Josh Q. Public:  Do that to me one more time.  Once is never enough with a man like you.  Do that to me one more time.  I can never get enough of a man like you.  -Captain & Tennille

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Like my main man Roy Hobbs always says:  ”God, I love baseball.”  Me too Roy, me too.  I love my Red Sox, and I love Big Papi.  The most feared hitter in all of baseball.  The most cheered hitter in all of baseball.  The most endeared hitter in all of baseball.  Finally!  Finally, it has happened to me.  Right in front of my face, my feelin’s can’t describe it.  Finally it has happened to me.  Right in front of my face and I just cannot hide it.  Finally, David Ortiz has broken out.  Finally, David Ortiz has spoken out.  Finally, David Ortiz has found his stroken out.   David Ortiz didn’t hit a home run during Spring Training.  Oh for eleven in his first three games of the regular season.  Struck out in his first at bat in his fourth game last night.  Enough is enough.  Second at bat.  Single.  Next at bat.  Going, going, gone!  How about that?  Now it’s baseball season.  Big Papi wins another one.  Now the game is on.  The clutchest of the clutch once again proved that he is too much.  The man with the golden touch.  Bill James may disagree.  Bill James may tell you there’s no such thing as clutch.  Bill James can go to Hell.  I saw Senor Octubre go yard off of Jared Washburn in the 10th inning of Game Three of the 2004 ALDS.  Ohhhh Doctor!   I saw Senor Octubre go yard in the twelfth inning off of Paul Quantrill in Game Four of the 2004 ALCS.  Whoa Nelly!  I saw Senor Octubre smash a fourteenth-inning single to center field driving in the Caveman from second base in Game Five of the 2004 ALCS.  Holy Cow!  I saw all of those things.   I saw all of those things and I saw a whole lot more.  Who’s your Papi?  No such thing as clutch?  Whatta maroon! Whatta ignoramus!  Last season, Papi’s power numbers dipped.  But, Big Papi is healthy again.  His ####ed up knee has been surgically repaired.  His sore shoulder has had a winter of rest.  Geronimo, look out below!  Last night was only the beginning.  Only just the start.  The greatest clutch hitter in baseball history done did it again!  So bring on the Yankees.  Bring on anybody.  Bring on everybody.  We got Papi and ain’t nobody does me better.  Makes me happy, makes me feel this way.

Public Acknowledgements:  The Natural, Ce Ce Pennison, Mel Allen, Jerry Coleman, Keith Jackson, Phil Rizzuto, Bugs Bunny and Chaka Khan

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  One can wish upon a star.  Two can make a wish come true. One can stand alone in the dark.  Two can make the light shine through.  It takes two baby.  You know it takes two.  -Tina Turner

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I know, I know.  It’s early yet.  No need to get squirrelly yet.  Don’t call me Shirley yet.  But the early bird gets the worm, I say.  Keep making them pay, I say.  Make ‘em pay every day, I say.  Keep stepping on their necks, I say.  Pencil neck geek, grit eatin’ freak, scum suckin’, pea head with a lousy physique.  He’s a one man, no gut, loosing streak.  Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek.  A-God didn’t walk on water yesterday.  Didn’t turn any water into wine yesterday.  Didn’t cure any lepers yesterday.  Down to earth yesterday.  Big Papi did.  Papi don’t preach, they’re in trouble deep.  Papi don’t preach, they’ve been losing sleep.  The Yankees lost some sleep yesterday.  Papi preached yesterday.  He was a peach yesterday.  Gave a four RBI speech yesterday.  Bottom of the first.  Sox down two.  Two men on.  My two favorite words in the English language.  Papi’s up!  Can I get an Amen?  Kapow!  Double to deep right.  Feel his might.  Setting things right.  Setting things right with a two run double.  Double trouble.  Double, double, toil and trouble.  Fire burn and cauldron bubble.  Double, double, toil and trouble.  Something wicked this way comes.  It came this way again too.  Second verse, same as the first.  Bottom of the fourth.  Papi’s up again.  Can I get an Amen again?  Can I get an Amen?  Can I get a witness?  Tell me, are you with me?  Holla’ if you hear this.  Can I get an Amen?  Amen!  Going back.  El Comedulce at the track.  At the wall.  Seeee ya!  See ya later.  See ya later alligator.  See ya later Yankees.  The Red Sox are rolling.  Roll Sox roll!  Come on throw your hands up.  Shout a hallaluyah.  Everybody sing.  Let the spirit move ya.  Roll Sox roll!  Can I get an Amen!

