They call me Mr. Dynamite.  I blow things up in black and white.  Do you remember Mr. Dynamite?  He blew things up in black and white.  -Iggy Pop

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Little Reggie Golden Shoes.  He’s all growns up and he’s all growns up and he’s growns up.  You can say he’s not a feature back.  You can say you don’t think he was worthy to be a top pick in the NFL Draft.  You can do whatever you want.  But know this.  Reggie Bush is a football player.  A very special football player.

When Bear Bryant was coaching the Alabama Crimson Tide, good ‘ole Bear brought a young USC fullback, Sam Bam Cunningham, into the Tide locker room.  Bear Bryant brought Sam into the lily-white Alabama locker room after he ran roughshod all up and down Denny Field.  Legend has it, Sam Cunningham did more to integrate Alabama in sixty minutes that day, than Martin Luther King was able to do in twenty years.  Legend has it, in that locker room, Coach Bear Bryant said to his team of Mr. Cunningham, “This is what a football player looks like.”  Reggie Bush may not have done much for civil rights in this country, but he is indeed what a football player looks like.   

Reggie Bush looked like football player yesterday.  Has all year.  Caught his 200th pass yesterday.  No other running back has ever had 200 career catches in his first thirty-four games.  Not Keith Byars.  Not Larry Centers.  Not Marshall Faulk.  Not anyone.  Not ever.  Reggie Bush caught his 200th career pass in what has become for him, just another day at the rock quarry.  Just another seventy-five all-purpose yard day, bringing two to the hizzy, as the New Orleans Saints hammered the Oakland Raiders in the Superdome.  Bush:  “I expect to make plays when I get a chance.  So, as long as those opportunities keep coming, I’m going to continue to make plays.”  That’s what a football looks like.  Yabba Dabba Doo!  

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

 

‘Cause I, gonna make you see.  There’s nobody else here.  No one like me.  I’m special so special.  I gotta have some of your attention, give it to me.  -Pretenders

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Got a sad one today.  Troy Brown announced his retirement yesterday during a press conference at Gillette Stadium.  Troy Brown ended a 15-year career with the New England Patriots.  Troy Brown is my favorite football player of all time.  All time.

I just loved this cat.  Troy Fitzgerald Brown.  Loved him.  What can Brown do for you?  A whole lot.  That’s what.  Win you some football games.  That’s what.  Football players play football.  Players make plays.  Troy Brown plays football.  Troy Brown makes plays.  Troy Brown had been making plays for the New England Patriots for fifteen seasons.  Making plays like the gamebreaking punt he returned in the AFC Championship game against the Steelers.  Making plays like when as a DB, he shut down a 230-pound quarterback with a laser rocket arm in the 2004 playoffs.  Making plays like he did in Super Bowl XXXVI.  Game tied.  Pats driving.  2nd and ten.  Brown catches a Brady pass over the middle to go twenty-three yards in traffic to the Rams thirty-six and out of bounds.  You know the rest.  Making plays like when he lined up as emergency quarterback to further develop his legend.  Making plays like when he instinctively ripped the ball out of the Chargers’ Marlon McCree’s greasy little fingers to ensure victory.  That’s all this cat ever did.  Make plays.

He made plays in twenty playoff appearances.  He is the Patriot’s all-time leading receiver with 557 receptions.  He has spent his entire career with the Patriots since being drafted in the eighth round in 1993.  Drafted in the eighth round out of Marshall.  We are Marshall!  At Marshall, Brown led the NCAA Division 1-AA in both kickoff and punt return average in 1991.  His career kickoff return average still stands as an NCAA record.  So do his four kickoff returns for touchdowns.  He scored a touchdown every eight times he touched the football.  Every eight times.  Hear that Ted Sarandis?  Yowza!  At Marshall, Brown claimed the Thundering Herd its first National Championship with him as its primary wide receiver and returner.  From the ashes we rose!  Troy Brown rose.  He rose in the championship game.  Playing both sides of the ball.  Gordie Lockbaum style.  In the championship game, Brown sealed the deal by intercepting a Hail Mary pass in the waning seconds of the game against a Jim Tressel coached Youngstown State team. 

