Josh Q. Public:There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth. -Agnes Repplier
Public Knowledge:
1. Rays on the rise. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are in first place? Ahead of the mighty mighty Red Sox? Ahead of the mighty mighty Yankees? What’s next? Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria! Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. The Rays’ 2-1, eleven-inning win over the Yankees, coupled with Boston’s 5-4 loss at Baltimore, propelled Tampa Bay to the top spot in the AL East last night. The Rays have won six in a row. The Rays have won fifteen of their last twenty games. The Rays have been getting timely hitting and outstanding starting pitching. I know it’s early, but geez.
2. If you talk about one, you gotta talk about the other. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about movin’. Funkytown style. You gotta talk about the Marlins. This is only the second time that the Marlins and Rays are in sole possession of first place at the same time. The first time lasted for only a day. The first time was early in the 2004 season. The first time the Rays had a 3-1 record and the Marlins had a 3-2 mark. How long will this one last? A good question. Let’s find out. A One…A two-HOO…A three…Three! Three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
3. Hockey Krishna’s rejoice. Hockey, hockey. Krishna. Krishna. That’s right. Hockey talk. How ’bout them Penguins? Them juggernaut Penguins? Them sluggernaut Penguins? Them punch you in the muggernaut Penguins? Them Penguins are just the fourth team in NHL history to win eleven of their first twelve games in one playoff season. Them Penguins are in the company of the 1968 and 1976 Canadiens. Them Penguins are in the company of the 1983 Oilers. Them Penguins are in the company of Stanley Cup Champions. Them Penguins are gonna be champions themselves. And to celebrate, Tony, take it away:
4. Chauncey Billups? Chauncey Billups? We don’t need no Chauncey Billups. Without Chauncey Billups, Deetroit Basketball set an NBA playoff record by committing only three turnovers . Without Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton scored thirty-one points last night. Without Chauncey on Sunday, Hamilton became the first Pistons player to score at least thirty points in a playoff game since he scored thirty-three in Game 6 of the 2006 Eastern Conference semifinals. You know the game. The game in which Detroit was eliminated by Miami. The last Pistons player to record consecutive thirty-point playoff games was, you guessed it, Chauncey Billups, in 2003.
5. Stephon Marbury says he can’t wait to play for Mike D’Antoni. He says he thinks it’s great. Steph says a lot of things. Steph said, “How can you not be supportive of Larry Brown being the coach? He’s one of the best coaches to coach the game. So for me, that’s a no-brainer.” Steph said, “I know Isiah and I know he’s an honorable man. I know that he’s a guy filled with a lot of character, so I think everyone here is on his side.” What he really means to say is, ” I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!”
6. More of the same old same old. Barry Bonds was charged in a new indictment Tuesday with fifteen felony counts alleging he lied to a grand jury when he denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs and that he hampered the federal government’s doping investigation. I honestly don’t care anymore. I just don’t care. Is that wrong?
7. All right Celtics. Jokes over. Two in a row. Can we do that? Huh? Can we? I think we can. With five blowouts in six home playoff games, the Celtics return to the friendly confines of the TD Banknorth Garden. In going 6-0 on the parquet, they’ve given up an average of only 75.5 points per game and have yet to allow an opponent to shoot better than 41 percent. It’s not tonight I’m worried about.
8. Can we put Spygate to bed now. Huh? Can we? Thank you. And not for nothing, isn’t this Arlen Specter cat’s interest in this whole thing a little bit ironic. Isn’t he the cat who proposed legislation that would allow Bush to seek a warrant from a special court for an electronic surveillance program? A bill that would also grant blanket amnesty to anyone who authorized warrantless surveillance under presidential authority? I’m just saying.
9. Think the Nationals are cheering like a girls’ softball team now? Nelson Figueroa was designated for assignment Tuesday.
Josh Q. Public:Every truth has two sides. It is well to look at both sides before we commit ourselves to either side. -Aesop
Public Knowledge:
1. A tale of four pitchers. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Jon Lester. Clay Buchholz. Phil Hughes. Ian Kennedy. Last seen, Jon Lester out-dueled Roy Halliday. Deliverance style. Squeal like a pig! He worked eight shutout innings. He allowed just one hit. He got timely double plays. He was terrific. Top of the list. King of the hill. “A” number one. Last seen, Clay Buchholz, eight starts into his big-league career, held the DevilRays to one hit through seven innings. Eventually, Buchholz gave up a two-out, two-run bomb to Akinori Iwamura. It was just the third hit allowed by the young phenom. He should have earned the “W”. Unfortunately, the Sox bats weren’t cooperating. Last seen, Phil Hughes allowed six runs on eight hits in 3 2/3 innings during his start three days ago against the Tigers. Hughes is 0-4. Hughes has a 9.00 earned run average. Hughes has been sent to the disabled list. Last seen, Ian Kennedy gave up four runs in 4 2/3 innings in his start against the Tigers last night. Kennedy may be on his way out of the rotation. Kennedy may be on his way to the Triple-A. So you tell me, who has the best young arms? Ya ya. You can Joba Chambermaid me all you want. But you know what I’m talking about. The answer is undoubtedly, the Red Sox. Sharp like cheddar. My rhymes are better. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done. It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. Rest well Fenway Faithful. Roll Sox roll.
2. Down go the 76ers. Get along 76ers. Charles Barkley dissed Larry Bird. Charles Barkley is not walking through that door, fans. The Sixers were eliminated from the NBA playoffs last night in a 23-point drubbing to the Deetroit Pistons. It was the second-largest drubbing in an elimination game in team history. The Sixers suffered a 120-87 elimination drubbing to my Celtics back in 2002. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t rooting for the Sixers in this one. A lesser of two evils. I hate the Deetroit Pistons far worse than I ever hated the 76ers. I hated Zeke. I hated Rodman. I hated Mahorn. I hated them all. Hence, I still hate them. If I said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. No hurt McHale in ‘87, no Bad Boys. Period.
3. Osgood? Osgreat! The Red Wings victory over the Avalanche was the sixth consecutive win for Chris Osgood. The sixth consecutive win since he relieved the Dominator in Game Four of Detroit’s first-round win over Nashville. Big deal, you say? Who cares, you say? I say, over the last thirty years, only one other goalie has won six straight playoff games in a postseason in which he wasn’t his team’s first-round starter in Game One. I say it was Cam Ward. Now that’s saying something.
4. Celtics/Hawks tonight. Game Six. Make no mistake about it, the Celtics will not allow the Hawks to survive. The Celtics will not allow the Hawks to survive for a Game Seven. No how. No way. Rajon Rondo will push it. Push it real good. Both offensively and defensively. The Truth will pick up where he left off in Game Five. Hitting big baskets. Hauling in big rebounds. Playing big defense. And Kevin Garnett will be Kevin Garnett. Nuff said. The Hawks do not a stand a chance tonight. Not a chance I say. No matter what the Human Highlight Reel may think. What did he ever win anyway?
5. It just keeps getting worse for these guys. Clemens denies steroids. Clemens is found to be boinking a minor. Clemens is found to be getting sloppy seconds after John Daly. Now this. Tim Montgomery. Track star. Former 100-meter world record-holder. Gold and Silver medallist in the Olympics. Now he’d be lucky to make Scooby’s All Star Laff-A-Lympics. Tim Montgomery has been indicted on heroin distribution charges. Montgomery has said he knew nothing of the accusations and that his arrest was a “total surprise.” Just like his banishment from track for doping was a surprise. Surprise, surprise, surprise. Too many Gomer Pyles around here. Not enough Giambi’s and Pettittes. Not that they are heroes. Not by a long shot. They got caught. They admitted it. They’re still playing baseball.
