Josh Q. Public:  She works hard for the money.  So hard for it honey.  She works hard for the money, so you better treat her right.  -Donna Summer 

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  The deal of the century.  The steal of the century.  The he’s so good, he makes you squeal of the century.  I’m gonna make you squeal like a pig.  Weeeeeeee!  Matsuzaka, Matsuzaka, Matsuzaka!  The new king of old Fenway Pahka.  Weeeeeeee!  Where are they now?  The nay sayers.  The not today sayers.  The just walk away sayers.  Last I heard, D-Nice will never make it.  Last I heard, being a star in Japan meant nothing.  Last I heard, the WBC was a joke.  Last I heard, the Red Sox took all that money, took all that money, and threw it down the sewer.  Thing is, no one told Daisuke.  Nobody told me there’d be days like these.  Nobody told me there’d be days like these.  Strange days indeed.  Not so strange.  We all knew his fastball topped out over 100mph at the Athens Olympics.  We all knew he had the best slider in baseball today.  A knee buckling, mind bending, world beating pitch sure to amaze and mystify.  We all knew he dominated in Japan.  We all knew he dominated in the World Baseball Classic.  Now he’s dominating in the bigs.  Mr. Big Stuff, who do you think you are?  Mr. Big Stuff.  Big big stuff.  Ten and five stuff.  9.34 Ks/nine innings stuff.  3.50 ERA stuff.  1.19 WHIP stuff.  Just chopping down the opposition.  You know, a Judo, a chop, chop, chop stuff.  Chopping it up in his last four starts.  Lizzy Borden in his last four starts.  Three and oh in his last four starts.  Two runs in his last four starts.  Thirty-four Ks in his last four starts.  If you start me up.  If you start me up I’ll never stop.  D-Nice ain’t stopping.  These Red Sox ain’t stopping.  Just busted it back open to twelve in the AL Beast.  Roll Sox, roll!   He’s delightful, he’s delicious, he’s delectable, he’s delirious, he’s de limit, he’s deluxe, he’s de-lovely, he’s D-Nice although he hates to admit it, he’s taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it.

Public Acknowledgements:  Deliverance, John Lennon, Jean Knight, Chubb Rock, Rolling Stones, Cole Porter and D-Nice.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Struck me kinda funny, seemed kind of funny sir, to me.  How at the end of every hard earned day, people find some reason to believe.  -Bruce Springsteen

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  Just a quickie today.  I got stuff to do today.  Big stuff.  Important stuff.  Stuff you wouldn’t understand.  But I had to do this one today.  Do it on the run today.  Too much fun today.  Jim Leyland can eat my shorts today.  Daisuke Matsuzaka.  D-Nice.  Dice-K.  Now do you believe it?  Like Christmas Eve it?  From here to Tel Aviv it?  All we heard was his stellar career in Japan meant nothing.  All we heard was his MVP performance in the World Baseball Classic meant nothing.  All we heard was his ten Ks against the Kansas City Royals meant nothing.  All we heard was Michael Corleone saying:   “You’re nothing to me now.  You’re not a brother, you’re not a friend.  I don’t want to know you or what you do.  I don’t want to see you at the hotels, I don’t want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won’t be there. You understand?”  Is he your brother now?  Is he your friend now?  Do you want to know him now?  Do you want to know D-Nice?  Dice-K.  Baby, I can’t stay, you got to roll me.  And call me the tumblin’ dice.  Yup you got to roll him.  Roll him every third day.  Yup you got to call him the tumblin’ dice.  He was tumblin’ last night.  Rumblin’, stumblin’, biumblin’ and tumblin’ his way to a complete game victory.  Rumblin’, stumblin’, biumblin’ and tumblin’ his way to a complete game victory against the defending American League Champeen Dee-troit Tigers.  A one run complete game victory against the defending American League Champeen Dee-troit Tigers.  A no walk complete game victory.  Red Sox manager Terry Francona:  “I didn’t see any reason to take him out.  He was better at the end than he was at the beginning.”  And that’s the way it’s going to be all year.  It’s just going to keep getting better.  I’ve got to admit it’s getting better.  A little better all the time.  I have to admit it’s getting better.  It’s getting better, since you’ve been mine.  Yes friends, it’s getting better.  Getting better since Dice has been mine.  And it’s going to keep getting better.  Getting better as D-Nice makes adjustments.  Getting better as D-Nice learns batters.  As he learns this game. He just pitched his first complete game since he had thirteen in Japan last season.  He just got sixteen outs on grounders.  He just got five on strikeouts.  He just allowed no walks for the first time in his eight starts.  He just gave up a meager two runs in his last two games covering sixteen innings.  He just keeps getting better all the time.  The Sox now have their biggest lead in the standings in twelve seasons.  The Sox now have the best record in all of baseball.  The Sox are now the team to beat.  Roll Sox roll!