This measly little piece does not do Troy Brown justice.  It does not, cannot, display what Troy Brown has meant to the Patriots and a generation of Patriots fans and most of all, to me.  How truly special he really was.  What he represented.  Charles Barkley may not want to be your role model, but Troy Brown was a role model to us all.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Ice Ice Baby.  Ice Ice Baby.  All right stop, collaborate and listen.  Ice is back with a brand new invention.  -Vanilla Ice

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like my main Sgt. Brad Colbert always says, “Stay frosty.”  Matty Ice has been staying frosty.  Mr. Frosty.  Cool as a cucumber.  Never gets nervous.  Never Nervous Pervis.  You know I’ve always loved this kid.  Loved him back at BC.  For Boston, for Boston, thy glory is our own.  For Boston, for Boston, ’tis here that truth is known.”  Truth is, as a junior he was awarded first-team All-ACC honors on a broken foot.  Gimping to a double overtime victory against nationally ranked Clemson.  Gimping around to beat Florida State.  Senior year, healthy, he was something else. 

He was something else in that Virginia Tech game.  You saw it.  You saw it one Thursday night in Blacksburg, Virginia.  One Thursday night in Blacksburg, Virginia in the mud and the slop.  One Thursday night in Blacksburg, Virginia in the mud and the slop when Matty Ice brought the Screamin’ Eagles back from being down 10-0.  Brought the Screamin’ Eagles back in the final three minutes of the game.  Brought the Screamin’ Eagles back to a 14-10 victory on a twenty-four-yard touchdown pass to Andre Callender with eleven seconds left.  Now Matty Ice is bringing the Atlanta Falcons back to respectability.

Michael Vick who?  Michael Vick won games with his legs.  Big Matt Ryan is winning games with his gun.  The man with the golden gun.  He never misses his target, and now his target is the NFL.  Ryan’s 70-yard touchdown bomb to a streaking Roddy White on Sunday was a thing of beauty.  His first NFL pass for a 62-yard touchdown strike to Michael Jenkins against Detroit, a work of art.  Put them together, what do you get?  History.  That’s what.  Those two throws made Matt Ryan only the third quarterback since 1970 whose first two career TD passes went for at least 60 yards.  Yowza!  If you’re curious, the others were Bubby Brister and Spleenless Chris Simms.

Matt Ryan is leading these new look Falcons into a new era.  Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Atlanta Falcons.  Ryan’s two deep strikes equal half as many touchdown passes of forty or more yards the Falcons completed in all sixteen games last season.  Yes, the speed of his receivers help.  Yes, Michael the Burner Turner’s run game has opened up Matty Ice’s pass game.  Yes Sam Baker’s early success on the line hasn’t hurt.  But let’s give some credit where credit is due.  Let’s give some credit to the new face of the Atlanta Flacons.  Let’s give some credit to Matty Ice.

Public Acknowledgements:  Generation Kill, James Bond and JFK

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

I jumped outside the house with my Walkman on.  I get so hyped when I hear this song.  It’s gonna keep me happy like All Day long.  So go and talk #### cause it just makes me strong.  -Beasties

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  This is national TV.  So don’t pick your noses or scratch your nuts.   Is he?  Ain’t he?  Is you ain’t my baby.  Well, that’s the way you’re acting lately.  Hamstring schmangstring.  Fantasy owners are none to happy about this revoltin’ development.  All Day needs to play.  All Day needs to be Every Day.  Just like them Dallas Bulls.  Just like Delma Huddle.  No shots for me, man, I can’t stand needles.  Yes you can.  We fantasy owners don’t care.  We remember all those rows of syringes in the training room at the Cotton Bowl.  Just win baby!  Win now.  Pay later.  People who confuse brains and luck can get in a whole lot of trouble.  Seeing through the game is not the same as winning the game.  Huh, Poot?