6. In case you missed it:
7. Are you guys watching Lost? You should be. Best show on television. If you’re not, go down to Blockbuster and rent Disc One of Season One. You’ll be back down there for Disc Two like a crackhead looking for his next hit.
8. One bit of advice for the Atlanta Hawks. Hire Avery Johnson. As soon as you lose tonight. Hire him. You will not regret it. Not as much as Johnson would regret taking the Knicks job. And Charles is right. What the heck is Kenny the Jet thinking? GM of the Knickerbockers? He must be out his godammed mind.
9. Rest in Peace Buzzie. Buzzie Bavasi dies at 93. Bavasi built Dodgers teams that won four World Series titles in Brooklyn and Los Angeles. Bavasi helped put together Dodgers teams that included future Hall of Famers Jackie Robinson, Duke Snider, Pee Wee Reese, Roy Campanella, Sandy Koufax and Don Drysdale. He died last night. He will be missed.
10. Yankees still suck.
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!
PS: My good friends at the Salute Millitary Golf Associationwill be featured this weekend on CBS Sports. The SMGA’s mission is to provide rehabilitative golf experiences for combat-wounded veterans in an effort to improve the quality of life for these American heroes. The SMGA believes that the rehabilitative benefits of golf can improve the mental and physical condition of each and every soldier returning from combat. What’s a better cause than that, huh? The special, titled PGA Tee Time 2008, airs Sunday, May 4, on CBS from 1:00 to 2:00 p.m. EST.
Josh Q. Public: Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. -Albert Einstein
Public Knowledge:
1. All’s quiet on the Rocket front. Haven’t heard much outrage lately. Haven’t heard much indignation lately. Jose Canseco will meet with IRS Special Agent Jeff Novitzky and other Federal investigators this week in Los Angeles to talk about the party. They’re dancin’ on the ceilin’, they’re dancing’ on the floor. People everywhere comin’ through the door. They know there’s a party goin’ on. Do the dancin’ romancin’ all night long. To talk about the party at Canseco’s house. The party where former trainer Brian McNamee claimed Clemens was introduced to steroids. This ain’t over. Not by a long shot.
2. Dwight Howard’s good. Real good. Howard is on pace to become the NBA’s youngest rebound king. Howard is on pace to become just fifth player to average at least twenty points and ten boards while shooting a nifty sixty per cent from the floor. Now get this. Dwight Howard had thirteen rebounds last night. 4,010 for his career. He’s the first player to reach the 4000-rebound mark in his first four NBA seasons since Buck “Goggles” Williams grabbed 4,037 boards back in 1985. Pretty good, right. Not bad, right? How ’bout this? To break the all-time record for rebounds over a player’s first four seasons, Dwight would need to grab 4,078 more tomorrow. Yikes! I can’t do nuttin’ for ya man. The Stilt grabbed 8,088 boards over his first four NBA seasons. More than twice as many than your boy Howard. 2,191 more than the runner-up, my boy, Bill Russell. Now that’s good. 20,000 women ain’t bad either.
3. Could this be the season? Could this be the season fantasy baseball owners finally get their money’s worth? Finally get their money’s worth with Ben Sheets. Big Ben has been just filthy so far this year. He outpitched Johan Santana the other day. That’s saying something. So is this. Sheets had not allowed a run in his first 15 1/3 innings this season. Sheets was coming off a five-hit shutout win over the Giants before he surrendered three runs to the Mets in a victory. He has been using a new change-up that he’s been messing around with. Word has it, if he gets a handle on it, it will be a nasty, nasty complement to his biting curveball and mid-90s-mph fastball. Now if he could just stay far, far away from ye olde injury bug.
4. Stupid pitch count. Leo Mazzone would have had none of it. Last night Shaun Chacon was lights out. Boom boom out go the lights! Shawn Chacon allowed only four little singles in eight big innings. But Shaun also threw 109 pitches in those eight big innings and in this new age of baseball that’s all you get. Leo Mazzone may think, “Pitch counts only talk pitchers into being tired.” Leo Mazzone may think, “I####uy is pitching good, leave him in and if he’s getting his butt kicked, take him out.” Leo Mazzone may think, “If he shows signs of fatigue from what you see with your eyes, not what a number says, then you take him out.” Leo Mazzone may have common sense. Jim Hickey and Cecil Cooper do not. Jim Hickey and Cecil Cooper took the ball out of Chacon’s hands. Jim Hickey and Cecil Cooper put the ball in Jose Valverde’s hands. Smooth move Columbo. Four runs later, Astros lose.
5. Shades of Bernie Carbo. How bout them Sox? How ’bout the Captain? How bout Jason Varitek? Jason Varitek with the winner winner chicken dinner. Jason Varitek with the game-winning pinch hit bomb in the top of the 9th in Cleveland. Jason Varitek with the first pinch-hit bomb by the since Doug Mirabelli had one in the final game of the 2005 season. Before last night, Boston had the longest streak without a pinch-hit homer. That distinction now falls to the Athletics. The Athletics last pinch-hit bomb was hit by Adam Melhouse on Aug. 28, 2006. Not for nothing, the Sox just own the Tribe. Own them I say! Roll Sox, roll!
6. Fantasy owners may want to start thinking in terms. Thinking in terms about John Bowker. Rookie sensation John Bowker. Rookie sensation John Bowker sweeping the nation. Sweeping the nation with his third consecutive multiple-hit game. He’s the first San Francisco baseball Giants player with three consecutive multiple-hit game to start his career since some cat named Mike Schemer had two or more hits in each of his first four career games, in August 1945. Get ‘em while their hot, I always say. John Bowker is hot. Hot to trot.
7. Running Wild. The Minnesota Wild. The Wild racked up twenty-four penalties last night. The Wild racked up ninety-nine penalty minutes last night. I got ninety-nine problems and a #### ain’t one. Staying out of the box is. You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself, you know and you feel shame, you know. And then you get free. The Wild never got free in their 5-1 loss at Colorado. I know the Wild felt they were out-toughed last season. I know the Wild felt they needed to surround tough guy Derek Boogaard with more tough guys. But when you get guys like Chris Simon and Todd Fedoruk expect some time feeling shame.
8. Worst trade ever. Joe Thornton to the San Jose Sharks for nobody. One lonely Beastie I be. All by myself I got nobody. The Bruins got nobody. San Jose got one of the best players in hockey today. Harry Sinden says “Joe Thornton is a competent player.” Competent? How’s this for competent? Joe Thornton scored the game-winning goal with slightly less than 10 seconds to play in San Jose’s win in Calgary last night. Only two other players in NHL history have scored a game-winning goal, on the road, with 10 or fewer seconds to play in the third period. The Islanders’ Mikko Makela did it in Philadelphia in 1987 and the Flyers’ Eric Lindros did it against the Rangers in New York in 1997. Why can’t we get competent players like Joe Thornton?
Josh Q. Public:You must learn! -Boogie Down Productions
Public Knowledge:
1. Who’s this Rodney Stuckey character? Rookie Rodney Stuckey. Detroit Pistons rookie Rodney Stuckey. Detroit Pistons rookie Rodney Stuckey scored twenty-seven points last night. The most points by a Detroit rookie since your boy, Grant Hill scored thirty-three in the next to last game of the 1994-95 season. Hopefully Stuckey will stay a little more healthy than old Grant did.
