The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge. -Bertrand Russell
Public Knowledge:
1. I guess it’s time for me to weigh in on Ted Stroehmann’s boy. I guess it’s time for me to weigh in on Fav…ruh. Favre’s agent says, “We’re going to let Green Bay decide what they want to do. It’s their move.” Yes it is. Like it or not, Brett Favre is property of the Green Bay Packers. He is their’s to do with what they see fit. If they feel Aaron Rodgers puts them in a better position for now and the future, that’s their decision. And if they do feel that way, why would they let Favre go for nothing? It makes no sense. I have no strong feelings about Brett Favre either way, but when he says, “I think it’s going to be a circus in itself already, whether I go there, whatever,” I have to chuckle. It’s a circus Brett, because you made it so. You screwed with the team. Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to #### him. And Marcellus Wallace don’t like to be ####ked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace. Every time you partake in your winter tradition of crying in front the cameras, saying how tired you are, saying how it’s just time, you create this circus. If you’re gonna play, you’re gonna have to play by the rules.
2. Good newsSox fans. Since 1995, slightly more than two-thirds of teams with a division lead at the All-Star break went on to win their division. Better news Angels fans. Over that same time, thirty of thirty-three teams with a division lead of at least five games went on to win the division.
3. The Tour de Farce France. Another cyclist caught doping. Shocker. For the third year in a row, the race has been tainted by this nonsense. It’s not even news anymore. It’s the norm. Like my main Gary Gnu always says, “No gnews in good gnews.”
4. The noose tightens. Convicted steroid distributor Kirk Radomski told ESPN that while he was moving a broken television off a dresser in the bedroom of his Long Island home last Sunday night, he found a shipping receipt for human growth hormone that he claims to have sent to Roger Clemens’Houston home in 2002 or 2003. Peace out Rocket. Six two and Even!
5. So the NFL has hired experts to study game footage to determine whether players are displaying street-gang hand signals as part of their on-field celebrations. They should check out this handy dandy website. Who knows, it could prove helpful.
6. This is going to be interesting. With the Knicks signing of Anthony Roberson all signs, not gang signs, point to the end of days for one Stephon Marbury. If he were cut, where would he go? Who would take a flyer on this cat? Would you want him on your team? No matter how cheaply? I wouldn’t. From 1998-2008 he had seven seasons where he averaged over twenty points and 7.5 assists per game. One of the most skilled point guards in the NBA. It doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. He wreaks havoc wherever he goes. A head case. A tattooed head case at that. I feel sorry for that team that thinks they can make a new man out of him. It ain’t gonna happen.
7. San Francisco Giants draft pick wins the Golden Spikes Award. The award given annually to the best amateur baseball player. The award can be presented to any amateur player, but it has always been given to a college ball player. I’m gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who’s the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Buster, that’s who. Buster’s the big winner. Buster wins. Florida State catcher Buster Posey won the USA Baseball’s Golden Spikes Award. The only other catcher to win the Golden Spikes Award in its 31-year history was Jason Varitek, who received it in 1994 while he was at Georgia Tech. Other notable winners of the Golden Spikes Award were Giants right-hander Tim Lincecum; Phillies outfielder Pat Burrell and All-Star game MVP J.D. Drew of the Boston Red Sox. Hooray Red Sox!
9. Marcus Camby for nothing? Really? I don’t get that one. I didn’t get the Pau one either. But for nothing?
10. Chien Ming Wang out for the season. Godzilla too. Ha ha ha. Yankees still suck.
Lennox Lewis, I’m coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah! Just wondering, has anyone seen Lennox Lewis’ children lately? Maybe Iron Mike followed through on his promise. Sure looks like it. Hey hey hey!