Public Acknowledgements:  Louis Jordan, North Dallas Forty

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

You’re the instigator, the orator of the town.  You’re the worst when you converse, just a big mouth clown.  You talk when you’re awake, I heard you talk when you sleep.  Has anyone ever told you, that talk is cheap?  -Run DMC

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Add another guy to the guys I hate list.  Add Joey Porter.   I want him dead! I want his family dead!  I want his house burned to the ground!  I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna #### on ashes!  So Joey Porter said, “If it’s not Tom Brady, it shouldn’t be that hard.”  So Joey Porter said, “It’ll be good to go out and get our first victory.”  When will these cats learn?  Remember when Anthony Smith guaranteed a win?  Huh?  Do ya?  After Anthony Smith opened his mouth, the Patriots made a statement of their own.  Remember what happened to him?  He got embarrassed.  He got lit up.  Victimized early and often.  That’s what.  Nobody circles the wagons like the New England Patriots.  Not the Buffalo Bills.  Not nobody. 

The Patriots circled the wagons back in Super Bowl XXXIX.  Back in Super Bowl XXXIX when loudmouth receiver Freddie Mitchell opened his big fat yapper.  His big fat trapper.  His big fat flapper.  Mitchell, a starter only because All-Pro T.O. was hurt, said he just knew the numbers, not the names, of New England’s cornerbacks.  He did say he knew #37.  Said he had something for #37.  All he had for #37 was one catch for eleven yards, and that came with 2:44 left in the game.  As for #37, he had the last laugh.  He picked off Donovan McNabb’s pass intended for tight end L.J. Smith with nine seconds to play to nail down New England’s 24-21 victory over Philadelphia in Super Bowl XXXIX.  Hoorah!

Then there was this:

Which led to this:

The Chargers had to know that you can’t have a signature dance or prop and not expect it to get used against you if things go bad.  The Honky Tonk Man knew there was always a chance that somebody would take his guitar and smash it over his head.  The Patriots took Shawn Merriman’s guitar and smashed it over his head.  The Chargers have been crying ever since. 

Now it’s Joey Porter’s turn.  This is what the Patriots are going to do to Porter and the Fins:

Peace out Joey.  Six Two and Even!

 All you haters, keep hating.  We’re coming!

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.  -Willie Nelson

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Tony Romo.  Daisy Dukes’ boy.  Just a good old boy.  Never meanin’ no harm.  He might not mean no harm but he sure is layng it out.  Since his first NFL start only four NFL QBs have thrown for 7k.  Tony’s one of them.  Yowza!  And know this.  As good as my boy Tom Brady was last year, a record fifty TDs good, Romo was the cat that threw the most 20-or-more yard TDs.  Top Cat.  So how does a cat that good go undrafted?  How does a cat that good get no respect?  What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!  No respect, I tellya.  Thirteen QBs chosen in the 2003 draft and Romo wasn’t one of them.  Waddya say we take a peek at how those thirteen chosen ones are doing now?  Sound like fun?  Good.  And awaaaaaaay we go!

1.  Carson Palmer:  Palmer has a fine NFL career so far.  Fine NFL Career.  But since his knee injury back in ‘05 he just hasn’t looked right.

2.  Byron Leftwich:  I will forever love Byron for the heroism he displayed at the GMAC Bowl.  We are Marshall!  But in the NFL he has become a mere back-up.  Big Ben’s back-up.  But a back-up none-the-less.

3.  Kyle Boller:  Jesus in cleats.  Boller just his lost his job to Joe Flacco due to injury.

4.  Rex Grossman:  Sexy Rexy.  Roller coaster.  Offensive Player of the Month one month, 64.4 passer rating the next.  He may never start again.

5.  Dave Ragone:  Who?   NFL Europe’s Offensive MVP.  That’s who. You can hear him now on The Dave and Scott Show in Louisville with former NBA and University of Kentucky player Scott Padgett.