2. Tammy Thomas and Phil Esposito: I’m just saying.
3. Robert Andino. Florida Marlins. Walk-off bomb against the Mets. Last season only one player hit a walkoff bomb for his first career ding-####. Ben Francisco of the Devil Rays did it. Who else has done did it? Miguel Cabrera done did it. Wade Boggs done did it. Rock Raines done did it. Diamond Lou Whitaker done did it. And the Scooter, may he rest in peace, done did it too.
4. I hate to do this one. This one makes me feel all dirty like. The Yankees‘ win over the Blue Jays last night was their eleventh consecutive victory in their home opener. That’s a new Major League record boys and girls. The Yankees had been tied with the Pirates, who won their first home game in ten consecutive seasons, from 1945 to 1954. But don’t be too happy Bomber fans. That was a decade in which the Buccos had the worst record in the National League.
5. Ok, here’s one a fella can feel good about. Here’s one to redeem myself. The Greek God of Walks just tied a long-standing major-league record last night. Just tied a long-standing major-league record last night by playing his 193rd consecutive errorless game at first base. Yowza! That ties Steve Garvey. One more time Kevin, one more time.
6. Here come the Caps. Here comes El Ocho. The Caps just extended their winning streak to five games. The Capitals just won nine out of ten. But more importantly the Capitals just pulled up even with the Hurricanes in the race for the PatrickSoutheast Division title. Whoa Nelly! Hold onto your hats ladies and gentleman. This is getting good. Ovechkin is making it better. Alex Ovechkin scored his 63rd goal of the season. That ties the NHL record for most goals in a season by a left-winger, set by Luc Robitaille for the Kings in 1992-93. The last thing any team wants to see is Ovechkin in the playoffs.
7. The Florida Marlins payroll is $21.8 million. A-Broad’s salary is $28 million. Giambi Juice’s salary is $24 million. Derek Jeter’s salary is $21.6 million. I’m just saying.
8. Matt Leinart’s business was splashed all over The Dirty. Matt Leinart’s business was splashed all over TMZ. Matt Leinart seems to think he is Broadway Joe Willie Namath. Senator, I served with Joe Namath. I knew Joe Namath. Joe Namtah was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Joe Namath. Now, knock it off already. Folks are counting you!
9. I have Kansas over Memphis in my brackets. I’m sticking to it.
10. Fantasy baseball has just begun. No more laughing, no more fun. This is serious business.
Josh Q. Public: In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. -George Orwell
Public Knowledge:
1. Houston Rockets who? Horton hears a what? And I want the rest of you cowboys to know something, there’s a new sheriff in town. And his name is Reggie Hammond. So y’all be cool. Right on. Wooo doggy! How ’bout them Celtics? I’m sick of this West Coast bias. Just look at these Celtics. Mowing down the West. Showing down the West. Quid pro quoing down the West Clarice, quid pro quo. I don’t even know what that means. What I do know is, the Celtics just smashed the defending World Champions from the West. The Celtics just smashed the first place team in the West. The red hot Rockets. They ain’t pretty no more. The Celtics have rolled to a 20-4 record versus the West. 9-4 against the nine teams competing for the playoffs. The Boston Celtics. The best basketball team in the world.
2. March Madness. It’s awesome baby! PTPers. Maalox Mashers. Slap-a-lappers. Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bams, baby! It’s super. It’s scintillating. It’s sensational. And it’s upon us. What would the Madness be without the diaper dandies? Last year it was Kevin Durant and Greg Oden. This year we have Kevin Love. This year we have Kyle Singler. This year we have Eric Gordon. This year we have Blake Griffin. This year we have DeJuan Blair. This year we have Derrick Rose. This year we have the deepest freshman class we’ve seen in a while. Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. This year we have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley. We have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley Thursday. I can’t wait. I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. I like OJ Mayo. In every class, there’s always one joker who thinks that he’s smarter than me. In this class, that happens to be you. Isn’t it, Mayo-nnaise? Mayo has been smarter than everyone else since the seventh grade. Swishing and dishing since the seventh grade. Swooping and hooping since the seventh grade. Bounding and astounding since the seventh grade. Things haven’t changed at USC. Leads USC in scoring. Leads USC in assists. Leads USC in steals. Leads USC in threes. Trying to lead USC to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy no I’m a man. And I believe in a Promised Land. Leading USC to the Promised Land because he had a midseason revelation. A realization. An epiphany. Instead of trying to score all of the time, Mayo began playing the team game. I’ve seen you guys can shoot but there’s more to the game than shooting. There’s fundamentals and defense. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC have won five of their last six regular-season games. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC games have positioned themselves for this spot in the NCAA tourney. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC are looking towards the Promised Land. But there’s somebody blocking Mayo’s way to the holiest of holies. There’s Michael Beasley. And then there’s that old compromisin’, enterprisin’ anything but traqulizin’. Right on Michael Beasley! Michael Beasley has put together one of the finest seasons by a freshman in NCAA history. Double-double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Double, double, toil and trouble something wicked this way comes. Michael Beasley registered twenty-six double-doubles. Michael Beasley broke the all-time freshman record set by Syracuse’s Carmelo Anthony in 2003. Michael Beasley will be the consensus number one pick in the draft. He is a beast. Thursday night. Win or go home! Be there!
3. Alexander Ovechkin. The best Capital ever? Better than the Jagrmeister? Better than Olie the Goalie? Better than Bonzai Bondra? This is the second time that The Big O has reached the century mark. Matching the total of 100-point seasons produced by all of the other players in the Capitals’ 33-season history combined! Yowza! Just so you know. Just if you care. Dennis Maruk had 136 points in 1981-82 and Mike Gartner had 102 in 1984-85.
4. Here comes the Suns, doot ooon doootoo. Brooke White style. The Suns earned their fifth straight win last night. Beat Portland 111-98 last night. The Big Cactus had sixteen points and fifteen rebounds last night. Houston Rockets who? Horton hears a what?
5. Quick question. Who was more important to the Nets dominance back when they were dominant, Kidd or K-Mart? Just asking. I think K-Mart. That’s just me.
6. I never heard of Glen Taylor until last night. Much like I never heard of Hank Steinbrenner until George died. Two big mouths. Nobody likes a big mouth. I hate both those cats.
7. Couldn’t happen to a nicer team. DeAngelo Hall to the Oakland Raiders. See number six.
8. Kevin Love will be an excellent pro. Hansboro. I’m not so sure.
9. Yo, Sal, we’re gonna boycott your fat pasta ####. The Boston Red Sox are boycotting the Japan games. The Boston Red Sox decided unanimously to protest MLB’s decision not to extend a $40,000 appearance fee to all team coaches making the trip. Jimmy Hoffa would be proud.