Josh Q. Public:Too much information. Running through my brain. Too much information. Driving me insane. -The Police
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Like the San Pedro Beach Bums always say, “Football, you bet.” It’s everywhere. It’s on Deadspin. It’s on The Big Lead. It’s on the World Wide Leader. You just can’t shake it. I gotta tell ya, I don’t like this. I don’t like this bit. I don’t like that I even know about this. Oh, how I long for the good old days. Boy the way Glen Miller played. Songs that made the hit parade. Guys like us we had it made. Those were the days. They certainly were. I long for the days that this would never have even hit my radar. In those days, unless it was on the local sports or GeorgeMichael’s Sports Machine or This Week in Baseball, it didn’t happen. In those days, unless Don Gillis, who wrote the blueprint for local sports casting in Boston told me about it, I didn’t want to know about it. He didn’t tell me about it. Unless George Michael, the great grandaddy of the highlight show, showed it, I didn’t want to see it. He didn’t show it. Unless I got a “How about that?”, from Mel Allen it did not happen. I liked it better that way. A kinder gentler America. A simpler America. Now, with the Worldwide Leader and endless blogs throughout Al Gore’s internet we are subjected to this nonsense more and more. Sure. There were blips on the radar. There was Pele, Franz Beckenbauer, Carlos Alberto,Giorgio Chinaglia and the Cosmos. There was little Freddy Adu. There was Beckham coming to Los Angeles. At least that was American Soccer. Now we have to endure European Soccer too? Count me out. I can’t take it anymore. Mob mentality. Hooliganism at its best. No brains of their own. As soon as the World Cup comes around, jackbooted fans everywhere, wrap themselves around their flag and commence to destroy everything in sight. Ya ya, soccer is the most popular sport in the world. So what? Big Macs are more popular than prime rib. Which one are you going to eat? And not for nothing, that’s the only justification soccer apologists can come up with. They never talk about the excitement. How could they? Where are the bone crushing hits? Where are the three sixty slam bam thank you ma’am jams? Where is the ever loving long ball? What the Brazilians see as the “beautiful game” is painfully dull and boring. Where’s the intensity? Where’s the action, Jackson? Every highlight I happen to catch on ESPN shows someone almost scoring a goal. Almost. That’s what happens in these games, a lot of almosts. It’s almost a sport. I’m not saying what those cats do with their feet and their heads isn’t remarkable. Juggling four chain saws is pretty gosh darn remarkable too, I’m just saying. Can’t we hear more about the Red Sox 20-5 record in friendly confines of Fenway Park? Can’t we hear more about Joe Torre and the suicide squeeze? Can’t we hear more about Penguins/Red Wings? Celtics/Pistons? Lakers/Spurs? Do we have to hear about this? It’s just un-American.
I know I watch far too much TV. I know it’s the coward’s way out to blame my wife for this one. But I’ll be damned if Boston Herald reporter John Tomase, who wrote the explosive and since-retracted report that the Patriots taped the Rams’ final walk-through practice before the 2002 Super Bowl, isn’t a dead ringer for Joshua “Skippy” Gad, who is currently filming episodes of the television series Back to You in the role of Ryan Church. No not that Ryan Church. But still:
Josh Q. Public:There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth. -Agnes Repplier
Public Knowledge:
1. Rays on the rise. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are in first place? Ahead of the mighty mighty Red Sox? Ahead of the mighty mighty Yankees? What’s next? Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria! Goodness gracious, great balls of fire. The Rays’ 2-1, eleven-inning win over the Yankees, coupled with Boston’s 5-4 loss at Baltimore, propelled Tampa Bay to the top spot in the AL East last night. The Rays have won six in a row. The Rays have won fifteen of their last twenty games. The Rays have been getting timely hitting and outstanding starting pitching. I know it’s early, but geez.
2. If you talk about one, you gotta talk about the other. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about movin’. Funkytown style. You gotta talk about the Marlins. This is only the second time that the Marlins and Rays are in sole possession of first place at the same time. The first time lasted for only a day. The first time was early in the 2004 season. The first time the Rays had a 3-1 record and the Marlins had a 3-2 mark. How long will this one last? A good question. Let’s find out. A One…A two-HOO…A three…Three! Three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
3. Hockey Krishna’s rejoice. Hockey, hockey. Krishna. Krishna. That’s right. Hockey talk. How ’bout them Penguins? Them juggernaut Penguins? Them sluggernaut Penguins? Them punch you in the muggernaut Penguins? Them Penguins are just the fourth team in NHL history to win eleven of their first twelve games in one playoff season. Them Penguins are in the company of the 1968 and 1976 Canadiens. Them Penguins are in the company of the 1983 Oilers. Them Penguins are in the company of Stanley Cup Champions. Them Penguins are gonna be champions themselves. And to celebrate, Tony, take it away:
4. Chauncey Billups? Chauncey Billups? We don’t need no Chauncey Billups. Without Chauncey Billups, Deetroit Basketball set an NBA playoff record by committing only three turnovers . Without Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton scored thirty-one points last night. Without Chauncey on Sunday, Hamilton became the first Pistons player to score at least thirty points in a playoff game since he scored thirty-three in Game 6 of the 2006 Eastern Conference semifinals. You know the game. The game in which Detroit was eliminated by Miami. The last Pistons player to record consecutive thirty-point playoff games was, you guessed it, Chauncey Billups, in 2003.
5. Stephon Marbury says he can’t wait to play for Mike D’Antoni. He says he thinks it’s great. Steph says a lot of things. Steph said, “How can you not be supportive of Larry Brown being the coach? He’s one of the best coaches to coach the game. So for me, that’s a no-brainer.” Steph said, “I know Isiah and I know he’s an honorable man. I know that he’s a guy filled with a lot of character, so I think everyone here is on his side.” What he really means to say is, ” I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!”
6. More of the same old same old. Barry Bonds was charged in a new indictment Tuesday with fifteen felony counts alleging he lied to a grand jury when he denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs and that he hampered the federal government’s doping investigation. I honestly don’t care anymore. I just don’t care. Is that wrong?