Public Acknowledgements:  The Godfather, The Rolling Stones, Keith Jackson, The Associated Press and The Beatles.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  You gotta roll, roll, roll.  You gotta thrill my soul, alright.  Roll, roll, roll, roll-a, thrill my soul.  Let it roll, all night long.  -Doors

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  The Boston Red Sox.  I made a bet with my boy Nostradomus.  Bet, bet bet…BEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTT!  Fred Flintstone style.  I had Tiger, he had the field.  I lost.  Now I have to write a post praising the Yankees.  Egads man.  Not today though.  I gotta sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today though.  And don’t worry ’bout tomorrow, hey, hey, hey though.  ‘Cause the Sox are rolling today.  Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’.  Though the streams are swollen.  Keep them Bosox rollin’.  Red Sox!  How ’bout them Red Sox?  Three in a row.  Three, it’s the magic number.  Five of their last six.  Playing knick knack on some sticks.  Seven of their last ten.  Do it again.  These old Sox are rolling home.  How ’bout Josh Boom Boom Beckett?  Another win yesterday.  Three and oh after yesterday.  1.50 ERA and 18 Ks after yesterday.  Yowza!  Schilling’s back.  Back on track.  Back on track, leading the pack.  I met him at the candy store.  He turned around and smiled at me.  You get the picture?  Yes, we see.  That’s when I fell for the leader of the pack.  Matzuka, Matsuzaka Matsuzaka.  The new king of ole Fenway Pahka.  I think it’s fair to say he’s for real.  The real deal.  Hard as steel.  Tim Wakefield is pitching better than I’ve seen in a while.  Better than he’s ever been in a while.  An inning machine in a while.  With Wakefield pitching better than I’ve seen in a while and Jon Lester tearing it up for the Greenville Drive, the Sox may soon have the best staff in baseball.  Woo doggie!  This is getting good.  Better than I thought it would.  Better than you thought it should.  And what about Papi?  The man you just can’t stoppie.  On the world, he is atoppie.  On top of the world looking down on creation.  Just on a tear.  Two bombs and eight ribbies in the last two days.  He’s on fire.  Up in here, it’s burning hot.  He’s on fire.  Shorty, take it off, if it get to hot, up in this spot.  He’s on fire.  He’s not the only one.  Not the only one getting it done.  Having some fun.  Julio Lugo’s having some fun.  Having some fun with the glove.  Oh, sweet darling, you get the best of my glove.  The best of his glove darting out to center to make a grab that saved a run.  The best of his glove down on his knees saying please, please.  JD Drew’s having some fun.  Having some fun on the run with a burger and a bun and a dish of applesauce on the siiiiiide.  And just wait ’till Manny starts being Manny again.  You know he will.  You know he’ll thrill.  This cat hits in bunches.  The ball he crunches.  Throwing knockout punches.  The Sox can throw some knockout punches in these next couple of series.  The Jays right now and the Yankees this week-end.  Yup, sippin’ on coke and rum.  I’m like so what im drunk.  It’s the freakin’ weekend baby, I’m about to have me some fun.  Have me some fun with this decimated Yankee pitching staff.  Marco.  Polo.  Hahaha!  Roll Red Sox, Roll!