10. How do the Yankees suck? Let me count the ways.
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Hockey Talk. No Blue, no Devils talk. No supporting the team. Although Martim Brodeur may be the best goalie there’s ever been. The best we’ve ever seen. Better than Orson Bean. But no. I watched some highlights today. Some hockey hiyghlights today. Some Big Bad Bruins hockey highlights today. I watched the Big Bad Bruins stick it to the Philadelphia Flyers. Stuck it to ‘em real good like. The Big Bad Bruins stuck it to the Philadelphia Flyers in overtime. Good old fashioned hockey. Bobby Clarke hockey. Even wore the throwbacks. Whenever I see those old Bruin Uni’s I think of one thing and one thing only. That music. You know the music. New York, London, Paris, Munich. Everybody talk about, pop musik. That channel 38 music. It kind of goes a little something like this:
Every scout in the NHL is out there tonight, with contracts in their pockets, and they’re looking for talent. For winners. OOOOOOOOOH. All my years of publicity. All the fashion shows and radiothons for nothing… They come here tonight… to scout the Chiefs… the toughest team in the Federal League! Not this! Buncha… ####:
Josh Q. Public:Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. -Andre Gide
Public Knowledge:
1. Yankees first baseman’s SandyShelly Duncan, slides into second base with his Takeo Spikes raised. Bench-clearing donnybrook ensues. Two players and two coaches ejected. If this happens in the NBA, it’s a thug league. NBA teams should be referred to as gangs. Blah, blah, blah. It happens in baseball, it’s part of the game. It’s a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.
2. On the other hand:
3. Everybody loves the Spurs. Me too. But this stat may be telling in how far they go. With their loss to the Hornets last night, the Spurs record dropped to 9-11 this season in games against the top eight teams in the Western Conference. Not so jingly. Not so jangly. In games between teams from the West that would qualify for the playoffs if the season ended today, only Phoenix has a worse record than San Antonio.
4. Chris Paul is good. Real good. How good? Consider this. Consider CP3 made twelve of the Hornets’ forty-four field goals last night. Consider CP3 assisted on seventeen others. Consider CP3 has either made or assisted 48.3 percent of his team’s field goals this season. No NBA player has finished a season having a hand in such a high percentage of his team’s field goals since your boy, John Stockton in 1990-91. Yowza! That’s good. Just so you know. Tiny Archibald has the record. 1973. Kansas City Kings. Tiny led the NBA in scoring and dimes, becoming the first and so far only player ever to win the titles in both categories in the same season. 53.5%. Goodness!
5. He shoots. He scores! My man. Alexander Ovechkin. My man, Alexander Ovechken had two goals last night. Wait, that’s not the good part. This is the good part. Alexander Ovechkin had two goals last night on eleven shots. Eleven shots. What can I say? The guy takes a lot of shots. How many shots? That was the 17th time that Ovechkin had 10-or-more shots on goal in a game in his three seasons in the league. That matches the number of double-digit-shot games over the last three seasons by the next four players on the list combined. That matches Olli Jokinen, Jaromir Jagr, Ilya Kovalchuk and Mats Sundin combined. That’s a lot of shots. Who else is gonna take ‘em? Quintin Lainge?
6. I love Josh Hamilton. First pick in the draft. Four million dollar bonus baby. Drafted ahead of Boom Boom Beckett with the overall top pick. Played some minor league ball. Got hurt. Got hooked on the horse. Lost three years of his life. Lost three years waiting for his man. Lost three years and the twenty-six dollars in his hand. Lost three years up to Lexington, 1-2-5. Lost three years feeling sick and dirty, more dead than alive. Lost three years waiting for his man. But like Jack Torrance, he’s baaack. Back and as good as ever. Back with the Texas Rangers. First in Ribbies this spring with the Texas Rangers. Second in batting this spring with the Texas Rangers. Smashing it with the Texas Rangers. Mashing it with the Texas Rangers. Taking a hammer and bashing it with the Texas Rangers. Old Teammate Ryan Freel: “He’s a great story.” He certainly is Ryan, he certainly is.
7. Uh oh. What’s this? A Greg Oden sighting? Greg Oden went through the drills at about half speed and reportedly looked much like he did before his surgery. Good news for Blazers fans. Real good news. Greg Oden will take Brandon Roy and the rest Trail Blazers straight to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy, no I’m a man. And I believe in a promised land. I believe in Greg Oden.
8. Phat Albert Winnie the Pujols is confident he can make it through another season. Phat Albert Winnie the Pujols is confident he can make it through the rest of his career. Make it without needing reconstructive surgery. Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have a town, why don’t you take it. You’re gonna make it after all. I sure hope so. I took him in the first round (9th overall) on my fantasy team.
9. I can’t do this without talking about my Celtics, can I? My streaking Celtics. My peaking Celtics. My freaking Celtics. Ah, freak out! Le freak, c’est chic. Freak out! The Celtics are in the middle of their longest winning streak in nearly 22 years. The Boston Celtics‘ confidence continues to grow. Their confidence continues to grow just in the nick of time. Just in the nick of time as they eye their toughest road trip of the season. It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight. Roll Celtics, roll!
Josh Q. Public:A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes. -Mark Twain
Public Knowledge:
1. King James. Long live the King. King James recorded his seventeenth career triple double last night. Triple trouble. LeBron is now tied for twenty-first all time. Tied for twenty-first all time with Scottie Pippen and Bill Russell. Now, if they only counted blocks back then, would the King still be tied with Russell? I don’t think so. Wait, it gets better. LeBron led the Cavs in points, rebounds and assists last night. The 46th time in his career he led the Cavs in points, rebounds and assists. Since 2004, James’ first season in the NBA, only one player has done that more. That’s right, my man, the Big Ticket.
2. Dwyane Wade will miss the remainder of the season. Will miss the remainder of the season so he can further rehabilitate his surgically repaired left knee. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think the Flash will ever return to his old flashiness. Think Ken Griffey Jr. Think Yao. Think Eric Lindros. Think Grant Hill. Think Terrell Davis. Think those guys there. Oh, what could have been.
3. No gnews is good gnews. Here’s the good gnews. Team doctors have told Boom Boom Beckett his sore back is gnot result of a disc problem. Phew! Here’s the bad gnews. Boom Boom Beckett is still hurting, and gnot planning to throw again until the problem is resolved. Let’s get that problem solved before opening day, shall we? Roll Sox roll!
4. Often imitated, never duplicated. Dikembe Mutumbo:
5. Shaun Alexander is not a happy man. He thought he was stabbed in the back before. Paul Pierce style. He thinks he was stabbed in the back again. The Seattle Seahawks have just announced the signing of running back Orange Julius Jones. The second running back Seattle has signed in the last week (TJ Duckett). Shaun Alexander is a running back with talent. Loads of talent. Bucket loads of talent. Truck loads of talent. Talent that has been decimated by injuries. It looks like his days in Seattle are numbered.
6. She said it’s really not my habit to intrude. Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued. But I’ll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude. There must be fifty ways to leave your lover. Fifty baby, fifty! The Celtics beat the 76ers to become the first team to 50 wins this season. Woooo doggy! It has been 22 seasons since Boston was the first team to 50 wins all by themselves back in 1986. You know what happened then. They won a championship then. They say the next big thing is here, that the revolution’s near. But to me it seems quite clear that it’s all just a little bit of history repeating.
7. Everybody’s yipping about Johann’s start yesterday. Everybody’s yapping about how great he was. What about my boy? Huh? What about Jon Lester? Here are the lines.
Johann: 4IP 2H 0R 0ER 0BB 4K
Lester: 4IP 2H 0R 0ER 1BB 5K
I’m just saying…
8. Just so you know. Not for nothing. Not that it means anything. Jeremy Shockey’s house just hit the market. Hmmmmm. So if have 2 Mil lying around, love NYC views, then call your local real estate agent.
9. Don’t look now, here come the New York Rangers. It took a while but the Rangers are hot. Red hot. My gal is red hot. Your girl ain’t doodely squat. The Rangers have now earned at least one point in each of their last 10 road games. That matches the second-longest streak of its kind in team history and the longest since 1972-73. Since Jean Ratelle. Since Brad Park. Since Rod Gilbert. These new look Rangers are suddenly on a roll. Suddenly Susan. Suddenly on a roll and challenging for top spot in the Prince of Whales Conference.