7. All right Celtics. Jokes over. Two in a row. Can we do that? Huh? Can we? I think we can. With five blowouts in six home playoff games, the Celtics return to the friendly confines of the TD Banknorth Garden. In going 6-0 on the parquet, they’ve given up an average of only 75.5 points per game and have yet to allow an opponent to shoot better than 41 percent. It’s not tonight I’m worried about.
8. Can we put Spygate to bed now. Huh? Can we? Thank you. And not for nothing, isn’t this Arlen Specter cat’s interest in this whole thing a little bit ironic. Isn’t he the cat who proposed legislation that would allow Bush to seek a warrant from a special court for an electronic surveillance program? A bill that would also grant blanket amnesty to anyone who authorized warrantless surveillance under presidential authority? I’m just saying.
9. Think the Nationals are cheering like a girls’ softball team now? Nelson Figueroa was designated for assignment Tuesday.
Josh Q. Public:In every class, there’s always one joker who thinks that he’s smarter than me. In this class, that happens to be you. Isn’t it, Mayonnaise? -Gunnery Sergeant Emil Foley
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! By now you know. You know about OJ Mayo. You know about Mayo’s past antics in high school. You know Mayo quit USC after only one season. You know Mayo is projected to be a lottery pick in this year’s NBA draft. What does he care? What does he care that the dust still hasn’t even settled on the Reggie Bush fiasco yet? USC is cloaked in shame. Shame, I tell you! You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself. You know. And you feel shame. You know. And then you get free. It’s gonna be more than two minutes for this one. More than two minutes unless USC does the right thing here. More than two minutes unless USC fires Tim Floyd. Unless they fire Pete Carroll. Unles they fire Mike Garrett. Sue you. Sue everybody. And the people you work with and you handle, I will probably sue them too. Fire everybody. Make a clean start. That’s what I’d do. But who am I? I’m no Frank Rizzo.
Public Acknowledgements: Dennis Lemieux and the Jerky Boys
And all you other mother’s out there. May 10, 1970. A fan sitting behind the Blues’ goal is holding a sign that says “Happy Mother’s Day Mrs. Orr.” Bobby’s mother had traveled to Boston from her home in Canada for this game. Bobby did not disappoint. Forty seconds into sudden death overtime, Orr takes a pass from Derek Sanderson and knocks in the game-winner winner chicken dinner. Just after he shoots, Noel Picard hooks Orr’s skate and Orr goes airborne. He scored his famous high flying, electrifying, death defying goal in overtime on Mother’s Day to win the 1970 Stanley Cup. I am, I am Superman. And I can do anything.
Josh Q. Public:Well I’ve been thinking ’bout all the places we’ve surfed and danced and all the places we’ve missed, so let’s get back together and do it again. -Beach Boys
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! The greatest right handed hitter to ever don a Red Sox uniform has done did it again. The greatest right handed hitter in the history of baseball has done did it again. Manny Ramirez has done did it again. Manny Ramirez’s two-run bomb off the Bayonne Bleeder, Joe Borowski, in the top of the ninth was the winner winner chicken dinner. The ninth winner winner chicken dinner in Manny’s career. The third winner winner chicken dinner as a Red Sox. And when I say winner winner chicken dinner, you know what I’m talking about boyyyyyy. I’m talking about a go-ahead homer in the ninth inning or later. No such thing as clutch. Bill James can eat my shorts. I’m more of a Siwoffian statistician anyway. Big Papi ain’t right. That much is clear. Manny is right. Right as rain. Well, that’s all right, mama. That’s all right for you. That’s all right mama, just anyway you do. Manny did in the top of the ninth. Two outs. One on. All tied up. Manny saunters up. You knew it. I knew it. Bill James knew it. Gone! Connectamundo. Power pose. Why pitch to this cat? Eck tried it. Wow! Joe Girardi tried it over the week-end. See what happens? Manny makes you pay. That’s what happens. That’s the way it is with a wiseguy partner. He gets his money no matter what. You got no business? #### you, pay me. You had a fire? #### you, pay me. The place got hit by lightning and World War Three started in the lounge? #### you, pay me. Hold it now, hold it now, hit it. Manny is the greatest hitter in baseball today. He hits with power. He hits to the opposite field. He hits with two strikes. He hits and he hits and he hits. Roll Sox roll!
Public Acknowledgements: Chuck Wepner, Jeff Gordon, Beastie Boys, Elvis and Goodfellas
Josh Q. Public:You must learn! -Boogie Down Productions
Public Knowledge:
1. Who’s this Rodney Stuckey character? Rookie Rodney Stuckey. Detroit Pistons rookie Rodney Stuckey. Detroit Pistons rookie Rodney Stuckey scored twenty-seven points last night. The most points by a Detroit rookie since your boy, Grant Hill scored thirty-three in the next to last game of the 1994-95 season. Hopefully Stuckey will stay a little more healthy than old Grant did.