6.  Chris Simms:  Phil’s boy.  The spleenless wonder.  Third option in Tennessee.

7.  Seneca Wallace:  Wallace finally had his receiving gloves on, ready to shed his quarterback label and break out as the athletic wide receiver the Seattle Seahawks always hoped he’d be.  But one wrong step in pregame warmups ended Wallace’s day and maybe his season. 

8.  Brian St. Pierre:  The former Boston College star is now the third string QB in Arizona.

9.  Drew Henson:  Couldn’t make it baseball.  Couldn’t make it in football.

10.  Brooks Bollinger:  The Cowboys just signed QB Brooks Bollinger last week. Why?  I don’t know, but then again, can anybody figure out what Jerry Jones is thinking?

11.  Kliff Kingsbury:  Kingsbury left Texas Tech as the owner of 39 school records, 13 Big Twelve Conference and seven NCAA 1-A records and is only the third player in college football history to throw for over 10,000 yards, gain over 10,000 yards in total offense and complete over 1,000 passes in a career.   He played for the Cologne Centurions.  He played for the Montréal Alouettes and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.  He is now on the University of Houston football staff in the position of quality control.  Insert joke here.

12.  Gibran Hamdan:  This all you need to know, Hamdan played in NFL Europa in the spring of 2004, where he was backup quarterback behind third year NFL Europe veteran Clint Stoerner.

13.  Ken Dorsey:  From National Championship to being buried on the Browns’ bench.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

\

You are still the ones that make me shout.  Still the ones that I dream about.  We’re still having fun, and you’re still the ones.  -Orleans

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Woopie doopie!  I love it.  Absolutely love it.  I thought this was supposed to be Jetribution.  Brettribution.  Wrong again bison breath.  How ’bout Patriotribution?  Huh?  How ’bout that that.  In your face, Flanders!  From underdogs to wonder dogs.  Speed of lightning, roar of thunder.  Fighting all who rob or plunder.  Wonder Dog, Wonder Dog!  The Patriots just sent a message.  The Patriots just put the world on notice.  I’m walking here!  I’m walking here!  Walking tall. The real measure of a man is how tall he walks.  Mat Cassel was walking mighty tall yesterday.

Yesterday, Matt Cassel, made the first start of his NFL career.  Made the first start of his NFL career in a victory over the Jets and Brett Favre.  Brett Favre, who happens to have who has 161 career wins as a starter.  Matt Cassel just became the first quarterback to win his first start against an opposing QB with at least 100 victories since Alex Van Pelt of the Bills beat Dan Marino in 1997.  How about that?  How about this?  Matt Cassel just extended the Patriots’ NFL record to twenty-one straight regular season wins.  Matt Cassel just extended the Jets’ futility against the New England Patriots.  The juggernaut New England Patriots.  The sluggernaut New England Patriots.  The punch you in the muggernaut New England Patriots. 

Punched the Jets in the Mug yesterday.  Punched them in the mug real good like.  Punched them in the mug when it counted most.  First and goal on the three.  Thomas Jones.  Off guard right.  Punched in the mug.  Thomas Jones.  Up the middle.  Punched in the mug.  Thomas Jones.  Off guard right.  Punched in the mug.  Ball game baby!  Ball game. 

Yes, Matt Cassel was wonderful yesterday, but it was the Patriots defense who ruled the day.  From Brandon Meriweather’s interception to Adalius Thomas’ 20-yard sack the Patriots defense remained a force to be reckoned with.  Tom Brady don’t play defense.  Rodney Harrison does.  Rodney Harrison:  “We’re going to continue to take our lunch pail, fill it up, go to work, and continue to try and get some wins.”  They got a win yesterday all right.   The Patriots defense have allowed only twenty points this season and they’re still unbeaten.  Cue the Mercury Morris soundbytes.  Roll Pats, roll!