Josh Q. Public: Men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened. -Winston Churchill
Public Knowledge:
1. Triple double. Triple trouble. No, not Jason Kidd. The Mamba and Kung Pau each had at least 10 field goals, 10 free throws and 10 rebounds last night. Yowza! The last pair of NBA teammates to each record that kind of triple-double in a non-overtime game was Nascar pitch man Brad Daugherty and 3-Time NBA All-Star 1984 NBA Slam Dunk Contest Champion Larry Nance back on January 12, 1991.
2. Brett Favre retires. For good. We think. Oh, yes, they call him the Streak. Look at that, look at that. He likes to show off his physique. Look at that, look at that. If there’s an audience to be found, he’ll be streakin’ around. Invitin’ public critique. Brett’s streak is the most incredible run in all of sports. Makes Cal look like a sissy. Favre won a Super Bowl. Favre won three MVPs. Favre completed more passes than anyone in history. But it is the streak that will be his legacy. 253. 275 if you include the post-season. Like 56. Like 2,632. Like those numbers there, only tougher. Brett Favre, the toughest quarterback who ever lived. Now that’s a legacy.
3. Craig Anderson is hot. En fuego. En Flambe. Craig Anderson, goalie for the Florida Panthers is scorching. Craig Anderson set an NHL record on Sunday by making 53 saves in a shutout vs. the Islanders. He followed that with a 40-save shutout performance last night against my Big Bad Bruins. Well folks, that’s another NHL record. Set another NHL record by facing 93 shots over a two-game span without allowing a goal. Goodness! The old record was held by the Dominator. Hasek faced 75 shots over consecutive games without allowing a goal in 1997.
4. Hasta la vista Warren Sapp. Sapp made seven Pro Bowls, won the 1999 Associated Press Defensive Player of the Year award, and led Tampa Bay’s dominant defense that won the Super Bowl after the 2002 season. He also smokes a lot of pot. Aloha, Mr. hand. Aloha, Warren Sapp.
5. The Supersonics to Oklahoma City just got closer. Oklahoma City voters approved a sales tax extension Tuesday to fund $121.6 million in improvements to a downtown arena and build a practice facility in hopes of luring an NBA team. I just don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.
6. Paging Mr. Herman. Mr. Pee Wee Herman. Pee Wee Herman is a Boston Red Sox Scout. Who knew?
7. Pat Summitt, you’re the next coach of the New York Knicks. Not really. But that would be something. Wouldn’t it?
8. Giving up that brotherly love. How bout them 76ers? How bout that Andre Miller? How bout that Eastern Conference’s Player of the Week for the second time in a month? Last week, Miller averaged 23.0 points. Last week, Miller averaged 77 cents. Last week, Miller averaged 5.3 rebounds and two steals. Holy Cow! He outscored the opposing point 69-27. Outscored Boom Dizzle. Outscored Steve Nash. He recorded his fifth double-double in his last 14 games. Play-offs baby. Play-offs. Celtics. Pistons. Sixers. These are the good ole days.
9. Can I kick it? Yes you can. Not anymore you can’t. El Duque says he either has to alter the knee-to-chin portion of his windup or eliminate it completely if he wants to continue to pitch in the major leagues. That’s a dirty rotten crying shame. One of the great wind-ups in all of baseball. Signature motion. Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now. C’mon baby do the loco-motion. Do the loco-motion with me. Loco-motion like El Tiante. Loco-motion like Dontrelle Willis. Loco-motion like Fernando Valenzuela. Loco-motion like Vida Blue. So come on, come on. Do the loco-motion with me.
Josh Q. Public:Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. -Daniel Patrick Moynihan.
Public Knowledge:
1. The Pittsburgh Steelers and quarterback Big Ben Roethlisberger have agreed to a new eight-year, $102 million contract. He deserves it. Big Ben has compiled a 39-16 career record as a starting quarterback. Pretty dern good if you ask me. Only two other quarterbacks have won as many starts in their first four NFL seasons. Only two. Two for tea. Just me for you and you for me. Just Dan Marino and Otto Graham. Pretty dern good,
2. Happy Wilt day LeBron. As of today, King James is exactly the same age, 23 years, 64 days, as the Stilt was for his NBA debut on October 29, 1959. On that day, Wilt scored 43 points with 28 rebounds for the Philadelphia Warriors. No other player in the league’s history had even 40 points or 25 rebounds in his NBA debut. Not LeBron. Not Kobe. Not MJ. Not nobody. The big question is, will anybody else reach 20,000 women?
3. The Knickerbockers clinched it. The Knicks just clinched their seventh straight losing season. The Knicks just clinched their second-longest losing streak in franchise history. Marbury should be happy. He’s not allowed to watch. I wish I wasn’t allowed to watch. I am. I keep watching. I just can’t help but watch the freak show. The biggest embarrassment in sports.
4. I know Chris Paul has been tearing it up. Scaring it up. Sharing it up. But how ’bout Deron Williams? How ’bout him? Deron Williams had his second 20-assist game of the season last night. Canadian Idol, Steve Nash had two 20-assist games last season. Before that, no player had done it twice in a season since Avery Johnson done did it in 1997-98. Yowza! Williams also had a 21-assist game last season. Since Williams entered the league, the only player with more 20-assist games is Mr. Nash himself. Pretty dern good.
5. This just in. Alexander Ovechkin is good. Real good. Ovechkin is one of only five players in NHL history to score at least 50 goals in two of his first three seasons. Mike Bossy and Wayne Gretzky both scored 50 or more goals in each of their first three seasons. Joe Nieuwendyk and Pavel Bure also did it in two of their first three seasons. But bdee, bdee, bdee, that’s not all folks. Ovechkin is just the third Russian to reach 50 goals at least twice in his career. Bure did it five times and Alexander Mogilny did it twice. But bdee, bdee, bdee, that’s not all folks. El Ocho reached the 50-goal mark in the Caps‘ 67th game. The fastest any NHL player has made it to that milestone since the 1995-96 season. The fastest since Jaromir Jagr, Super Mario and Mogilny. Bdee, bdee, bdee, that’s all folks.