2. Tammy Thomas and Phil Esposito: I’m just saying.
3. Robert Andino. Florida Marlins. Walk-off bomb against the Mets. Last season only one player hit a walkoff bomb for his first career ding-####. Ben Francisco of the Devil Rays did it. Who else has done did it? Miguel Cabrera done did it. Wade Boggs done did it. Rock Raines done did it. Diamond Lou Whitaker done did it. And the Scooter, may he rest in peace, done did it too.
4. I hate to do this one. This one makes me feel all dirty like. The Yankees‘ win over the Blue Jays last night was their eleventh consecutive victory in their home opener. That’s a new Major League record boys and girls. The Yankees had been tied with the Pirates, who won their first home game in ten consecutive seasons, from 1945 to 1954. But don’t be too happy Bomber fans. That was a decade in which the Buccos had the worst record in the National League.
5. Ok, here’s one a fella can feel good about. Here’s one to redeem myself. The Greek God of Walks just tied a long-standing major-league record last night. Just tied a long-standing major-league record last night by playing his 193rd consecutive errorless game at first base. Yowza! That ties Steve Garvey. One more time Kevin, one more time.
6. Here come the Caps. Here comes El Ocho. The Caps just extended their winning streak to five games. The Capitals just won nine out of ten. But more importantly the Capitals just pulled up even with the Hurricanes in the race for the PatrickSoutheast Division title. Whoa Nelly! Hold onto your hats ladies and gentleman. This is getting good. Ovechkin is making it better. Alex Ovechkin scored his 63rd goal of the season. That ties the NHL record for most goals in a season by a left-winger, set by Luc Robitaille for the Kings in 1992-93. The last thing any team wants to see is Ovechkin in the playoffs.
7. The Florida Marlins payroll is $21.8 million. A-Broad’s salary is $28 million. Giambi Juice’s salary is $24 million. Derek Jeter’s salary is $21.6 million. I’m just saying.
8. Matt Leinart’s business was splashed all over The Dirty. Matt Leinart’s business was splashed all over TMZ. Matt Leinart seems to think he is Broadway Joe Willie Namath. Senator, I served with Joe Namath. I knew Joe Namath. Joe Namtah was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Joe Namath. Now, knock it off already. Folks are counting you!
9. I have Kansas over Memphis in my brackets. I’m sticking to it.
10. Fantasy baseball has just begun. No more laughing, no more fun. This is serious business.
Josh Q. Public:Well I’m not dumb but I cant understand why she walked like a woman and talked like a man. Oh my Lola. Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola. -Kinks
PublicService Announcement: Ok, here we go! Enough is enough. Barry Bonds. Roger Clemens. But this is just ridiculous. I thought this ended with the East German swimmers. Tammy Thomas. Cyclist. World Champeen cyclist. Tom McVay, a tester for the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, told a jury in U.S. District Court in San Francisco that on March 14, 2002, he was assigned to locate Thomas at and collect a urine sample for a steroid test. Not a job I would want, but hey. It’s a living. Prosecutors have called Thomas a “hard-core” steroid user who underwent a physical transformation while using banned drugs. McVay found this out first hand. Found this out when he knocked on Thomas’ door. “It appeared to be like shaving cream on the left side of her face around her ear.” Yikes. Let Noxema cream your face, so the razor won’t. Dr. Margaret Weirman: “Thomas had a deep voice, full beard, chest hair and even signs of male pattern baldness.” Goodness! That’s no woman, that’s a man, man.
Public Spectacle:
Public Acknowledgements:Lance Williams and Austin Powers
While we enjoy the Madness, let’s take a moment to reflect on the greatest college basketball team of all time. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the best college basketball team I’ve ever seen. The best college basketball team there’s ever been. Better than Mean Joe Greene. Let’s take a moment to reflect on the 1990 UNLV Running Rebels:
Josh Q. Public: We are family. I got all my sisters with me. We are family. Get up ev’rybody and sing. -Sisters Sledge
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Here we go, Daddy-O! Let’s get ready for the show. I love the Madness. Love it more than Adrian Barbeau. This is it. Tonight’s the night. Stay away from my window. Stay away from my back door too. Disconnect the telephone line. Relax baby, and draw that blind. Ahhh March Madness. The thrills. The spills. Oh, the humanity! So many story lines. So little time. Tiiiiime is on my side. Yes it is. I know. I’m stalling. Stalling when you want basketballing. Here you go. March Madness: It’s A Family Affair. Like Buffy. Like Jody. Like Uncle Bill. Like Mr. French. Like those folks there. This year’s edition of the NCAA basketball tournament features as many famous family lines as I can remember. Like my main Colonel Potter always says: I don’t care how poor a man is; if he has family, he’s rich. These guys have family. These guys are rich. These guys are in the NCAA tournament:
Patrick Ewing Jr. Georgetown: We’ll start with an easy one. You know Patrick Ewing Sr. NBA Hall of Fame Patrick Ewing Sr. You know Patrick Ewing Sr. gave the Georgetown Hoyas a chance to win the whole thing against Big Games James and the UNC Tar Heels. Gave the Georgetown Hoyas a chance to win the whole thing against Big Games James and the UNC Tar Heels up until Fred Brown threw that pass. That horrible pass. You know Patrick Ewing Sr. took the NCAA title with a victory over Phi Slamma Jamma only to be upset the following year in the upset of all upsets. You know Patrick Ewing Sr.