Public Acknowledgements:  Go-Go Gophers, Simpsons, Midnight Cowboy and Bufurd T. Pusser

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Yesterday, I posted Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins freestylin’.  Style, profile, I said it always brings me back to when I hear Ooh Child!  I posted Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins freestylin’ and I got to thinking.  Got to thinking, what are the best athlete singing performances of all time?  Brilliant, right?  I thought so.  So lets do this.  Like we always knew this.  Like Carl Lewis.  The best athlete singing performances of all time:

Carl Lewis: 

Jeff Gordon:

Superbowl Shuffle:

Mike Tyson:

Glasgow Diamonds: 

1988 Arizona Men’s Basketball:

Ray Lewis, LaVar Arrington, Clinton Portis:

Calgary Flames:

Neon Deion:

John Daly:

And everybody’s favorite, Tell Me How My #### Taste:

 

Feelings, nothing more than feelings.  Trying to forget my feelings of love.  Teardrops rolling down on my face.  Trying to forget my feelings of love.  -Albert Morris

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Geez, I’m gone a coupla weeks and see what happens.  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way. 

The Red Sox creeping towards first place.  Down goes Brady!  The Red Sox are Stormin’ Norman Schwartzkopf back into the American League East race.  Matt Cassel is the Patriots’ new number one quarterback.  This isn’t how it was supposed to be.  No, this isn’t right.   I was supposed to be watching Dustin Pedroia and the Red Sox destroyers play deep into October without a care in the world.  Top ‘O the world!  Big Ticket style.  Then catch up with Tom Brady and the good ole Patriots at 5-0 heading into San Diego.  My arch nemesis.  The New York Yankees.  They’re out of it.  Really out of it.  Truly out of it.  Their ship has sailed.  Heck, their ship has sunk.  My pistol is loaded.  I shot Betty Crocker.  Delivered Colonel Sanders down to Davey Jones’ locker.  But can I revel in it?  No I cannot.  There is no joy in Mudville.  The best quarterback who has ever been borned is out for the season.  Three rings and a season that was one victory shy of unprecedented perfection is now on the sidelines.  Jason Bay may have prevented Manny Ramirez from ruining my summah, but Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard just may have ruined my wintah. 

I was in Hobson’s Bar & Grill in Hoboken when I saw it.  That’s when I saw her, ooh, I saw her.  She walked in through the out door, out door.  I saw it with my bald friend Jerry.  The shock waves that pulsed out from Brady’s spot on that field to me watching the television screen was mesmerizing.  Tantalizing.  Captivating.  Devastating.  I tried with all my might to stay in my happy place for just as long as I possibly could.  I can’t think of any athlete that I’ve watched, not Larry Bird, not Cam Neely, not Manny, not nobody, that I have enjoyed watching more.  He makes good teams great, and great teams special.  And now this.  Like my main Yogi Berra always says, “It sure gets late early around here.”  Now it’s circle the wagons time. 

No time to speak softly and carry a big stickie today.  Gotta yell and throw a cement brickie today.  Got my Patriots hoodie on again.  Circling the wagons again.  Waving my red white and blue flaggons again.  Slaying some dragons again.  Never started a game this.  Out of the Super Bowl that.  Sit on it, Potsie.  F ‘em.  That’s what I say.  The Patriots are all through cry is a desperate cry by desperate fans without a horse in the race.  I liken it to the relentless 1918 chants.  The relentless 1918 chants pre-2004.  Before we evened the score.  Before we slammed the door.  Get a Yankees fan in an argument.  Smash said Yankees fan in said argument.  The argument inevitably went to 1918.  1918.  1918.  But then along came 2004 and that was that.  The Pats need this one.  Shut everybody up with this one.  Punch ‘em in the mouth with this one.  Who’s gonna stop them?  You?  C’mon now.  Even you don’t believe that.  The Patriots are circling the wagons, and you wouldn’t like them when they circle the wagons.  This is what Matt Cassel and the Patriots do to New York’s Favreite team on Sunday:

Public Acknowledgements:  Charles Dickens, Beastie Boys, Prince, Hulk and Goodfellas