6. Done deal in Boston. Randy Moss signs. One word. Redemption.
7. Done deal in Boston. Sam I Am signs. One word. Redemption.
8. Boom Goes The Dynamite!
9. Yao has successful surgery on his foot. One great step for China. One small step for the Rockets.
Josh Q. Public:Don’t you forget about me. Don’t don’t don’t don’t. Don’t you forget about me. -Simple Minds
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! The Big Bad Bruins. Everybody knows about the Boston Red Sox. Everybody glows about the New England Patriots. Everybody crows about the Boston Celtics. What about the Bruins? How come nobody’s talking about them? What we’ve got here is… a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. Well, I’m here to reach you. I’m here to teach you. I’me here to preach to you. I’m here to preach to you about the Boston Bruins. Can I get an amen? The Boston Bruins just came into the month of March like lion. The Boston Bruins just came roaring into the month of March with six straight wins. The Boston Bruins just picked up points in eight consecutive games. The Boston Bruins are in a tie for sixth place with the New York Rangers. Who woulda thunk? Who woulda thunk the Bruins would now just be four points behind the conference leading New Jersey Devils. Don’t mess with the Devils, buddy. The Devils! Haaaa! Well, you gotta support your team. I support my team. I support the Bruins. The Big Bad Bruins. The Big Bad Bruins have surged to the six seed in the Prince of Wales Conference. The Big Bad Bruins have a real shot at fourth and home ice in the first round. All without Patrice Bergeron. All without Manny Fernandez. Goodness! The Bruins have been doing it with Phil Kessel. King of the shootout. The Bruins have been doing with Marc Savard, the most underrated player in the league. Underrated with a league leading fifty-nine assists. Joe Thornton who? The Bruins have been doing it with goalie Tim Thomas. Second in all of hockey in save percentage. The Bruins have been doing it with the kids. With Milan Lucic. The next Terry O’Rielly. With David Krejci. Krejci’s extended his goal-scoring streak to three consecutive games.They’ve been doing with the big man. The big man, Zdeno Chara. All six foot nine of him. All six foot nine of him scoring fifteen goals. All six foot nine of him dishing out thirty assists. All six foot nine of him maintaining a plus-10 while averaging 27:05 in ice time. He’s all man. He’s the biggest of the big. The baddest of the bad. The heart of these Big Bad Bruins. These playoff bound Big Bad Bruins. Bound for glory. Boston’s other team. Now you know!
Public Acknowledgements: Cool Hand Luke, Mick Colageo and Seinfeld
Josh Q. Public:Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can’t make head or tail of it. -Groucho Marx
Public Knowledge:
1. Rest in peace Myron Cope:
2. So now the leaders of a House committee want the Justice Department to investigate if Rocket Roger Clemens lied under oath about using performance-enhancing drugs. All I know is, this thing is going to cost a lot of time and a lot of money. A lot of time and a lot of money to find out what we already know. Roger Clemens used. Why couldn’t he have just told the truth? Honestly, would anyone have cared? Jason Giambi? He told the truth. He got Comeback Player of the Year. Andy Pettitte? He told the truth. He got himself a fresh new contract. Roger Clemens? He lied. He’s going to jail.
3. How are the Hornets still buzzing below the radar? You saw them last night. You saw them last night against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns. You saw them complete a four-game sweep against Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns. Steve Nash and the mighty Phoenix Suns hadn’t been swept in a season-series of at least four games since 2003-04. I guess the Hornets have arrived. Chris Paul has arrived. Chris Paul had 25 points and a dollar fitty last night. Steve Nash had a meager eight points and a paltry buck thirty. In four head-to-head meetings this season, Paul has had one more assist than Nash while outscoring him by an average of more than ten points per game. MVP? What say you?
4. Larry Hughes had a game-high twenty-nine points last night. Drew Gooden had fifteen rebounds last night. Wally Szczerbiak went three for thirteen last night. Ben Wallace had six rebounds last night. I’m just saying.
5. Uh oh. Here come the Raptors. An adventure 65 Million years in the making. Well, thirteen years in the making, but you get my drift. Like Dr. Ellie Sattler always says: “I was overwhelmed by the power of this place; but I made a mistake, too. I didn’t have enough respect for that power and it’s out now.” Yes, it’s out now. The Raptors have won three in a row and five of six. In their five previous games, the Raptors’ average point differential was 11.6. Good for third in the NBA behind the Los Angeles Lakers and Houston Rockets. The Lakers and the Rockets who, with winning streaks of nine and 13 games, respectively, are the hottest teams in the NBA. In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Celtics. In the East, there’s been a lot of talk about the Pistons. In the East, somebody better start talking about the Raptors.
6. Jeremy Roenick? Really? That Jeremy Roenick? The Pride of Thayer Academy? That Jeremy Roenick? Over 100 points for three-straight seasons? That Jeremy Roenick? I thought he died. I guess the reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated. Jeremy Roenick had the game-winning goal for the Sharks’ last night. He only has ten goals this entire season. But, but, seven of them have been game-winners. Yowza! In NHL history, only two other players had seven game-winners in their first ten or fewer goals of a season. Wanna know who they are? Huh? Do ya? Sure you do. Both of them were defensemen. Does that help? The Maple Leafs’ Tim Horton hears a who in 1963-64 and that slap shooting fool, Al MacInnis in 1999-2000.
7. I was gonna do a little a fantasy baseball thing. I’m not. Who knows? I’m in so many leagues, I just may be in one with you. I’m not helping you.
8. No grunting allowed. A 9-year-old Australian girl has been banned from playing tennis at her local club over the noise she makes while competing. Are you listening Maria Sharapova? Are you listening Serena Williams? Are you listening Monica Seles? See what happens? See what you guys started? Hope you’re happy now.
9. Ty Law has been released by the Kansas City Chiefs. Ty Law was courtside at Boston’s Bank North Garden last night. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? I would like that. I would like tha
2. If you talk about one, you gotta talk about the other. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about movin’. Funkytown style. You gotta talk about the Marlins. This is only the second time that the Marlins and Rays are in sole possession of first place at the same time. The first time lasted for only a day. The first time was early in the 2004 season. The first time the Rays had a 3-1 record and the Marlins had a 3-2 mark. How long will this one last? A good question. Let’s find out. A One…A two-HOO…A three…Three! Three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
4. Chauncey Billups? Chauncey Billups? We don’t need no Chauncey Billups. Without Chauncey Billups, Deetroit Basketball set an NBA playoff record by committing only three turnovers . Without Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton scored thirty-one points last night. Without Chauncey on Sunday, Hamilton became the first Pistons player to score at least thirty points in a playoff game since he scored thirty-three in Game 6 of the 2006 Eastern Conference semifinals. You know the game. The game in which Detroit was eliminated by Miami. The last Pistons player to record consecutive thirty-point playoff games was, you guessed it, Chauncey Billups, in 2003.
5. Stephon Marbury says he can’t wait to play for Mike D’Antoni. He says he thinks it’s great. Steph says a lot of things. Steph said, “How can you not be supportive of Larry Brown being the coach? He’s one of the best coaches to coach the game. So for me, that’s a no-brainer.” Steph said, “I know Isiah and I know he’s an honorable man. I know that he’s a guy filled with a lot of character, so I think everyone here is on his side.” What he really means to say is, ” I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!” 
8. Can we put Spygate to bed now. Huh? Can we? Thank you. And not for nothing, isn’t this Arlen Specter cat’s interest in this whole thing a little bit ironic. Isn’t he the cat who proposed legislation that would allow Bush to seek a warrant from a special court for an electronic surveillance program? A bill that would also grant blanket amnesty to anyone who authorized warrantless surveillance under presidential authority? I’m just saying.
cooperating. Last seen, Phil Hughes allowed six runs on eight hits in 3 2/3 innings during his start three days ago against the Tigers. Hughes is 0-4. Hughes has a 9.00 earned run average. Hughes has been sent to the disabled list. Last seen, Ian Kennedy gave up four runs in 4 2/3 innings in his start against the Tigers last night. Kennedy may be on his way out of the rotation. Kennedy may be on his way to the Triple-A. So you tell me, who has the best young arms? Ya ya. You can Joba Chambermaid me all you want. But you know what I’m talking about. The answer is undoubtedly, the Red Sox. Sharp like cheddar. My rhymes are better. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done. It is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known. Rest well Fenway Faithful. Roll Sox roll.
3. Osgood? Osgreat! The Red Wings victory over the Avalanche was the sixth consecutive win for Chris Osgood. The sixth consecutive win since he relieved the Dominator in Game Four of Detroit’s first-round win over Nashville. Big deal, you say? Who cares, you say? I say, over the last thirty years, only one other goalie has won six straight playoff games in a postseason in which he wasn’t his team’s first-round starter in Game One. I say it was Cam Ward. Now that’s saying something. 