Public Acknowledgements:  Deadspin, Doors, Boston Globe, Boston Herald, Yahoo Sports, The Flintstones, The Grass Roots, Rawhide, Schoolhouse Rock, Shangri-las, Carpenters, Jed Clampett, Lloyd Banks, Eagles and R. Kelly

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Here comes the boom.  Boomin’.  Bouncin’.  Stalkin’, much walkin’.  Walk with the bouncin’.  Hit’em where it counts man.  Hit’em like a mountain.  Split’em, have’em spittin’ up blood like a fountain.  -DMX 

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Matsuzaka!  Matsuzaka!  Matsuzaka!  The new king of ole Fenway Pahka!  Here he comes.  Here comes Daisuke.  He’s a demon on spikes.  He’s a demon and he’s gonna be chasin’ after someone.  And that someone is Johan Santana.  And when I say Santana, you know what I’m talkin’ about boyeeee!  Finally.  The waiting is the hardest part.  Every day you see one more card.  You take it on faith; you take it to the heart.  The waiting is the hardest part.  Well, the waiting is over.  His high school heroics?  Just doesn’t matter.  His Rookie of the Year and Cy Young in the Japan League?  Just doesn’t matter.  His MVP of the WBC?  Just doesn’t matter.  And even if we win, if we win, hah!  Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child joined hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn’t matter.  It just doesn’t matter!  It just doesn’t matter!  It just doesn’t matter!  We know he dominated this spring.  We know he had the world on a string.  Sitting on a rainbow.  But now it’s for real.  Now it’s for really real.  Time to shut up and deal.  Time to grab the steering wheel.  Welcome to the big time.  Big time.  He’s on his way, he’s making it.  He’s got to make it show, yeah.  Big time.  I’m going to watch it grow.  I’m going to watch it grow tonight.  Gonna watch it glow tonight.  Gonna watch the Dice man put on a show tonight.  That’s for sure.  I’m gonna watch all eight pitches in his repertoire.  You hear that Ted Sarandis, eight!  I’m gonna watch his Ronin rising four-seam fastball.  Gonna watch it top out at 95.  Gonna watch it move.  Gonna watch it groove.  I’m gonna watch his nasty Chokutu change.  His filthy Chokutu change.  His screwy screwball Chokutu change.  It’s money like the New York Stock Exchange.  More fun than ZZ Top’s La Grange.  A haw haw haw.   I’m gonna watch his Shuuto pitch.  Ain’t it a ####.  The Shuuto is what his pitch his.  So here he here he comes like dum ditty dum.  He keeps all five boroughs in stitches.  The Shuuto begins as a fastball, taking a straight path toward the plate.  But then, out of nowhere, a former greens keeper, now, about to become the Masters champion, out of nowhere, it rolls over and drifts back toward the batter.  Goodness!  I’m gonna watch his two-seam Samurai sinker fastball.  His Koto cut fastball.  His Kyu-jutsu curveball.  It’s a slurvy curvy Kyu-jutsu curveball.  It’s mesmerizing.  Tantalizing.  Captivating.  Devastating.  I’m gonna watch his Sohei splitter.   I’m gonna watch his Seppuku slider.  His suicide slider.  The best slider in baseball today.  A knee buckling, mind bending, world beating pitch sure to amaze and mystify.  I’m gonna watch’em all.  Gonna have myself a ball.  From here to Tammany Hall.  So many pitches,  Jason Varitek is going to need two hands just to hold down the signals for D-Nice’s full arsenal.  Yes my friends, D-Nice is pitching tonight and I couldn’t be happier.  The time has finally come.  The time to see baseball’s new number one.  Its ichiban.  He’s delightful, he’s delicious, he’s delectable, he’s delirious, he’s de limit, he’s deluxe, he’s de-lovely, he’s D-Nice although he hates to admit it, he’s taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  If you wanna know the real deal about the three.  Well let me tell you, they’re triple trouble ya’ll.  I’m gonna bring you up to speed.  -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  It’s so close I can taste it.  Don’t waste it.  You gotta embrace it.  Marinate it and baste it.  It tastes like sunflower seeds.  It tastes like Red Man.  It tastes like eight dollar beer.  It tastes like peanuts and Cracker Jacks.  I don’t care if I ever go back.  It tastes like baseball my friends.  Major League Baseball.  It tastes like Boston Red Sox baseball.  Take your shoes off, put your feet up, and be a Sox watcher.  I’m a Sox watcher.  I watch the Sox.  The Boston Red Sox.  Better than a bagel and lox.  Tastier than whiskey on the rocks.  Here’s one for the bleachers and the upper tier.  Versatile like All-Temp-A-Cheer.  If you wanna drink, call Mr. Belvedere.  The Red Sox pitching staff.  Boston’s new big three.  Like my main little Ricky Pitino always says:  “Larry Bird is not walking through that door, fans.  Kevin McHale is not walking through that door, and Robert Parish is not walking through that door.”  No they ain’t.  You know who is?  Schill the Thrill is crashing through that door.  Josh Boom Boom Becket is bashing through that door.  D-Nice is smashing through that door.  Gy-ro-myte!   Just like Sonny Bono on the Love Boat, Boston’s new big three is gonna, “Smash it!  Bash it!  Hit it with a hammer and trash it!”  Smash, bash and trash opposing line-ups.  Make mincemeat out of ‘em.  They’ll tear those mieces to pieces. 