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

  

The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge.  -Bertrand Russell

Public Knowledge:

1.  I guess it’s time for me to weigh in on Ted Stroehmann’s boy.  I guess it’s time for me to weigh in on Fav…ruh.  Favre’s agent says, “We’re going to let Green Bay decide what they want to do.  It’s their move.”  Yes it is.  Like it or not, Brett Favre is property of the Green Bay Packers.  He is their’s to do with what they see fit.  If they feel Aaron Rodgers puts them in a better position for now and the future, that’s their decision.  And if they do feel that way, why would they let Favre go for nothing?  It makes no sense.  I have no strong feelings about Brett Favre either way, but when he says, “I think it’s going to be a circus in itself already, whether I go there, whatever,” I have to chuckle.  It’s a circus Brett, because you made it so.  You screwed with the team.  Yes you did.  Yes you did, Brett.  You tried to #### him.  And Marcellus Wallace don’t like to be ####ked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.  Every time you partake in your winter tradition of crying in front the cameras, saying how tired you are, saying how it’s just time, you create this circus.  If you’re gonna play, you’re gonna have to play by the rules.

2.  Good news Sox fans.  Since 1995, slightly more than two-thirds of teams with a division lead at the All-Star break went on to win their division.  Better news Angels fans.  Over that same time, thirty of thirty-three teams with a division lead of at least five games went on to win the division. 

3.  The Tour de Farce France.  Another cyclist caught doping.  Shocker.  For the third year in a row, the race has been tainted by this nonsense.  It’s not even news anymore.  It’s the norm.  Like my main Gary Gnu always says, “No gnews in good gnews.”

4.  The noose tightens.  Convicted steroid distributor Kirk Radomski told ESPN that while he was moving a broken television off a dresser in the bedroom of his Long Island home last Sunday night, he found a shipping receipt for human growth hormone that he claims to have sent to Roger Clemens’ Houston home in 2002 or 2003.  Peace out Rocket.  Six two and Even!

5.  So the NFL has hired experts to study game footage to determine whether players are displaying street-gang hand signals as part of their on-field celebrations.  They should check out this handy dandy website.  Who knows, it could prove helpful. 

6.  This is going to be interesting.  With the Knicks signing of Anthony Roberson all signs, not gang signs, point to the end of days for one Stephon Marbury.  If he were cut, where would he go?  Who would take a flyer on this cat?  Would you want him on your team?  No matter how cheaply?  I wouldn’t.  From 1998-2008 he had seven seasons where he averaged over twenty points and 7.5 assists per game.  One of the most skilled point guards in the NBA.  It doesn’t matter.  It just doesn’t matter.  He wreaks havoc wherever he goes.  A head case.  A tattooed head case at that.  I feel sorry for that team that thinks they can make a new man out of him.  It ain’t gonna happen.

7.  San Francisco Giants draft pick wins the Golden Spikes Award.  The award given annually to the best amateur baseball player.  The award can be presented to any amateur player, but it has always been given to a college ball player.  I’m gonna ask you a simple question and I want you to listen to me: who’s the big winner here tonight at the casino? Huh?  Buster, that’s who.  Buster’s the big winner.  Buster wins.  Florida State catcher Buster Posey won the USA Baseball’s Golden Spikes Award.  The only other catcher to win the Golden Spikes Award in its 31-year history was Jason Varitek, who received it in 1994 while he was at Georgia Tech.  Other notable winners of the Golden Spikes Award were Giants right-hander Tim Lincecum; Phillies outfielder Pat Burrell and All-Star game MVP J.D. Drew of the Boston Red Sox.  Hooray Red Sox!

9.  Marcus Camby for nothing?  Really?  I don’t get that one.  I didn’t get the Pau one either.  But for nothing?

10.  Chien Ming Wang out for the season.  Godzilla too.  Ha ha ha.  Yankees still suck.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Lennox Lewis, I’m coming for you man.  My style is impetuous.  My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious.  I want your heart.  I want to eat his children.  Praise be to Allah!  Just wondering, has anyone seen Lennox Lewis’ children lately?  Maybe Iron Mike followed through on his promise.  Sure looks like it.  Hey hey hey!