5. It just keeps getting worse for these guys. Clemens denies steroids. Clemens is found to be boinking a minor. Clemens is found to be getting sloppy seconds after John Daly. Now this. Tim Montgomery. Track star. Former 100-meter world record-holder. Gold and Silver medallist in the Olympics. Now he’d be lucky to make Scooby’s All Star Laff-A-Lympics. Tim Montgomery has been indicted on heroin distribution charges. Montgomery has said he knew nothing of the accusations and that his arrest was a “total surprise.” Just like his banishment from track for doping was a surprise. Surprise, surprise, surprise. Too many Gomer Pyles around here. Not enough Giambi’s and Pettittes. Not that they are heroes. Not by a long shot. They got caught. They admitted it. They’re still playing baseball. 
2. Dwight Howard’s good. Real good. Howard is on pace to become the NBA’s youngest rebound king. Howard is on pace to become just fifth player to average at least twenty points and ten boards while shooting a nifty sixty per cent from the floor. Now get this. Dwight Howard had thirteen rebounds last night. 4,010 for his career. He’s the first player to reach the 4000-rebound mark in his first four NBA seasons since Buck “Goggles” Williams grabbed 4,037 boards back in 1985. Pretty good, right. Not bad, right? How ’bout this? To break the all-time record for rebounds over a player’s first four seasons, Dwight would need to grab 4,078 more tomorrow. Yikes! I can’t do nuttin’ for ya man. The Stilt grabbed 8,088 boards over his first four NBA seasons. More than twice as many than your boy Howard. 2,191 more than the runner-up, my boy, Bill Russell. Now that’s good. 20,000 women ain’t bad either.
4. Stupid pitch count. Leo Mazzone would have had none of it. Last night Shaun Chacon was lights out. Boom boom out go the lights! Shawn Chacon allowed only four little singles in eight big innings. But Shaun also threw 109 pitches in those eight big innings and in this new age of baseball that’s all you get. Leo Mazzone may think, “Pitch counts only talk pitchers into being tired.” Leo Mazzone may think, “I
6. Fantasy owners may want to start thinking in terms. Thinking in terms about John Bowker. Rookie sensation John Bowker. Rookie sensation John Bowker sweeping the nation. Sweeping the nation with his third consecutive multiple-hit game. He’s the first San Francisco baseball Giants player with three consecutive multiple-hit game to start his career since some cat named Mike Schemer had two or more hits in each of his first four career games, in August 1945. Get ‘em while their hot, I always say. John Bowker is hot. Hot to trot. 
8. Worst trade ever. Joe Thornton to the San Jose Sharks for nobody. One lonely Beastie I be. All by myself I got nobody. The Bruins got nobody. San Jose got one of the best players in hockey today. Harry Sinden says “Joe Thornton is a competent player.” Competent? How’s this for competent? Joe Thornton scored the game-winning goal with slightly less than 10 seconds to play in San Jose’s win in Calgary last night. Only two other players in NHL history have scored a game-winning goal, on the road, with 10 or fewer seconds to play in the third period. The Islanders’ Mikko Makela did it in Philadelphia in 1987 and the Flyers’ Eric Lindros did it against the Rangers in New York in 1997. Why can’t we get competent players like Joe Thornton?
4. I hate to do this one. This one makes me feel all dirty like. The Yankees‘ win over the Blue Jays last night was their eleventh consecutive victory in their home opener. That’s a new Major League record boys and girls. The Yankees had been tied with the Pirates, who won their first home game in ten consecutive seasons, from 1945 to 1954. But don’t be too happy Bomber fans. That was a decade in which the Buccos had the worst record in the National League.
6. Here come the Caps. Here comes El Ocho. The Caps just extended their winning streak to five games. The Capitals just won nine out of ten. But more importantly the Capitals just pulled up even with the Hurricanes in the race for the 
2. March Madness. It’s awesome baby! PTPers. Maalox Mashers. Slap-a-lappers. Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bams, baby! It’s super. It’s scintillating. It’s sensational. And it’s upon us. What would the Madness be without the diaper dandies? Last year it was Kevin Durant and Greg Oden. This year we have Kevin Love. This year we have Kyle Singler. This year we have Eric Gordon. This year we have Blake Griffin. This year we have DeJuan Blair. This year we have Derrick Rose. This year we have the deepest freshman class we’ve seen in a while. Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. This year we have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley. We have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley Thursday. I can’t wait. I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. I like OJ Mayo. In every class, there’s always one joker who thinks that he’s smarter than me. In this class, that happens to be you. Isn’t it, Mayo-nnaise? Mayo has been smarter than everyone else since the seventh grade. Swishing and dishing since the seventh grade. Swooping and hooping since the seventh grade. Bounding and astounding since the seventh grade. Things haven’t changed at USC. Leads USC in scoring. Leads USC in assists. Leads USC in steals. Leads USC in threes. Trying to lead USC to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy no I’m a man. And I believe in a Promised Land. Leading USC to the Promised Land because he had a midseason revelation. A realization. An epiphany. Instead of trying to score all of the time, Mayo began playing the team game. I’ve seen you guys can shoot but there’s more to the game than shooting. There’s fundamentals and defense. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC have won five of their last six regular-season games. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC games have positioned themselves for this spot in the NCAA tourney. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC are looking towards the Promised Land. But there’s somebody blocking Mayo’s way to the holiest of holies. There’s Michael Beasley. And then there’s that old compromisin’, enterprisin’ anything but traqulizin’. Right on Michael Beasley! Michael Beasley has put together one of the finest seasons by a freshman in NCAA history. Double-double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Double, double, toil and trouble something wicked this way comes. Michael Beasley registered twenty-six double-doubles. Michael Beasley broke the all-time freshman record set by Syracuse’s Carmelo Anthony in 2003. Michael Beasley will be the consensus number one pick in the draft. He is a beast. Thursday night. Win or go home! Be there!
4. Here comes the Suns, doot ooon doootoo. Brooke White style. The Suns earned their fifth straight win last night. Beat Portland 111-98 last night. The Big Cactus had sixteen points and fifteen rebounds last night. Houston Rockets who? Horton hears a what?
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Hockey Talk. No Blue, no Devils talk. No supporting the team. Although Martim Brodeur may be the best goalie there’s ever been. The best we’ve ever seen. Better than Orson Bean. But no. I watched some highlights today. Some hockey hiyghlights today. Some Big Bad Bruins hockey highlights today. I watched the Big Bad Bruins stick it to the Philadelphia Flyers. Stuck it to ‘em real good like. The Big Bad Bruins stuck it to the Philadelphia Flyers in overtime. Good old fashioned hockey. Bobby Clarke hockey. Even wore the throwbacks. Whenever I see those old Bruin Uni’s I think of one thing and one thing only. That music. You know the music. New York, London, Paris, Munich. Everybody talk about, pop musik. That channel 38 music. It kind of goes a little something like this:
3. Everybody loves the Spurs. Me too. But this stat may be telling in how far they go. With their loss to the Hornets last night, the Spurs record dropped to 9-11 this season in games against the top eight teams in the Western Conference. Not so jingly. Not so jangly. In games between teams from the West that would qualify for the playoffs if the season ended today, only Phoenix has a worse record than San Antonio. 
