Josh Q. Public:  So get it understood, boy.  I am from the hood, boy.  Came up from the dirt.  Self-made hustler.  I’m a beast.  R. Kelly

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Three down.  One to go.  Well, it’s one for the money.  Two for the show.  Three to get ready.  Now go, cat, go!  Go Celtics, go.  Go Kendrick Perkins, go.  He went last night all right.  Went for a double-double last night.  Double double, toil and trouble.  Fire burn and cauldron bubble.  Perkins was burning last night.  Perkins was bubbling last night.  Burning and bubbling for his second double-double of these here Eastern Conference Finals.  Eighteen big points.  Sixteen big boards.  Two big blocked shots.  The X factor.  The Xavier McDaniel factor.  Just so you know, while at Wichita State, the original X-Man was the first man to lead the nation in both rebounding and scoring in the same season.  Yowza!  And like the original X-Man, Perk did all the dirty work.  Dirty deeds.  Done dirt cheap.  He’s a beast.  Don’t believe me?  Just check his website.  He’ll tell you so himself.  He was explosive from beginning to end.  I’m T.N.T.  I’m dynamite.  T.N.T.  And I’ll win the fight.  He won the fight because he stayed out of foul trouble.  Stayed out of foul trouble and was able play meaningful minutes.  Played meaningful minutes and was aggressive from the giddy-up.  He ####ed down low on the defensive end.  He scored down low on the offensive end.  Just dominating in the paint on both ends.  Captivating in the paint on both ends.  Devastating in the paint on both ends.  There he was, backing his way toward the hole and then knocking down the jumper.  There he was, scoring on low-post moves.  There he was, leading the fast break.  There he was, putting a booty on a brother and gathering up a rebound.  Put a booty on Rasheed Wallace and gathered up eleven defensive boards limiting Deetroit Basketball to just five offensive rebounds.  Perk more than doubled the rebound total of every other player in the game.  My goodness!  He was the difference maker last night.  The soul taker last night.  The takes the caker last night.  He’s been the difference maker in the last two Celtics’ victories.  Simply sensational.  ‘Cause you’re sensational, sensational.  That’s all, that’s all, that’s all.

Public Acknowledgements:  Carl Perkins, MacBeth, AC/DC, Beastie Boys and Frank Sinatra

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Struck me kinda funny, seemed kinda funny sir to me.  At the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe.  Bruce Springsteen

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Woooo doggy!  Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans.  Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door.  They don’t need to.  It’s the new style.  Four and three and two and one.  When I’m on the mic, the suckers run.  Suckers are running.  The Boston Celtics just put the entire basketball world on notice.  The Boston Celtics just sent the entire basketball world a message.  Oh the lonely days are gone.  I’m coming home.  My baby, she wrote me a letter.  Yes, the lonely days are gone.  The Celtics wrote a letter.  The letter said, “I’m Godzilla.  You are Japan!”  What?  You thought this was a fluke?  Thought they’ve been lucky?  Thought this was an accident?  Thought you said are you all right, Spider.  Think again.  The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft first half schedule.  The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has not been a result of a soft Eastern Conference.  The Celtics’ position atop the NBA, contrary to popular opinion, has been a result of one thing and one thing only.  They’re good.  Real good.  Last night, the Boston Celtics clinched a playoff spot by smashing everybody’s pet pick in the East.  Smashed the Beasts of the East.  Smashed them real good like.  The Big Ticket smashed them.  He didn’t fill it up for fifty while jawing with Spike Lee against the joke of the league.  He did the right thing.  He put on his hard hat and went to work.  Put on his hard hat and scored thirty-one.  He put on his hard hat and played defense.  Tough defense.  Rough defense.  Dare I say it?  Tenacious defense.  The Celtics played team basketball.  Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit: team, team, team.  No one more important that the other.  The Truth had fifteen, nailing the three-point dagger, threecola! Larry Bird style.  Rajon Rondo contributed sixteen, including a thunderous, posterizing don’t fake the funk on a nasty dunk in the mugs of  Rip Hamilton and Jason Maxiell.  Kendrick Perkins notched ten points and twenty boards.  Twenty rebounds!  Big Al who?  The Celtics never trailed in this game.  The Celtics never trailed in this statement sending game.  This buckwheats sending game.  Buckwheats is a whole other animal.  A guy orders a buckwheats hit, it just doesn’t mean take the guy out, it means take the guy out in the most painful way possible.  It means the vic should suffer.  Typical buckwheat hit is to shoot a guy up the ####.  Yeah, uh, ba-bing.  A slug up the ####, you don’t die so much as contort for a good fifteen minutes, then you die.  I imagine it’s like crappin’ white-hot razor blades.  I imagine the Pistons are crappin’ white-hot razor blades right now.  Heck, I imagine the whole daggone NBA is crappin’ white-hot razor blades right now.  As for the Celtics?  They’re sipping boat drinks.

Public Acknowledgements:  Jed Clampett, Rick Pitino, Beastie Boys, Box Tops, Things to Do When You’re Dead In Denver, Goodfellas, Hoops World and Coach Norman Dale

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!