Peace out homies.  Six two and even!

Josh Q. Public:  Too much information.  Running through my brain.  Too much information.  Driving me insane.  -The Police

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Like the San Pedro Beach Bums always say, “Football, you bet.”  It’s everywhere.  It’s on Deadspin.  It’s on The Big Lead.  It’s on the World Wide Leader.  You just can’t shake it.  I gotta tell ya, I don’t like this.  I don’t like this bit.  I don’t like that I even know about this.  Oh, how I long for the good old days.  Boy the way Glen Miller played.  Songs that made the hit parade.  Guys like us we had it made.  Those were the days.  They certainly were.  I long for the days that this would never have even hit my radar.  In those days, unless it was on the local sports or George Michael’s Sports Machine or This Week in Baseball, it didn’t happen.  In those days, unless Don Gillis, who wrote the blueprint for local sports casting in Boston told me about it, I didn’t want to know about it.  He didn’t tell me about it.  Unless George Michael, the great grandaddy of the highlight show, showed it, I didn’t want to see it.  He didn’t show it.  Unless I got a “How about that?”, from Mel Allen it did not happen.  I liked it better that way.  A kinder gentler America.  A simpler America.  Now, with the Worldwide Leader and endless blogs throughout Al Gore’s internet we are subjected to this nonsense more and more.  Sure.  There were blips on the radar.  There was Pele, Franz Beckenbauer, Carlos Alberto, Giorgio Chinaglia and the Cosmos.  There was little Freddy Adu.  There was Beckham coming to Los Angeles.  At least that was American Soccer.  Now we have to endure European Soccer too?  Count me out.  I can’t take it anymore.  Mob mentality.  Hooliganism at its best.  No brains of their own.  As soon as the World Cup comes around, jackbooted fans everywhere, wrap themselves around their flag and commence to destroy everything in sight.  Ya ya, soccer is the most popular sport in the world.  So what?  Big Macs are more popular than prime rib.  Which one are you going to eat?  And not for nothing, that’s the only justification soccer apologists can come up with.  They never talk about the excitement.  How could they?  Where are the bone crushing hits?  Where are the three sixty slam bam thank you ma’am jams?  Where is the ever loving long ball?  What the Brazilians see as the “beautiful game” is painfully dull and boring.  Where’s the intensity?  Where’s the action, Jackson?  Every highlight I happen to catch on ESPN shows someone almost scoring a goal.  Almost.  That’s what happens in these games, a lot of almosts.  It’s almost a sport.  I’m not saying what those cats do with their feet and their heads isn’t remarkable.  Juggling four chain saws is pretty gosh darn remarkable too, I’m just saying.  Can’t we hear more about the Red Sox 20-5 record in friendly confines of Fenway Park?  Can’t we hear more about Joe Torre and the suicide squeeze?  Can’t we hear more about Penguins/Red Wings?  Celtics/Pistons?  Lakers/Spurs?  Do we have to hear about this?  It’s just un-American.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

I know I watch far too much TV.  I know it’s the coward’s way out to blame my wife for this one.  But I’ll be damned if Boston Herald reporter John Tomase, who wrote the explosive and since-retracted report that the Patriots taped the Rams’ final walk-through practice before the 2002 Super Bowl, isn’t a dead ringer for Joshua “Skippy” Gad, who is currently filming episodes of the television series Back to You in the role of Ryan Church.  No not that Ryan Church.  But still:

Josh Gad              John Tomase

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

  

Josh Q. Public:  There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth.  -Agnes Repplier

Public Knowledge:

1.  Rays on the rise.  The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are in first place?  Ahead of the mighty mighty Red Sox?  Ahead of the mighty mighty Yankees?  What’s next?  Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!  Goodness gracious, great balls of fire.  The Rays’ 2-1, eleven-inning win over the Yankees, coupled with Boston’s 5-4 loss at Baltimore, propelled Tampa Bay to the top spot in the AL East last night.  The Rays have won six in a row.  The Rays have won fifteen of their last twenty games.  The Rays have been getting timely hitting and outstanding starting pitching.  I know it’s early, but geez.

