your Coach of the Year Award.  Well deserved!  Job well done.  Wonder what place Mangini came in?