Curt Schilling:  Schilling had his final spring tune-up last night.  Schilling was lights out last night.  Red Sox ace Curt Schilling outpitched Twins ace Johan Santana last night.  Perfect through three innings against the Twins last night.  Peter perfect pimped a perfect Peter.  Honey dripper, sucker sipper, big dipper, sucker dipper.  Drippin’ suckers like its goin’ out-a-style.  He left in the fifth having allowed just two hits in a 5-4 victory at Hammond Stadium.  The Thrill threw fifty-six pitches in four and 2/3 innings  allowing two measly singles.  Measly like Mrs. Beasley.  Did it easily.  Schilling: “I’m ready to go.  I’m ready to start pitching for real.”  He pitched for real back in ‘04.  Bloody sock back in ‘04.  In my book, he gets a free pass for life.  What he did in Game Six, against the Bombers, goes down as The Most Heroic Performance I’ve Ever Seen.  The win against the Cardinals, icing on the cake.  Ladies and gentleman, that’s what an ace looks like.  38 Pitches:  “I don’t think there’s anyone on the planet better than me in a game that matters.”  I couldn’t agree more Curt, I couldn’t agree more.

Josh Boom Boom Becket:  First off, I just love the way Boom Boom goes out there and pitches his heart out.  Like a Hanson brother on crack.   No turning back.  Always on the attack.  Last year he was the cat who could not get his off speed pitches over the plate to save his life.  Or his wife.  It cut like a butter knife.  So he just came back with the cheese.  See ya!  Connectamundo!  Bye-bye baseball.  My, how times have changed!  Now he has total command.  Commander McBragg.  Commander McHale.  In his last outing, Boom Boom pitched seven innings.  Allowed one unearned run.  Gave up three paltry hits.  Struck out seven.  Ring’em up.  Sit ’em down.  This guy had just one walk in eighteen and 2/3 innings over five starts before Sunday.  His final totals:  twenty-nine Ks and four walks in twenty-five and 2/3 innings.  Yowza!  He’s hitting 95-96 on the Juggs.  Good night Irene.  Last year but a dream.  This year, he’s strawberry ice cream.  I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

Daisuke Matsuzaka:  I said it before.  I’ll say it again.  Believe you me, I’m gonna keep on saying it.  Gy-ro-myte!  D-Nice.  My man.  A bulldog.  A burudoggu.  Orel Hershiser style.  Ichiban.  Man of a thousand pitches.  Got to know how to pony.  Like Bony Maronie.  Mash potata, do the alligator.  Put your hand on your hips, yeah.  Let your backbone slip.  Just pitched five innings of no-hit baseball.  No no Nanette.  He’s got Jeff Ruland/Rick Mahorn stuff.  You remember.  McFilthy and McNasty.  Johnny Most style.  His fastball topped out over 100mph at the Athens Olympics.  He’s not afraid to throw that cheese inside either.  I’m looking at you A-Broad.  The best slider in baseball today.  A knee buckling, mind bending, world beating pitch sure to amaze and mystify.  Put those pitches together with a Peteylike change and the demon gyroball, you get half man half incredible.  We needed a guy with experience and stamina.  Well, that’s what we got.  His talent and work ethic are unmatched.  From Sawamura Award to Cy Young Award, D-Mat will deliver.  ”I’ve watched him on video,” said Phillies manager Charlie Manuel, “and with his stuff, he could win 25 games in our league.”  You hear that sports fans?  Huh, did you?  He’s delightful, he’s delicious, he’s  delectable, he’s delirious, he’s de limit, he’s deluxe, he’s de-lovely, he’s D-Nice although he hates to admit it, he’s taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it.