Jeremiah Rivers Georgetown: Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Jeremiah is the son of Boston Celtics’ coach Doc Rivers. Marquette University’s Doc Rivers. While playing assist man for the Human Highlight reel in Atlanta, Doc averaged a double-double for the 1986-87 season, scoring 12.4 points and helping out with 10.0 assists. Doc went on to Coach the Orlando Magic. Coach of the Year with the Orlando Magic. Now he’s coaching the best team in all of basketball.
AJ Price Connecticut: You may not know this one. AJ’s father been dancing. Tony Price been dancing. Come dancing. Come on sister, have yourself a ball. Don’t be afraid to come dancing. It’s only natural. AJ’s father went dancing with Penn. Ivy League Penn. Ninth seeded Ivy League Penn back in 1979. Down goes Iona. Jim Valvano Iona. Down goes number one seed UNC. Down goes Syracuse. Down Goes St John’s. Final Four baby! Final Four. AJ’s father wins Eastern Regional MVP. Do they still do that? But you know what happens next. 1979. Magic Johnson happens next.
Nolan Smith Duke: Nolan’s father is Derek. Derek helped Louisville win the 1980 National Collegiate Athletic Association championship. Denny Crum’s Doctors of Dunk. Darrell Griffith. Rodney McCray. Scooter McCray. Derek Smith. Smith played with Clippers. Smith played with the Kings. Smith played with the Celtics and Sixers. He died of a heart attack back in August of ‘96. This one’s for you Derek.
Stephen Curry Davidson: Dell the Funky Homosapien. That’s right. Dell Curry. The rootinest tootinest shootinest Hornet you ever did see.
Austin Daye Gonzaga: Darren Daye. Darren was a McDonald’s All American who played his college ball at UCLA. He toiled in the NBA for five years and four teams. Ultimately went to Europe. Ultimately played for Scavolini in Italy. Ultimately won a European championship.
Jerai Grant Clemson: Son of Harvey Grant. Nephew of Horace.
Klayton Korver Drake: Brother of Kyle Korver. The hairiest bobblehead of all time.
Ryan Wittman Cornell: Son of Randy Wittman
Marcus Landry Wisconsin: Brother of Carl Landry who sat out of the Rockets game as they got smashed by the best basketball team in the free world.
Curtis Terry UNLV: Brother of Jason Terry. The Jet. Jason and his wife, Johnyika, have four daughters; Jasionna, Jalayah, Jaida and Jasa Azuré. Yikes. Jason has the number 206 tattooed on his chest. It is his hometown area code.
Wesley Matthews Marquette: Son of former Wisconsin guard Wes Matthews.
Ryan Ayers Notre Dame: Son of Randy Ayers. Miami of Ohio. Double-trouble. Double-double on defending national champion Marquette. Double-double in a shocking 1978 upset. I shook the world! Shook Marquette into such a funk that it took Flash Dwyane Wade to shake them out of it. Randy is now an assistant coach with the Washington Wizards.
Daniel Hackett USC: Son of Rudy Hackett. Rudy Hackett led Syracuse to an upset of a Tennessee team that featured Bernard King and Ernie Grunfeld. I’ve heard of King Bernard. I’ve heard of Ernie Grunfield. I’ve even heard of Buddy Hackett. I’ve never heard of Rudy Hackett.
Josh Q. Public: In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act. -George Orwell
Public Knowledge:
1. Houston Rockets who? Horton hears a what? And I want the rest of you cowboys to know something, there’s a new sheriff in town. And his name is Reggie Hammond. So y’all be cool. Right on. Wooo doggy! How ’bout them Celtics? I’m sick of this West Coast bias. Just look at these Celtics. Mowing down the West. Showing down the West. Quid pro quoing down the West Clarice, quid pro quo. I don’t even know what that means. What I do know is, the Celtics just smashed the defending World Champions from the West. The Celtics just smashed the first place team in the West. The red hot Rockets. They ain’t pretty no more. The Celtics have rolled to a 20-4 record versus the West. 9-4 against the nine teams competing for the playoffs. The Boston Celtics. The best basketball team in the world.