Public Acknowledgements:  Airplane, Classy Freddie Blassie, Madonna, William Shakespeare, Herman’s Hermits, Shannon Brown and Michael Kay.

Peace out homies.  Sox Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  You gotta roll, roll, roll.  You gotta thrill my soul, alright.  Roll, roll, roll, roll-a, thrill my soul.  Let it roll, all night long.  -Doors

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  The Boston Red Sox.  I made a bet with my boy Nostradomus.  Bet, bet bet…BEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTT!  Fred Flintstone style.  I had Tiger, he had the field.  I lost.  Now I have to write a post praising the Yankees.  Egads man.  Not today though.  I gotta sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today though.  And don’t worry ’bout tomorrow, hey, hey, hey though.  ‘Cause the Sox are rolling today.  Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’.  Though the streams are swollen.  Keep them Bosox rollin’.  Red Sox!  How ’bout them Red Sox?  Three in a row.  Three, it’s the magic number.  Five of their last six.  Playing knick knack on some sticks.  Seven of their last ten.  Do it again.  These old Sox are rolling home.  How ’bout Josh Boom Boom Beckett?  Another win yesterday.  Three and oh after yesterday.  1.50 ERA and 18 Ks after yesterday.  Yowza!  Schilling’s back.  Back on track.  Back on track, leading the pack.  I met him at the candy store.  He turned around and smiled at me.  You get the picture?  Yes, we see.  That’s when I fell for the leader of the pack.  Matzuka, Matsuzaka Matsuzaka.  The new king of ole Fenway Pahka.  I think it’s fair to say he’s for real.  The real deal.  Hard as steel.  Tim Wakefield is pitching better than I’ve seen in a while.  Better than he’s ever been in a while.  An inning machine in a while.  With Wakefield pitching better than I’ve seen in a while and Jon Lester tearing it up for the Greenville Drive, the Sox may soon have the best staff in baseball.  Woo doggie!  This is getting good.  Better than I thought it would.  Better than you thought it should.  And what about Papi?  The man you just can’t stoppie.  On the world, he is atoppie.  On top of the world looking down on creation.  Just on a tear.  Two bombs and eight ribbies in the last two days.  He’s on fire.  Up in here, it’s burning hot.  He’s on fire.  Shorty, take it off, if it get to hot, up in this spot.  He’s on fire.  He’s not the only one.  Not the only one getting it done.  Having some fun.  Julio Lugo’s having some fun.  Having some fun with the glove.  Oh, sweet darling, you get the best of my glove.  The best of his glove darting out to center to make a grab that saved a run.  The best of his glove down on his knees saying please, please.  JD Drew’s having some fun.  Having some fun on the run with a burger and a bun and a dish of applesauce on the siiiiiide.  And just wait ’till Manny starts being Manny again.  You know he will.  You know he’ll thrill.  This cat hits in bunches.  The ball he crunches.  Throwing knockout punches.  The Sox can throw some knockout punches in these next couple of series.  The Jays right now and the Yankees this week-end.  Yup, sippin’ on coke and rum.  I’m like so what im drunk.  It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, I’m about to have me some fun.  Have me some fun with this decimated Yankee pitching staff.  Marco.  Polo.  Hahaha!  Roll Red Sox, Roll!