2.  If you talk about one, you gotta talk about the other.  Talk about it, talk about it, talk about movin’.  Funkytown style.  You gotta talk about the Marlins.  This is only the second time that the Marlins and Rays are in sole possession of first place at the same time.  The first time lasted for only a day.  The first time was early in the 2004 season.  The first time the Rays had a 3-1 record and the Marlins had a 3-2 mark.  How long will this one last?  A good question.  Let’s find out.  A One…A two-HOO…A three…Three!  Three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

3.  Hockey Krishna’s rejoice.  Hockey, hockey.  Krishna. Krishna.  That’s right.  Hockey talk.  How ’bout them Penguins?  Them juggernaut Penguins?  Them sluggernaut Penguins?  Them punch you in the muggernaut Penguins?  Them Penguins are just the fourth team in NHL history to win eleven of their first twelve games in one playoff season.  Them Penguins are in the company of the 1968 and 1976 Canadiens.  Them Penguins are in the company of the 1983 Oilers.  Them Penguins are in the company of Stanley Cup Champions.  Them Penguins are gonna be champions themselves.  And to celebrate, Tony, take it away:

4.  Chauncey Billups?  Chauncey Billups?  We don’t need no Chauncey Billups.  Without Chauncey Billups, Deetroit Basketball set an NBA playoff record by committing only three turnovers .  Without Chauncey Billups, Richard Hamilton scored thirty-one points last night.  Without Chauncey on Sunday, Hamilton became the first Pistons player to score at least thirty points in a playoff game since he scored thirty-three in Game 6 of the 2006 Eastern Conference semifinals.  You know the game.  The game in which Detroit was eliminated by Miami.  The last Pistons player to record consecutive thirty-point playoff games was, you guessed it, Chauncey Billups, in 2003.

5.  Stephon Marbury says he can’t wait to play for Mike D’Antoni.  He says he thinks it’s great.  Steph says a lot of things.  Steph said, “How can you not be supportive of Larry Brown being the coach?  He’s one of the best coaches to coach the game.  So for me, that’s a no-brainer.”  Steph said, “I know Isiah and I know he’s an honorable man.  I know that he’s a guy filled with a lot of character, so I think everyone here is on his side.”  What he really means to say is, ” I know it was you Fredo.  You broke my heart.  You broke my heart!” 

6.  More of the same old same old.  Barry Bonds was charged in a new indictment Tuesday with fifteen felony counts alleging he lied to a grand jury when he denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs and that he hampered the federal government’s doping investigation.  I honestly don’t care anymore.  I just don’t care.  Is that wrong?

7.  All right Celtics.  Jokes over.  Two in a row.  Can we do that?  Huh?  Can we?  I think we can.  With five blowouts in six home playoff games, the Celtics return to the friendly confines of the TD Banknorth Garden.  In going 6-0 on the parquet, they’ve given up an average of only 75.5 points per game and have yet to allow an opponent to shoot better than 41 percent.  It’s not tonight I’m worried about.

8.  Can we put Spygate to bed now.  Huh?  Can we?  Thank you.  And not for nothing, isn’t this Arlen Specter cat’s interest in this whole thing a little bit ironic.  Isn’t he the cat who proposed legislation that would allow Bush to seek a warrant from a special court for an electronic surveillance program?  A bill that would also grant blanket amnesty to anyone who authorized warrantless surveillance under presidential authority?  I’m just saying.

9.  Think the Nationals are cheering like a girls’ softball team now?  Nelson Figueroa was designated for assignment Tuesday. 

10.  Yankees still suck.  Fourth place.  Ha ha ha!

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!