2. March Madness. It’s awesome baby! PTPers. Maalox Mashers. Slap-a-lappers. Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bams, baby! It’s super. It’s scintillating. It’s sensational. And it’s upon us. What would the Madness be without the diaper dandies? Last year it was Kevin Durant and Greg Oden. This year we have Kevin Love. This year we have Kyle Singler. This year we have Eric Gordon. This year we have Blake Griffin. This year we have DeJuan Blair. This year we have Derrick Rose. This year we have the deepest freshman class we’ve seen in a while. Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. This year we have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley. We have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley Thursday. I can’t wait. I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. I like OJ Mayo. In every class, there’s always one joker who thinks that he’s smarter than me. In this class, that happens to be you. Isn’t it, Mayo-nnaise? Mayo has been smarter than everyone else since the seventh grade. Swishing and dishing since the seventh grade. Swooping and hooping since the seventh grade. Bounding and astounding since the seventh grade. Things haven’t changed at USC. Leads USC in scoring. Leads USC in assists. Leads USC in steals. Leads USC in threes. Trying to lead USC to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy no I’m a man. And I believe in a Promised Land. Leading USC to the Promised Land because he had a midseason revelation. A realization. An epiphany. Instead of trying to score all of the time, Mayo began playing the team game. I’ve seen you guys can shoot but there’s more to the game than shooting. There’s fundamentals and defense. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC have won five of their last six regular-season games. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC games have positioned themselves for this spot in the NCAA tourney. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC are looking towards the Promised Land. But there’s somebody blocking Mayo’s way to the holiest of holies. There’s Michael Beasley. And then there’s that old compromisin’, enterprisin’ anything but traqulizin’. Right on Michael Beasley! Michael Beasley has put together one of the finest seasons by a freshman in NCAA history. Double-double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Double, double, toil and trouble something wicked this way comes. Michael Beasley registered twenty-six double-doubles. Michael Beasley broke the all-time freshman record set by Syracuse’s Carmelo Anthony in 2003. Michael Beasley will be the consensus number one pick in the draft. He is a beast. Thursday night. Win or go home! Be there!
3. Alexander Ovechkin. The best Capital ever? Better than the Jagrmeister? Better than Olie the Goalie? Better than Bonzai Bondra? This is the second time that The Big O has reached the century mark. Matching the total of 100-point seasons produced by all of the other players in the Capitals’ 33-season history combined! Yowza! Just so you know. Just if you care. Dennis Maruk had 136 points in 1981-82 and Mike Gartner had 102 in 1984-85.
4. Here comes the Suns, doot ooon doootoo. Brooke White style. The Suns earned their fifth straight win last night. Beat Portland 111-98 last night. The Big Cactus had sixteen points and fifteen rebounds last night. Houston Rockets who? Horton hears a what?
5. Quick question. Who was more important to the Nets dominance back when they were dominant, Kidd or K-Mart? Just asking. I think K-Mart. That’s just me.
6. I never heard of Glen Taylor until last night. Much like I never heard of Hank Steinbrenner until George died. Two big mouths. Nobody likes a big mouth. I hate both those cats.
7. Couldn’t happen to a nicer team. DeAngelo Hall to the Oakland Raiders. See number six.
8. Kevin Love will be an excellent pro. Hansboro. I’m not so sure.
9. Yo, Sal, we’re gonna boycott your fat pasta ####. The Boston Red Sox are boycotting the Japan games. The Boston Red Sox decided unanimously to protest MLB’s decision not to extend a $40,000 appearance fee to all team coaches making the trip. Jimmy Hoffa would be proud.
10. How do the Yankees suck? Let me count the ways.
Josh Q. Public:All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. -Galileo
Public Service Announcement: Here it comes! Here comes the Madness. March Madness. And look at me. Look at me without a team. Me, without a horse in this race. Blue Moon. You saw me standing alone. Without a dream in my heart. Without a love of my own. So sad. I need me a bandwagon. Like my main man Dan Rice. #### tastes def when you pour it on ice. Come on y’all it’s time to get nice. I gotta get nice. But with who? Gotta have a shot to win it all. I love Davidson. I love Stephen Curry. But they don’t have a shot at the big enchilada. Neither does Drake. Can’t be too good either. Can’t be that juggernaut Memphis. That sluggernaut, Memphis. That punch you in your muggernaut, Memphis. Not UCLA. Not the Big Bad Bruins. Not them. No, someone a little more subtle. Not too subtle. I like my jelly to jiggle if I’m not being too subtle. I’m going with Xavier. The Xavier Musketeers. All for one and one for all. Their jelly jiggles. Jiggle it just a little bit. I wanna see you jiggle it just a little bit. As it grooves. Their jelly just jiggled itself en route to its best season in school history. Their jelly just jiggled itself enroute to its third straight 20-win season and third consecutive NCAA tournament bid. I like these guys. I like these guys because they play defense. Defense wins championships. I like their seniors. I like Drew Lavender. I like Josh Duncan. I like Stanley Burrell. I like them to redeem themselves. To redeem themselves for the Temple loss this year. To redeem themselves for the most heartbreaking loss in school history one year ago. One year ago when the Musketeers couldn’t close out Ohio State in the second round. Like Marvin Hagler couldn’t close out Sugar Ray in the ninth. One year ago when Justin Cage missed the second of his two free throws in the closing seconds of regulation. One year ago when the Buckeyes made a threecola at the buzzer, then went on to win 78-71 in overtime. This team can do that. They can redeem themselves. They can do it in this here tournmaent. Six of Xavier’s wins came against NCAA Tournament teams. Five of them out of conference. While a nation is rooting for the Georgia Bulldogs, I’ll be rooting for the other guys. I’ll be rooting for Xavier.