5. He shoots. He scores! My man. Alexander Ovechkin. My man, Alexander Ovechken had two goals last night. Wait, that’s not the good part. This is the good part. Alexander Ovechkin had two goals last night on eleven shots. Eleven shots. What can I say? The guy takes a lot of shots. How many shots? That was the 17th time that Ovechkin had 10-or-more shots on goal in a game in his three seasons in the league. That matches the number of double-digit-shot games over the last three seasons by the next four players on the list combined. That matches Olli Jokinen, Jaromir Jagr, Ilya Kovalchuk and Mats Sundin combined. That’s a lot of shots. Who else is gonna take ‘em? Quintin Lainge?
7. Uh oh. What’s this? A Greg Oden sighting? Greg Oden went through the drills at about half speed and reportedly looked much like he did before his surgery. Good news for Blazers fans. Real good news. Greg Oden will take Brandon Roy and the rest Trail Blazers straight to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy, no I’m a man. And I believe in a promised land. I believe in Greg Oden.
9. I can’t do this without talking about my Celtics, can I? My streaking Celtics. My peaking Celtics. My freaking Celtics. Ah, freak out! Le freak, c’est chic. Freak out! The Celtics are in the middle of their longest winning streak in nearly 22 years. The Boston Celtics‘ confidence continues to grow. Their confidence continues to grow just in the nick of time. Just in the nick of time as they eye their toughest road trip of the season. It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the cream of the fight. Roll Celtics, roll!
2. Dwyane Wade will miss the remainder of the season. Will miss the remainder of the season so he can further rehabilitate his surgically repaired left knee. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think the Flash will ever return to his old flashiness. Think Ken Griffey Jr. Think Yao. Think Eric Lindros. Think Grant Hill. Think Terrell Davis. Think those guys there. Oh, what could have been.
5. Shaun Alexander is not a happy man. He thought he was stabbed in the back before. Paul Pierce style. He thinks he was stabbed in the back again. The Seattle Seahawks have just announced the signing of running back Orange Julius Jones. The second running back Seattle has signed in the last week (TJ Duckett). Shaun Alexander is a running back with talent. Loads of talent. Bucket loads of talent. Truck loads of talent. Talent that has been decimated by injuries. It looks like his days in Seattle are numbered. 
9. Don’t look now, here come the New York Rangers. It took a while but the Rangers are hot. Red hot. My gal is red hot. Your girl ain’t doodely squat. The Rangers have now earned at least one point in each of their last 10 road games. That matches the second-longest streak of its kind in team history and the longest since 1972-73. Since Jean Ratelle. Since Brad Park. Since Rod Gilbert. These new look Rangers are suddenly on a roll. Suddenly Susan. Suddenly on a roll and challenging for top spot in the Prince of Whales Conference. 
2. Brett Favre retires. For good. We think. Oh, yes, they call him the Streak. Look at that, look at that. He likes to show off his physique. Look at that, look at that. If there’s an audience to be found, he’ll be streakin’ around. Invitin’ public critique. Brett’s streak is the most incredible run in all of sports. Makes Cal look like a sissy. Favre won a Super Bowl. Favre won three MVPs. Favre completed more passes than anyone in history. But it is the streak that will be his legacy. 253. 275 if you include the post-season. Like 56. Like 2,632. Like those numbers there, only tougher. Brett Favre, the toughest quarterback who ever lived. Now that’s a legacy..jpg)
8. Giving up that brotherly love. How bout them 76ers? How bout that Andre Miller? How bout that Eastern Conference’s Player of the Week for the second time in a month? Last week, Miller averaged 23.0 points. Last week, Miller averaged 77 cents. Last week, Miller averaged 5.3 rebounds and two steals. Holy Cow! He outscored the opposing point 69-27. Outscored Boom Dizzle. Outscored Steve Nash. He recorded his fifth double-double in his last 14 games. Play-offs baby. Play-offs. Celtics. Pistons. Sixers. These are the good ole days. 
2. Happy Wilt day LeBron. As of today, King James is exactly the same age, 23 years, 64 days, as the Stilt was for his NBA debut on October 29, 1959. On that day, Wilt scored 43 points with 28 rebounds for the Philadelphia Warriors. No other player in the league’s history had even 40 points or 25 rebounds in his NBA debut. Not LeBron. Not Kobe. Not MJ. Not nobody. The big question is, will anybody else reach 20,000 women?
4. I know Chris Paul has been tearing it up. Scaring it up. Sharing it up. But how ’bout Deron Williams? How ’bout him? Deron Williams had his second 20-assist game of the season last night. Canadian Idol, Steve Nash had two 20-assist games last season. Before that, no player had done it twice in a season since Avery Johnson done did it in 1997-98. Yowza! Williams also had a 21-assist game last season. Since Williams entered the league, the only player with more 20-assist games is Mr. Nash himself. Pretty dern good.
March like lion. The Boston Bruins just came roaring into the month of March with six straight wins. The Boston Bruins just picked up points in eight consecutive games. The Boston Bruins are in a tie for sixth place with the New York Rangers. Who woulda thunk? Who woulda thunk the Bruins would now just be four points behind the conference leading New Jersey Devils. Don’t mess with the Devils, buddy. The Devils! Haaaa! Well, you gotta support your team. I support my team. I support the Bruins. The Big Bad Bruins. The Big Bad Bruins have surged to the six seed in the Prince of Wales Conference. The Big Bad Bruins have a real shot at fourth and home ice in the first round. All without Patrice Bergeron. All without Manny Fernandez. Goodness! The Bruins have been doing it with Phil 
Kessel. King of the shootout. The Bruins have been doing with Marc Savard, the most underrated player in the league. Underrated with a league leading fifty-nine assists. Joe Thornton who? The Bruins have been doing it with goalie Tim Thomas. Second in all of hockey in save percentage. The Bruins have been doing it with the kids. With Milan Lucic. The next Terry O’Rielly. With David Krejci. Krejci’s extended his goal-scoring streak to three consecutive games.They’ve been doing with the big man. The big man, Zdeno Chara. All six foot nine of him. All six foot nine of him scoring fifteen goals. All six foot nine of him dishing out thirty assists. All six foot nine of him maintaining a plus-10 while averaging 27:05 in ice time. He’s all man. He’s the biggest of the big. The baddest of the bad. The heart of these Big Bad Bruins. These playoff bound Big Bad Bruins. Bound for glory. Boston’s other team. Now you know!
2. So now the leaders of a House committee want the Justice Department to investigate if Rocket Roger Clemens lied under oath about using performance-enhancing drugs. All I know is, this thing is going to cost a lot of time and a lot of money. A lot of time and a lot of money to find out what we already know. Roger Clemens used. Why couldn’t he have just told the truth? Honestly, would anyone have cared? Jason Giambi? He told the truth. He got Comeback Player of the Year. Andy Pettitte? He told the truth. He got himself a fresh new contract. Roger Clemens? He lied. He’s going to jail.
6. Jeremy Roenick? Really? That Jeremy Roenick? The Pride of Thayer Academy? That Jeremy Roenick? Over 100 points for three-straight seasons? That Jeremy Roenick? I thought he died. I guess the reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated. Jeremy Roenick had the game-winning goal for the Sharks’ last night. He only has ten goals this entire season. But, but, seven of them have been game-winners. Yowza! In NHL history, only two other players had seven game-winners in their first ten or fewer goals of a season. Wanna know who they are? Huh? Do ya? Sure you do. Both of them were defensemen. Does that help? The Maple Leafs’ Tim Horton hears a who in 1963-64 and that slap shooting fool, Al MacInnis in 1999-2000.