Public Acknowledgements:  Deadspin, Doors, Boston Globe, Boston Herald, Yahoo Sports, The Flintstones, The Grass Roots, Rawhide, Schoolhouse Rock, Shangri-las, Carpenters, Jed Clampett, Lloyd Banks, Eagles and R. Kelly

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Down.  The paint is peelin’.  Now.  When the chips are down.  Down.  You gotta lose all feelin’.  Now.  When the chips are down.  Down.  Your head goes round-n-round.  Round.  When the chips are down.  -Terror Squad.

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  Baseball.  Oh doctor!  Like my main man Roy Hobbs always says:  ”God, I love baseball.”  Me too Roy, me too.  I love my Red Sox, and I love Big Papi.  The most feared hitter in all of baseball.  Fantasy, schmantasy.  You can have your Fat Albert Winnie the Pujols.  You can have your Alfonso Fonzie Soriano.  Sit on it.  You can have your A-Broad.  Just ask Jeff Francoeur.  You can have your Vlad the Impaler.  You can have your David Visine Wright.  I’ll take the big fella.  I’ll take David Ortiz.  I’ll take Big Papi.  I’ll take him any day of the week.  I’ll take him cause he hits like a freak.  I’ll take him from here to Martinique.  Putting fear into the hearts of men.  Over and over again.  Putting balls into orbit like his name was John Glenn.  A man so strong, Superman owns a pair of Big Papi pajamas.  A man so tough, when the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Big Papi.  He is feared because he is clutch.  He gets the big hits.  Giving folks a case of the big fits.  A bigger treat than banana splits.  Big hits like Carlton Fisk.  If it stays fair…home run!  Big hits like Ozzie Smith.  Go crazy folks, go crazy!  Big hits like Kirk Gibson.  I don’t believe…what I just saw!  Big hits like Joe Carter.  The winners, and still world champions, the Toronto Blue Jays!  Big hits like the OG.  The original Glove, Bill Mazeroski.  Back to the wall goes Berra…  Big hits like Bobby Thompson.  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  Big hits like Steve Garvey.  In a game that absolutely defies description.  Big hits like Magglio Ordonez.  Oh man…Ordonez around third…He’s into a mobs scene at home!  Big hits like Kirby Puckett.  Touch ‘em all, Kirby Puckett!  Touch ‘em all!  Big hits all the time.  Big hits that make me want to rhyme.  So many big hits, it’s gotta be a crime.

Sherman, set the way back machine to 2004.  Post season.  Senor Octubre, David Ortiz smashed five home runs.  Senor Octubre batted four hundred.  You remember game four.  Game four of the all the out war.  Big Papi came up to settle the score.  Paul Quantrill shown the door.  Twelfth inning.  Walk-off bomb.  We’ll see you later tonight!   Game five.  Bottom of the fourteenth.  He didn’t do it again, did he?  Yes he did!  Two walk-offs in the same calendar day.  The only cat to ever do so.  Who’s your Papi?  How bout the 2005 season?  The 2005 season when he had 148 RBIs.  When he hit .352.  When Papi had 148 RBIs and hit .352 with runners in scoring position.   How bout that?  How about this?  In 2005, Big Papi crushed twenty bombs. Twenty bombs that either tied the game or put the Sox ahead.  .368 with men in scoring position and two out.  .346 in close and late situations. .346 with eleven home runs.  Holy Cow!  How bout last year?  Last year, 137 RBIs.  Forty of those RBIs represented the tying or go ahead run.  Last year,  Papi had five walk-off base hits.  Three of them ding-####s.  That five was more than most teams had in 2006.  That five was one hit away from the most walk-offs since divisional play started in 1969.  The greatest clutch hitter in Red Sox history has done it again!  Big Papi!  And know this sports fans:  Ortiz has increased his home run numbers in each of the last seven seasons.  Ten.  Eighteen.  Twenty.  Thirty-one.  Forty-one.  Forty-seven.  Fifty-four.  Bonsoir, elle est partie.  So bring on the Yankees.  Bring on the whoevers.  We got Papi and ain’t nobody does me better.  Makes me happy, makes me feel this way.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!