Public Acknowledgements: Mel Torme, Beastie Boys, Bringing Down the House and 2 In A Room
josh q. public. For the public, by The Public. Irreverent sports opinion from a Bostonian in New York. The one blog to read, when you’re reading more than one. Good to the last drop!
4. The noose tightens. Convicted steroid distributor Kirk Radomski told ESPN that while he was moving a broken television off a dresser in the bedroom of his Long Island home last Sunday night, he found a shipping receipt for human growth hormone that he claims to have sent to 
7. San Francisco Giants draft pick wins the Golden Spikes Award. The award given annually to the best amateur baseball player. The award can be presented to any amateur player, but it has always been given to a college ball player. I’m gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who’s the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh? Buster, that’s who. Buster’s the big winner. Buster wins. Florida State catcher 
Brazilians see as the “beautiful game” is painfully dull and boring. Where’s the intensity? Where’s the action, Jackson? Every highlight I happen to catch on ESPN shows someone almost scoring a goal. Almost. That’s what happens in these games, a lot of almosts. It’s almost a sport. I’m not saying what those cats do with their feet and their heads isn’t remarkable. Juggling four chain saws is pretty gosh darn remarkable too, I’m just saying. Can’t we hear more about the Red Sox 20-5 record in friendly confines of Fenway Park? Can’t we hear more about Joe Torre and the suicide squeeze? Can’t we hear more about Penguins/Red Wings? Celtics/Pistons? Lakers/Spurs? Do we have to hear about this? It’s just un-American.
2. If you talk about one, you gotta talk about the other. Talk about it, talk about it, talk about movin’. Funkytown style. You gotta talk about the Marlins. This is only the second time that the Marlins and Rays are in sole possession of first place at the same time. The first time lasted for only a day. The first time was early in the 2004 season. The first time the Rays had a 3-1 record and the Marlins had a 3-2 mark. How long will this one last? A good question. Let’s find out. A One…A two-HOO…A three…Three! Three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.
4. Chauncey Billups? Chauncey Billups? We don’t need no Chauncey Billups. Without Chauncey Billups, Deetroit Basketball set an NBA playoff record by committing only three turnovers . Without Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton scored thirty-one points last night. Without Chauncey on Sunday, Hamilton became the first Pistons player to score at least thirty points in a playoff game since he scored thirty-three in Game 6 of the 2006 Eastern Conference semifinals. You know the game. The game in which Detroit was eliminated by Miami. The last Pistons player to record consecutive thirty-point playoff games was, you guessed it, Chauncey Billups, in 2003.
5. Stephon Marbury says he can’t wait to play for Mike D’Antoni. He says he thinks it’s great. Steph says a lot of things. Steph said, “How can you not be supportive of Larry Brown being the coach? He’s one of the best coaches to coach the game. So for me, that’s a no-brainer.” Steph said, “I know Isiah and I know he’s an honorable man. I know that he’s a guy filled with a lot of character, so I think everyone here is on his side.” What he really means to say is, ” I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!” 
8. Can we put Spygate to bed now. Huh? Can we? Thank you. And not for nothing, isn’t this Arlen Specter cat’s interest in this whole thing a little bit ironic. Isn’t he the cat who proposed legislation that would allow Bush to seek a warrant from a special court for an electronic surveillance program? A bill that would also grant blanket amnesty to anyone who authorized warrantless surveillance under presidential authority? I’m just saying.
go-ahead homer in the ninth inning or later. No such thing as clutch. Bill James can eat my shorts. I’m more of a Siwoffian statistician anyway. Big Papi ain’t right. That much is clear. Manny is right. Right as rain. Well, that’s all right, mama. That’s all right for you. That’s all right mama, just anyway you do. Manny did in the top of the ninth. Two outs. One on. All tied up. Manny saunters up. You knew it. I knew it. Bill James knew it. Gone! Connectamundo. Power pose. Why pitch to this cat? Eck tried it. Wow! Joe Girardi tried it over the week-end. See what happens? Manny makes you pay. That’s what happens. That’s the way it is with a wiseguy partner. He gets his money no matter what. You got no business? 
4. I hate to do this one. This one makes me feel all dirty like. The Yankees‘ win over the Blue Jays last night was their eleventh consecutive victory in their home opener. That’s a new Major League record boys and girls. The Yankees had been tied with the Pirates, who won their first home game in ten consecutive seasons, from 1945 to 1954. But don’t be too happy Bomber fans. That was a decade in which the Buccos had the worst record in the National League.