Peace out homies.  Sox Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  I hope that you’re happy now like you’re supposed to be, and I know that this will hurt you more than it hurts me.  -Elvis Costello

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  Happy day, oh happy day.  Football season is over, it's all over.  The Indianapolis Colts stole the ball!  A couple more days of Peyton and  then it's on.  Screw ‘em.  Screw ‘em all!  Screw 'em from here to Tammany Hall.  From Buster Olney to Greg Dovel to Tom Verducci to bitter, sour grape eatin’ Yankee fans everywhere.  It's baseball season and we got him! We really got him!  I don’t care how much money we spent.  Like my main man the Hit Dog, Mo Vaughn, always says:  “It’s not about the money.”  Sure they put up a boatload of money.  A plethora of money.  More money than you can shake a stick at.  Put up all that Fabulous Moolah so no one else could touch him.  Smart!  Would you believe Maxwell Smart?  But it's not about that..  It’s about winning ballgames.  And last I checked, pitching wins ball games.  See Chris Carpenter and the St. Louis Cardinals.  See the entire White Sox staff.  See Curt Schilling and the Boston Red Sox.  You’re only as good as your next starter and all that.  Well our next starter is Daisuke Matsuzaka.  Make sure you spell it right.  The Gem of Japanese Baseball.  The Heaven Sent Child of Koshien.  I have my new favorite baseball player and he goes by the name of D-Mat.  Gy-ro-mite!  JJ Evans style.  Let me be the first American member of Generation Matsuzaka.  I can’t wait to go down to Twins and get my brand spankin’ new #18 Red Sox jersey.  I'd merely recycle my Benedict Damon shirt, but it just doesn't seem right.  I want a fresh start.  A fresh jump start for my heart.  Theo's a genius like Rene Descartes.  I am just crazy about this pick-up.  Patsy Cline Crazy.  Aerosmith Crazy.  Barry Zito?  Who needs him?  Jason Schmidt?  You can have him.  I want this guy right here.  He’s got Jeff Ruland/Rick Mahorn stuff.  You remember.  McFilthy and McNasty.  Johnny Most style.  His fastball topped out over 100mph at the Athens Olympics.  He’s not afraid to throw that cheese inside either.  I’m looking at you A-Broad.  The best slider in baseball today.  A knee buckling, mind bending, world beating pitch sure to amaze and mystify.  Put those pitches together with a Peteylike change and the demon gyroball, you get half man half incredible.  We needed a guy with experience and stamina.  Well, that’s what we got.  His talent and work ethic are unmatched.  From Sawamura Award to Cy Young Award, D-Mat will deliver.  ”I’ve watched him on video,” said Phillies manager Charlie Manuel, “and with his stuff, he could win 25 games in our league.”  You hear that sports fans?  Huh, did you?  And don’t you dare make those stupid Fat #### Toad comparisons.  That guy was nowhere near D-Mat.  Couldn’t touch him with a ten foot chop stick.  Our guy dominated in Japan and he dominated in the World Baseball Classic.  He’s going to dominate in The Show, don’t you worry.  So do me a favor, wouldya, wake the damn Bambino so D-Mat can drill him in the ####.  He’s delightful, he’s delicious, he’s delectable, he’s delirious, he’s de limit, he’s deluxe, he’s de-lovely, he’s D-Nice although he hates to admit it, he’s taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!