6. Here come the Caps. Here comes El Ocho. The Caps just extended their winning streak to five games. The Capitals just won nine out of ten. But more importantly the Capitals just pulled up even with the Hurricanes in the race for the 
Patrick Ewing Jr. Georgetown: We’ll start with an easy one. You know Patrick Ewing Sr. NBA Hall of Fame Patrick Ewing Sr. You know Patrick Ewing Sr. gave the Georgetown Hoyas a chance to win the whole thing against Big Games James and the UNC Tar Heels. Gave the Georgetown Hoyas a chance to win the whole thing against Big Games James and the UNC Tar Heels up until Fred Brown threw that pass. That horrible pass. You know Patrick Ewing Sr. took the NCAA title with a victory over Phi Slamma Jamma only to be upset the following year in the upset of all upsets. You know Patrick Ewing Sr.
Nolan Smith Duke: Nolan’s father is Derek. Derek helped Louisville win the 1980 National Collegiate Athletic Association championship. Denny Crum’s Doctors of Dunk. Darrell Griffith. Rodney McCray. Scooter McCray. Derek Smith. Smith played with Clippers. Smith played with the Kings. Smith played with the Celtics and Sixers. He died of a heart attack back in August of ‘96. This one’s for you Derek. 
2. March Madness. It’s awesome baby! PTPers. Maalox Mashers. Slap-a-lappers. Dipsy-doo dunkeroo slam-jam-bams, baby! It’s super. It’s scintillating. It’s sensational. And it’s upon us. What would the Madness be without the diaper dandies? Last year it was Kevin Durant and Greg Oden. This year we have Kevin Love. This year we have Kyle Singler. This year we have Eric Gordon. This year we have Blake Griffin. This year we have DeJuan Blair. This year we have Derrick Rose. This year we have the deepest freshman class we’ve seen in a while. Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile, and I haven’t seen a smile that pretty in a while. This year we have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley. We have OJ Mayo and Michael Beasley Thursday. I can’t wait. I’m so excited. And I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it. I like OJ Mayo. In every class, there’s always one joker who thinks that he’s smarter than me. In this class, that happens to be you. Isn’t it, Mayo-nnaise? Mayo has been smarter than everyone else since the seventh grade. Swishing and dishing since the seventh grade. Swooping and hooping since the seventh grade. Bounding and astounding since the seventh grade. Things haven’t changed at USC. Leads USC in scoring. Leads USC in assists. Leads USC in steals. Leads USC in threes. Trying to lead USC to the Promised Land. Mister I ain’t a boy no I’m a man. And I believe in a Promised Land. Leading USC to the Promised Land because he had a midseason revelation. A realization. An epiphany. Instead of trying to score all of the time, Mayo began playing the team game. I’ve seen you guys can shoot but there’s more to the game than shooting. There’s fundamentals and defense. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC have won five of their last six regular-season games. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC games have positioned themselves for this spot in the NCAA tourney. Fundamentals and defense are a big reason Mayo and USC are looking towards the Promised Land. But there’s somebody blocking Mayo’s way to the holiest of holies. There’s Michael Beasley. And then there’s that old compromisin’, enterprisin’ anything but traqulizin’. Right on Michael Beasley! Michael Beasley has put together one of the finest seasons by a freshman in NCAA history. Double-double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Double, double, toil and trouble something wicked this way comes. Michael Beasley registered twenty-six double-doubles. Michael Beasley broke the all-time freshman record set by Syracuse’s Carmelo Anthony in 2003. Michael Beasley will be the consensus number one pick in the draft. He is a beast. Thursday night. Win or go home! Be there!
4. Here comes the Suns, doot ooon doootoo. Brooke White style. The Suns earned their fifth straight win last night. Beat Portland 111-98 last night. The Big Cactus had sixteen points and fifteen rebounds last night. Houston Rockets who? Horton hears a what?
muggernaut, Memphis. Not UCLA. Not the Big Bad Bruins. Not them. No, someone a little more subtle. Not too subtle. I like my jelly to jiggle if I’m not being too subtle. I’m going with Xavier. The Xavier Musketeers. All for one and one for all. Their jelly jiggles. Jiggle it just a little bit. I wanna see you jiggle it just a little bit. As it grooves. Their jelly just jiggled itself en route to its best season in school history. Their jelly just jiggled itself enroute to its third straight 20-win season and third consecutive NCAA tournament bid. I like these guys. I like these guys because they play defense. Defense wins championships. I like their seniors. I like Drew Lavender. I like Josh Duncan. I like Stanley Burrell. I like them to redeem themselves. To redeem themselves for the Temple loss this year. To redeem themselves for the 
most heartbreaking loss in school history one year ago. One year ago when the Musketeers couldn’t close out Ohio State in the second round. Like Marvin Hagler couldn’t close out Sugar Ray in the ninth. One year ago when Justin Cage missed the second of his two free throws in the closing seconds of regulation. One year ago when the Buckeyes made a threecola at the buzzer, then went on to win 78-71 in overtime. This team can do that. They can redeem themselves. They can do it in this here tournmaent. Six of Xavier’s wins came against NCAA Tournament teams. Five of them out of conference. While a nation is rooting for the Georgia Bulldogs, I’ll be rooting for the other guys. I’ll be rooting for Xavier.
